Chapter Twenty-two
Kenna
“Kenna.”
I ignore the voice in my head, too sleepy to even dream of him again.
“Kenna.”
This time, my shoulder is shaken slightly. I open my eyes and stare right into Carter’s.
It takes a second to remember where I am. In his bed. In his arms.
“Oh, hey. What time is it?”
“Two. We both fell asleep. I didn’t want Amelia to wake up and find you gone.”
It’s hard to hold back my lazy smile, because… dang it, that’s just one more thing I can add to the long list of things he’s done to make me swoon over him.
He gently rolls me off him and sits up. “If it were up to me, you’d stay here all night, every night.” He hands me my robe. “But some things are more important.”
“Thanks for waking me up.” I don the robe, my heart utterly torn between wanting to be in two places at one time.
“No problem.” His grin turns from intimate to cocky. “Same time tonight?”
I raise a brow. “You’re awfully presumptive.”
He just stares at me, his eyes hot embers that remind me of what we did just a few hours ago… twice.
I scoot to the edge of the bed. “Carter, this doesn’t—”
“Change anything. Yeah, I know.”
He moves in behind me, his chest to my back, his legs on either side of mine. Pulling me against him, he kisses my neck, sending a truckload of sparks throughout every cell in my body.
His lips are warm against the shell of my ear as he murmurs, “But I still want you here, Kenna. For as long as I can have you.”
I close my eyes and absorb his tender, charming, romantic words.
In another world, I’d spin around, throw my arms around his neck, and declare my true feelings.
In another world, we’d merge our little families and live out our days happily ever after.
In another world, I’d finally pick the right guy, leaving the string of wrong ones in my wake.
And the truth is, I want him too. For as long as I can have him. Which may only be for a few more days.
I already know I’ll come back tonight. And tomorrow. And Friday. I’ll come up and draw out every last ounce of whatever this is. Because whatever this is, it’s more amazing than anything I’ve ever been a part of.
Extracting myself from him and crossing the room, I hesitate at his door before turning with a sultry grin. “See you at midnight.”
“Not if I see you at dinner first. Say six-thirty? I’m making enchiladas.”
I should say no. It’s all starting to feel so domestic. So routine. So… damn right.
“Say yes, Kenna.”
I’m honestly not sure I can deny this man anything after what he did to me mere hours ago. I quietly open his door and give him his answer. “I’ll bring the wine.”
~ ~ ~
I’ve practically floated through the day. I didn’t even get frustrated with Amelia when more of her lunch ended up on the floor than in her mouth. Because I’m riding a serious high.
Last night was different from the previous one. The first time we were together was fun and flirty. Last night was slow. Deliberate. Emotional.
I squirm in my chair wondering what it will be like tonight. Will it be a repeat of one of the past two nights, or will he show me yet another side of himself? Fantasies roll on an endless reel through my head.
I’m pulled from them when my phone pings. My heart beats a little faster wondering if Carter is texting me. Upping his game perhaps. But my temporary excitement fades when I see it’s not that. It’s not that at all. It’s a banking notification.
My heart sinks. I’d almost forgotten what today’s date was. I stare at my bank balance, knowing good and well what this means for me. I glance at my daughter—what this means for us.
Damning my phone for ruining my good spirits, I decide Amelia and I need to get out of the house. Enjoy this unseasonably nice day.
“Let’s go to the park,” I announce, as if it’s been my intention all along, and not just a distraction from… everything.
“Yes.” She claps and runs for her coat.
“Bathroom first, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
Ten minutes later, Amelia is going down the big slide and I’m shedding my coat. It’s fifty degrees and sunny. I close my eyes and tilt my head to the sun.
“Watch me, Mommy. Watch me.”
“Sure thing, baby.”
“Kenna?”
I turn to see Ava Criss pushing a stroller. “Hi, Ava.” She sits on the bench next to me and I smile at baby Jordan. “Hey, sweet cheeks.” I look up at Ava. “It’s hard to even remember when Amelia was that little. The time goes by so fast.”
“It sure does. Do you want to hold her?”
“Could I?”
“Of course.” She unbuckles Jordan and lifts her out, handing her to me.
The whiff of baby assaults my nostrils, and I could swear my ovaries explode. Jesus, the last thing in the world I should be thinking about is bringing another child into it. But why then, when I look down into her little cherub face, do I see it morph into one that’s a cross between Carter and me?
“I could hold her all day.”
“Same,” she says. “It never gets old.”
“Will you have more?”
“Nope.” She shakes her head but doesn’t look sad at all. “This little nugget is a one-and-done for us. Trevor and I battled infertility for years. I don’t want to go through it again and miss a single second of enjoying her.”
“Life can be so unfair, can’t it? You battled infertility, and I got pregnant while on the pill after doing it just the one time.” I watch Amelia, who’s moved to the swing now. “But I’ve never regretted it. Not since the day I heard her little heartbeat for the very first time.”
“So, what about you? Do you think there will be siblings in her future?”
I glance down the street. Down Carter’s street. And for the second time in as many minutes, my heart longs for something I never thought I wanted.
“Oh my God. Kenna… are you in love with him?”
I whip my head around. “Him?”
She snorts in amusement. “When I asked about another baby, your eyes immediately looked in the direction of Carter Cruz’s house.”
“I… uh… well, it is where I live now.”
She raises an inquisitive brow in the same manner a teacher might when their question has yet to be answered.
I let my head fall back, enjoying a quick moment of being warmed by the sun. “It’s complicated.”
“The best relationships are.”
“No. Ava, we’re not in a relationship.”
“Mmm. Well, you could have fooled me. Based on how you two were looking at each other on Sunday—and from what Trevor tells me Carter tells him—you guys aren’t fooling anyone but yourselves.”
“Carter talks to Trevor about me?”
Her eyes become saucers and she nods. “Oh, yeah.”
Internally, I’m cheering. But that elation quickly turns sour when I see the countdown clock in the corner of my mind. I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving as soon as my car’s fixed.”
She cocks her head, studying me. “But you don’t want to.”
I look down at Jordan, unable to meet Ava’s eyes. “But I have to.”
“It’s a shame you can’t stay longer. I get the idea we’d have become good friends, you and I.”
I smile at her. “Me too.”
Amelia races up, finally realizing who’s here. “Can I hold her? Please, Mommy?”
“Only if it’s okay with Miss Ava.”
Ava smiles. “Of course. Climb up here between us, sweetie. Jordan would be happy to have you hold her for a little while.”
I spend the next few seconds watching Amelia, dreaming of what it would be like were she holding her own little sister or brother.
Then I spend the following five minutes trying to distract myself from those very thoughts.
Because wishing for something that could never happen is torture in its purest form.
~ ~ ~
Carter has been a lot quieter while we make dinner. He’s been working on the enchiladas and I’ve been preparing the rice. There’s usually a lot more flirty banter going on. And it’s bothering me way more than it should.
When he comes closer, I knock my hip into him. “You okay?”
I’m used to hearing that question coming in the other direction. He definitely seems to ask me that all the time. And I realize this may be the first time I’ve asked him.
He puts the enchiladas in the oven, leans against the counter, and sighs. “Your parts came in.”
Four words. Words that I knew were coming, yet they drive a knife right into the center of my chest.
“Oh. Well… that’s… good?”
We look at each other as if we both know neither of us actually thinks it’s anywhere near good.
Because it downright sucks.
It sucks that as soon as my car is repaired, Amelia and I will load all of our things into it and drive away from this amazing town. Away from this incredible man. And maybe, just maybe, away from the heart that’ll also be left behind. My heart.
A call comes in, vibrating my phone. I ignore it.
“Don’t you want to get that?” he asks, breaking our stare.
“Nobody ever calls me. I’m sure it’s someone calling to sell me an extended warranty.”
He walks over to the table and looks at it. “It’s definitely not a telemarketer.”
I narrow my eyes. “How could you possibly know that?”
He holds it out. “Because it says Dad.”
My pulse shoots through the roof. Dad hasn’t called me since… Well, I can’t remember the last time he picked up a phone and initiated a call.
“Excuse me,” I say, swiping it from him and heading to the stairs, where I shut the door behind me and sit on the top step. I press the green circle and inhale deeply. “Hello?”
“I just got off the phone with your husband,” Dad says without any sort of greeting. “Or should I say your ex-husband. Kenna, really? God intended for marriage to be permanent.”
My father has no idea what’s going on with my life, my ex, my daughter, my whereabouts, or my bank account. Because the last time we spoke was a few weeks before Cyrus and I split up.
Eighteen months. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve heard my own father’s voice.
Guilt sears through me. I should have called.
I should have reached out sooner. But I knew how he’d react to all of it.
To everything good and bad that’s happened in my life.
According to my father, you either live by the Bible or you do the devil’s work.
There is no in-between. And I guess I was just tired of looking like a sinner in his eyes.