Chapter 8 #2
I stared at them for a long moment, and then I called Alex. “I need your help. Meet me at my apartment ASAP.”
Alex drove me to the Evans’ mansion in Point Grey. When we arrived, I left the bags of money there with a note for Eleanor.
Eleanor,
Thanks, but no thanks.
I never wanted your family’s money.
Not before… not now… never.
Nyah
Alex recorded everything so I would have proof if Eleanor ever tried to use the situation against me. I also kept photos of the letter I had written to Caleb at the hospital and the note I had left with the money.
No precaution was unnecessary.
Now, as I filled out the registration form in the maternity reception area of the hospital, I noticed the women around me. Many of them were at different stages of their pregnancies, and most of them had their husbands or partners sitting beside them.
My heart ached.
I wished Caleb were there with me. He would have been supportive. He would have been caring. He would have been over the moon with excitement. If he only knew.
I often wondered if he would come back to me if I told him that I was carrying his child. The thought tempted me more times than I cared to admit.
Then I asked myself another question. Did I want him back that way? Did I want to use our baby so he would feel compelled to return to me?
The guilt of denying him the right to know about his child weighed heavily on my heart. Still, I believed it was the right decision despite the doubts that persisted.
Even though this baby had been conceived in love, the betrayal from Caleb and the painful emotions attached to it would never disappear completely.
Growing up without parents of my own often made me question whether I was doing the right thing for Lucas and for my unborn daughter.
Everything I had read online suggested that Caleb had moved on with his life.
It was time for me to move on with mine.
I blinked rapidly, pushing back the tears that were forming.
A nurse called my name shortly after, and I was escorted into the doctor’s office.
Dr. Jean entered the room moments later and greeted us in a cheerful tone. “Good afternoon, how are we today?” She handed a lolly to Lucas, and he smiled brightly at her. She then sat down behind her desk and tucked her short brown hair behind her ear as she looked at the computer screen.
“Great, thank you. How are you?” I replied politely.
“I’m good. Thanks for asking. Busy like always,” she said with a smile. “So, this is your second baby?” She browsed through the file before noticing the note stating that Lucas was my first child, but that he had been adopted. She quickly apologized.
I looked at Lucas sitting beside me and remembered the day I told him he was adopted.
We had been watching Stuart Little when the subject came up.
“So you adopted me, Mama?” he asked from the couch, eating fruit.
“Yes, honey,” I said gently. “How do you feel about that?”
He grew quiet while I watched him carefully, trying to read his reaction. Then he set his bowl on the table, walked over, and wrapped his arms around me.
“Thank you,” he said. “You’re the best Mama I could’ve ever had. I wouldn’t want anyone else.”
Relief rushed through me as I held him tightly.
“I love you, Lucas,” I whispered, kissing his cheek. “You were, are, and always will be my son. Remember that.”
“Always, Mama.”
I looked at Lucas beside me now, his eyes sparkling with excitement. He could barely sit still, knowing we were about to see his baby sister at the doctor’s office.
“Shall we get started?” Dr. Jean asked.
I nodded.
“You can ask as many questions as you like,” she continued.
“We have a lot of help here for first pregnancies, the do’s and don’ts, and I can also give you some pamphlets.
We also have two wonderful ladies who are RNs who specialize in helping women through their pregnancies and transitioning into parenthood. ”
I nodded while biting my lip.
I wished someone were there with me.
I wished my mother were there.
She would have taken care of me and cooked my favourite meals. She would have shared advice about pregnancy cravings and held my hand during moments like this.
Closing my eyes briefly, I imagined Caleb standing beside me.
If I had not caught him with Caroline, he would probably have been overjoyed about this pregnancy. I imagined him standing beside me eagerly, watching the ultrasound of our daughter. We would have held hands as we watched the life we created together moving on the screen.
He would have taken care of me.
He would have protected me.
He would have made sure that nothing and no one could harm me.
I had imagined all of this and so much more.
Swallowing hard, I forced myself to focus again and listened carefully as the doctor continued giving her advice.
“We also hold free Lamaze classes here at the hospital on the second floor next to the nursery, but you won’t need that for another two months,” she explained.
Taking care of a baby was not what frightened me. I had already done that with Lucas. What terrified me was the labour.
I was alone in this.
Even though I had Lucas and Oreo, the thought of facing childbirth without a partner beside me made my heart sink.
After the ultrasound, Dr. Jean handed me printouts of the sonogram and asked me to complete several tests. She wanted to check the fundal height, my vitals, and conduct a triple screen test to ensure the baby had no abnormalities.
I silently prayed that everything would come back normal.
Thankfully, all the results were fine.
With the reports in my hand, the doctor explained the schedule of future visits and when I needed to come back. I stopped by the pharmacy afterward to pick up prenatal vitamins as she recommended.
On the way home, I also bought a few pregnancy books from the bookstore along with some colouring books for Lucas.
That night, I sat quietly staring at the sonogram in my hands. I held the small image close to my heart. Then I reached under my pillow and took out the picture of Caleb. Holding the sonogram beside his photo, I imagined him sitting there with me.
“A baby girl,” I whispered. “Your baby girl.” Emma.
With tears slowly rolling down my cheeks onto my pillow, I drifted into a peaceful sleep.