13. WINTER
WINTER
I thinkI may have gotten used to the coldness that’s always surrounding me, in the time that I’ve been held captive. I hate it so much and wish I was anywhere but here; I think as I slowly become conscious.
Thefirst thing I’m aware of as I fully wake up is the agony across my entire body. I let out a sigh just wanting this all to end. Is that too much to ask for? The second is the fact that I finally do feel warm. It’s not actually cold anymore…
Myeyes flutter open and I’m lying on my side facing a window with the faint morning light streaming through. This is different. Where the hell am I?
Mybreathing increases as I start to panic a little, wondering where the hell I could possibly be right now. Without moving an inch, I glance around the room and see that it’s cozy and inviting and I’m lying on a four-poster bed.
Movementfrom behind me on the bed causes my heart to start racing. Trying to be brave I turn a bit, well as much as I can so that I don’t make the pain in my body worse. I end up on my back and see there’s a body lying next to me.
Absgalore greet me. My eyes scan all the tattoos covering this person’s skin and a gasp leaves me when my eyes land on one in particular. My favorite one to be exact.
Theskull and crown that Mason has tattooed on him. Though there’s something new just under it. WhenI look closer, I see that he had the words ‘WinterCrowne owns my soul’ tattooed right under the skull. Oh my God! He’s definitely crazy!
Ittakes a moment to comprehend the fact that I’m away from that psycho Antonio. ThatI’m safe and Mason somehow found me and now I’m here with him again. A whirlwind of emotions flit through me in that moment, that I don’t know which one to focus on. Though a huge sense of relief courses through me.
Myeyes move up to his sleeping face. My handsome man… He has an arm under my neck and I wonder how I didn’t feel that before. He’s sleeping on his side as well and as soon as I make a move to get more comfortable his other hand moves to lay across my stomach in a possessive or is it protective hold? I have no clue. My chest begins to ache with what I’ll have to do later.
I’mstill feeling a bit lost and disoriented and a moment later I’m overcome with emotions and tears begin to trail down my face. As the memories of everything that happened to me while I was in captivity slam into me. I might be away from that asshole now, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get rid of the memories of what he did to me.
Ithink I was at death’s door by the time Mason stormed into that room of horror. I was barely aware of his presence. The only thing I really remember is the feeling of finally being able to let go of trying to fight any longer, as the darkness finally claimed me once again.
Hecame for me. I mean, I knew he would, since he was working toward earning my forgiveness and all that.
Butnow, after everything that has happened to me for however long I was there… I don’t know what to feel anymore. I still love him with everything that I am but right now I’m just damaged goods. I’m also mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.
Thethoughts in my head won’t quit. It keeps going from one thing to the next and suddenly I’m overwhelmed and I just need to get out of here. I think I’m about to have a panic attack or something.
Igently move Mason’s arm from off my stomach and pull out whatever it is I’m hooked up to and get out of the bed. I limp my way to the bathroom and quietly close the door behind me before turning the lights on. I move to stand in front of the mirror but keep my head down, while gripping onto the sink for dear life. I don’t want to look at myself and see the damage but I know that I have to. It takes me a long while before I have the courage to finally look up into the mirror and see myself.
As soon as I see the girl staring back at me, I instantly hate her…
Shehas blank eyes. Eyes that look like they’re dead inside. And that’s right, isn’t it? I am dead inside. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again. Who the hell am I trying to fool? No one is ever the same again when something like the ordeal I’ve been through happens to them.
Ilook at the bruises on my face, some of them black and blue. I even have a split lip and one of my eyes is still kind of swollen. All in all, I look fucking hideous.
Ilift up the clothes that Mason probably put on me and take a look at my body. It looks even worse than I was imagining. There are so many bruises, cuts, and black and blue spots with some of them turning a yellowish color already from where Antonio either punched or kicked me.
Iturn away from the mirror so I don’t have to look at myself anymore as sobs break out of me. It’s now fully sinking in that I was beaten and raped, the crushing weight of it all is finally starting to weigh me down further. It literally feels like I’m drowning and a wave of sadness, pain and depression engulfs me, making it feel like I’m about to suffocate.
Mybreathing is rapid and coming out in gasps. I need something to take away the pain that’s clawing at my soul. I begin looking in the drawers and cupboards for a blade or something. There’s nothing in any of them. I do find a shaving razor though and without even thinking about my actions I break it apart. OnceI get the blades out; I take one of them and begin to make cuts on my arm while I’m still sobbing.
Assoon as I feel the slice of the blade on my skin, it feels like a balm. Some of the weight on my shoulders feels like it lessens, but just a tiny bit. It’s not much, but it’ll have to do for now.
Ihastily rip my clothes off of me and step into the shower and turn the water on cold and move to stand right under the spray. Memories of Antonio’s touch, his cruel laughter, and the way he taunted me, while violating me swarms my mind.
Idrop the blade onto the shower floor and clutch my head with both hands, a scream ripping out of me as I begin to vigorously wash my body under the spray, especially between my legs to clean out any cum that might still be inside me. A moment later when it feels like I’ve scrubbed there raw, I slide down the wall so that I’m sitting on the floor. I shut my eyes tight with my hands still on my head, rocking back and forth as I try to get the memories to go away. I’m sobbing, shivering, and bleeding as I lose my mind.
“Make it go away, make it go away, make it go away…” I keep chanting over and over again.
Thedoor to the bathroom burst opens with a bang as it hits the wall. I don’t even have to look up to know that it’s Mason. He rushes into the bathroom and falls to his knees in front of me.
“Fuck baby! This water is freezing,” he says as he turns it off. I’m still sobbing and losing it when he sits on the floor with his back against one of the walls before pulling me onto his lap. He cradles me in his arms, my head on his shoulder, my front to his as he rocks me back and forth and gently rubbing my back up and down as he tries to soothe me.
“Talk to me baby. What’s wrong?” I don’t answer, I just keep sobbing into him. He takes hold of my arm and he’s instantly mad. “Why the fuck did you cut yourself again baby?” he groans like it pains him to see me like this.
“Because it’s the only thing that helps. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m not drowning anymore. It’s the only thing that grounds me and the only thing that keeps me from not actually killing myself!” I yell at him, suddenly pissed. I pull away from him and sit up in his lap so that I’m facing him.
“You’re not fucking doing that again after today!” he growls at me.
“I can do whatever I want!”
“No, you can’t. I’m trying to fucking take care of you babe. It fucking kills me when you’re hurting yourself,” he groans.
“Taking care of me like you did when you let that monster take me?” I scream at him. “It’s all your fucking fault you know! If you weren’t antagonizing him so much, then maybe he wouldn’t have taken me!”
“Please don’t cry babe. You’re killing me here. AndI’m so fucking sorry that I let him take you. ButI didn’t even know he was your stalker. I just thought he was some asshole that was trying to take what’s mine. You can’t put the blame on me for that.”
Iknow he’s kind of right but I don’t care. I start to hit him on the chest, as I begin to cry again. I just want to get rid of all the pain and anger inside me.
“I hate you!” I sob.
“I know. ButI love you and I don’t care how long it takes, we’re going to get through this and I’m going to love you every step of the way,” he tells me with so much conviction in his voice.
“I’ll never be the same again,” I whisper.
“No. I don’t expect you to be. But that doesn’t change my feelings for you. What you will be is strong, just like you’ve always been. Matter of fact you’re going to be stronger.”
“How the fuck will I do that when I can still feel his touch on me?” I snap. I watch him to see his expression and he clenches his jaw at my words.
“I don’t know, but I will make sure it fucking happens!” he growls.
“You can start by fucking me,” I say and watch as a pained expression crosses his face. I don’t know if it’s even a good idea to have sex right now, but I don’t care, I just want to feel something. Anything, besides Antonio’s touch on me. I don’t want his to be the last one I felt on me, I want Mason’s touch to replace it.
“Baby—” he says, letting out a long, pained groan as I cut him off.
“Please,” I beg in a whisper. “I need you…”
“Baby you’ve been hurt and I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” He says as he holds my face while looking into my eyes. “You are my life and I want to make sure you get better, both physically and mentally, before I touch you. You just went through something traumatic and I don’t want to add to that trauma.”
“I need you to touch me to make it better,” I plead with him and without even meaning to let my emotions take over once again. “It’s because he touched me, isn’t it? You won’t touch me because I’m damaged goods now, just like you wanted from the beginning, right?!”
“That is not what I said babe and you know it. You’re mine and you’re always going to be mine. None of what happened was your fault and I’d never blame you for it. You’re so fucking beautiful, my life was literally nonexistent while you were gone for those few days. I never want you out of my sight, ever again. And you’re not damaged goods and never will be. You’re the freaking love of my life baby, I just don’t want to hurt you,” he tells me.
“If you won’t do it, then I’ll just have to find someone else who won’t mind. IsGrayson around? He owes me,” I tell him just to get a rise out of him and obviously it works.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m trying to do the right thing here!” he snaps, a tinge of jealousy coating his voice.
“I don’t want you to do the right thing!” I scream at him. “I want you to fucking erase his touch from my body and mind. I don’t want his touch to be the last thing I remember or feel because I keep feeling like it’s still there and it’s fucking with me! I just want it all to go away. Why won’t you help me?!”
“Fuckkk! Baby you’ve been through so much in the last few days and I don’t want to add to it. You’re my world and it would kill me if I did anything else to hurt you,” he says, sounding pained.
“You’re hurting me by not giving me what I want,” I sob. “You’re hurting me by letting his touch stay on me.”
Ilook into his eyes and watch him war with himself for a minute longer, before he grips me by the back of the neck and pulls me in closer to him, until our lips are touching. His lips are soft and gentle as he slowly begins to kiss me.
Iwas not expecting him to be this soft, but it feels good after being treated so harshly by that asshole in the time I was with him. Soft touches now feel like a foreign concept to me and how fucking sad is that?
Isurrender to him and slowly kiss him back. It’s hesitant, almost like the very first time we kissed. Why am I doing this when all I want to do is run away from this, from him…
Iguess I can be selfish for a minute and want something familiar, even though I know I shouldn’t want it anymore. Nevertheless, I feel some of my anxiety slip away for the moment, as his lips continue to touch mine.
Itfeels like coming home to everything I’ve ever wanted when it comes to him. That thought hurts a little because I’m not sure he’s my home anymore. But a girl can pretend for a while, couldn’t she?
Iwrap my arms around his neck and cling to him like this is the last time I’ll ever be kissing him. I put as much effort as I can muster into it because this actually might be the last time for us.
Ijust don’t see him loving me anymore, not after all the pain and heartache we’ve thrown at one another even if he says otherwise. Hell, I don’t even fucking know how I feel anymore. If this is the end for us, then I’m selfish enough to take being with him one last time. I would rather have this memory to hold on to as my last sexual experience than have Antonio’s.
Thememory of everything that Antonio did to me feels like a fucking disease that’s taking me over and I can’t do anything to get rid of it. I’m trying to stay in the moment but it’s so hard and a moment later silent tears are slipping down my cheeks. He pulls away from our kiss to look at me and there’s an uncertain expression on his face for a moment.
“Are you okay baby? If this is too much for you, we can stop. You don’t need to put yourself through this. I’m going to be by your side for the rest of our lives,” he says as he wipes my tears away.
“No. I’m fine. I want to keep going. Please, I need this.”
“I love you so much baby. I’m going to make sure nothing else ever happens to you from here on out. But please make my job easy this time by not disobeying me. I’m also going to make sure you get the right kind of help and I’ll be here every step of the way until you recover. And if you think you’re going to push me away, then think again because I’m not going anywhere.”
“I—”
“Don’t even try to lie. I know you and I can already see it in your eyes but I’m telling you again I’m not going anywhere. I’m never going to leave you alone. I’ll make sure I get us back to a good place.”
Can he read minds or some shit?
Ijust kiss him again to shut him up and so I don’t have to answer. He lightly trails his hand up and down my side, tingles spreading through my body at his touch. It’s so tender, I have to fight not to get choked up again.
Amoment later he pushes me back so he can look at my body. I instantly try to cover myself to hide the marks and bruises from him. Not that I really can, with how many are on my body but he pulls my hand away.
“I’ve seen them all already and I don’t love you any less so please don’t hide from me. You’re fucking exquisite and just remember you survived this when so many others probably didn’t and I’m so fucking proud of you for that,” he tells me before leaning down and placing small kisses on the cuts and bruises that he can reach. I shiver at his show of affection, or maybe it’s just from being cold now.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers. “You’re mine.”
Heswitches between those two phrases as he keeps chanting them after every kiss he places on my body. It makes me want to melt for him all over again but I know that I can’t. I have to be brave enough to leave him and set him free from the mess that is currently me. I have to remember that this is the last time for us because after this, there’s no more Mason and Winter…
IfI had known all of this would happen between us, would I have still loved him? I sigh into his lips as he kisses mine again. The answer is yes. I’d still be with him because when it was good, it was so fucking good. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by him.
Withhim, I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t care about not being loved by the woman I thought was my mother because when I had him it felt like I had all the love I’d ever need. And now I have to give him up…
“Are you okay with what we’re doing so far?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I need more of your touch.”
Withthat he holds me tight before getting up with me in his arms. He grabs a towel before heading out of the bathroom and into the room. He places me gently onto the bed as he gets to work drying my skin. After that he walks away again and comes back with some Band-Aids and placing them on the cuts I made earlier. At least I didn’t do much damage and they are just tiny slices. He also changes the bandages on my leg since I got the other one wet.
Oncehe’s done, he looks at me from head to toe with a smoldering expression on his face for a minute while I start to squirm in place. I watch with lust in my gaze as he strips off his pants and boxers, leaving him naked before me. Chiseled to perfection as always.
“Spread those legs a little for me baby,” he growls and I do as he says, being cautious with how much I spread them since I have a bullet wound there and all. A moment later he’s on the bed and covering my entire body with his being careful with said wound.
Hekisses my lips before moving onto my neck. He sucks the skin there, leaving a hickey no doubt before moving down my body, placing little kisses as he goes. I moan out loud from the feelings he’s invoking in me.
I’malready wet and leaking by the time Mason finally reaches my pussy. He wastes no time as he uses his fingers to pull my lips apart, spreading them open before he’s clamping his mouth down on me. He licks and sucks up and down between my slit and I let out a moan at the pleasure that’s starting to consume me.
Amoment later he maneuvers his arms around my hips being careful with my leg again as he grips onto my ass cheeks and lifts me up a little so that his mouth can devour me. He sucks my pussy hard like he wants to drain me of all my juices and a scream rips out of me as I come in his mouth, gasping, and panting for breath as he drinks all my juices down.
Whenhe’s done drinking his fill, he sits up on his knees and starts to stroke his cock with his eyes on mine though I have to look away because of the compulsion to look at what he’s doing instead.
Amoment later, he covers my body with his again and then he takes his cock and brings it to the entrance of my pussy. He rubs the head up and down my slit a few times before bringing it to my hole.
“I love you,” he whispers before he pushes the head of his cock inside me and we both let out a groan. It feels so good to have him inside me again. It’s only been a little over a week since we last had sex but that feels like forever ago now.
Ifeel memories of what happened with Antonio want to come to the surface but I push them away, well I try to. I don’t want him to taint whatever this is that’s going on with Mason and I right now and it takes monumental effort to do so.
Hepushes until he’s balls deep inside me and then he pulls out and slides in again creating a delicious friction inside me. His big cock is stretching my pussy out so good and as usual, the feeling of being so full of him is intoxicating. I’m still sore from previous… anyway I welcome it because at least I can think of Mason making me sore compared to someone else.
Heraises up a little so that just our hips are joined together. He grips the back of my neck to keep my head in place and now we’re staring at each other, all the while his cock is still moving in and out of me.
“Fuck! I’ve missed you and my pussy! It feels so good being inside you again baby. You’re never leaving my sight again. And no more running away from me or I swear to GodI’m locking you up in a room until the day you die! I told you about going out on your own and you still decided to run and look at what the fuck happened! When are you going to stop disobeying me?” he growls and with his every word he starts to thrust a little harder and a little deeper inside me.
Nothingtoo hard or too rough that I couldn’t handle but just enough that I know he meant business. That business being taking some of his anger out on my pussy.
“Are you trying to blame me for everything that happened?” I snap at him.
“I would never blame you because none of what happened was ever your fault! AllI’m saying is that if you were by my side at all times, like you were supposed to be then he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to take you,” he growls.
“He would have found a way to take me no matter what, because that’s what he was paid to do. Though you should know your father gave him instructions not to harm you in any way. ButI have a feeling that maybe he would have ignored that because he really does hate you. He thinks that if you weren’t in the picture, then I would have chosen him. He’s a psycho and I might still hate you but I don’t want to see you hurt or dead,” I mutter.
“You don’t hate me, baby. If you did, then you wouldn’t be creaming or clenching on my cock right now,” he says with a smirk on his pretty ass face.
“Asshole,” I mutter.
“Well, I’m your asshole so you’ll just have to deal. I don’t care if I have to die for you baby, I will. I’d do anything for you and I have. But you constantly putting yourself in harm”s way is stopping now. How the fuck do you think I’d feel if he had killed you? Do you think I’d be able to live without you?” he growls with such intensity at me. “And while we’re on the topic what do you mean he said you would have chosen him? Does that asshole think he has any claim on you?”
“I don’t know I’m pretty sure you’d be fucking fine. I mean you went all that time without me and you even had the audacity to fuck another bitch!” I snap at him and now I’m mad as fuck. I place my hand on his back and scrape my nails down the entire length. “And yes, he said I intrigued him and that’s why he didn’t kill me when he was supposed to from the beginning.”
“Fuck! I’m going to murder his dumbass for thinking he could claim my girl,” he hisses before pulling back his hips and pushing into me a bit roughly, causing me to groan out loud. He slams his lips down onto mine too and gives me a harsh and brutal kiss before pulling away and looking down at me again. “I was dying inside the whole fucking time I was away from you but I was also so fucking angry. I can’t change any of that shit now but like I promised, I will make it up to you. Besides, it”s not like you were ever far from me.”
“What do you mean by that?” I question.
“I had someone on you while you were in London giving me weekly updates. Nothing personal because I was still mad but just to let me know that you were alive and safe. Then when you came back and moved into the mansion, I had cameras in your room and then I also had some in the apartment before I moved myself in there with you,” he says with a smirk on his face, not at all ashamed of what he just admitted.
“What the fucking fuck? You know you’re crazy and let’s not forget a fucking creep right!” I snap at him.
“Don’t care what you call me. You’re mine baby girl and I’ll do whatever it takes when it comes to you. Every. Single. Time.”
“So what? You’ve just been watching me all that time?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you saw me breaking the fuck down so many times and you were just watching?” I ask and he looks ashamed for a second before answering.
“Believe me I wanted to do nothing more than to take all the pain away but I was still in my asshole stage and for that I will always be sorry.”
“I fucking hate you!” I yell at him as tears start spilling down my face.
“I love you; I love you; I love you…” he starts whispering as he starts to thrust inside me again since he stopped a while ago. He grinds his hips into mine and I let out a moan because it feels good and he’s distracting me from being mad.
“Fuck your pussy feels so good baby. I’ve missed feeling you clench your tight little hole around my cock so hard like you want to milk all my cum so it fills your cunt to the brim,” he groans.
“I hate you!” I snap even though his words stroke the flame currently building inside me.
“Shhh. Don’t think of any of that for now. Just enjoy us being together again. I won’t let anything else come between us. Not even you. You’re my other half and I’m never letting you go again.”
“What if I don’t want this anymore? What if I don’t want you anymore?”
“Don’t lie to yourself. We love each other too much to be apart any longer.”
“What if I don’t love you anymore…” I start but trail off when he really starts to fuck me. I’m guessing he’s mad now because he’s pounding my pussy for all he’s worth. he feel of his cock sliding in and out of my soaked pussy is so much, too much. EverythingI wanted and missed while I was in the hands of that psycho.
I’mso fucking torn right now. Torn between wanting to keep him and wanting to let go of him. The memories start to flash in my mind and it’s hard to push them away so I can enjoy this moment again.
Idon’t want to be afraid of sex because of that asshole, since that would mean I’m letting him win. I don’t ever want him to fucking win. That’s the only reason why I’m having sex with Mason right now. I guess I need him to take the demons away, at least for a little while.
Ifeel my orgasm building and a moment later I’m whimpering as I flood his cock with my juices. He lets out a groan and starts to thrust harder and faster for a few seconds before he comes to a stop with his cock all the way inside me and I feel the warmth of his cum as it starts to pulse inside me.
Ilet out a groan at the feel of it. We’re both panting hard as he pulls back and looks at me. “You always look so fucking beautiful when you’re coming on my cock.”
Whenwe finally manage to catch our breaths, he lifts me up into his arms, holding me like I’m made of glass but I know it’s because of all my injuries as he takes me into the bathroom to clean me up. He holds me to him as he begins to wash me, making sure to be as gentle as he can. When we’re done, he walks me out of the shower and puts me to sit on the counter as he dries me off. After he’s done, he tends to all my injuries once again, making sure they’re clean and bandaged.
“I want you to fucking quit this shit,” he growls at me when he gets to where I nicked earlier. Fuck, with all that just happened in the last few minutes between us, I forgot that I even did it again.
“You’re not the boss of me!” I grumble, just to pick a fight because he’s being all nice, sweet, and getting too close.
“You being locked away in my bedroom is sounding better and better by the second,” he growls.
“You… you… you wouldn’t dare, asshole!”
“Keep testing me and you’ll see for yourself.”
“Dickhead!” I mutter as he lifts me in his arms and takes me back into the room. He puts me down on the bed as he grabs a sleep shirt for me. He puts it on and gently pushes me to lie back down again. Suddenly feeling so exhausted, I don’t even fight him.
Heputs on another pair of sweatpants before getting back into bed with me. He pulls me into his arms and cuddles me to his chest. I close my eyes and it’s not long before I fall asleep again. I guess I’ll just have to break up with him when I wake up…