2. Sparrow
“Guys! We gotta go, we’re going to be late for school,” I yell down the hallway before grabbing my keys and purse. My kids are not morning people and this is a fight we have weekly. Thank God school is out next week. Neither one of them are crazy about school, so I look forward to the few months off.
That’s right. My surprise eight years ago turned out to be twins.
Fun times .
Lochlyn enters the small kitchen and grabs her bookbag from the island. We both have raven colored hair and dark blue eyes. Loch still looks like she is half asleep when I step up to her and quickly braid her hair into two pigtails.
I’m about to yell over my shoulder again, when my son Teller, slowly walks into the kitchen. His dad’s genes said copy and paste when it comes to Telle. Dark brown hair, ice blue eyes, dimples in both cheeks. Imagine my surprise when my son asked me to give him a buzz cut, one that matched how King always wore his hair.
Too bad they will probably never know each other.
“Are you working from home today, Mom?” Teller asks me as he grabs two waters out of the fridge, handing his sister one. My son is a born protector, and unfortunately, I haven’t eased that burden for my son. Trouble seems to always be one step behind me, and their earlier years were tense, to put it lightly.
“I’m going to go sit at Dell’s to send some emails but then I’ll be back here working on my next cover.” I’m a book cover designer for independently published authors, and I couldn’t imagine a better career. I still pick up shifts at a local restaurant, because raising two kids isn’t cheap, and my son somehow seems to need a bigger size every month.
Not for the first time, I wish that I had someone to carry the load. But I tried that, and I won’t be going down that road anytime soon.
Never again, preferably.
“Alright, monkeys, we’ve gotta go.” The kids groan but follow me outside. I try to hide my smile when Telle grabs Loch’s bag, knowing she has it weighed down with her sketchbooks. I like to think that my daughter got her artistic abilities from me, which could be true, but it's also likely that she got it from an uncle she never met.
I think of the Bluff brothers often, usually when Loch shows me a drawing she is proud of, or when Telle looks at me with a wide smile on his face.
I think of the boy I loved with every damaged part of my heart. I wonder where he’s at, if he’s married with a family. I wonder if he thinks of the poor girl he left behind all those years ago.
I get the kids to school and watch them enter the building before I take off towards the coffee shop. I used to walk them into school myself every day, but I heard the other kids snickering. I don’t want Loch and Telle to be made fun of. They already live in a single parent household, in an embarrassing apartment building, where they never invite friends over.
The deck has always been stacked against them.
I feel guilty going to work at the coffee shop today. Life in general is expensive, add in doing the single parent thing, and there is no extra money. I rarely treat myself, but an author reached out last night to secure three book covers. I’d say that calls for a sweet treat. I was so scared to put myself out there, but my best friend, Skye, saw some of my mock covers and made a social media account and website for me, and before I knew it, I had people messaging me for services. Because of my inability to tell anyone no, I trade sleep for late night design sessions.
As soon as I found out about my pregnancy, I told myself that I would never be like my mom. I cook dinner every night, we sit down and do homework together, we have family game nights. I go without, so my kids don’t have to. They’ll never know that for the first few years of their lives, I barely ate so I could afford to feed them.
After paying for my muffin and latte, I find a small table in the corner. Pulling out my used iPad, I connect to the Wi-Fi and start going through my email. My phone lights up on the table, a smile breaking out on my face when I see who it is.
Jelly
I miss your face.
I met Skye when the twins were three, and we were both working at a coffee shop. The kids and I were living in a four hundred square foot shithole, that I’m pretty sure had a mold problem. Skye and I connected easily and shortly after, we got a three-bedroom apartment and became roommates. She moved to Michigan with the love of her life earlier this year, and if I didn’t like him so much, I would hate him.
She is the sister I always wanted.
I’m the Peanut Butter to her Jelly.
I desperately miss my person.
I miss your face, too!
Jelly
You, my niece, and my nephew could come here for the summer.
Skye has been trying to get me up to Michigan since she moved earlier this year. As much as I would love to, I just don’t know. Telle wanted to play soccer this year, Loch wanted to join an art class. I pick up a couple of nights a month at the restaurant. I just don’t know how going ten plus hours away is feasible.
You know I would love to; I just don’t know if I can do it.
Jelly
I know. I thought I would try.
I miss the days of Skye and I splitting a bottle of cheap wine after the twins went to bed, or when she tagged herself in when Loch had a fever, and Telle wouldn’t stop crying because his sister was sick. Skye got home to find me in tears because I couldn’t make either of my kids feel better.
There is no worse feeling than not being able to help your kids. Skye came into my life when I really needed someone. Someone that didn’t judge that I was a teen mom, that I was barely making it. She saw through the bullshit.
Finishing up my work, I order two cookies for the kids to have after school. Loch, my sweets addict, would take one sniff, and know that I got something without her.
Pulling up to our apartment building, I cringe when I take the building in. There is garbage stuck in the dead landscaping, the sidewalk is littered with cracks, and one side of the building is decorated in graffiti.
I'd never say this out loud, but the artist is actually really good.
When Skye moved, I moved into a two-bedroom apartment, on the bad side of town. I didn’t inform my friend that I would be doing this. Skye would have dug her heels in and wouldn’t have moved. And she deserves her happily ever after. She hasn’t lived a charmed life either.
Slowing down before I reach my apartment, my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. My hands shake as I pick up the teddy bear that I find sitting on my welcome mat. Rushing into the apartment, locking the door behind me, I numbly walk into the kitchen. Looking over the bear, I find a note that was secured on the inside of the T-shirt.
You thought you could run from me.
I’ll be seeing you soon, love.
With shaky hands, I pick up my phone and dial the number to my person. The one that helped me out of one darkness. She answers on the first ring. My breath is coming out in shallow puffs and I can feel my throat constrict. I don't answer her because it feels like it may take my last breath to talk.
“PB? Are you there? Okay, breathe with me. You’ve got this, girl,” my best friend frantically says.
When I catch my breath enough, I whisper the words I never wanted to say, “He found me, Skye.”