Chapter 13
Oakley
Aweek had passed since Cole and I had slept together, and we’d become inseparable. If he wasn’t at work, we were together. I loved every second of getting to know who he was now… and getting to relearn everything that drove him wild in bed.
My eyes fluttered open, and the first thing I saw was Cole sleeping beside me. The cover was pulled down, revealing his naked chest. I touched my lips where he’d spent the best part of the night kissing me.
I was in his bed this time.
There was nothing holding us back anymore. No one was surprised to see us back on… and no one addressed the Australia issue. I wanted to forget it because I had him back.
I didn’t know what we were doing—I was just enjoying every second of it.
Cole stirred beside me, rubbing his eyes as he woke. I watched him with a contentment in my heart as he reached out and stroked my cheek. Touching me was the first thing he did every morning, like he was checking that I was real. I could barely keep my hands off him.
“Good morning,” I whispered, closing my eyes at the feel of his fingertips gently gliding across my jaw. Every place he touched burned in the most delicious way.
“Morning.” He kissed me softly. “I love waking up to you like this.”
I sighed and pressed my head into his shoulder, breathing him in. “Me, too.”
“If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad at me?”
“Are you going to ask how I’m feeling because I’m in court today?”
He cleared his throat. “Yes.”
I’d done a stellar job of ignoring that, too.
“Then, don’t ask because I’ll get mad.”
On a sigh, he sat up. “All right. I have a message from Jasper. He’s ranting that there are posts on Facebook.”
I didn’t use social media because it was toxic as hell, but Jasper ranted every now and again that details of what our dad had done were being shared. I wanted to avoid that.
trial of local man in sick pedophile ring
pedophile let friend abuse own daughter
family man found with thousands of child pornography images
My stomach burned as I scanned the headlines. I wanted to scream at them. It was so fucking frustrating! Nothing involving children was porn. It was abuse.
Yeah, I didn’t want to see people I knew sharing shit like that online. Because they would. Because they knew my dad, and they knew me. I didn’t want to see a shared post with a caption: I can’t believe I lived near him!
Mum had been contacted for a statement before. I had, too, and it was only a matter of time before it started again.
“I don’t want to hear about it,” I finally said, turning away.
He frowned. “They’re supportive posts… but they’re still there.”
“Cole. I don’t want to know!”
His eyes slid over me like he was trying to figure me out. I hated to make him worry, but I couldn’t look at that stuff.
I took a breath. Don’t take it out on him. “I’m sorry. Hey.” He took my hand when I held it out. “I love that you care. You’re what’s keeping me sane, you always have been. I’ll try to keep myself in check.”
“No, don’t keep yourself in check. Shout and scream if you need to, but don’t hold back on me.”
“I don’t want to be a bitch to you.”
“If you’re going to be a bitch to anyone, I want it to be me.”
I almost laughed. “That’s ridiculous. Why would you want that?”
“I’m a masochist, and I want everything you have to give,” he replied, grinning.
“You should see someone about that.”
“Probably.”
“Fancy sharing a shower with me?”
His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Fuck, yeah.”
I’d lost myself to Cole in the shower. He was very thorough in his bid to make me forget everything for a while. When we got out, my body had ditched the tension I’d been holding in my muscles.
But now it was time to face reality.
Mum, Jasper, Ali, and Lizzie were sitting on the sofa in Cole’s lounge when we made it downstairs. The temperature had dropped several thousand degrees.
How long had they been there? I’d not even heard their voices.
They all looked up at the same time, giving me the same forced smile.
“How are you holding up?” Mum asked, jiggling her foot.
I wrung my hands together, trying to squeeze out the nerves. “Okay. You?”
She nodded. “Okay. Nan and Granddad are meeting us there. They said to say hello and good luck.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that… and neither did they, clearly. Did you wish someone who was about to face their abuser good luck? I wasn’t sure, but it made me smile to know that I had their support.
I wasn’t sure if Dad’s parents would be there or not. I’d understand if they didn’t come. No one wanted to hear what a monster their own child had turned out to be, but they weren’t responsible. They’d disowned him, but it still must be devastating.
We’d only heard from them a handful of times, and that was still more than we had before I had spoken up.
Ali stood and hugged me, her arms rigid. “My beautiful, brave niece. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Ali,” I rasped.
“Are we ready to go?” Jenna asked, sounding like she wanted to go anywhere else.
Cole held my hand to the car, opened the door for me, and took my hand again when he got in.
The drive was silent, apart from the muted hum of the radio. I was in the car with David, Jenna, and Cole. Mum, Ali, Lizzie, and Jasper were behind.
I watched out of the window, noticing landmarks that lead to the courthouse. Each one heightened my nerves.
David parked the car, and Cole squeezed my hand.
“Feeling okay?” he asked.
Nope.
“Oakley?”
“Yeah,” I said, sliding my gaze from the red double doors of the courtroom to him. “I’m feeling okay… brave, I think.”
“You’re the bravest person I have ever me. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
Only, he wouldn’t. On the stand, I would be alone.
But it was fine. I’d prepared for this. Linda and I had been through it multiple times. I knew what to expect.
We got out of the car and Cole jogged to my side. It was such a gorgeous day, bright sunshine, and warm temperatures. I couldn’t believe I was here, having to face my father.
“Hold on for as long as you can,” I told him as reached for my hand.
His eyes pierced through me, searching for something that my mind was too muddled to see. I didn’t know what he needed. My focus was on what I was about to do, that was all I had the capacity for.
I had to keep my voice clear, answer honestly, give my account, make some eye contact with the jury, but not too much—what was too much?—ask for a break if I needed it.
“There are reporters, Oakley, but stay close. We’ll surround you,” David said, his shoulders squaring. He patted Cole’s shoulder. “You’ve got her?”
Cole nodded at his dad, suddenly looking nervous… or sick. His face was white. Jasper’s, too. They didn’t want to do this, either.
“Don’t react in there,” Mum said to Jasper and Cole.
“Leave if we need to—I remember,” Jasper said through gritted teeth. “I’m not giving that bastard the satisfaction.”
I looked across the carpark and was shocked to see so many reporters there, all waiting to snap a picture. My lungs deflated at the thought of being another news story.
“We’re not going through the front, remember,” David added, sensing my dread.
“Okay,” I murmured, not trusting my voice.
Shit, I don’t know if I can do this.
Yes, you can.
I forced my feet to move, and we all headed around the side of the building, unnoticed. All I’d done was walk to the damn court and my overheating body was ready to pass out.
Someone—I couldn’t remember who—held the door open, and we were inside. All I could concentrate on was walking forward. Each step was like climbing a mountain.
A corridor led towards the foyer where security officers were preventing the press from entering.
I looked around at the wooden panelled walls and cold tile floor.
It smelt faintly like furniture polish and fear.
My fear. It was growing, morphing into a physical being.
I could feel it tightening around my neck.
I leant against the window and focused on breathing, my stomach tying in knots, trying to convince me I couldn’t do this.
I had to do this. For the little girl inside me who was still scared and still trying to figure out why.
“You don’t have to do this in person,” Cole whispered in my ear. “Remember, you can still video link from here.”
“No. I’m ready.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he nodded, supporting my decision.
I thought I was ready. As much as I wanted to run away and hide from this, I was not backing down. That little girl inside me, and all the other ones, demanded to be heard. We deserved to be heard and believed.
“Where’s Linda?” I asked as metallic bile hit the back of my throat. I was going to kick myself if I threw up.
Get it the hell together.
“She’s coming,” Mum said, squeezing my forearm.
“Oakley?” Linda called, striding towards us in an expensive, grey suit. “Are you ready?”
No, not at all. Nodding in a daze, I flattened my jacket and turned to her, putting everyone else in the background. “I am.”
“Would you like a minute with your family?”
“No, I need to just do this.”
“Oakley?” Jasper and Cole called at the same time.
“See you in a bit,” I told them, and followed Linda.
I didn’t want any last hugs or words of encouragement. I’d clad my wall in steel and didn’t need to let in any emotion. At least that was the plan.
I forced myself to keep moving me forward, ignoring the anxiety clawing at my stomach, trying to rip me to shreds.
Linda took me to a small room that had a few chairs and a dark wooden coffee table in it. “This is where we’ll come if you need a break. Remember, you can have one whenever you need it. If it gets to be too much, please tell me, okay?”
“I will,” I whispered.
It was already too much. I was in the same building as my dad for the first time since I spoke out.
Someone opened the door. I didn’t look up, but I saw Linda nod and knew that was our cue. Bile rushed up my throat.
Oh God.
Linda smiled reassuringly. “I believe in you, Oakley, and I’ll be there the whole time.”
I followed her out and towards a door that said COURTROOM 1 on a little plaque screwed to the wood.
I stepped inside, and my hands started to tremble.
I was on my own now. My family, Cole, Jenna, David, and Mia were all sitting in the public gallery somewhere. I wanted Mum with me. Suddenly, I really wanted my mum, but I had to be strong and do this myself.
I immediately scanned the rows of seats in the public gallery. Finally, I found Mum, Jasper, and Cole sitting at the end, closest to where I would be. I drew strength from their reassuring smiles.
“Are you okay?” Linda whispered.
I nodded once in response, my voice not working. That needed to change. They weren’t stealing it again.
My eyes drifted further around the room. Dad’s lawyers were sitting at a table with open laptops and pages of notes, ready to take me down.
My chest twisted in anger as I stared them down, trying not to appear as scared as I felt.
It was now or never.
Sucking in a deep breath, I turned my head, and I looked straight at my dad. He was staring ahead, his dark hair now peppered with grey. He’d put on about ten pounds and had lines around his empty eyes. He’d aged about ten years within four.
I physically couldn’t get enough oxygen in, and my lungs quickly began to sting. Someone was talking to me, but I couldn’t focus. The only noise I could hear was the blood in my ears.
A copy of the Bible was shoved in front of me. I knew what I had to do here. Raising my hand, I placed my palm gently on the worn book. Linda had gone through the process, so I knew what was being said to me, but I couldn’t hear a word of it.
Everything was muffled. The only sound that I could hear clearly was my racing pulse.
“I swear by almighty God that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,” I said, and took a deep breath.
Did I get that right? Did I talk at all?
In my peripheral, I saw Dad’s head turn to me, and my blood turned to ice.
Do it. Look at him.
Very slowly, I raised my eyes and met his stare head on. I gasped, but for nothing, and my lungs burst into flames—the world flipping upside down.
White dots danced in front of my face like a swarm of bees, and my fingertips tingled. My lungs were empty, and my eyes widened as I realised that I couldn’t breathe.
I thought my name was being called, but I might’ve imagined it.
I reached for something to grasp, but my hand was limp, and then everything went black.