8. Luke
luke
. . .
When Lucy exited the bathroom, I sat on the couch and waited for her. My clothes were certainly not her style anymore, but I couldn’t deny she looked beautiful. I stood up, approaching her to inspect her further while keeping a respectful distance between us.
“I can’t believe you still have this shirt,” she said, tugging at the black fabric. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun on her head, which I had always loved. “There is no way you can still fit in this.”
“You’re right,” I admitted, taking another step toward her. She stalled in her spot, observing me. “It doesn’t fit me anymore. I kept it because it reminded me of you.”
It was an honest admission of my feelings. For as long as I could remember, I envisioned her back in my life, wearing that exact shirt. It felt like somewhat of a dream to have that happen again. If it was, indeed, a dream, I didn’t want to ever wake up. I wanted to stay trapped here for an eternity and never leave her side.
“Luke…” She trailed off. The words fell from my lips before I could fully think through what I would say.
“I’m sorry. I can’t possibly tell you how sorry I am for all the hurt I’ve caused you. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t hate myself for it,” I told her, reaching for her cheek. My thumb trailed over her flawless skin. She was so soft, so warm, and every inch of me itched to be closer to her. “I have thought about you every single day for the past ten years. You haven’t left my mind for a damn minute, sweetheart. I need you to know that.”
The yearning that had accumulated over the past decade guided my body, and I had very little say in what I did. One moment, I towered over her, and my head dipped lower the next. My lips found hers, and I kissed her tenderly, hoping to tell her everything that had remained unspoken for the past decade. I expected her to push me away, but she didn’t.
And that only made me greedier.
My arms bracketed her slender body, my hands on her hips as I pulled her closer. The most primal need to have her awoke inside me, and I had a sneaking suspicion that it had no intention of ever leaving. A small moan escaped her lips, coming out muffled against my lips and carrying away any last shreds of self-control that I once had. I was a starved man, and she was everything I ever wanted.
We stumbled backwards until her back bumped against the wall behind her, our kiss growing more heated with each second. I found the hem of her sweatpants, about to pull them down when she finally broke free from the spell of our kiss and tilted her head to the side.
“Luke, stop,” she said, and she didn’t need to tell me twice. Instantly, I stepped back, giving her some space as the realization of what had happened sunk into my mind. I cursed at myself and the fact that I allowed my lust to overcome my true intentions.
The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was trying to get into her pants. I wanted to make this work. I wanted us to have a proper shot. And now, I was faced with the possibility that I may have messed it all up.
“I’m sorry, I just?—”
“It’s fine.” Lucy held her hand up to stop me from talking. She took a moment to draw in a deep breath before she finally dared to look me right in the eyes. “Thank you for everything, but I think I should go. I’ll give you your clothes back once I wash them.”
“Give me a second, and I’ll put your clothes into?—”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll come pick them up when I drop yours off,” she spoke over me. There was suddenly this need in her to put as much distance between us as possible, and I didn’t like it the slightest bit.
Were we at the point of no return?
“Luce, please, give me a moment,” I pleaded, wanting to make things right. And she gave me the moment I asked for, even if I didn’t deserve it. “I got carried away. I wasn’t planning on something like that happening—I just…I missed you. I meant what I said.”
She pressed her lips into a thin line, silent for a second. “It wasn’t just you. I participated, too. But it doesn’t mean we should be doing it,” Lucy said. “We can’t do this, Luke.”
My chest tightened at her words, but I wouldn’t push her. I still hoped that things would work between us, but I wouldn’t force her into anything she didn’t feel comfortable doing. If what she needed right now was space—then that was what I would give to her.
“Let me drive you home, at least,” I offered, even if it meant driving silently. I didn’t care. I wanted to make it up to her somehow. But much like I expected, she turned that offer down quickly.
“I appreciate it, but I’d rather walk. I need to clear my head.” Lucy was now at the door. I knew she wasn’t leaving forever—not yet, at least—but the sight still tugged at my heart.
“Okay. Get home safe,” was all I said as I watched her leave. As silence surrounded me again, I realized there was no going back. Even if just briefly, I experienced what life with her by my side would be again, and I wasn’t sure I could let it go. Not without a fight.
I messed up once; I wasn’t going to do it again.