27. MASON
MASON
I don’t knowhow long I sit there on the floor in my trashed-to-hell office, but it must have been for a while. I’m absolutely shitfaced and yet I keep going because I can’t seem to stop myself. I can’t believe she left me again.
Ihate the fact that she’s always running away from me, especially after having some kind of intense intimate moment between us, or after we’ve made some progress in the right direction with our relationship.
Everytime she runs, it fucks with my head really bad. Now, after this last stunt she’s pulled, I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take any of this. I don’t know if she wants me to die for her, just to prove how sorry I am, since nothing else seems to be working.
Yeah, I know I messed up. I admitted to that and have owned it, but since then, I’ve been working my butt off to show her how much I regret all the things I did. I’ve been trying, really fucking trying, to make things right, but nothing seems to be working. For the first time in a long time, I truly feel hopeless. I’m lost.
Idon’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to try anymore. I don’t know what she wants from me because nothing I do has ever been good enough for her. AmI not trying enough? AmI not bleeding enough? Broken enough?
Hasn’tshe punished me enough for all my sins against her? I know that’s what she’s been doing. She may or may not be doing it consciously, but that is exactly what’s been happening. I’m bleeding too, just like she was.
Idon’t know if we’ll be able to save each other, because I’m going down a dark hole without anyone there to stop it. The pain in my chest and in my soul is becoming more than I can bear. I don’t know what else to do…
Arewe drifting apart? Is our love dead? We were never supposed to love each other in the first place, but then we went ahead and broke all the rules that said we couldn’t be together.
Ithonestly feels like we’ve lived a thousand lives and died a thousand deaths. We’ve been through different traumas and pieces of us died somewhere along the way. We’ve had to change and become a different version of ourselves. The version that survives after you’ve been through something horrid because the old you wouldn’t be able to survive through the new normal.
We’renot the same people we were when we first met and now, I don’t know how to be the person she needs. I don’t even know if we can survive anymore, with all of the shit we’ve had thrown at us.
I’dgive anything for her to just let me love this version of her because sooner or later, we’d change again anyway, because that’s what happens in life. You evolve and grow after every stage, whether it be by a small margin or a big one. I want to love her through the version she is right now and then through all the versions she’ll transition into as time goes on. I want them all. I just don’t know if that’s something she wants anymore…
Ilift the bottle to my mouth and am disappointed to find it empty. How much did I drink? I try to stand on my feet and make it a step before I slip on something. I crash into the floor and let out a groan, as I feel shards of glass stick into my skin. Fucking hell, that hurts!
Iturn onto my back, which doesn’t make it any better. I can feel them in my back now, but whatever, I’m too wasted to care at this point. I just lie there, staring up at the ceiling, waiting to die or pass out, so I won’t feel this unending misery anymore.
I’mso lost in my own turmoil and pain that I don’t hear the door to my office open, until I hear their stupid voices.
“What the fuck?” Grayson yells into the room.
“What the hell are you doing, man? You’re fucking bleeding!” I hear Hunter yell.
“Didn’tI tell you two not to bother me?” I slur.
“Are you trying to kill yourself with alcohol poisoning?” Grayson screams in what sounds like a scared voice.
“Maybe. Who the hell cares, man? And stop being so damn loud.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Does it look like I’m kidding?”
“Seriously, man, you cannot lose your shit right now. Just wait for her to come back,” Hunter tells me.
“And what if she doesn’t? Huh? She fucking left again! How many times do I have to live through her running away from me? NothingI’m fucking doing is good enough for her! Just leave me here to die, you assholes!”
“No!” Grayson yells at me.
“I’m not fucking leaving you here to die, asshole!” Hunter growls. “Help me get him to sit up so we can take the glass out of his skin.”
“Just fucking leave it! I’m tired of you two dickheads being here, ya know?”
“I don’t fucking care! You look like you’re two fucking seconds away from alcohol poisoning and you’re bleeding. We have to get it looked at!”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t fucking care anymore! What is even the point of living anymore when she’s not here? I don’t care about the bleeding on my body because my soul feels like it’s bleeding. That hurts way fucking worse,” I grumble.
“She’ll be back. What’s going to happen if something happens to you?”
“She probably won’t even care. I mean, if she did, then she wouldn’t have left me in the first place. Again, I might add. Can’t she fucking see that I’m trying? I’m trying so hard and it means nothing to her,” I say, my voice cracking as sobs racks my body.
“Fucking hell! I don’t know what to say to the two of you,” Hunter grumbles.
Ifeel them touch my chest, stomach, back and hands to take out all the glass shards that were stuck in my skin. Hunter then hauls me up and throws me over his shoulder.
“Put me down, you ass!” I slur.
“No. You’re just being a menace to yourself and us.”
“Well, excuse the fuck out of me for being in pain because I’m dealing with a broken heart.”
“She’s going to come back, dickhead. She’s not going to be gone forever.”
“She shouldn’t have left in the first place,” I mumble.
“I need you to get your shit together because you’re the only family I have left!” Grayson snaps at me, just as Hunter gently puts me down onto my bed.
“Get the first aid kit for your brother,” Hunter tells Gray, and he rushes into my bathroom to grab it. I let out a groan as I feel my world spinning. The cuts are beginning to hurt and I also have a headache.
“Hmm, are you in pain?” Hunter asks.
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s the consequence of your actions, asswipe.”
“No one asked your dumbass,” I mutter. Hunter takes out the shards of glass still stuck in my body before he uses gauze pads with antiseptic solution to wipe the cuts and clean them. It fucking stings, causing me to let out a yell. “Son of a bitch! You did that shit on purpose, didn’t you?”
“Whatever do you mean? I’m just cleaning your cuts so they don’t get infected,”
“Liar,” I mumble, suddenly feeling tired as exhaustion weighs me down.
Thecuts aren’t really big, so they use Band-Aids to cover them. When they’re done patching me up, they both adjust my body properly on the bed before turning the lights off as they leave.
Ilie there, lost in my thoughts for a while, my brain foggy with the amount of alcohol I consumed. I keep thinking about her because, let’s face it, she’s never out of my mind. The tears come again and I let them fall. Maybe if I cry enough, it’ll ease the pain in my chest.
Ispend the next week away from Hunter and Gray, drinking as much alcohol as I can get my hands on, like my life depends on it. The ache, no, the hole in my chest, won’t go away. As the days go by, I feel myself being filled with even more despair compared to the day before.
I’vetried calling her so many times, in my more lucid moments, but obviously she didn’t pick up. Now it just goes straight to voicemail instead of ringing. I send her messages telling her how much I love her and I’ve still been writing my daily notes to her and putting them in the bottle I’ve started to use.
Idon’t know if she’ll ever read the damn things, but I still try to cling to the hope that maybe one day she will. It literally feels like I’m dying without her by my side. I’m spiraling down into the deep dark end of nothing and I don’t see any way to stop it.
Iwish I could let her go if that’s what she really wants, but just the thought of her living her life without me or being with someone else makes me fall deeper into the abyss of pain.
Ican’t sleep. Hell, I don’t even remember the last time I ate anything or had a shower. I should probably go do that soon…
I’vejust been hiding out in our room. That has brought me a little peace because it still smells like her. But it’s not the same since I want her to actually be next to me. I’m just lying here staring at the ceiling with another pounding headache when suddenly, I hear a loud noise at my door. I look in that direction just in time to see Hunter and Gray breaking my door down.
“Okay, asshole! We’ve had enough of your shit! It’s been a week since you’ve been wallowing and that’s gone on long enough!” Hunter snarls as he barges into my room after he broke my damn door.
“Yeah, you’re getting out of the fucking bed right now!” Gray snaps.
“Would you just leave me the fuck alone ‘MisterI’m not on her shit list anymore?’” I snap.
“You can’t hold that against me forever! Geez, I was just trying to be helpful,”
“Your helpful got her all the way to fucking London! How the fuck is that helpful?”
Hunterstomps over to me, drags me out of the bed, then pulls me along with him into the bathroom. He pushes me into the shower, clothes, and all, turning the cold water on full blast.
“Son of a fucking bitch!” I yelp.
“You smell fucking awful! Finish showering and get the hell out here before I fucking shoot your ass for being a pain in mine!”
“If you’d mind your own business then I wouldn’t be, now would I?”
“You’ve got fifteen minutes and then I’m coming back in here and stabbing you, you fuck!” Hunter growls before he and Gray walk out of the bathroom.
Well, since I’m soaked, I have no other choice but to continue showering. I strip my clothes off and clean myself up. I’m standing in front of the mirror in just my towel when I’m done and I hate what I see.
Myeyes are red rimmed and sunken in a bit. In fact, my whole face and body have changed because I’ve definitely lost some weight. I see her name tattooed on my chest and I rub at that spot, my chest starting to ache again.
Ilet out a sigh as I head back into my room. The two assholes are sitting on the chairs while they wait for me. I roll my eyes as I walk into the closet to get dressed. WhenI step back out, I stand there and look at them.
“What now?” I ask with sarcasm lacing my voice.
“Follow us,” Hunter says. I follow since it looks like I have no other choice. This must be some kind of intervention. I trail after them, all the way to the kitchen where there are a few different bowls of food on the table already. “Sit and eat.”
“ButI’m not hun?—”
“Don’t fucking care.”
“I’m not a child!” I grumble and pout.
“Then don’t fucking act like one. You’re wasting away. You’ve already lost some weight and I don’t need you to carry on and die of starvation,” Hunt grunts. At least now I know how Winter felt every time I made a fuss about her eating.
“Fine. Geez.” I shove some food into my mouth and even though it fucking tastes like cardboard, I still eat. I’m sure it tastes amazing because the chef is amazing, but with the state I’m currently in, nothing tastes edible.
OnceI’m done, we all head for the den. The two of them start playing video games while I sit there, my mind tormenting me once more. I feel their eyes on me and after an hour of this shit, I’m tired of it.
“I’ll be back later. I need to go do something,” I tell them as I stand.
“What are you going to do?”
“I think it’s about time I finally paid Emilia and my father a visit,” I tell them. “I want this over and done with today.”
“I’m coming with you,” Hunter says, well, more like tells me.
“I can do this on my own,”
“I don’t give a shit. I’m coming or you’re not leaving the house,”
“Fine then, dickhead!” I mumble. “Do you want to come too, Gray?”
“No. I’ll stay home. I don’t want to ever see that asshole again.”
“No worries, bro. You don’t have to. I was just asking since this dickhead won’t stay home.”
“I’m keeping an eye on your ass. I don’t need you to go anywhere else after to get drunk off your ass again, or kill yourself, without one of us there to watch over you,”
“Ugh, you’re so damn annoying! Let’s go then.” We get into the car and Hunter starts to drive.
“Let me call the lawyer to find out if Dad’s at the station or in jail where he belongs.”
“Sure thing.”
“Hey, where is my dad right now? And is he allowed any visitors?” I ask the lawyer as soon as he answers.
“He’s been remanded to the county jail until his trial begins and yes you can visit him.”
“Thanks,” I tell him before hanging up. I know exactly where he is since it’s not far from the house. “He’s at the county jail.”
“Let’s go and get this shit over and done with, so we can all move the fuck on. By the way, Carter said that everything is already in place. It’ll all go down whenever you give the word.”
“Oh good. I’m glad,” I tell him as we pull up to the jail.
Weget out, walk inside, and then go through the check-in process and then security. They’re both here so we ask to see them both, with Emilia being the first.
She’salready at the table when we walk into the room and she has a surprised look on her face as she watches us approach.
“What the hell do you want?” she asks me before turning to Hunter. “And who the hell are you?”
“I just came to see you in prison where you belong,” I tell her, shrugging.
“I just came to see the cunt that messed with my sister before she dies,” Hunter says to her with a sinister grin on his face. Her face scrunches up as she looks at us in confusion.
“Let’s not forget the fact that she and my father had my mother killed,” I say conversationally, like I’m not still pissed at that. She sucks in a breath and a scared look crosses her face. “Oh yeah, we know all about that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lies.
“Cut the bullshit. We know everything that you’ve done. Why the fuck do you think you’re in prison right now and no one is coming to help you or your case out?” I smirk.
“Wha-what? This was all your doing?” She gasps in shock.
“Well, me and my brother-in-law here, but yeah, it was all our doing. You messed with the wrong fucking people. How does it feel to know that you did so much wicked shit and all it will you is prison?”
“I’m going to get out of here! I didn’t do anything!” she snaps.
“With all the evidence we provided to the feds, let’s just say that you’re never getting out of here. And just to make sure that never happens, the countdown begins now. You have a few hours left to live. I hope you enjoy them, you fucking cunt!” I lean over and whisper to her before getting to my feet.
“What are you talking about?” she screams and starts to make a racket. The guards have to hold her down to keep her in place as she’s kicks and shouts. Hunter and I just keep walking.
Oncewe’re out of the room, the guard who’s seeing to us motions for us to follow him. We walk and go through different corridors until he stops at a door, indicating for us to go in.
Justlike with Emilia, my father is already here and sitting at one of the tables. I take one look at him and my emotions bubble up to the surface. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much. I thought it would be easy to face him because of all the hate I have flowing through my veins. But it’s difficult because I’m looking at the man I used to look up to and those memories flit through my head as we continue to approach him.
“Hello, son. How are you? You don’t look so good. Is everything okay? And who is this?” he asks. I don’t know if it means anything or not that he notices the effect that my week-long bender had on me, but it’s too little too late for him to act like the caring father. He’s not.
“Why?” I ask him as tears flow down my cheeks. Seeing him after so many months brings everything to the forefront of my mind, and I can’t help the pain that pours out of me at his betrayal.
“Why what?” he asks innocently. “Have you talked to our lawyers yet? No one has come to see me since I’ve been in here.”
“The girl you were fucking with, his girl,” Hunter says, pointing to me. “Well, I’m her brother. Let”s just say this isn’t a social call if you get my meaning.”
“What are you talking about?” Father asks.
“Fucking stop your lying! You know exactly what we’re talking about! I knew you were an asshole, but I didn’t know it was to this extent. I fucking know everything! By the way, no lawyer is coming to help you.”
“What is it that you think you know, son? I’m a little lost here.”
“The least you could have done in your last hours of life is tell the fucking truth. I know about Mom, about what you paid that guy in London to do to Winter, and how you’ve been trying to kill her ever since!” I snap at him. Upon hearing her name, his face turns sour and angry for a moment before he hides it, but it was long enough for me to see.
“Wha—”
“Don’t even try to fucking lie. I know about it all. Why? Why would you go after her when you know I love her? Does my happiness mean nothing to you?”
“Of course, it does! I want you to be happy, but that bitch was not the one for you!” he snaps.
“She is the love of my fucking life and she hates me! I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me, for the things I’ve done because of you!”
“What did I do? I didn’t do anything,” he tells me with a straight face.
“Antonio?” I say and I see recognition in his eyes.
“Who?”
“By the way Hunter here is acting as your attorney, nothing we say is being recorded so just fucking give it up, you asshole! I know all about Antonio and what you and Emilia paid him to do. Stalk her, hurt her. He’s dead. Just like you’re going to be in a few hours. You’re not going to make it to court and the world will be a better place without you in it. How did you know we were back in Ravenwood?” I ask and when he doesn’t answer, I stand to leave.
“Wait! Don’t go yet,” he says desperately.
“How? And if you don’t answer truthfully, I’m leaving!”
“I had my men keeping watch at the airport, especially the private hangers. They followed you to your new place and then waited until she left to go after her…”
Ifucking knew it was going to be something like this! Having nothing more to say to him, I turn and walk away knowing that this is the last time I’ll ever see his face. The asshole is never going to admit to anything else he’s done, except for what he just did with the airport and then what led to the accident.
Talkingto him any further is only going to hurt me more than him. In fact, I don’t even think my pain had any effect on him. He was just the same bastard he’s always been. I hear him calling after me as we leave but I don’t turn back. I hope the asshole burns in hell.
Oncewe get outside, I call Carter. “Do it.”
“Are you good, bro?” Hunter asks in the car, breaking the silence between us as we head for home.
“No. I’m not going to be until I have her next to me again,” I mumble.
It’snot even an hour later after we’re home when Hunter walks into the den and turns the television on. There on the screen is breaking news that Emilia and my father have both been murdered in prison. They’re calling it a prison fight gone wrong.
Idon’t know what to feel right now but the most prominent one is relief. I’m relieved that they’re both finally gone and they can’t hurt my girl anymore. I just wish that she was here so I could hold her and tell her that everything will finally be okay now. I would have loved to torture both of them but I just wanted to finish it. It’s more than they ever deserved.
“I’ll see you guys later. I need some time alone,” I tell Hunter and my brother as I walk out of the den. I just need some time to drown my sorrows in booze. The ache in my chest hurts something fierce.
Ithen spend days running from my demons with booze but it doesn’t help to take any of the pain away. AllI constantly feel is numb. NowI’m wondering when it will all end.
Ishould just kill myself so she’ll be happy and live her life without me in it. She doesn’t want me anymore. How long has she been gone now? I’ve lost count. She hasn’t even called me once.