Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
CHELSEY
I scarcely dared to breathe as our gazes caught and we both remained perfectly still. The roundness of Matt’s eyes showed that he’d been just as surprised by the sudden noise as I was, and he didn’t seem any more inclined to face an audience either.
I was tempted to try to pull up my jeans and underwear because if someone did come in, then at least I’d be fully covered.
It still wouldn’t look good that I was sneaking around with a player, but it wouldn’t be quite as damning as the current situation.
With my jeans around my calves and Matt standing before me, there was no way anyone would need to question what we were up to if they stumbled upon us.
Hand shaking, I started to reach down, but Matt shook his head.
“Wait,” he mouthed.
My hand dangled uselessly between my thighs. I wanted to ignore him just to be difficult but getting caught wouldn’t do either of us any good, so I tried not to notice how wide his shoulders were or think about how much he used to love being smothered between my thighs when he ate me out.
“Lewis?” The voice belonged to Assistant Coach Willet’s.
“Yeah?” This time it was Lewis, the physiotherapist, who I’d wrongly assumed had already left for the day.
“Do you mind coming upstairs with me for a moment?” Willets asked. “Murray has a question for you about Elliot’s shoulder.”
“Oh, sure.” The door handle jolted. Perhaps Lewis had released it. “Now?”
“If you don’t mind.”
Footsteps faded away, and I let out a breath.
Thank God.
I waited until I was sure they were out of earshot before whispering, “We need to get out of here.”
I yanked my jeans up, zipped them—the zipper grating unusually loudly in the silence—and fastened the button. When I looked up, Matt was rearranging his hair with his fingertips so that it didn’t have quite the same “just been fucked” vibe.
I pushed away from the wall and started toward the door, but Matt caught me by the arm and spun me toward him.
He gestured between us, his eyes searching mine. “What does this mean for us?”
A sliver of discomfort lodged in my chest. For the first time, it occurred to me that my heart might not be the only one on the line.
From the look in Matt’s eyes, his feelings were already involved, and I might not have the answer he wanted.
Sure, certain things had happened today, but I wasn’t ready for a relationship.
At least, not yet.
I wasn’t about to dismiss the possibility completely. Perhaps we could get to that point, but we weren’t there now.
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip. “I’m sorry.”
He inclined his head, as if he’d expected this. “There’s no rush.” He leaned forward and brushed a kiss across my lips. It was soft and undemanding. Utterly lovely. “Whatever happens will go at your pace.”
With that, he picked up his duffel bag, held it strategically over his crotch, and opened the door. He peered out, checked left and right, and then wandered out as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Meanwhile, I seemed to be made of nothing but worries.
I looked outside, checked that no one was paying attention to me, and walked around the edge of the rink toward the front entrance.
If they’d had free rein, my legs would have carried me out of there at a run, but I was glad I’d retained at least a modicum of sense.
If I sprinted for the exit, people would know that something had happened and they’d wonder what.
Once outside, I got into my car, locked the doors, and flopped against the headrest, finally allowing myself a moment to think and process all that had happened.
It had started with that goddamn hair.
I’d seen how wholeheartedly he’d embraced the cause and then how generous he’d been in donating his time for the auction and I’d needed to thank him.
I had no idea what had possessed me to kiss him on the cheek when I’d only expressed gratitude to the other players who’d participated with words and a smile, but for some reason, it felt necessary.
The kiss had flooded me with memories. For years, casual affection had been common between Matt and me, and the feel of his stubbled cheek under my lips had made me yearn for more.
When he’d asked to kiss me, I hadn’t been able to resist, but I’d never expected him to go down on me in the physiotherapist’s examination room.
I pressed my fingertips to my burning face. There was no taking this back now. I might have been able to ignore a simple kiss on the cheek. Perhaps even a relatively chaste kiss on the lips. But this?
There would be no pretending it didn’t happen.
My insides were all mixed up as I started the engine and drove home. I took it slowly, worried that I might miss an important traffic signal in my distraction, and was grateful when I arrived at my apartment in one piece.
After parking in the basement, I ordered sushi from my favorite place as I walked up to our apartment. When I entered, it was already warm and toasty, the heat having kicked on automatically an hour or so ago.
I considered throwing myself onto the sofa, but there was an edginess beneath my skin that I couldn’t dispel. Wondering if it might be the tight-fitting jeans, I changed into a pair of yoga pants and pulled a comfy sweater over my head, but it didn’t get rid of the agitation.
I grabbed my laptop and tried to distract myself by editing photos I’d taken over the past few months but hadn’t got around to looking at yet.
Fortunately, it wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door and the sushi was delivered.
As I unpacked it on the kitchen counter, I heard the door open.
“I’m home,” Layla called, strolling in with her purse in one hand and her phone in the other. She set her purse down on the counter and grinned as she spotted the sushi. “I hope you ordered enough for me too.”
“Of course. As if I’d get some for me and not for you.” Takeout was always better when shared with a friend. “I may have done something stupid.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Okay, let’s sit down with the food and you can tell me all about it.”
I served myself a dragon roll and added the rice and chicken teriyaki dish that Layla preferred to a plate, along with a pair of chopsticks. She insisted we use them even though neither of us was very adept.
We sat at the small, rectangular dining table and I poured each of us a glass of white wine to accompany the meal.
“So, what’d you do?” she asked.
I grimaced and bit into a piece of the roll, enjoying savory sauces and the spiciness of the chicken in the center. “Um, so. I might have kinda, sorta, had sex with Matt.”
Layla’s chopsticks clattered as she dropped them. “Excuse me, what?” She turned her ear toward me. “I can’t have heard that right, can I?”
I ducked my head and used my chopsticks to finish that piece of dragon roll. “I went to thank him for his help with the fundraiser, and when I did, I kissed his cheek, and then he kissed me, and then the next thing I knew, my pants were around my ankles.”
Layla arched an eyebrow. “You went all the way? At the stadium? I didn’t know you were that wild!”
I laughed awkwardly and looked anywhere but at her. “Uh, no. His pants stayed on. He just used his mouth.”
Her stare bored into the side of my face. “He went down on you at work.”
Somehow, it was both a statement and a question.
“Yes, that is…correct.”
“And then what happened?”
I jabbed a chopstick at her. “We were nearly caught.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, shit.”
“Luckily, we weren’t. He asked what it meant, I said I didn’t know, and then he left and I snuck out before anyone noticed, ordered too much sushi, and waited for you.”
“Okay.” She sipped her wine thoughtfully. “So, now that you’ve had a bit more time to think, how do you feel about it?”
I closed my eyes briefly. “I don’t know.”
“That’s fine,” she assured me.
We were quiet for a long moment, both of us eating our sushi as we contemplated my stupidity.
“I’m worried it was a mistake,” I said eventually. “I’m scared that if I let anything else happen, he’ll hurt me again.”
She nodded. “That’s fair. You have a legitimate reason to worry. He acted like a complete jerk once already.”
My shoulders eased, as if just the acknowledgment that I had a valid point lifted a little weight from them. When you’d been hurt before, it was hard to know what level of concern was normal and what was driven by irrational fear.
“He seems to really be trying,” I added, picking up another piece of the roll. “I want to be careful, but I don’t want to hurt him either. I don’t want to use him or give him false hope. I feel a little guilty that I didn’t, uh, reciprocate.”
She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t always have to be tit for tat, and you know it.”
I did, but the situation still felt unbalanced.
She lifted her wineglass and motioned at me. “He hurt you once, and I don’t want that to happen again. In fact, if it does, I might just have to hunt him down and give him the ass-kicking I should have delivered years ago.”
I paused, the roll hovering near my mouth. “I don’t want it to happen again either. Luckily, I’m smarter now.”
Right?
I continued eating but inwardly mulled over Matt’s recent behavior.
He’d been championing me to his teammates, and he’d defended me from at least a couple of pointed remarks.
Perhaps I was na?ve, but that didn’t seem like the actions of someone so averse to conflict that he was willing to allow me to be hurt.
But I’d trusted him once before, and he’d proven he was just like everyone else who’d chosen their own comfort over loyalty to me.
“It’s up to you,” Layla said, refilling her now empty wineglass. “If you want to give Matt a chance, that’s your choice, but you’d better be prepared for me to put him through his paces.”
I set my plate aside and hugged her. “I love you.”
“Love you too, boo.” She patted my back, then drew away. “Enough man drama. Tell me what’s going on at work.”
I laughed. “We don’t all get to date the perfect Sam. You have to expect a little drama.”
She grinned. “He is pretty perfect, isn’t he? Now I just need to convince him that he’d be better off taking you hiking than me.”
“Good luck.” Sam seemed determined to find something outdoorsy that Layla would enjoy.
“Anyway, I got the go-ahead from Stella to create a calendar of the guys with the shelter animals, which will be fun, and the documentary team is accompanying the team on their next away game, so I’ll be going too. ”
“Hmm.” She cocked her head. “Perhaps you could use that time to get a better feel for whatever is going on with Matt. You know, actually try to talk to him and get a sense of how he’s changed rather than avoiding him.
Not that I blame you for avoiding him, but if you’re considering your options, it might be a good idea to chat a little. ”
I nodded because she was right. “I’ll think about that, but in the meantime, I want to hear more about how things are going with Sam.”
We chatted for a while longer before migrating to the sofa, where I put on a hockey game—not one of the Chaos’s. We were ten minutes into the first period when my phone buzzed. Frowning, I checked the screen. It was a message from Matt.
Matt: I liked what we did today. I know you’re not sure about any of this, but I just wanted you to know that. It was amazing and I’m open to whatever you’re willing to give me.
I read and reread the message, unsure what to think of it. On the one hand, it was sweet. He made me want to take a chance on him.
But if I did, so much would be on the line. Not just my heart, but my job and my reputation in the industry too.
I had a lot to lose.