Chapter 58
ETHAN
Istormed out of Enzo’s office, my goddamn heart in my throat. Knowing Fox was alive killed me inside. I missed him so fucking much for years. I ached for him. And now I ached in all new ways because of this secret that was tearing me apart inside.
It had me conflicted.
I wanted to tell Cole and Enzo that Fox was alive, but I also wanted them to forget him as he’d forgotten us. On the other hand, Cole would leave soon and would find out. Then Enzo.
I wasn’t so sure either would take the news well.
“Rosalie, can we talk?” I asked as I came into the kitchen, where she and Anson were finishing making pancakes.
Anson frowned at me for my no-nonsense attitude.
“Now, please,” I added.
“Um, sure,” she said, eyeing me. “What’s up?”
“Alone, Rosalie,” I said pointedly. “No offense, Anson. I can loop you in later.”
She looked to Anson, and he shrugged. I liked that he was so easygoing most of the time. He reminded me of how Fox used to be.
Rosalie followed me upstairs to my bedroom. I closed the door behind her and gestured for her to sit on my bed. She did, looking at me with worry on her pretty face.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“What’s wrong?” I asked bitterly. “Cole is probably going to leave us for you and Ellis.”
She winced and looked down at her hands in her lap.
“I’m sorry—”
“Look at me,” I demanded, moving to stand in front of her. She tilted her head back to stare up at me.
“What do you think is going to happen once Cole finds out that Fox is alive and well and has been living the good life for the last five years?”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “I know.”
“He’s going to explode, Rosalie. That’s what’s going to happen.
It could ruin everything. Do you understand that?
Do you realize what’s going to happen when he finds out?
You fucking know Cole. And that’s Cole. Enzo…
” my voice trailed off. Enzo had punished himself for years over Fox.
He drank too much. He hated himself and life.
Losing Fox broke Enzo, and then I added to it with my bullshit.
“Fuck,” I snarled, backing away from Rosalie and kicking my nightstand.
Rosalie jumped and cried out softly as I tugged at my hair.
“Ethan,” she said, getting to her feet. She touched my arm, and I lost it.
I dragged her to me and crushed my lips against hers in a deep, searing kiss. She kissed me back, her tongue against mine, her hands on my chest.
“We all have a lot of nasty secrets, sweetheart, and you can just be another one,” I whispered between kisses. I wanted her. I knew her being a secret side piece would be a terrible idea, but fuck it. I was willing to play fucked-up games to have her again.
Before she could answer, I deepened the kiss.
She moaned softly as I threaded my fingers through her hair.
I fucking wanted to tell her about Laz more than anything, but I was goddamn terrified.
Enzo had sacrificed everything for this, but what was the point?
I was realizing there was no point. In one version, I thought she’d hate me for having a kid with someone else.
In the other version, she’d hate me for keeping it from her.
I was fucked.
And I wanted her like this before I couldn’t have her again. It was fucked up and selfish, but I’d learned a long time ago I wasn’t the hero. I was the villain.
“I want you, Rosalie. I’m close to losing you forever, but fuck, I want you,” I said, breathless against her lips.
“Ethan—”
“Shh, pretty girl,” I whispered, kissing her again. “Please. Can-Can I have you?”
“Will you stay?” she asked, breaking off my kiss and staring up at me. “If I do this with you, will you stay?”
I cradled her face, my heart in my throat.
I knew the answer to it, and it was killing me.
“Ethan?” she choked out. “Will you?”
I blinked quickly, realization coming over me. “I-I won’t.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “Why?”
“You’re not my girl anymore,” I said softly. “We’re… I…” I took a step away from her. I couldn’t do this to her. To Anson. To her guys. Fuck, to Cole. Once upon a time, she was mine, but this was the ever after, and she wasn’t part of my story anymore.
I wouldn’t let her be. For Enzo. For me. For Laz. For… her. I’d fucked everything up when I was weak, but I wasn’t that guy anymore. Enzo needed me. My son needed me.
Rosalie… She didn’t need me anymore. She was protected and loved.
“Ethan?” She stepped closer to me.
“I-I can’t,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I care about you, Rosalie. I just… can’t.”
“If it’s about Enzo’s son, I wouldn’t make you cut ties. I would never—”
“It’s about me and the things I’ve done,” I said softly.
“I don’t… I don’t care about any of that. Do you love me?”
“Fuck, you know the answer to that.”
“Then say it,” she said, voice trembling. “Tell me.”
Fuck, what could I do? I wanted to scream the words to the moon and back, but motherfucking hell, it was all too much.
I knew that I should give her the option.
That I should tell her the truth about Laz.
She was too good to hate me, but what if she did?
I still hated myself for it, but I had Laz.
He was my world. So then, if I loved him, why did I hate what I’d done?
It had been a conflicting issue over the years, and as I stared into Rosalie’s eyes, it only made it worse.
“Ethan?” She reached for me.
I took her hand and brought her back to me, my lips crashing against hers again.
I didn’t even hear the door open.
“What the fuck is this?” Cole demanded, storming into my room and tearing Rosalie away from me.
He tucked her neatly beneath his arm and glared at me.
“Why the fuck are you kissing my girl, E?” Cole snarled, his blue eyes flashing.
I frowned. All Cole wanted was for all of us to get back together.
“Because fifteen fucking minutes ago, you were telling me you didn’t want her, and you were done. You and fucking Enzo. So, I’ll ask again. Why the fuck are you kissing my girl?”
I swallowed hard and stared at Rosalie.
“I, uh…” I stammered.
“Are you joining?” Cole demanded.
I looked at Rosalie.
“I… no, man. I’m not.” My shoulders sagged forward.
The tears in Rosalie’s eyes trickled down her face. Fuck, I didn’t want to make her cry.
“Baby, go see Anson. Ellis is up and looking for you,” Cole murmured to her.
She stared at me and lifted her hand as if she were going to reach for me, but I gave a slight shake of my head and took a step back.
Her bottom lip wobbled before she rushed from the room, leaving me alone with Cole.
His hands met my chest hard as he shoved me. I stumbled back. The last thing I wanted to do was fight him, so I didn’t even try to defend myself.
“Don’t ever put your fucking lips on my girl,” he snarled at me. “Do you fucking hear me?”
“What is your issue?” I said as he backed me against the wall. “She was our girl—”
“Was. Fucking past tense. That ship sailed. You told me no. Then I find you in here, leading her on to what? Break her heart? Who the fuck even are you right now, Ethan? Huh? Because the guy I knew wouldn’t be leading her on like this.
If there’s nothing, then let there be nothing.
She just kissed a man who does not want her and isn’t part of her dynamic.
That could fuck up everything because what do we call that? ”
I swallowed.
“Cheating,” I whispered.
“Right, motherfucker. Don’t do that shit. You said no. That means access fucking denied. Got it?” He shoved me again.
“Stop fucking pushing me, Cole,” I said in a soft, dangerous voice.
“Stop putting your tongue in my girl’s mouth, dick,” he snapped back.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I am. I had a moment of weakness. It won’t happen again.”
“If it does, it’s because you’re coming home with me,” he said, his voice shaking. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
He continued to glare at me before he backed away.
“You need to tell her about Laz. Clear the air,” he said.
“Right,” I replied tightly. “There’s a lot of air that needs to be cleared.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Ask Evan,” I said softly. “Ask him about the day I saw him at Fox’s grave, and then ask him what he and I talked about.”
Cole frowned. “Is he why you don’t want to go visit Foxy?”
“Yeah, man. He is. Ask him. And don’t join them until he tells you.”
Cole crinkled his brows. “Just tell me.”
I shook my head. “Just ask him. If he tells you, then I’ll tell Rosalie about Laz, but I honestly think by the time that happens, it’ll be too late.”
“You’re being fucking weird.”
“That’s me. A real weirdo,” I muttered.
Cole exhaled. “I’m sorry, E. I just got her back. I don’t want anything to fuck it up, OK?”
“Then talk to Evan.”
“I will.” He held his hand out to me.
I took it, and he tugged me against him. I hugged him back, really hoping the best came out of this for him.
There was a knock on my door, and Enzo popped his head in.
“We’re being summoned,” he said, a grim tone to his voice.
“By?” I asked as Cole and I broke apart.
“The underground. Church wants a meeting. Immediately.”
I nodded, my heart in my throat. “The contract?”
“I believe it is,” Enzo murmured. “Get ready. We leave in ten.”
He left the room, looking like he was going to be sick. I stared back at Cole to see the concern on his face.
“It’ll be OK,” I said.
“I really fucking hope so,” Cole replied, his voice thick. I knew what he meant. If Church declined to negotiate the contract, it would push him out of Rosalie’s life. It would be over before it got to start again.
“Me too,” I whispered.
Hope was all we had these days, it seemed.