Chapter 5
ETHAN
“What has you so pissed off?” Enzo asked as I stormed into our place that night.
I kicked off my shoes and went straight to the bar and poured a drink. I downed it quickly before refilling my glass.
There weren’t many people in the world who pissed me off to the point of needing a drink, but fucking Evan Beyers sure did.
Beyers.
Anson said they were cousins. On his mom’s side, obviously.
I didn’t give a fuck if a unicorn descended from the sky and shit Evan Beyers out.
All I knew was that he wasn’t fit for Rosalie, and that in the very near future, I was going to punch him in the face.
“Nothing,” I muttered.
“Don’t lie.” Enzo grabbed the bottle of whiskey from me and another glass before nodding for me to join him on the couch. I did, bringing my glass with me.
We sat and nursed our drinks for a moment.
“Talk to me, man. You’ve been hanging out an awful lot with Anson. What’s going on?”
“I just… I don’t like that she’s married,” I said, deciding I wasn’t going to tell her secrets. “Anson has people around that are a pain in the ass, and I’d rather punch them in the face than deal with them, but because I’m trying to keep the peace, well…” I held up my whiskey. “Bottoms up.”
Enzo sipped his drink. “I get it.”
“Where’s Cole?” I asked, deciding I needed a change of subject.
“At his fucking cattery,” Enzo muttered.
“See that?” He gestured to the door where loads of boxes were stacked.
“They keep delivering shit here for his cats. He’s been too busy with his renovation that he hasn’t had time to bring this shit to the house.
It’s too much stuff. He needs to take it over.
And don’t get me started on all the damn messages on voicemail.
People from all over this city are trying to get him to take in strays. ”
I groaned. “I don’t want to be a lonely fucking cat lady with Cole.”
“Me neither,” Enzo muttered. “By the looks of it, we’d better get real comfortable with fur. He even bought a cat costume.” He nodded to the box next to me.
I opened it to find an adult cat costume inside.
“What the fuck?” I muttered.
“He said it’s so he fits in with them and they aren’t scared. Pretty sure that’d scare the fucking whiskers off me if I saw a grown-ass man in a cat costume with that fucking giant rubber cat head licking his ass next to me.”
“Maybe Malachi was right. He needs therapy.” I rubbed my eyes and finished my drink, my body buzzing lightly.
I needed to have a talk with Cole when he got home. He was losing his damn mind.
“What else?” Enzo asked.
I shook my head. “There’s not much else. They’re looking hard as hell, but it’s just like the time she went missing when Church took her, except this time, he doesn’t have her, and he’s pretty fucking pissed.”
Enzo nodded and drank more.
His phone buzzed, and he picked it up and stared at the screen for a moment, a frown on his face.
“What is it?” I asked.
He blinked and shook his head. “Jade. I think she meant to send this text to someone else.”
“What’s the text?” I wasn’t a fan of Jade.
She did a good job as Enzo’s assistant after he went through four others.
She was what stuck. In that respect, she worked, but she always just seemed off to me.
Of course, I was suspicious of women, period, these days, especially when associated with anything to do with us.
“Uh, here.” He handed me the phone, and I stared down at the screen of her in a little dress that barely covered her ass.
She’d taken it as a mirror selfie in a club, and she was doing the duck face that girls thought was attractive.
Maybe it was attractive to some people, just not to me.
The words captioned on the image said, “Come out!”
I wrinkled my nose and handed him the phone back.
“I doubt that was for you. You don’t go dancing in clubs. I don’t think you’ve ever done that,” I said.
He shrugged before drinking again. “Missed out on the good years, I suppose.”
I scoffed. “Would you call making love to the woman who owned your heart missing out?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I would not. However, I no longer have that. In retrospect, I suppose I did miss out. I wasted her time, and for that I have regrets. Imagine how much happier she’d have been without me dragging her down.
Without me asking her to marry me and taking her away from Fox.
I mean, I did a lot of fucking up. Her career would probably have taken off a lot faster if I hadn’t been in the picture.
She’d be with Fox right now. He’d still be alive because had I not asked her to marry me, there wouldn’t have been an engagement party for him and you to be taken from.
He wouldn’t have died. You wouldn’t have suffered.
She wouldn’t have hurt so much or gotten shot. My parents would still be alive—”
“And I’d still be a mess, Laz wouldn’t exist, and the empire you worked for wouldn’t be here.
” I shook my head. “So where are you going with this, Enzo? Huh? I get shit sucks, but this is our life. All of the things you say are because I asked you to cover for me, because I lived in a ball of fear. You lost her because of me. Not because of your choices. Not really. So stop beating yourself up over it. A lot of this shit boils down to me. And honestly, if I ever get to see her again, I’m going to just go to her and tell her everything.
I won’t ever have a relationship with her, especially after Church alters the agreement, which I think he will.
” I breathed out, my stomach sick. “Anson would likely not entertain a harem with any horsemen, especially after the way he was treated. She is, for all intents and purposes, out of reach for us. Maybe not Cole because he didn’t do anything to her, but you and me?
We’re cooked, brother. Done. I very much doubt Anson would let Cole join, but I think he’d let a friendship happen. ”
Enzo finished his drink and poured another, not saying a word.
I decided it was time to ask him something that had been bothering me since I left Klaus’s place.
“Did Colten find Rosalie with a gun in her mouth in Fox’s room after we left her?” I asked softly. The thought of her even getting to that point left me so sick that I had done all I could to not throw up. No one ever told me that happened.
Enzo was quiet for a long time. He swallowed down his entire glass of whiskey before pouring another one.
“Enzo?” I pressed.
“Yeah. It’s true,” he said softly. “It was the night we left her. Colten had put her down, and she woke up later. She wandered to Fox’s room.
He’d left a gun under his pillow. Loaded.
She was in mourning for all of us. She put it into her mouth.
Colten came in and found her. He begged her on his knees not to do it.
He managed to convince her and took the gun. That’s how she ended up at Anson’s.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face.
What the fuck?
Had I been lucid enough back then, I’d have never let that shit happen. I’d have fought for her. Told her about being raped. About Laz. About my fears. I’d have given her a choice. But I was so fucked in the head back then.
Fuck.
The what-ifs always came back to torture and haunt. Story of my goddamn life.
“Do you think she’s happy with Anson?” Enzo asked softly. “Or was before she was taken?”
I sighed. “I do. I think she’s in love and has a whole family and life she loves. She needs to come home. I think we all need her to so we can…” My voice trailed off.
“Move on,” Enzo murmured.
I nodded glumly. “Yeah.”
“What does moving on look like?” Enzo slurred. The alcohol was hitting him. He spent a lot of time drinking over the years. I knew he did it to forget and drown out whatever pain he didn’t like talking about. I was the king of drowning shit out, so I knew a fellow king when I saw one.
“Well.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I suppose it looks like you finding a good woman, marrying, and having kids. Making big moves in the world with your company.”
He let out a soft, sad laugh. “We don’t fuck women on our own. We never really have. We’re all in, or we’re out.”
“Well, we aren’t us anymore. Fox is dead.” I breathed out, my throat tight at the mention of him. My last memory of him was him telling me to close my eyes and go to my happy place. I’d heard him being raped by another man. His soft cries before his silence. And then… nothing. He was gone forever.
I fucking missed him every day of my goddamn life, too. I never got to tell him how much I loved him. How much I valued our friendship. How much he meant to me. How fucking sorry I was for everything.
How he made me stronger, and I’d never forget him. That Rosalie had moved past all of us, even him, but I’d never leave him. I’d hold him in my heart always.
I fucking hated how Rosalie moved on to Evan and replaced Fox with him.
Perhaps that’s why my hatred of Evan was taking over everything. The man could be the second coming of baby Jesus, and I’d still hate him.
I rarely hated people, but when I did….
I polished off my drink and poured another one. May as well take the night to get shit-faced and mope with Enzo. It had been a long time since we’d bonded like this.
“Fox is dead,” Enzo said softly. “And Rosalie has married. It’s just us. Cole will leave us soon, too.”
I nodded glumly. “Just two drunk, lonely chumps on the couch.”
Enzo grumbled and tried to stand, but he stumbled instead and fell back onto the leather cushion. He was quiet for a moment.
“If I moved on, would you come with me?” he murmured, his words slurring.
“I’m with you always, Enzo,” I said gently.
“Jade… I-I think I could—”
“Not her,” I said thickly. “I-I don’t want to move on with another woman. I’m not interested.”
“Well, I can’t get you pregnant.” He chuckled softly. “Although at this point in my life, I’m about ready to give in and try. I haven’t had sex in years.”
“Not like I’m a virgin,” I muttered, drinking more.
He sighed. “Don’t go there, E. Please.”
I wouldn’t. It was just an angry, drunk thought.
“Sometimes when Cole starts in, I think about just letting go and doing it with him. I love him so much. I love you. I just…” He blew out a breath. “This is fucked.”
“I get it. It doesn’t need an explanation,” I said.
“Would you… Do you think…?”
“Sometimes,” I murmured. “I love you guys, too. I’m not interested in fucking a new girl. I just… I trust you. You know how I look down there. I-I don’t want anyone to see me,” I admitted.
“Is that what holds you back?”
“Not all of the reasons why, but it is some of the reasons. All the tats to hide shit have helped, but I still know things are scarred down there.”
“Rosalie,” Enzo said, his words choked. “She holds me back, too. Even though she’s not mine anymore, the guilt at even looking at another woman eats me alive. I-I held Jade’s hand. In my office. I thought about what it would be like to fuck her. But you know what?”
“What?” I whispered, my voice shaking at knowing he’d been at that point.
“I saw Rosalie. In my head. I-I couldn’t. I fucking want to, and that’s what terrifies me. What it means if I do. If I give in and let go. I-I’m scared, E. I know she’s not mine, but I don’t want to let her go.”
“I know.”
He wiped at a tear on his cheek. “I never told you guys, but I went to her work. I had Dmitri bring her to me. He had to practically drag her to me and shove her into the backseat.” He laughed sadly. “The way my heart jumped in my chest when I saw her. I knew then I still loved her.”
“What happened?” I stared at him. I hadn’t known he’d seen her. He’d really never told us.
“I-I fucked it up more. I almost asked her if she’d still be mine. I was married. She’d have been my mistress.” His laugh was bitter this time. “She saw my wedding band. The hurt on her face. Fuck.” He shook his head. “It didn’t stop me from pushing her down onto the seat, though.”
“You didn’t…?”
“No.” He frowned. “I didn’t. But I wanted to.
One last fuck to hold me over for eternity.
She begged me to let her go. Told me I was killing her.
I knew I was. That we were. So I released her.
Then she slashed the tires on one of my SUVS and threatened to stab me.
After, she fucked Klaus Seeley, lord knows how many times.
I knew she was good and done once that was confirmed.
And here I am. Mourning her like she’s fucking dead like Fox. ”
I swallowed hard. He had no idea she was still with Klaus. That she now had an entirely new harem.
I couldn’t tell him either. I promised her, but I knew it would gut him. And if it gutted him, it would absolutely destroy Cole.
“So now what?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Maybe Cole is onto something with us just fucking each other. It works for the kings.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Seems…”
“Like we’d piss people off?” He laughed at that. “Fuck people.”
He drank more, and I followed at a slower pace.
“Call Cole,” he slurred, several more glasses in. “See where the fuck he is. Tell him to come get all these fucking cat boxes out of the living room. They’re taking up space.”
I nodded and pulled out my phone before calling him.
“Yeah?” he answered, sounding breathless.
“Where are you?” I asked, closing my eyes to stop the spins.
“Uh, I’m working on my cattery, man—”
“Get home.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is we’re drinking, and you’re not here,” I said. “Fuck the cats. Come home.” I put him on speakerphone.
He sighed. “I-I can’t. I’m committed.”
“We’ll come there—” Enzo started.
“No! No. Uh, I’ll be there. I’m coming. Just give me a few minutes.”
“Good, you can suck my dick when you get here,” Enzo slurred out. “Maybe E’s too.”
“Oh. Uh… Yeah. I’ll be there in a few. Bye.” He disconnected the call.
I frowned and looked at Enzo. “Did he sound weird to you?”
“It’s Cole. He is fucking weird.” He pulled out some sugar and lit it up before taking a deep drag. “Want some?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m fucked on this alcohol.
I’m good. I need to be up for Laz in the morning.
Besides, that’s the new designer strain I’ve been working on.
It has those aphrodisiacs I’ve been experimenting with.
We really would be fucking. Be careful on it.
I haven’t tested it as much as I need to. ”
He nodded like he didn’t give a shit and went back to smoking. The guys never pushed me on smoking with them. I rarely did, and when I did, it was only a hit or two. Drugs no longer had a hold over me. I didn’t crave anything but success these days.
A lot had changed with me, but one thing remained the same.
Rosalie.
She would always be my sweetheart. She would always have my entire heart.