Chapter 22
brENDEN
The ledger makes no sense.
I read through it for the tenth time. I’ve barely slept since we ran from the Brotherhood greasers back at the bank. Tallie’s wrapped in blankets and breathing slowly, but I’m sitting up against the headboard, eyes down on the pages in my lap.
They don’t make any damn sense.
There’s a shape to the names but it’s like there are massive chunks missing. Shipments appear in the logs without any apparent origin like they teleported into place. Money flows out, but nothing ever comes in. I can’t figure it out and it’s like my guts are being sucked into a whirlpool.
I have to toss the ledger aside and go for a walk.
There’s a grocery store not far. I keep my gaze straight ahead, hands shoved in my pocket, doing my best to disguise myself with a hoodie and jeans.
I doubt the Brotherhood will come looking for us here, but I don’t want to take any risks.
I’m sure they’re scouring the city by now and most likely keeping Tallie’s family under strict surveillance.
I let her down. That’s the worst part. I wanted to make things right—that’s why I told her the truth about Sam and the robbery—but in the end I only dragged her into this pit with me.
Maybe I’ve been spiraling into self-destruction for a while now, ever since I failed so miserably out in Vegas.
Riley’s kept me alive, her and Alexan, but maybe they wasted their time.
This whole idea, stealing from Arsen, using what we find to buy true freedom, it was always half baked from the start.
Even if we get what we’re looking for—and he’s willing to deal—and he’s willing to pay—
There are so many holes it’s a miracle I haven’t sunk through them sooner.
Now it’s bad enough I did this to myself. Riley will be very upset when she finds out what happened.
But it’s so much worse bringing Tallie into it.
I buy food for a few days. Avocados, pancake mix, chicken breasts, pasta, enough staples that I can cook her some decent meals. I force myself to focus on the task ahead of me, but I keep drifting back to the horrible facts of our situation.
Arsen knows we have the ledger. Which means he’s coming for us. Which means Tallie’s family really will be targets sooner or later, though I doubt he’ll drag them into it right away. Haik’s strong enough that he’d be a problem if Arsen decided to go scorched earth.
But how long do we have? Hours? Days? Not weeks. Not months.
The ratty apartment doesn’t deserve Tallie. She should be back at our house in a nice neighborhood with beautiful furniture and lots of light. Not this shitty little place in a nothing town.
I find my wife awake and curled up on the couch when I get home. She barely stirs as I make coffee and cook eggs. I give her a plate and a mug, and she rouses herself enough to look over.
“This is only the outgoing sales. We’re missing half the picture.”
I step back, stunned as the pieces fall into place. I laugh despite myself and wave a hand at the pinched way she glares at me. “I know, it’s not funny, but I was up all night trying to make sense of that thing. You figured it out in like an hour.”
“What are we going to do with this? Isn’t the whole point of taking this specific information because involving the Davises complicates everything? But they’re not in here. This only proves Arsen’s been selling, but who cares?”
I slump down beside her. I look at my hands, at the scars and the callouses, at the gnarled knots of flesh around the knuckles. The hands of a thief. Of a man who has spent his whole life lying, cheating, stealing, and hiding.
“You know what I wanted before you came into my life? The only thing I cared about in the entire world?”
“Diamonds.”
“I wanted to disappear. That’s all I cared about.
I was a broken man, Tallie, ready to give up.
This whole plan, to rob Arsen, to use it to blackmail him, the whole idea was to immolate myself, make it so that I could never return to Baltimore, but couldn’t be followed either.
It was killing myself without killing myself. ’
“You wanted to start over.”
“No, not really. I wanted to end, but I never thought about what was next.”
“You didn’t think about where you’d go?”
“I had vague ideas. Somewhere in Southeast Asia maybe or down in the Caribbean. Or I could try my luck in Rotterdam or see if I could slip into London. I had ideas, but none of them mattered as much as erasing myself.”
“You were hurting.”
“People died because of me. That job in Vegas, it went very wrong, and people died. But I came back and I survived, but I don’t think I ever really healed, and now I’m under the thumb of the Brotherhood, doing what I’ve always done, and I hated it.
I didn’t want to steal from your family.
I never intended to hurt Davit or anyone else, but here I am, making all the same mistakes. ” I drop my face into my hands.
Tallie rubs my back. I don’t know why she does it. I don’t deserve her pity or her comfort. She should be stabbing me in the throat, not trying to make me feel better.
“I don’t blame you for what happened with Sam. I was so mad when it first happened, but I understand it now. This is what they do, right? Arsen and all the others in the Brotherhood? They steer you and use you, like they did to me.”
I look up and she’s watching me, and I swear I’ve never seen her looking so determined before, like a new woman slipped into her skin. It’s the same Tallie, only with bones of iron.
“I was always supposed to be perfect,” she says, fingers curling into my back.
“But I was never any good at it, and that’s probably why they tried to trash me the first chance they got.
Papa never cared much about me, not the way he cares about Annie.
I wanted to be good, but what did that ever get me?
When you came into my life, I was barely living.
I was always there, always visible, the center of attention, but I was like a black hole, sucking it in, giving nothing of substance back.
I was a ghost floating through the days. ”
“I’m still a ghost sometimes.”
“Then we can haunt them together.” She moves closer. “I’m not giving up, Brenden, and you’re not either.”
“Tallie—“
“No, I mean it. We’re not giving up.”
I lean into her. “I was never going to stop. It’s not about me anymore.
I wanted to disappear before, but then you came into my life, and now I realize I want to be seen.
I want to stay in one place, so long as you’re there.
I’m sorry, baby, I really am, about Davit and Sam, about your cousins and everything.
I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about what was happening from the start.
I tried to protect you, but I only made it worse.
” I shift my weight and drop to my knees in front of her.
I take her hands between mine and lift them to my lips, kissing them softly.
“I want to do this. I want to figure a way out if that means being with you, or even if it means making sure, you’re safe and your family is safe too. ”
“I don’t want to lose you.” She bends down to kiss me gently. “I don’t want you to disappear.”
I kiss her harder, holding her tight, and her voice rings in my head. This is only half. An idea forms as I hold that kiss, and when I break away, I’m smiling.
“What’s that look?” She sounds bewildered.
“If there’s this—“ I gesture at the ledger. “There has to be a twin.”
“I mean, probably, but—“
“The Davises will have it. I guarantee that. And I promise their security will be trash compared to what Arsen’s got. If we can find their half and put the two together, I think I know how we can get out of this nightmare.”
She laughs. I doubt she believes me, and I can’t blame her. I’m the shattered shell of a man, but I’m building myself back up. I’m finding ways to be seen, to stay in one place, to remain solid, if that means having her.
“Alright then, I guess we have one more heist before this is over.” She grins massively and kisses me hard. “Look at what you’re doing, turning me into a proper thief.”
“By the time I’m done, you’ll be thoroughly corrupted.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
I fist her hair and slip my tongue into her mouth.
She knocks over the coffee mug and I don’t give a damn if it spills all over the floor.
I pull her against me, hands exploring her body, greedy and desperate to touch her skin.
I need this, my wife, my anchor, because without her I have no reason to stay, nothing holding me here anymore.
She’s the heart of my life now.
I take her into the bedroom and strip her down.
Morning light plays off her skin. It’s beautiful, the way she glows.
I can’t believe how lucky I am to end up with a woman like her.
Anyone else and I’d be gone already, either on the run or self-destructing, but Tallie makes me want to find my center again.
I hold her down on the bed, kissing her inner thighs, and feast between her legs.
Her moans are music as I lick her, making her feel pleasure in the face of enormous horrors and long odds, and not caring if this might all come crashing down.
“Now you’re mine,” I say, stroking my cock as her knees spread wide. Her hands reach up, palms pressing to the creaky headboard. I sink inside of her with a sigh, filling her, stretching her wide and kiss her lips, nibbling her nipples and throat.
“Now I’m yours,” she moans.
“Every inch.” Thrust, thrust. “Every curve.” Thrust. “Every time you moan, it’s mine.” Thrust, thrust, thrust.
The bed shakes wildly as I fuck her, mindless and desperate. This right here, this is all that matters. I fill her to the brim, cock driving deep into her soaked pussy.
“Fuck, Brenden,” she gasps, arching into me. I lick her stiff nipples, palming her full tits as my fingers dig into her hips. “God, I want more.”
“Take it all baby.” Thrust. “Take me deep.” Thrust. “Take me until you scream.” Thrust.
I wrap a hand around her neck and fuck her hard.
She cries out, loving it, mouth hanging open, tongue rolling out.
I fuck her harder, losing my mind in the animal heat of taking my wife’s body and giving her pleasure.
I grind into her until the headboard slams into the wall with a sharp rhythmic pulse and her hips raise up, rocking back into me, greedy for every big inch I can give her.
She screams as the orgasm rips into her.
I want her to break and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
She’s the reason I’m still alive and she’s the reason I won’t let go.
I bite her shoulder as I come, pumping between her legs, spilling myself inside of her.
I shiver and groan, whispering her name.
“All mine, Tallie.”
“All yours.” Her fingers comb through my hair. She’s smiling happily. “But don’t steal from my family again.”
“Only if I have to.” I hold onto her tightly, not ready to let go.
There’s work to do—a lot of work—but we have some time, and we might as well use it the only way that matters.