Chapter 21 Nyah #2
I shrugged. “I don’t think so. But he dates. The other week, when we went clubbing, he was with a woman.” Evidence I clung to, because it kept me safe. “I don’t think they’re any more serious about him than he is about them.” Casual. Detached. That was the version of him I needed him to be.
“Perhaps he’s waiting for the right woman to be serious about.”
Perhaps… Someone uncomplicated. Someone without a past stitched together by survival. “I don’t need a man to make me happy,” I said, desperately hoping for inspiration to change the subject. “I am honestly fine the way I am.” Fine had become my shield. Fine meant functional. Fine meant safe.
Patty stopped and gently held my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. “My dear, one day you’ll wake up and see that Lucas has grown up and has a life of his own.”
The image stole my breath—Lucas taller than me, independent… gone.
“Then you’ll be all alone.”
The words echoed louder than it should have.
She took the dish from my hands and squeezed them softly. “You need to start living your life while you still can,” she said gently. “Don’t be afraid to love again. Not all love betrays or leaves.” Patty left the kitchen; her words hung in the air.
If she only knew. I hadn’t told Patty, or Elle, or Donna about Harper’s infidelity.
Betrayal like that was something I could never tolerate.
What hurt most wasn’t the cheating—it was that I had trusted him with my past and allowed him into Lucas’s life.
That kind of trust deserved honesty, and he hadn’t given me that.
I would never risk that again. Not with Lucas’s heart tied to mine. Never.
I unlocked the door to my old apartment and walked inside with Lucas, Patty, and Caleb walking in behind me. The apartment looked smaller. Had it shrunk—or had I grown?
As I showed off its meagre accommodations, I shuddered at the almost four years I’d spent there before Randall’s offer had rescued me. And yet, it did hold some beautiful memories.
Patty told us about the couple who had moved in after I had left. They had found it too small to start a family and moved out, leaving behind a complete mess. “I don’t know how you stayed here. You kept it so clean and made it your home.”
Funny how space feels different depending on hope.
Patty shook her head, lowering her voice. “I still remember the day you brought Lucas home from the restaurant,” she said softly, once she was sure he was out of earshot. “The way that boy grew on you… as if he had always been yours.”
I saw Caleb raise his eyebrows. He hadn’t known Lucas was adopted. Another piece of me revealed without permission.
“Sometimes,” I said, “it’s interesting to look back on where you started so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.” I blanched as I looked around my old home. “Perhaps sometimes, though, the past should be left where it belongs… in the past!”
After hugging Patty goodbye, we headed back to my apartment.
Caleb put Lucas down for the night before returning to the living room, where I had a cup of green tea waiting.
“I don’t mean to pry, but how did you get custody of Lucas?”
I plopped down on the couch beside him. “Before the hotel, I worked at a diner.” I took a sip of the tea. “That’s where I met your father. Lucas’ birth mother was another waitress there, Joanna Whittle.” Saying her name never got easier.
Caleb sat up straight, his eyebrows furrowed.
“It was June 10, 2005. I’ll never forget that.
” Some dates carve themselves into you. “He was four days old. Joanna had been in Vancouver less than a year and didn’t know many people, apart from me.
She was struggling, and as I lived alone, she asked me to look after Lucas for a couple of days.
Her family wouldn’t help, and her boyfriend had left months earlier when he found out she was pregnant. ”
Caleb didn’t look away.
“After a couple of days and with no word from her, I called the number she’d given me, but there was no answer. That’s when another waitress mentioned Joanna had been involved in a fatal car accident.”
Caleb gasped. “That’s sad.”
Sad didn’t begin to cover it—but it was enough.
“I’d had him for a couple of days, and he didn’t even have a name.
I was twenty, and I didn’t know how to be a mother, but I knew how to fix that.
I named him Lucas Rodriguez. And then with all the other decisions… well, when I had to make them, I did.”
Caleb rubbed his forehead. “You’re truly amazing, do you know that? Anyone else would have dropped him off at a shelter. Or the hospital.”
I’d never seen that as an option. “I don’t think I could have lived with myself if I had done that.” Some choices define you forever.
The air between us felt charged with something unspoken.
His gaze held mine a little longer before I turned away and cleared my throat. Collecting the empty cups, I asked what time he would pick us up the next morning. Lucas and I were picnicking with Elle’s family, and Karl had informed me that he had invited Caleb.
“Is noon fine?” he asked, looking at his watch.
“Noon’s perfect.”
Walking him to the door and saying goodbye, I was so preoccupied with thoughts of Harper and Lucas and unplanned motherhood that I quietly closed and locked the door behind him. The past and present tangled in my chest, refusing to stay separate.
Finding it difficult to sleep at night, I was awake when dawn peeped through the curtains, which was swiftly followed by Lucas bursting into my room and jumping on my bed.
When Caleb came to collect us, he raised an eyebrow and inquired, “Did you get any sleep at all last night?”
“Not much, but I’ll be fine.”
When we reached the park, I saw that Elle and Karl had chosen the perfect spot with sunlight filtering through the trees just right. Greg and his daughter had also joined us.
After lunch, Caleb and I joined Lucas and the other children in the paddling pool, splashing and laughing until everyone was soaked.
Later, while I changed Lucas into dry clothes, I glanced up and saw Caleb pull off his drenched T-shirt and drape it over a low branch to dry. For a moment, I forgot what I was doing.
Water clung to his skin, tracing the broad lines of his shoulders and the defined planes of his chest before sliding down the ridges of his stomach. His back flexed as he stretched the shirt out, the easy strength in his arms unmistakable. Sunlight caught the droplets still clinging to his skin.
My gaze lingered a second too long. Elle followed my line of sight, then looked back at me with a knowing grin. Chuckling, she wagged her finger in the air. Busted.
Under the shade of the big tree, we spread blankets out so everyone could nap for an hour or so. Lucas curled against Caleb, a picture-perfect moment I quietly captured on my phone. I read for a while before exhaustion pulled me under, my glasses still on.
When I woke, my glasses were gone, and Lucas was tucked against my side.
Caleb wasn’t there.
A small flicker of disappointment stirred. Had he left without saying goodbye?
Just as the thought settled in, I spotted him and Karl heading back toward us, coffees in their hands. Caleb dropped down beside me again as the movie flickered to life on the giant white screen.
“Mama,” Lucas whispered in my ear while he munched on a cheesecake bite, “I like Caleb, and I think he likes me, too.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m sure he does, honey. Wait here while I talk with Donna for a minute.”
I skipped over to Donna and discreetly handed her the envelope containing the cheque I’d written out in her name. Donna’s tears brought unwanted attention, so I suggested a quick walk around the park to help calm her down.
“I’ll pay you back, I promise.” Donna hugged me and placed the envelope safely in her handbag. “I don’t know what we’d do if you hadn’t been able to help.”
The movie had begun by the time I sat back down next to Caleb, who had Lucas on his lap.
“Mama, it’s E.T., my favourite.”
Karl handed out popcorn, candy, and colas. And most of the children even stayed awake until the end of the film.
It was a perfect way to end the weekend. Perfect because it asked for nothing and promised everything.