Chapter 16 #2
It was not my fault. It was not those other girls’ fault. It was his.
Even if the jury didn’t believe me, I’d just stood up to my father.
“And was Mr Farrell present every time this abuse took place?”
“Yes. Sometimes in the next room if we were in a caravan, but always there.”
“Did he ever say anything to you?”
“No. He’d occasionally snap and tell me to do as Frank said, but after a while, I’d learnt that he wasn’t going to help, so I just did what I was told to do.”
Linda lowered her head, and I thought she was telling me not to elaborate too much. I bit my lip.
Did I mess up?
“Miss Farrell, why did it take you so long to come forward?”
It must have seemed odd to people that I hadn’t spoken out earlier, but I knew this was nothing unusual for someone who’d suffered abuse.
I swallowed what felt like lead. “I was scared. Scared for my family and scared for myself… and I wanted him to change. I hoped he would change.”
A tear slid down my cheek, and I made no attempt to wipe it away this time. Admitting that was hard. After everything he had done, it was hard to admit that I had still wanted him to be my dad.
“And what changed your mind?”
“I realised it hadn’t stopped. When I was thirteen, he promised me it had, but three years later, he said he was taking me away on a trip to make up for what had happened.
I believed that he wanted to make things right and move on.
When Frank turned up, I understood then that nothing had changed, and there was no hope for my dad.
I couldn’t go through all of that again. I just couldn’t.”
Linda turned to the judge. “No further questions, Your Honour.”
The judge had called for a break as I’d stepped out of the witness box.
As soon as I was outside the room, a rush of oxygen filled my lungs. I closed my eyes and concentrated on relaxing my body, which was knotted with tension.
Leaning against the wall, I placed my palms on the wood to steady myself.
“You did great, Oakley,” Linda said softly, touching my back. “I think your family is waiting for us outside. We’ll go out the side way again when you’re ready.” She squeezed the top of my arm and smiled. “You really did do well. You should be proud of yourself.”
“Thank you. Let’s go meet them,” I said, turning to her and dropping my grip of the wall.
I followed Linda into the hallway. Mum, Jasper, Ali, Lizzie, and my grandparents were waiting for me. Where’s Cole? Even his parents and Mia were here.
It was Mum who spotted me first.
She gasped and ran the few steps to me. “Oh, sweetheart.” She grabbed me and with tears in her eyes and pulled me into a tight hug. “You were amazing, darling. I’m so proud of you.”
“I don’t feel amazing. Not completely,” I told her, clenching my trembling hands around her back.
It was an odd feeling, really. Something I shouldn’t have ever had to experience.
Jasper hugged me next. I sank into my brother’s embrace, safe and protected. But it was Cole I needed.
“You’re okay now,” Jasper whispered in my ear, holding me a fraction too tight.
I was—almost. There was still Frank’s trial to go, but for now, I had half the weight gone from my shoulders.
More than half maybe. I’d broken free of the silence Dad had imprisoned me in and told them everything he’d warned me against repeating.
“Are you okay? You hadn’t heard everything,” I asked as he let me go.
He sucked in a breath through his teeth. “You experienced it.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t be affected.”
“Of course, I’m affected. But you look like a super badass bitch ready to take on the world. If speaking that gave you strength, then I’m glad I was around to witness it, as hard as it was to hear. Still want to slaughter them both.”
“Awful American accent on ‘ass’ then, by the way. But thank you.”
“Ready to get out of here?” Jasper asked. “Because I sure am.”
“Definitely. Where’s Cole?”
“He’s outside. He needed some air,” Mum said.
My heart stuttered. He needed air? That meant he was freaking out. I should have told him everything before. It must’ve been a lot.
“We’ll go see him now.” Mum put her arm around my back as we walked to the exit.
Linda went out the front so the press would think I would be following, and hopefully, that would give us enough time to get out.
Ali pushed the door open. It was only when my attention was on her that I saw how red her eyes were. Everyone instinctively moved closer to me in case there was any press lurking at the exit. That was when I saw him.
Cole was leaning against the brick wall, face pale, eyes like he’d been through years of torment.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I pushed past everyone that was in between us. He looked up and shoved himself away from the wall, taking long strides towards me. Within seconds of us catching sight of each other, I was in his arms, breathing him in.
“Cole,” I whispered.
I finally cracked, my breath hitching, and a few tears escaped.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” he mumbled into my hair and sniffed.
God, please don’t cry.
“For what?” I whispered, trying to hold back. I didn’t want to break down outside court.
“For letting that happen to you. I should have known. I should have stopped it.”
I pulled back from him a few inches, enough to look directly into his eyes. He wiped my tears, and I wiped one of his.
“Don’t. None of it was your fault. Cole, you were just a child yourself.”
“He took pictures of you.”
I thought he knew that. “Yes, but it’s going to be okay now.”
“Okay?” he repeated.
“It has to be. I survived it. I’m the one who has a future.”
He shook his head, staring at me with such intensity that it made me self-conscious. Like he saw too much. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how you can be so calm. I want to kill them both.”
“Can we go now?” I asked.
“Of course, we can.” He kissed my lips. “I have questions I don’t know if you’ll want to answer. I don’t even know if I want the answers to them.”
“I’ll answer whatever you want to know, but right now, I just want to get back to Ali’s. Please, don’t let them get inside your head. Fuck ’em.”
The ghost of a smile touched his lips. “‘Fuck ’em?’ Wow, that was so un-Oakley.”
I laughed. “But it made you smile.”
“Oakley, Oakley!” My name was being screamed by a number of different people I didn’t know. The press, men and women dressed in suits, holding microphones, and being followed by camera men, ran towards us like a stampede.
“Fuck, no!” Cole snapped.
Before I could blink, I was being ushered away, my family and Cole getting me into a car and away from them. David opened the door to let us in before running to his car. Cole slammed the door behind us.
“Go,” Mum barked at Jasper.
He slammed his foot on the accelerator and raced from the car park.
“Easy, Jasper,” Mum said after we’d sped out of there like a bat out of hell. “We want to get back in one piece.”
I double checked my seatbelt was on.
“I just want to get her away from that. Anyway, you were the one who ordered me to go!”
“Well, I meant, go, but go responsibly.”
I laid my head on Cole’s shoulder and smiled at how normal and petty their argument was. Under Mum’s revised instructions, Jasper drove responsibly, and we arrived home twenty minutes later.
“I’m going to lie down for a bit,” I said as Ali let us inside, arriving in her car with Lizzie at the same time. Lizzie must’ve been told to keep up with us.
No one argued. I think we all needed a bit of time, to go off and do whatever made us feel better.
Miles appeared from the living room and wrapped Mum in a hug. He hadn’t come today at Mum’s request, so Ali had told him he could stay in the house for when we arrived back. It would be better than him spending all day in his hotel room.
I climbed straight into my futon bed and pulled the cover over me, needing to hide from everything for a while. My makeup and smart clothes were still on, but I simply didn’t care.
I rolled into a ball and felt the raw and mixed emotions of the day bubble over. I pressed my face into the pillow and cried.
“Oakley?” Cole said. I felt him lay down beside me, but I couldn’t move. I gripped the pillow harder, my fingers nearly meeting my palm through the stuffing.
The bed dipped, springs creaking, and the covers shifted as he got under.
His warmth and strength poured into me. I rolled over and snuggled into him, clinging to his body rather than the bedding.
I felt his hot breath on the top of my head as he kissed me there. His grip on me was just as needy, both of us holding on for what felt like life.
“Don’t cry,” he pleaded, his voice breaking.
“Do you want to ask me questions?” I whispered a moment later when I was able to.
“Shh, not now. Just let me hold you, baby.”
I closed my eyes, letting myself cry for everything I’d been through, and I eventually fell asleep.