Chapter 33
JIYA
My chest clenched as I watched him.
What the hell did I do? The question thundered through my mind, loud enough that it felt like it might wake him.
Cole lay there peacefully, his toned body half-covered by the white sheet that rested loosely around his waist. One arm was stretched across the pillow where my head had been moments earlier, as though even in sleep, he had reached instinctively toward me.
My heart twisted.
The tenderness of the night we had just shared still clung to my skin, and the memory of his arms around me awakened feelings I wasn’t ready to acknowledge.
I slipped quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb him. The floor felt cool beneath my bare feet as I tiptoed across the room, gathering my clothes from where they had been scattered across the floor. My hands trembled slightly as I dressed.
My thoughts refused to slow down, like a train that had lost its brakes.
How could I do something so reckless and careless as this? Cole was my friend. More than that, he had been my support when I needed it most. He had trusted me, believed in me when I was struggling, and helped me build the cafés with the money he had lent me. My head throbbed.
Guilt wrapped around me like vines around a tree.
Without looking back at the bed again, I slipped out of his apartment and drove back to my house in the early hours before dawn.
The streets were empty and silent. The sky was beginning to soften from deep midnight blue to pale grey as the first hints of morning approached.
But my mind refused to quiet.
Every few seconds, my thoughts drifted back to Cole.
The way he had looked at me.
The way his voice had softened when he spoke my name.
The way my heart had raced when his arms wrapped around me.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter.
After reaching home, I stepped inside quietly while everyone was still asleep, moved upstairs to my bedroom and slipped into the ensuite for a quick shower.
Hot water cascaded over my shoulders, but it did little to calm the whirlwind of thoughts inside my head.
My brain replayed the night over and over again, and a knot formed in my stomach.
Days earlier, I had seen Caleb again.
That encounter had stirred emotions I thought I had buried. My feelings had been tangled ever since, shifting between memories, regrets, and questions I had never fully answered.
Now everything felt even more complicated.
It felt like I had just cheated on him with Cole.
But did I? Caleb had moved on with his life. Why shouldn’t I?
Questions spun relentlessly in my mind. What would Cole think when he woke up? Would he regret what happened between us? Would he feel embarrassed? Would he look at me differently now? And what would happen to our friendship?
The thought of losing that frightened me… because somewhere beneath the guilt and confusion, there was a truth.
Being in his arms had felt… right.
Sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows as I sat at the dining table sipping my tea. I stared out the window, lost in thought, when I heard the soft pitter-patter of little feet coming down the stairs.
“Mama, you’re back!”
Lucas rushed toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “We missed you last night,” he said, squeezing me tightly. “Did you have a good time with Cole?”
I swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Yes, I did.” But my stomach churned.
I hugged both children tightly before moving toward the kitchen counter.
I helped Geeta make breakfast for all of us, cracking eggs into the pan and buttering toast with careful attention.
Anything to keep my hands busy.
Anything to distract myself.
After breakfast, I took a nap. The little sleep I had managed the night before had not been nearly enough. Eventually, the exhaustion caught up with me, and I curled up beneath the duvet. At some point, I drifted into a deeper sleep.
Suddenly, I felt hands gently trying to wake me up.
“Didi… Didi…”
The voice floated into my dreams first before I slowly opened my eyes.
Geeta stood over me, leaning slightly toward the bed with a concerned expression on her face. The sunlight filtering through the curtains made me squint as I tried to gather my bearings.
“Didi, the children are getting late.”
Her words took a moment to sink in.
Rubbing my eyes, I pushed myself up slightly and tried to focus on what she was saying.
“You were supposed to take them to the kids’ club at the park today, remember?”
“Oh my gosh! I slept past the alarm!” I sat up quickly, the duvet sliding off my shoulders as I scrambled to get out of bed.
My mind filled with images of Lucas and Emma waiting by the door with their little bags, ready for the morning outing I had promised them.
“I’m so sorry,” I muttered under my breath, already pushing the covers aside.
Geeta gently placed her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll take them. Don’t worry,” she said. “You sleep for a bit.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, glancing toward the doorway, guilt tugging at my chest.
Geeta nodded immediately.
Her calm smile made it clear she had everything under control.
“Thanks,” I said softly, sinking back slightly against the pillows. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t worry, Didi! You came home late.”
She pulled the duvet back over me and tucked it gently around my shoulders the way an older sister might.
“We’ll be back soon,” she said warmly. “Sleep well.”
The bedroom door closed quietly behind her.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling. But even with the house now quiet again, my mind drifted right back to the same place it had been all morning.
Back to the memory of Cole.
And the way his arms had felt around me the night before.
After two hours of sleep, I woke up feeling a little refreshed. The house was quiet again, and I hoped the heaviness in my chest had eased.
I was wrong.
I padded into the kitchen and brewed a fresh pot of tea, letting the familiar scent of the leaves fill the room. The small ritual helped steady my nerves. I pulled out a tin of cookies from the cupboard and set a few on a plate, thinking I might nibble on them while the kettle finished heating.
The kettle whistled softly, and I removed it from the stove.
Just then, I heard the front door open and close.
“I didn’t think you guys would be home so early, Geeta,” I called out automatically as I poured the hot water into my teapot.
I turned around.
And I stilled.
It was Cole.
My mouth went dry instantly. I wasn’t hungry or thirsty anymore. My heart began pounding so hard that I could hear it in my ears.
“Hi!” he said, moving toward me.
“Um… hi,” I said, drawing back instinctively.
A cold sensation spread through my arms and chest. I was not ready for this. I knew we would have to talk about what happened the night before, but not like this.
Not when I had barely processed it myself.
This conversation needed to happen on my terms, when I felt prepared. His sudden appearance in my kitchen made me fold my arms tightly across my chest.
“Why did you leave?” he asked. His voice was calm, but there was tension beneath it. “Is everything okay?”
I nodded quickly, though the movement felt stiff. “Cole, I…” I started.
He stepped closer.
“I’m sorry,” I fumbled, unsure of what words I was even trying to say. “Would… would you… um, like some breakfast or some tea or—”
He came closer again, towering over me.
His presence filled the kitchen space, and suddenly it felt difficult to breathe. I kept my eyes lowered, focusing on the pale tiles beneath my feet. I could not look at him.
“I had a great time last night,” he said quietly. “I wanted to tell you before—”
“Look, Cole, before you say anything else, I’m sorry about last night.” The words spilled out before I could stop them. I forced myself to look up at him. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
The change in his face was immediate.
“What?” he said, his mouth slackening. “You’re saying it was a mistake?”
The hurt in his voice made my stomach drop.
“I’m not saying it was a mistake,” I said quickly, my voice faltering as my eyes drifted downward again.
“What the hell are you trying to say, then?” he asked, his voice rising slightly.
The collar of my blouse felt tight against my throat. “I’m just saying it shouldn’t have happened.”
He let out a short, bitter laugh.
“Are you telling me you didn’t feel anything at all last night?” he asked, staring at me intensely. “That it meant nothing to you?”
My chest seized.
“Cole, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” I said carefully, forcing myself to meet his gaze again. “I don’t think you and I are a good idea.”
His shoulders stiffened.
“We are better off being friends than anything else,” I continued, my voice trembling despite my effort to stay calm. “I have way too much baggage for you to deal with, and you need a fresh, clean start to move on with your life—”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of what I need in my life?” he snapped.
“Well, what do you need?” I asked weakly.
“You!” he said loudly.
The word echoed through the kitchen like a crack of thunder.
“You don’t know anything about me, Cole.”
“Well, whose fault is that?” he shot back.
“I don’t know anything about you,” he continued, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
“I only know what has happened since you moved to the village. I haven’t been pushy, and I have asked you several times, but you never seem to answer, or you always brush it away. ”
His words struck deep as flashbacks of a similar fight with Caleb surged through my mind.
The same frustration.
The same questions.
The same feeling of being cornered.
History felt like it was repeating itself.
My stomach twisted uncomfortably.
“Your guard is always up,” he continued. “I feel like I know nothing about you while you know everything about me.”
His hands rested on his hips as he stared at me.
Silence filled the room.
“Look, Cole—” I began.
“Jiya,” he said firmly. “Do you feel anything at all? Anything for me?”
The question hit me like a wave.
I could not look at him anymore.
Did I feel something? What did I think of Cole? We had been such good friends for so long. There had been moments between us before, moments filled with tension that neither of us had ever addressed. Those moments had always passed quietly, unspoken.
Was that my fault? Was it his? And was that enough to build something real between us? I had promised myself that I would not get into another relationship. Yet somewhere deep inside me, feelings for him had been quietly growing for a long time.
I tried to reason with myself. Did I really want to jeopardize our friendship? What if we didn’t work out?
Lucas finally had a stable male figure in his life. Did I want to risk taking that away from him… again? Cole had been in my life longer than Harper. Longer than Caleb. Why was it so hard for me to accept that maybe it was okay to feel something for him too?
I stood there silently, trapped inside my own thoughts, like a prisoner behind my own walls.
“I guess I got my answer,” Cole said in a hollow voice.
He shook his head once, disappointment written clearly across his face.
Then he turned and walked out of my house.
The sound of the door closing echoed through the hallway.
I remained standing in the kitchen, staring at the empty doorway where he had just been.
My hand moved instinctively to my stomach as the knot of regret twisted inside me.
I had screwed things up… again.
I might not have only lost my business partner… I might have just lost one of the best friends I had ever had.