Chapter 3
Oakley
England. It was home, and it was hell. We’d landed two hours ago and made it past border control and grabbed our bags effortlessly, no queues anywhere.
Mum had hired a car since she’d sold hers before we’d left. I looked out of the window at the fluffy white clouds and bright sky. It was a beautiful day, but I felt a weight pressing down on my shoulders.
My breathing hitched as we turned towards our old street.
Jasper reached through from the back and squeezed my arm as Mum drove the rental to the turning for our old house.
“There are a lot of new houses,” Jasper said, trying to keep the conversation light and my mind off the past. Everything about this trip involved the past.
“Jenna mentioned that. The village is being expanded. They’re building a school, too, apparently. Mia’s hoping it’ll be open before Leona starts her reception year.”
Mum could speak about them so casually.
I’d seen a few photos of Leona that Mia had sent to Mum. She was this gorgeous little thing, big eyes and light brown hair, the image of Mia as a child. I wished I could’ve been in her life, too.
We passed the park where Cole and I hung out and the café we drank endless milkshakes in. Memories flashed before my eyes, hundreds of them, fast glimpses of Cole that made my heart ache. Each memory, good and bad, flooded my mind, threatening to wash me away with the tide.
“Oakley, you can say no if you want to,” Mum said.
“What? Say no to...” My eyes widened as I realised what she was asking. “Where are we going? Not to Ali’s?” I asked, trying not to show the panic in my voice.
“We’ve not seen them in almost four years. I’ve missed Jenna,” she whispered, heartbreak in her eyes. “But, if you don’t want to, we can do it another time. I’ll understand, of course. We’re fresh off the plane.”
I knew she didn’t intend to make me feel guilty, but that’s exactly what she’d done. It was my fault that she missed them, and the longing in her voice was the reason I found myself telling her, “No, it’s fine. I miss them, too.”
I could suck it up and let her see her friend again.
Cole had a job now so he would probably be at work. Mum said he’d gone home after uni to save for a house. We’d just need to leave before he got back.
It would be fine.
“Jenna wouldn’t be happy if we were in the area and didn’t call in, anyway,” I added.
“Thank you,” Mum said.
I held my breath as she turned the final bend, and his house was in front of me. Tears welled in my eyes, stinging behind my lids as I stared up at the pretty house framed with wildflowers around the perimeter.
Mum pulled onto the drive and cut the engine.
I was back. I’d been here a million times before, and I wanted nothing more than to go inside and smell the rosy scent of whatever cleaning products Jenna used.
“Are you sure?” Mum asked again, but it was too late to back out because the front door opened before we’d even reached it.
“Oh God, it’s really you!” Jenna said, gripping her heart. Her voice clear even from in here. “You’re here. All of you.”
Mum leapt from the car and ran forward. “Jenna!”
My brother and I got out, too. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we watched two best friends reuniting. Calls and emails hadn’t been enough. For the first time in years, I saw the tension leave Mum’s eyes.
Jenna hugged Jasper and me, too, and then ushered us inside, smiling so bright it fixed one of the cracks in my soul.
The warmth and smell of the house wrapped me in a hug that I hadn’t known I needed.
“I can’t believe this. What’s happening? When did you get back? How long are you here for?” she asked.
I stopped dead in the middle of their kitchen, blood draining from my face and turning me cold.
She didn’t know we were coming here. Not only here but to the UK.
In my peripheral, I saw Mum’s brows knit together. “Didn’t you get my email?”
Jenna waved her hand. “No, our Internet’s been down for a while now, and I refuse to get it on my phone. I’ve told David to fix it, but you know what he’s like. It’s so good to see you again.”
No, this wasn’t good.
“Oh,” Mum said, stealing a glance at me. “We’re staying at Ali’s during… you know.”
Jenna nodded. She did know, of course.
“You look lovely, Oakley. I like the highlights,” she said, touching my hair. It was almost down to my butt the last time she saw me. Now my hair sat just below my shoulder blades and had lighter streaks running through it.
I smiled, trying to hide the panic rising inside.
Why had no one thought about Cole?
“I’m proud of you for coming back.”
“Thanks… but you didn’t know,” I whispered.
Cole couldn’t see me for the first time like this. A surprise visit was the last thing he needed.
“You’re welcome here any–” Jenna stopped mid-sentence and looked over my shoulder. The smile slipped off her face.
No.
My heart skipped a beat. Then another. I sensed him, the hairs on my arms rose.
It was too late to leave.
Twisting my head, I came face to face with a frozen Cole.
The sight of him in his kitchen was so overwhelming, I thought my heart might actually explode.
His posture was tense, his muscles bunched tightly, and he stared at me like I was an apparition. Then he took a step back, and his eyes widened.
I couldn’t look away from him—from those bright blue eyes and those arms I was desperate to feel around me again.
My pulse thudded, pumping desire and heartbreak and longing through my veins. He was in front of me, and I could’ve fallen to my knees.
He hadn’t changed much at all. His hair was a similar style, brown and slightly longer on top than it used to be, but still shaved shorter on the sides. Purposefully messy.
Only now he had the hint of stubble over that strong jaw.
I wanted to leap into his arms, to hold him the way I used use. We were so in sync back then, knowing what each other wanted and needed.
My eyes slid from him to a girl I didn’t know, and I felt a chill slither up my spine.
No. He had a girlfriend.
Jasper touched my arm, and I jolted. Cole was in front of me… with his girlfriend. Pain like I’d never felt before sliced through my stomach like a dagger. God, I needed to get out of here… but the shock of seeing him kept me rooted to the spot. A cruel joke.
“This is awkward,” Jasper muttered under his breath. He sounded so far away as if I was floating off. “Oakley.”
The girl, who I unreasonably hated with every fibre of my being, clearly recognised me. She looked at me with wide eyes.
“Oh, my freakin’ God! Oakley!” Kerry screamed, pushing past both of them and flinging herself at me, wrapping me up in her iron grip. Ben stood behind her, looking between Cole and me.
“You’re really back! I can’t believe it. For how long? I missed you,” Kerry said.
I needed to get the hell out of here. I couldn’t breathe properly, couldn’t think straight, and I had no idea what to do. Seeing him was torture. If I got an introduction to the girlfriend, I wasn’t sure I could be civil and shake her hand.
Kerry continued squeezing the air from my lungs and, to be honest, I kind of hoped she’d knock me out.
What the hell were they all doing here at two in the afternoon?
“It’s good to see you, too,” I told her.
“Ooh, you have a sexy, husky voice.”
Blinking hard, I muttered, “Thanks.”
All the while, Kerry was acting as if nothing was awkward here, like I hadn’t just walked back into Cole’s life after moving halfway across the country.
Glancing over Kerry’s shoulder, I found Cole still in the same position, staring at me. Jasper and Mum gave him a hug, but his eyes never left mine, not for a second. I couldn’t force my gaze anywhere else, either.
“Oh, I’m being so rude. You haven’t met Chelsea yet. She’s our friend,” Kerry said.
Friend. Heavy on the emphasis. Did that mean she was just Cole’s friend, too? Must be or Kerry would’ve been more casual in her explanation.
“Hi,” I said, my voice like blades.
“Hey,” Chelsea replied, pressing her lips together.
My eyes drifted back to Cole, and I ached so bad I could cry. Every cell in my body wanted to be closer to him.
Jasper chuckled. “I wonder if it’s possible for this to get any more awkward.”
If I could’ve moved, I would’ve slapped him.
“Beach party, Jasper,” I hissed, regaining some of my composure. “Beach party.”
He took a step away from me, and I knew he wouldn’t be a dick again.
“What happened at the beach party?” Kerry asked.
“Nothing happened at the beach party,” Jasper snapped. “Now, come on, let’s leave Cole and Oakley to talk.”
Oh, God.
And to think I’ve gone almost twenty years without having any real murderous thoughts about my brother.
“Sure. I want to see your mum, anyway,” Kerry said as she ushered them all into the living room, giving us a double take as they went.
I hadn’t even noticed that Mum and Jenna had already retreated.
We stood in the empty kitchen with the irritating tick of the clock adding up every uncomfortable second.
There was so much I wanted to say. So much he probably needed to hear.
I bet he had a lot of questions, but my head was full of nothing.
Literally nothing. I couldn’t think of a single thing that didn’t sound like absolutely crap.
There were no words I could think of that sounded good enough or conveyed everything I felt.
How sorry I was. How deeply I’d missed him.
But how long could we stand and look at each other like we wanted to run… argue… kiss? I wasn’t sure which order we’d do those things in, either.
His sharp eyes swam with shock and uncertainty as he watched me like a hawk. I got the impression that he was still trying to figure out if I was really here.
I chewed the inside of my cheek as I desperately tried to think of something to say. I’d even have settled for something witty.
Cole wasn’t going to talk first. I wasn’t sure he was even present yet. He’d not moved since he first saw me, trapped in… whatever was going on in his mind.