Chapter 20
Oakley
Ididn’t want the weekend to end. Not only because Cole and I needed more time, but because Dad was being sentenced today.
I’d stayed at Cole’s again last night and we were still using sex as a way to ignore the elephant in the room.
Right now, I was sitting on the living room floor playing Polly Pockets with Leona. I’d had some of them when I was little, but I had no clue where they were now. We’d gotten rid of most of our things when we left England, but some childhood stuff was in Ali’s loft.
Cole was on the sofa watching us. He was smiling but there was a lot of tension in his stiff shoulders. I think we all felt a bit tense.
“Would you like tea?” Leona said, shoving a tiny figure in my face. “Look, Oaley, her hair is like yours.”
“Oh, yeah. But I don’t have a pretty pink dress like hers.”
“You have princess hair.”
“So do you. We should get matching crowns and make your uncle Cole bring us snacks and drinks.”
Her face lit up, mouth popping open. “Un–”
“No,” Cole said, cutting Leona off and playfully scowling at me.
“Are you two ready?” Jenna asked, fiddling with her earrings. “Your Mum’s just arrived.”
I put the toy down and looked at Cole. He stood, offering me his hand.
“It’s not fair,” Leona protested.
“I’ll play with you, sweetheart,” Jenna said. “I’m sorry I can’t be there.”
I waved my hand. “Don’t be, I understand. We’ll call you when we get out.”
David and Mia had to work and since it wasn’t a nursery day for Leona, Jenna had to watch her. I didn’t want everyone to rearrange their life for me. They were plenty supportive without being constantly beside me.
“See you later, Leona,” I said.
Cole dropped a kiss to the top of her head, and then we went to get in the car.
By the time we arrived at the courthouse, I’d bitten my nails down to the quick.
Cole had his hands on my hips as we entered the public gallery, walking behind me.
“I can’t wait to see him go down,” Jasper said, taking a seat next to Mum and a stranger.
Cole and I sat beside them. I held his hand and Mum’s as we waited.
Please give him the maximum.
Nothing less than that would do. He had to be behind bars where he could never hurt another child again. My gaze drifted to the woman he’d abused when she was little.
With tears in her eyes, she watched the judge address the room. I wasn’t sure if she was breathing, and I wanted to reach out to her. She didn’t look my way, though, so I wouldn’t bother her.
Dad seemed older and smaller still, like every day inside was aging him by years. He stood with his shoulders hunched over as he looked at the floor, knowing he’d lost. Seeing that frail man in front of me, I couldn’t believe I had ever been afraid of him.
But appearances were deceptive.
If I could have spoken, I might’ve shouted out. They’d remove me from the courtroom, but so what. It wouldn’t have any bearing on the sentence now.
The judge stood up in what felt like slow motion, and I tried not to faint, my head dizzy.
When the judge opened her mouth, I closed my eyes.
Please.
Please.
“Gross abuse of trust,” and, “danger to young children,” were the only things I could pick out through the whooshing of my pulse in my ears.
My eyes flew open. Shit. I couldn’t hear, but I could lip read.
Mum sucked her breath through her teeth and gripped my hand so hard, my knuckles screamed, grinding against each other.
What?
The courtroom burst into life, but I hadn’t heard what the sentence was.
I missed it!
I looked around frantically, sitting straighter.
Was someone talking?
“Oakley,” Jasper said, leaning across Mum.
Jolting, I turned to him. “W-what?”
“Breathe!”
That was the problem. I sucked in a breath that unblocked my ears, the sudden burst of oxygen adding to the dizzy spell.
“Are you having another panic attack?” he asked.
“Babe, are you okay?” Cole stroked my hand.
“I’m fine. What happened? I didn’t hear!”
Mum sobbed and smiled. “Life, Oakley. Life. He will never hurt anyone again.”
My jaw went slack. My father had just received a life sentence.
Dazed, I slumped into Mum’s arms, and she hugged me like she was afraid.
How would he cope in prison? Why did I even care? I didn’t. I hoped he hated every second. I hoped he was as scared a I was.
I pulled back from Mum and looked down at him again, a slither of satisfaction settling in my stomach as his eyes rounded in shock.
He was petrified.
Him.
It filled something inside me—soothed a part of me I thought could never be healed.
As he was being led away to start serving his sentence, he looked up. Our eyes met, and there was nothing. No remorse.
I gritted my teeth. My heart thumped at a hundred miles an hour, and I wanted to run, but I held his gaze, refusing to back down.
Fuck. You.
Mum and Jasper both put their arms around me. The last image he would have of his family would be of us standing strong together, watching him being hauled away.
Goodbye, Dad. I hope you spend the rest of your life afraid.
“Honey?” Mum whispered.
“It’s okay now, Mum,” I whispered back. “We’re going to be okay.”
“Of course, we are. I love you. Let’s get out of here. I need to take you home.”
I nodded, reaching out to take Cole’s outstretched hand. “I’m ready to go.” This wasn’t the last time I’d have to be here, but I still wanted to get the hell out.
“I knew that prick was going down,” Jasper said, throwing his arm around my shoulder as we left the courthouse. “Did you see his face? I wish I’d taken a picture.”
“Jasper…” I arched my brow at him. “It’s okay to feel shitty about it as well as relieved.”
“Just relief here, baby sis. Fuck him.”
“Language, Jasper,” Mum scolded. She had tears in her eyes, but they weren’t for her ex-husband.
“I’ll drive,” Cole said.
He’d been pretty quiet, and I knew he held a lot in. I hated that he suffered while trying to protect me. I had to make that right.
Back at Ali’s, I went up to Lizzie’s room for a few minutes to clear my head. Or to change, as I’d told the others.
Downstairs, a celebration had started, and I got it. It was a fresh start. Time to start putting it behind us.
Only shit like that followed you… even if you moved halfway around the world.
I sat on the futon and tried to rifle through a list of emotions. What was I feeling? Letting him go felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had a dad, but that was good because I no longer had an evil one.
I was happy that it was over, glad that he was gone, but… sad. I wished that things could’ve been different.
Cole pushed the door open. “Hey,” he said. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
Crouching down between my knees, he pulled a little red velvet bag out of his pocket. “Open your hand.”
“Okay,” I replied, turning my palm over.
He tipped the bag over, and a small, egg-shaped, orange-red gemstone fell into my hand. A black lace was threaded through a hole cut into the top, creating a necklace. “Fire agate,” he said.
“Um… fire what?”
“Agate.” He smirked. “Energy, warmth, strength, and courage. You have so much already, but I know you struggle sometimes. Mia got into crystals.”
My heart swelled as I ran my thumb over the smooth stone. I definitely could do with a little more of all of those. “Thank you. It’s perfect.” I leant over and kissed him. “Did you choose this yourself?”
“Well, I wanted to get you something, but it was Mia who suggested a stone. Shall I?”
Nodding, I handed him the necklace and pulled my hair out of the way. With it hanging around my neck, I felt strength sink into my skin. I knew it was all in my head, but that didn’t matter.
“How’s it going down there?”
“Jasper’s drunk already, downed six shots back-to-back. Your mum and Miles are on the sofa. I think she’s… I don’t know, flitting between a lot of emotions.”
“I should go to her.”
“I think Miles is who she needs right now, babe,” he said softly.
“Because she needs to be strong when she’s with me?”
He nodded. “Everyone’s doing okay, don’t worry about them.”
“My brother is drunk thirty minutes after we get in and I shouldn’t worry.”
“Mia’s got it. Chris has Leona, he’s keeping her overnight, so Mia’s doing shots with Jasper. I think she’ll slow it down soon and get him on the coffee. Now,” he said, curling his arms around my back, still on his knees in front of me. “Tell me what you need.”
“I’m actually doing okay. Not so sure on the emotion thing, a bit like Mum, I guess. There’s a lot.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Oh, now you want to talk,” I said, teasing and trying out keeping things light.
“Wow, you’re laying that on me now.”
“We could always just have sex.”
He tilted his head. “All right, talk to me, baby. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”
“What if I’m feeling everything and it changes so fast, I can’t pick one out. Happy, sad, relieved, devastated, overwhelmed, angry. Over and over, ever changing, on repeat. Am I even making sense?”
“You are, and I think that’s pretty normal.”
“I hate him.”
“You’re not alone there.”
“He won’t ever get better. You can’t stop… liking that stuff.”
He frowns. “No, he won’t get better.”
“I don’t think I’d cry if he was killed in there.”
“Wouldn’t blame you.”
“Cole?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Will you come downstairs with me?”
“You know I will,” he said, standing up and pulling me with him.
We went to the living room, and I sat on the carpet between Cole and a glassy-eyed Jasper. There was a space on the sofa near Ali and Miles, but that was for Mum.
Cole said she was there.
“Where did Mum go?” I asked. “Kitchen?”
Jasper’s eyes flicked to the floor. “Just on the phone.”
“On the phone with who?”
He shrugged. His vacant, tipsy eyes wouldn’t look at me.
“Jasper?”
“Linda, okay? She’s on the phone with Linda.”
“Why?”
“Don’t freak. It’s probably nothing,” Jasper said, waving his hand and slurring his words. “You did it, Oaks. Sent that wanker down.”
I looked around the room, and the temperature dropped. “If it’s nothing, why are you all acting weird?”
“We didn’t want you to worry,” Cole said.
“You knew when you came upstairs?”
He sighed. “It’s fine.”
“How? We don’t know what’s happening!”
Why wouldn’t Linda call me?
Mum walked into the room, clutching the phone to her chest.
“What?” I asked.
“You don’t have to go through it again,” she said, almost stumbling over her words. “Frank’s changed his plea to guilty. He’s admitted to everything.”
Shock slammed into my chest. “What? You’re sure? It’s over?”
“It’s over. He’ll be sentenced. No trial.”
“But that’s why he’s doing it,” I said, sitting up on my knees as it slotted into place. “He’s learning from Dad’s mistakes, trying to get a more lenient sentence by owning up.”
“Shh, baby, it’s okay. This is good. You don’t have to give evidence.” Cole looked more relieved than me about that. He wouldn’t have to hear the details again.
“Good,” Jasper said. His voice was as hard as his posture but still slurred. “He can fucking rot, too.”
“Right. What happens next?” I asked, sinking back to the floor.
“Linda said she’ll let us know when sentencing is.”
“Okay.”
Today was entirely too much. I needed about twelve hours of sleep.
I looked over at Cole, ready to admit that I was a little disappointed I wouldn’t get to look Frank in the eyes. I wanted to take him down, too, but Cole looked so relieved.
So, I bit my tongue and held it inside.
The people I loved didn’t need to hear that again. Not ever. Cole had heard what my dad had watched and allowed, but he hadn’t had to hear what it all had felt like, how painful and sickening it was. My family and he would be spared that at least. It would die in my head.