Chapter 21
Belle
His family was so nice. There were just so many of them, and it was loud and a little chaotic.
There was constant teasing and laughing.
When I visited home, I was on edge, waiting for the inevitable criticism.
Why aren't you going back to school? What are you doing with your life?
Why do you insist on opening a silly bookstore?
I wouldn't make any money with this little dream of mine. I should do what's practical and get my doctorate. Then people would respect me. My parents would respect me.
But I wasn't so sure they'd ever respect my choices. They'd always think that I'd failed somehow.
But Maverick's family was different. They seemed to truly enjoy each other's company. The teasing was good-natured. There were no caustic remarks or well-timed barbs.
We ate dinner, which was essentially a Thanksgiving meal in the dining room. I was fairly sure it was the only table in the house that could hold this many people. Afterward, we helped clear the table. Then we moved to the living room. Ayla played blackjack with Maverick and his brothers.
It was interesting watching Maverick with Ayla. He instantly softened when he talked to her and followed her orders without complaint. I couldn't imagine that all men would have gotten on the floor and played cards with a little girl.
That told me a lot about Maverick's character.
He was a good man who was hard on himself.
He didn't think he deserved me. That I came from a better family somehow.
But that was the opposite. He'd gotten the loving family while I'd been stuck with parents I couldn't please.
Who withheld love when I didn't do what they wanted.
I suspected Maverick's parents would approve of him, no matter what career he chose or who he dated. That meant his ideas about who he deserved came from within and not his family.
I just hoped that dating me showed him that we weren't too different.
"How's business at the bookstore?" Maria asked.
"Steady. Once the four-seasons room is completed, we'll have room for more meetings. I was thinking of adding art classes for the kids and other clubs."
"Oh, that's a good idea. How did you think of that? I wouldn't have paired art with a bookstore."
I glanced over at Maverick. "Mav took me to the Denver Public Library last Sunday. They offer a lot of art classes there for kids and adults."
"He took you to the library?" Aspen asked.
"Yeah, they were having an evening event with dinner."
"What a thoughtful idea, taking Belle to the library," Maria said.
"We toured the space and then ate dinner in the lobby. The blending of the different styles of architecture and the exhibits were wonderful," I said.
"Aren't you the perfect boyfriend?" Aspen said to Maverick.
"I know what Belle likes," Maverick said.
Maria smiled. "I think it was a lovely idea. I'd love to visit."
"It's one of the largest libraries in the country. Make sure you allow for a lot of time to visit when you go," I said.
It felt like everyone was watching us closely. They weren't used to him dating anyone, and now they were wondering how serious we were.
I wanted them to like me. But I had a feeling they were more concerned about our relationship. The important thing was, I didn't feel like I was lacking. They accepted me for who I was. The local bookshop owner who was successful in her own right. I just wished my parents felt the same.
"That sounds fun," Ayla said.
"You want a boy to take you to the library one day?" I asked her.
Hudson glared at me. "No."
Everyone chuckled at his terse response.
"She won't be dating," he added.
"You can't stop that," Ford said to tease him. "Kids work on their own timetable. Not yours."
Hudson and Angela exchanged a look.
Then Angela touched her stomach. "Speaking of kids, we have an announcement to make."
Aspen covered her mouth, and Maria's eyes filled with tears.
"We're pregnant," Hudson said, his tone thick with emotion as he put his arm around Angela.
Everyone stood and congratulated them. I felt a little out of place. I wasn't part of the family, yet I was experiencing this sweet moment. There were hugs and well wishes, and I stood by awkwardly, wondering where I fit in.
Maverick congratulated them and then stepped back, sliding a hand on my back.
We resumed our seats, and then everyone asked them questions about their plans for the wedding and the baby, when the baby was coming, and if they'd want to find out the gender. Apparently, they'd gotten engaged on Valentine's Day, and wanted to get married soon, before the baby was born.
"Where do you think you'd like to have the wedding? We could do it in the town square or even at the inn?" Maria asked.
"I think we'd like something small in the backyard of our house," Angela said as Hudson pulled her close.
I tuned it out because it felt too personal for me to share. I couldn't help but think that this little announcement would never work with my parents. They would have to approve of my job and any man I was dating first. And I couldn't even imagine them being happy for me.
I never got the impression that they wanted grandkids or were looking forward to having them. I doubted they'd be involved if I got pregnant.
It was an unsettling feeling to see how other families acted, comparing them to mine. I felt out of place.
Is this how Maverick felt when we were teens? He knew my parents would never approve of him, so he removed himself from the equation?
I wondered what that meant for us.
Maverick bumped his thigh against mine. "You okay?"
I let out a breath. "Yes."
He seemed happier since his brother announced that Angela was pregnant. They were engaged and getting ready to have a baby. Most of his brothers were in serious relationships. Did he want that too?
Maverick stood. "I think we're going to head out."
I appreciated that he'd notice my discomfort and put an end to the evening.
I needed space from this family. As nice as they were, I could see myself fitting in here, and that was scary.
I couldn't adopt his family as if it were my own.
Then it was something I could lose. I'd gotten used to my family's shortcomings.
I didn't want to raise my expectations only to lose everything in the end.
We said our goodbyes and congratulated Hudson and Angela again. Even Ayla was excited to be a big sister.
In the truck, I let out a breath.
"You were quiet in there."
"It was a family moment." I wasn't sure how I could contribute. I never had a sibling or any nieces or nephews. It was just me.
"I hope you didn't feel like you didn't belong."
"It wasn't that. It was just overwhelming."
"I told you that my family could be a lot."
"It just makes me see how much different my history is than yours.
We never had large family gatherings. There won't be any siblings to get married and have babies.
It's just me and my parents. With your family, there's no pressure.
Your parents don't care what jobs you've chosen or anything else, for that matter. "
"I guess we are different."
"Very." It would take some getting used to. Could I hang out with his family and remember that they weren't mine to have? There was no guarantee in relationships or life. I couldn't get too comfortable. Maverick had retreated before and stayed away for years.
"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
"It'll just take some time getting used to the differences. Your family is lovely."
"It's the family that you should have had. Instead, you have parents that disparage your decisions and make you doubt yourself."
I frowned. Did they make me question myself? "Yeah, but I'm doing my own thing now. I won't let them steer my life anymore."
Maverick sighed. "You don't deserve their interference, only their support. And if they can't offer that, then they shouldn't be in your life."
I bristled at his assumption that I should cut them out. "I'm not going to ghost my parents."
"I'm not saying you should. But you should consider the effect they have on your emotions when they visit. Is it worth being around them, if that's how they make you feel?"
My jaw tightened. "I don't want to talk about my parents right now."
He reached over and interlaced his fingers with mine. "I shouldn't have brought it up."
I nodded.
"You want to go to my place or yours?"
"Yours." It was bigger and more comfortable. I could get some space from my business and, hopefully, my thoughts.
I didn't want to feel jealous of his family. I wanted to be happy. "You're excited for your brother and Angela?"
"Yeah, they're great together. And she already has a child. I'm sure they wanted to have more quickly to keep them close in age. It sounds like they're going to get married soon too. That'll make my mom happy. A wedding and another grand baby."
"Your mom thinks of Ayla as a grandchild?"
He nodded. "She considers Ayla to be one of us. That's how it is; we adopt everyone."
That's what made me nervous. I'd get close to his family, then would have to stay away from them if we broke up.
I tried not to think about the what-ifs. We were together now, and everything was great.
"You survived dinner with my family."
"It wasn't that bad. I promise."
"There're a lot of us, and it sounds like we're going to be multiplying soon. Everyone will be getting married and having kids. The cousins will grow up together," he said as if he was thinking this as he went.
"Is that what you want? Marriage and kids?"
He kept his gaze on the road in front of us. "I've never thought that was in the cards for me. So I don't know."
"But you're happy for Hudson and Angela?"
"I know how much Ayla wants a brother or sister, and they want a child together. I'm sure they're excited it happened so quickly."
He parked in his driveway, and we got out. He unlocked the door, and I preceded him inside. I toed off my shoes and hung up my jacket. This place felt more comfortable every day.
He pulled me against him. "But tonight, I want to forget about our families and focus on us."
I smiled, my hands on his chest. "I want that too."
He kissed me, and I quickly forgot about my jealousy and worry. When we were together, just the two of us, everything was good. I wasn't worried about the what-ifs or the potential downfalls. I needed this. His mouth on mine, his hands on my body.
He lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to his bedroom and lowered me to the comforter. He took his time, kissing me, then removing our clothes, piece by piece.
"You're so beautiful."
He kept his focus on me, even when his fingers roamed, and his mouth trailed kisses over my body. And when he entered me, he kept my gaze. I bit my lip as he filled me. I'd never get used to being with him like this.
It was better each time, and I craved this closeness.
Then he rolled us, so I was straddling him.
He cupped my breasts. "Ride me."
I smiled as I moved, his fingers tweaking my nipples, creating a direct line to my clit. I bit my lip against the sensations. He was so much deeper in this position. I felt so full of him.
"Take what you need," he murmured as he watched me move.
In this position, I couldn't hide. He could see all of me, my body, the emotions that fluttered across my face.
I felt vulnerable. I was falling for him and this life. I just hoped I wasn't making a huge mistake in trusting in him.
His hand drifted lower, circling my clit. I cried out as the orgasm washed over me. I trembled and shook as the aftershocks went through my body. He lifted up, holding me close as he drove into me from underneath.
"You're so beautiful when you come," he murmured, placing kisses along my jaw, my neck.
I wanted to tell him that I was in love with him. But I held it back. This wasn't a good time.
Besides, I didn't know where he stood.
He dropped his head to my shoulder as he shuddered. "It's always so good."
"Mmm," I agreed.
He lowered me to the bed, slipping out of me. He went to the bathroom and returned with a washcloth. He made it a habit to clean me after sex since it was messy without a condom. It was nice. Not something any other man had ever done for me.
Maverick didn't think he was boyfriend material, but he disproved that notion with everything he did. The library dinner, the way he took care of me with food, when I was sick, and this.
He threw the washcloth in the direction of his hamper and gathered me close. "I love having you here."
"I like being here." The fan above us twirled slowly.
"Thanks for coming to my family's tonight. I know it wasn't easy for you."
"It was nice." We turned, and he cradled me from behind.
I put my hand on top of his. When we slept like this, I felt protected and safe. Cherished and loved. I wasn't sure that's what he intended, but that's how I felt. I couldn't help it.
It would be so easy to let go and trust in this thing between us. To believe that we had a future. That we weren't too different. That I would get used to his family and accept them as an extension of Maverick.
To do that, I had to let go of the anxiety and worry about what happened in the past. He was an adult now and had apologized. I couldn't assume that he'd act the same way he had in the past.
We'd both matured, and I wanted this. I wanted him.
I turned my head slightly to tell him how I felt, but his eyes were closed, and his breathing was even. He was asleep.
I'd waited too long to say something tonight, but we had plenty of time. I fell asleep feeling better than I had earlier. There was hope for us and the future.
I wouldn't let my parents dictate my future anymore. I was the one who made the decisions, and I shouldn't be afraid to tell Maverick how I felt.