Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
You know what compromise is? It's that thing you don't like to do.
The words played over and over in Kelly’s head as she and Ben drove to Callum Henderson’s office. She should be concentrating on the investigation, but instead she was reliving the five minutes in the ladies’ room at brunch.
She could feel Ben's occasional glances from the driver’s seat. He didn’t ask any questions, seemingly content with the silence, but she could almost hear the wheels in his brain turning, wondering what was going on with her.
Instead of going around and around with Celia’s words, she needed to get her head in the game while she was here in town. She had to make the most of her time between the wedding events.
Their next stop was, of course, Cal. Her old friend, and now successful real estate broker, had been on her mental list of people to talk to since the beginning, and Ben had agreed it was a logical next step.
"Do you think I'm inflexible?"
She hadn’t planned on asking that. She hadn’t planned on saying anything at all. What was it about this man that made her want to talk to him, get his opinion? He wasn’t Yoda or the Dalai Lama. He was just her neighbor, although an extremely handsome one.
"Could you expand on that question? I’m not sure what you mean."
Now he was just playing dumb. He had to know what she meant.
"Inflexible. Rigid. Unwilling to bend. Am I like that?”
“Why do I have a feeling I’m taking a test that I haven’t studied for?” he asked with a chuckle. “But if this is a serious question, and the answer is important to you, I’ll answer it. I don't find you inflexible. I do find you determined and focused. But not inflexible."
"So when have I compromised?" Kelly challenged, turning briefly to catch his expression. “How have I been flexible?”
“Okay, we’re going with this. Alright, on this trip alone, you've been remarkably easy to travel with.
You didn't complain when our flight was delayed for two hours.
You were fine with whatever rental car they gave us.
You've been adaptable about sleeping arrangements, meal times, meeting my needs as well as yours. "
"Those are small things."
"Are they? Most people I know would have been cursing the airline, demanding a better car, insisting on their preferred schedule." He gestured toward the road behind them. "Look at Marjorie at lunch. She made everyone miserable with her need to have everything exactly her way."
Kelly winced at the comparison. At least she wasn't that bad.
"It's just..." She hesitated, searching for the right words. "Celia basically said I don't compromise enough in relationships. That I'm too set in my ways to accommodate another person."
"And this bothers you?"
"Of course it bothers me." The words came out sharper than she intended. "Maybe I don't have what it takes to be with someone. Look at Kevin and me.”
Even though she’d always known that she didn’t have a future with Kevin.
"Yes, let's look at that," Ben said, his voice firmer than she'd expected. "He was a jerk. You don't compromise with someone like that. They just take advantage of you."
"I know, but—"
“But what? If you loved Kevin, you would have been flexible for him. But you didn’t, and he didn’t deserve it. And you’re fine with me. We don’t have any issues.”
"We're not in a relationship," she pointed out.
And why am I kind of disappointed about that?
"We're friends helping each other out. That's a relationship."
"It's just that Celia has always been the good one," she finally said. "The one who makes everyone happy, who gets along with everyone. When she said I don't know how to compromise, it hit a nerve because maybe she's right. Maybe that's why I'm still alone."
"Or maybe you just haven't met someone worth compromising for."
A simple statement, but she couldn’t deny the truth of the words.
"You might be on to something."
"Look, I don't know your sister well, but it seems to me she was under a lot of stress at that lunch. Her future mother-in-law was being difficult, her wedding is days away, she was spending time with your family, and she probably just lashed out. Hell, I would have been shocked if she didn’t.”
"You're right." Kelly sighed. "I just wish I didn't care so much what she thinks of me."
"That's what family does to you. They know exactly which buttons to push. They installed them, after all."
They were approaching Callum's office now, a modern glass building that housed several businesses. Ben pulled the rental car into a spot near the door.
"Thanks," she said, meeting his eyes. "For listening. And stuff."
"It’s fine. I think you’d do the same for me.”
She would, although Ben seemed to have his life in order and all of his ducks in a row. He didn’t look like he needed anybody or anything.
"I can only imagine what Chase and Lulu say about me," he continued with a laugh. "Much worse things than what your sister said about you. Rigid. Unyielding. Cold. Distant. Take your pick of adjectives."
His voice carried no self-pity. If anything, he found their characterizations amusing.
"They really say those things about you?"
"To my face, sometimes." Ben's smile was small but genuine. "Chase once told me I need to remove the stick from my ass before it becomes a permanent part of my anatomy."
"Your siblings don't pull punches."
She could imagine Rob criticizing something about her, but it wouldn’t have been said with good humor.
"No, they don't." He tapped his fingers lightly on the armrest. "That discipline, that focus, that unwillingness to be swayed from a goal, they aren’t all bad. They've gotten me where I am. I wouldn't have built a successful business without them."
"True."
"And you wouldn't have your podcast without your own version of those qualities.
" Ben turned slightly in his seat to face her more directly.
"It takes determination to pursue justice for Lori when everyone else wants to forget.
It takes backbone to leave a small town where everyone knows you and start fresh. "
Kelly hadn't thought of it that way before. Her family saw her independence as stubbornness, her focus as selfishness. But it was those same qualities that had enabled her to forge her own path.
"We're not just one thing," Ben continued, his voice thoughtful. "People want to put us in boxes. Lulu is the wild one, Chase is the friendly one, and I’m the responsible one. But we're all mixtures of good and bad. The same trait can be a strength in one context and a weakness in another."
She was suddenly quite glad she’d brought Ben with her to Bergen. He had a way of making everything seem not so terrible.
"When did you get so wise?" she asked, only half-joking.
“I'm not. I’m just echoing what my parents have been saying my whole life."
"Your parents sound pretty cool."
"They are." His voice softened with obvious affection. "My dad especially has this way of cutting through all the noise and seeing what really matters. And my mom has a way of helping people see the good in almost any situation. They’re amazing.”
Kelly's interest piqued. Ben rarely talked about himself, always deflecting personal questions with vague answers. This glimpse into his family life felt like a gift.
"I'd love to hear more about them," she said.
"Maybe I'll tell you over dinner tonight," Ben offered. "Hell, I’ll even cook if you don’t mind spaghetti. We can add some garlic bread and wine to that. And dessert. We don’t want to forget dessert."
"Are you asking me out on a date, Bennett Reilly?"
The words came out before Kelly could stop them, and she almost slapped a hand over her mouth. What was she thinking? He was being a good friend. That was all.
But then, Ben met her eyes, his gaze suddenly intense enough to send heat rushing through her body. For a moment, the air in the car felt thinner, the interior spinning slightly before settling down.
"Would you say yes if I did?" he asked simply.
Yes. Yes, I would.
He wasn’t like anyone she’d ever dated. And that was a good thing, because she hadn’t shown much taste in males up to this point.
All of her instincts were telling her to lean over, get closer, and press her lips to his. See what happens. The tension surrounding them practically vibrated with life.
She swayed toward him, but then abruptly pulled herself back. If she gave in to the impulse, everything would change. Nothing would be the same, and it was all going so well.
The air around them crackled with all sorts of possibilities, but she was scared to cross that line. If he became her lover, would he stop being her friend?
"We should probably go in," Ben said when she didn’t reply. He didn’t look upset, though. If anything, she thought she could see a ghost of a smile on his lips. Was her hesitation amusing? "Callum's expecting us."
"Right. The case."
She was grateful for the reprieve but also strangely disappointed. If he’d pressed…
I would have folded like a cheap tent. Can’t blame me, though. Lots of women would have, too.
As they walked toward the sleek glass building that housed Callum's real estate office, Kelly was acutely aware of Ben beside her. She’d never really noticed how tall he was or how wide his shoulders were. And how good he smelled.
She was now strangely mesmerized by the gold ring around the iris of his eyes and the squareness of his jaw that he’d shaved smooth this morning. His light brown hair was ruffled by the wind, and she had the strongest urge to smooth it down with her hand.
And then run those fingers through the silky strands, before traveling down his chest and over those dangerously flat abs.
Is it hot out here? Heavens.
Something had shifted between them in the confined space of the car. A new awareness was crackling in the air. She didn't know what to make of it, or whether she should acknowledge it at all.
She was walking in strange and unfamiliar territory. Maybe Ben simply flirted with all the halfway pretty women in his life? Maybe he was just friendly like that?
But the way he’d looked at her, the heat in his gaze… She wasn’t so innocent that she didn’t recognize when a man liked what he saw.
The case. Focus on the case.
But Kelly knew the real challenge now wasn't just finding Lori's killer. That might be the easy part. She had another puzzle, and it was figuring out what was happening between her and the man beside her.
She wasn’t sure she was ready to find out.