Chapter 15 #2
Ben rinsed out his cup before nodding toward the living room.
"Want to sit somewhere more comfortable?" he suggested. "I'm wide awake now, and I'm guessing you are too."
Kelly nodded, placing her cup with his and then following him to the living room.
Ben switched on a small lamp, casting a soft glow over the space along with the television. Kelly settled onto one end of the couch, tucking her feet beneath her, while Ben took the other end.
"What if she didn't trust me?"
The question burst from Kelly before she could stop it, all her fears condensing into six painful words.
"I’m guessing she trusted you, but perhaps she didn’t trust herself."
"I would have helped her. I would have been there for her, no matter what she decided to do."
"Maybe she was still deciding," Ben suggested. "Maybe she needed time to process it herself before sharing it with anyone else."
One thing didn’t make sense about all of this.
"Cal said they fought about marriage, and then she dropped it. If she were pregnant, wouldn't she have used that to convince him?"
"Not necessarily," Ben replied. "Maybe after he made it clear he wasn't ready for marriage, she realized she needed to figure out her options on her own."
"Did she take the test alone?" Kelly wondered aloud, more to herself than to Ben. "Was she sitting there by herself when it was confirmed? Was she scared? Confused? Heck, did she have to drive out of town to even buy a pregnancy test?"
The thought of Lori facing that moment without support made Kelly's chest ache with a fresh wave of grief. If Lori had been pregnant, she wouldn’t have needed to face it all by herself.
"It changes everything," Kelly said quietly, although her voice sounded loud in the silence. "If she were pregnant, it would completely change our understanding of what happened to her. We have to look at Cal again.”
"It gives us a new angle to consider," Ben agreed. "A new motive."
"Cal claims he didn't know, but we only have his word for that. If she told him and he didn't want the responsibility..."
She trailed off, unable to finish the thought aloud. The idea that Cal might have killed Lori to avoid fatherhood was almost too horrible to articulate.
"He seemed genuinely surprised by the changes in her behavior," Ben pointed out. "And he's a family man now. Would he have embraced fatherhood so completely if he'd once killed to avoid it?"
"People change," Kelly countered, though without much conviction. "But you're right. It doesn't feel like Cal. Not the way he talked about her. He could be the greatest actor ever, though."
"Still, we need to talk to him again," Ben said. "Carefully. If he really didn't know she might have been pregnant, this news could be devastating."
Kelly's thoughts turned to the photographs she'd seen in Cal's office.
"He has kids now," she said. "Finding out Lori was carrying his child when she died. I can't even imagine what that would do to him."
"We'll be tactful," Ben promised. "But we need to know if he had any suspicion at all. Even if he didn't connect the dots then, looking back now, he might remember something that helps us."
"Tomorrow. Or I guess later today, technically." She glanced at the cable box display, which showed it was now after midnight.
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, the muted TV casting shifting patterns of light across the room. Kelly was struck by how easily Ben had slipped into this investigation with her, how naturally he seemed to understand not just the case but her feelings about it.
"Thank you," she said suddenly.
"For what?"
"For not telling me I'm overreacting. For taking this seriously. For the hot chocolate. Take your pick."
"All valid reasons for gratitude," he replied, returning her smile. "Though the hot chocolate is clearly the most significant contribution."
His gentle teasing broke some of the tension, allowing Kelly to relax slightly for the first time since she'd awakened from her troubled sleep.
"Do you think we'll find him?" she asked. "Whitfield?"
"My dad has connections. If Whitfield can be found, they'll find him."
"And if he confirms Lori was pregnant?"
"Then we follow that thread wherever it leads. Someone in Bergen knows more than they've been saying. Someone has been carrying this secret for over a decade."
"And I won't stop until I find out who," Kelly said, the determination in her voice surprising even herself.
"I know you won't. And I'll be right here with you as long as you need me," Ben replied, his voice soft.
The simple promise felt weightier than it should have, given how briefly they'd known each other. Yet Kelly believed him completely. In this moment, Ben was the most solid, dependable person in her chaotic world.
"We should try to get some sleep," she said, though she made no move to rise from the couch. "Tomorrow's going to be a long day."
"Probably," Ben agreed, also remaining seated. "But I'm not particularly tired anymore."
"Me neither," Kelly admitted. "Your grandmother's hot chocolate has failed in its sleep-inducing properties."
"That was never the promise," Ben corrected with a small smile. "The promise was that it would help quiet your mind so your soul could work things out. Is your mind quieter?"
Kelly considered this, surprised to realize that the frantic pace of her earlier thoughts had indeed slowed to something more manageable.
"Yes," she said. "It is."
She didn’t know when they shifted position, couldn’t have identified the moment that they abandoned the ends of the sofa and moved toward the middle.
But wasn’t that what they’d been doing since they’d met? Moving back and then moving closer until eventually they were sitting next to one another, watching a predictable rom-com where the conflict could have been solved with a simple five-minute conversation between her and the hero.
Yet, it wasn’t all that unrealistic. In her experience, communication between the sexes was either poor or almost non-existent. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that these two characters just sucked at speaking honestly to one another.
More of those pesky insecurities about answering tough questions.
At some point, she’d leaned into him, her head almost, but not quite, resting on his shoulder. The plot of the movie wasn’t all that interesting, so her mind was now thinking about how warm and muscular he was, sitting beside her.
Damn, he smells good, too. I’m only human here.
The problem was Ben. He was too handsome, too funny, too mature, too good of a listener, and far too understanding. If he could act like a jerk, even for a few minutes, all of this wouldn’t be a problem. She’d put him down as the same as everybody else and forget how good he smelled.
Doubtful. Be honest.
She tried thinking about any of his negative qualities…anything to get her mind off of how wide his shoulders were.
He hadn’t told his parents the truth about his business yet. He hadn’t been honest, and that had to be an entry on the “con” side of the list, right?
When did I start a list? There’s no list. I’m not here to lure him into my bed.
Bed. That’s where she ought to be. Tucked up all alone.
She still didn’t move, not wanting to break the spell that had been woven over them. Right now, even for only this brief moment, there was peace and comfort. She was safe with Ben, of that she was sure. She could lean on him, and he wouldn’t judge. Or if he did, he wasn’t saying anything about it.
Her mind drifted back to their almost-moment in the car earlier, when he'd asked if she would say yes to a date. She hadn't answered then, caught off guard by the directness of the question and her own unexpected reaction to it.
Without any conscious decision in her head, her fingers had started absently pleating the soft cotton of his t-shirt, creating small folds that she would smooth flat again before starting over.
The repetitive motion was soothing, giving her restless hands something to do while her mind raced with new thoughts entirely unrelated to the case.
Her fingers accidentally brushed against the warm skin of his arm, and he tensed slightly beside her. Something electric had passed between them at the contact, and Kelly's breath caught in her throat.
Stop touching him. He didn’t ask for this. You can’t go around touching people. It’s rude.
"Sorry," she murmured, pulling her fingers back as if she’d been burned.
"Don't be," Ben replied, his voice lower than before.
Don’t be? What did that mean? Does he want me to do this?
Kelly lifted her head, intending to gauge his expression and mood, but he was already looking down at her. His eyes were narrowed and his gaze intent, studying every inch of her face as if to memorize it.
The moment stretched between them, filled with possibilities. This wasn’t the best of ideas, after all. They hadn’t known each other long, and the timing for any sort of relationship sucked.
All of that dissolved in the face of this immediate, undeniable attraction.
She’d been fooling herself that she could ignore it. She was beginning to think that’s what she excelled at…pretending reality wasn’t a thing.
Without giving herself time to second-guess, Kelly wound her arm around his neck and pulled him down toward her. Their lips met in a kiss that started tentatively but quickly deepened as Ben responded, his hand moving to cradle the back of her head, his fingers winding into her hair.
His lips were warm and sure against hers, the kiss neither hesitant nor overly aggressive. It was just right, like everything else about this maddening man. Kelly leaned into him, her body seeking closer contact as the kiss intensified.
Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, Ben pulled back. His eyes searched hers, a question in their depths.
"Kelly," he said, his voice deep and gravelly. "I want to make sure this is happening for the right reasons. I don’t want you to have any regrets later."
“Regrets?” she parroted, her brain barely functioning after that kiss.
"I don’t want to be that guy who took advantage of you. But I need you to decide quickly, because if you change your mind, I need to jump into a cold shower. A really, really cold one.”
She liked that he wasn’t completely perfect.
He was close, but not so close as to be annoying.
She wouldn’t regret this. Not tomorrow, next week, or next month.
It was right and good, and for some crazy reason, she trusted him.
For once in her life, she was going to listen to that little voice in her head that said he wasn’t a jackass.
"For heaven’s sake, shut up and kiss me again."