Chapter 31
JIYA
Aweek later, I woke up sweating. My heart hammered violently in my chest as if it were trying to escape my ribcage.
A dream had jolted me awake so suddenly that for a few seconds I couldn’t even remember where I was.
I stared up at the ceiling, my breathing uneven, my body still trapped in the shadow of the nightmare.
In the dream, a black raven had been flying around me in circles.
Its wings had cut through the air with a haunting rhythm that echoed in my ears even after I woke.
I had tried to shoo it away, waving my hands, stepping back, begging it silently to leave me alone, but it refused to go.
No matter how much I tried, it kept circling me, its dark eyes fixed on mine.
The memory of it sent a shiver crawling up my spine.
Unable to shake the dread clawing at my chest, I grabbed my phone and immediately began researching what the dream could mean. My fingers trembled as I scrolled through the results.
Death!
My stomach twisted sharply.
It was four in the morning, and I knew there was no chance I would fall back asleep. My mind was far too restless, far too disturbed by the dream that still haunted my thoughts. I sat up slowly, pressing a hand against my chest as I tried to get my breathing under control.
I whispered a prayer, hoping to push the dark feeling away. After that, I forced myself to get out of bed and begin the day. Something inside me already knew it would not be an easy one.
Around ten in the morning, my phone rang. When I saw Elle’s name on the screen, a small knot formed in my stomach. I answered quickly.
“Jiji, I have some bad news,” she began, her voice hesitant. “Patty passed away the day before yesterday. I just found out when her daughter replied to my message.”
I took a step back instinctively, as if the words themselves had physically pushed me. A heaviness spread through my chest, expanding slowly until it felt like my lungs could barely hold any air.
My dream.
That raven circling me again and again.
This was what it had been hinting at.
A coldness spread through my body, seeping into my bones.
“Are you there? Did you hear what I said?” Elle’s voice came through the phone again, sounding distant, as though it were travelling through water.
“I’m here, I’m here,” I said quickly, forcing the words past the tightness in my throat. I swallowed hard, but the lump forming there refused to go away. Feelings of guilt, shock, and remorse crashed into me all at once, heavy and overwhelming.
Patty.
She had been my strength when everything in my life had been falling apart.
She had been my comfort when I had nowhere else to turn.
She had been the first face Lucas had known other than mine.
She had been there for me through both relationships that had shaped my life—through the heartbreak with Harper and the complicated, painful love I shared with Caleb.
Patty had seen every broken piece of me and had still treated me like I was worth loving.
Emotion flooded through me, and before I could stop it, a tear rolled slowly down my cheek.
“When is the funeral?” I asked.
“Today at four,” Elle said after a brief pause. “Can you make it?”
“I’ll be there.” The words left my mouth before I could even think about them.
I grabbed my keys and told Geeta that I would return in the evening. Not wanting to take the children with me, I crouched down and kissed each of them gently. Then I rushed out of the house.
The entire drive was a blur of thoughts and regrets.
I still couldn’t believe Patty was gone. The reality of it hadn’t fully sunk in yet, but the weight of it pressed against my chest with every passing mile.
Guilt twisted inside me like a blade turning deeper with every thought.
I cursed myself for not seeing her even once after I had moved to Cowichan Bay. At the time, I had convinced myself that staying away was the right thing to do. I had told myself I was protecting her, keeping her safe from the complicated pieces of my life.
But now, as the road stretched endlessly ahead of me, I realized the truth.
I had not been protecting Patty.
I had been protecting myself.
If I had really wanted to see her, I could have visited her alone. I could have found the time. Instead, I had buried myself in work and responsibilities. I had chosen distance over the woman who had helped me raise Lucas and had held my life together when it was falling apart.
The realization made my chest ache.
After three hours of driving, with my thoughts still spiralling endlessly, I finally arrived at Elle’s house. My body felt numb.
I stepped out of my car and immediately climbed into Elle’s. She drove us toward the cemetery while I sat beside her, one hand resting unconsciously on her belly, three months pregnant.
I took a slow, pained breath and closed my eyes.
Memories of Patty flooded my mind in vivid waves.
Rubbing my nose, I turned my head and stared out the car window.
The sky was a brilliant blue with no clouds in sight. The sun poured its golden light over everything it touched, making the world look deceptively peaceful.
But inside me, nothing felt peaceful.
I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to release the tension that had gathered there. I prayed silently that no one at the cemetery would recognize me. I didn’t want questions. I didn’t want attention. I simply wanted to say goodbye.
When we were almost at the cemetery, Elle reached into the back seat and handed me a scarf.
For no one to recognize me, I wrapped the scarf around my head and face like a hijab, carefully covering as many of my features as possible. Then I slid my sunglasses over my eyes.
Looking at my reflection in the car mirror, I barely recognized myself.
After we arrived at the cemetery, we got out of the car and walked slowly toward the signs directing mourners to Patty’s funeral service.
The air smelled faintly of freshly cut grass and flowers. Soft murmurs of conversation drifted through the crowd gathered there.
The service passed in a blur of prayers, quiet sobs, and memories shared by those who had loved her.
When it ended, mourners began moving toward the casket to pay their final respects.
My heart pounded as I stepped forward.
Walking up to the casket, a prick shot through my stomach. My body felt heavy and weak, as if grief itself had weight.
I looked down at Patty.
The beautiful seventy-year-old woman who had always seemed ageless now lay perfectly still, as if she were sleeping.
With trembling fingers, I reached out and touched her hand. Her skin was pale and cold beneath my fingertips.
A wave of emotion crashed over me.
I carefully placed the mini angel wind chimes onto her folded hands. I had bought them a couple of months ago, thinking I would bring them when I finally visited her. I had imagined her smile when she saw them hanging near her window.
But I had waited too long.
My fingers shook as I withdrew my hand.
“Goodbye, Patty,” I whispered, my chin quivering as tears blurred my vision. “I’m so sorry I never came to visit you. I love you, and I’m going to miss you.”
I took one last look at her, then turned and walked back toward Elle. She slipped her arm gently through mine.
“I’ll give my condolences to the family and meet you at the car.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit,” Elle said.
After watching her walk away, I went and stood in line.
When it was finally my turn, I stepped forward slowly toward Patty’s family. My chest seized again at the sight of their grief-stricken faces.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said softly.
I kept my voice low and offered only those few words. There were still many people waiting in line to pay their respects, and I hoped that with so many mourners moving forward, Patty’s family wouldn’t engage in conversation with me.
They nodded gratefully, their eyes filled with sorrow, and I stepped aside.
As I turned to leave, I accidentally bumped into someone standing behind me.
“I’m sorry!” I said quickly.
The words had barely left my mouth when my breath caught in my throat as I looked up into a pair of familiar blue-green eyes.
Caleb.
Paralysis spread through my body, locking every muscle in place. Behind my sunglasses, my eyes widened in shock, my mind struggling to process the fact that he was standing right in front of me.
“Excuse me, but I just need to pay my respects,” he said politely.
His voice sounded the same—deep, warm, and achingly familiar.
I noticed immediately that his hair had grown longer, brushing slightly against his collar, and his beard was fuller than I remembered.
Yet none of that changed the fact that he was still devastatingly handsome.
The faint scent of the aftershave I had bought him on his birthday drifted toward me, lingering in the small space between us like a ghost of the past.
My heart twisted painfully.
He still wore it.
Memories threatened to pull me under.
I nodded silently, unable to trust my voice, and stepped aside quickly. My feet moved almost on their own as I hurried down the path toward the parking lot. My stomach was tightly knotted, and my breathing came faster with every step.
By the time I reached Elle’s car, my chest felt so tight it was difficult to breathe.
I climbed into the passenger seat and immediately pulled the scarf off my head. The sunglasses followed, and I tossed them onto the dashboard. They had started to feel suffocating, like the walls of a small room closing in around me.
“What’s wrong?” Elle asked, turning toward me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I swallowed hard and turned toward her. “I just bumped into Caleb,” I said, my voice shaking slightly. “Get me out of here.”
Without asking another question, Elle started the car. Within seconds, we were driving out of the cemetery faster than my mind could even keep up with what had just happened.