Chapter 30 Rowyn
Rowyn
The guys flew to Vegas early yesterday. They’re catching a show tonight, and added a few extra days on the other end of the long weekend because why wouldn’t they?
They’re on break, they deserve to let loose.
The girls and I are going later tonight, catching the red-eye because half of us are working right up until Friday night.
It’s not ideal, but at this point, I’d sit in cargo just to get away.
I just wish I didn’t feel like I’m already running on fumes.
The doorbell rings. I rush over, and there’s Gina, earlier than expected, cheery as ever. Over her shoulder, Josie waves from the passenger seat, beaming.
“Let me grab my purse and coat,” I say, grateful I snagged Friday off. We’re going to do a bit of shopping before the airport. I don’t need a new bathing suit, but Josie wants a maternity one and asked if I’d tag along.
I return and lock the door, dropping the key into my purse. I notice the faint rubbery residue I’d meant to investigate, but like everything else lately, I push it aside. One more thing I don’t have the energy for.
“I am so excited,” Josie says as I settle into the back seat and buckle in. “I’m just bummed I can’t have wine or champagne.”
We laugh. Gina pats her leg. “It’s worth it. And because Rowyn and I are such good friends, we’ll have a couple of glasses for you.”
“You two are ridiculous,” Josie says with a playful eyeroll.
“Ugh,” Josie groans as we start down the street.
“You okay?” Gina asks.
“This morning sickness. Even the car moving feels like a carnival ride.”
I press a hand to my temple. “Well, I’m not pregnant, and I feel kind of the same.”
Gina’s eyes catch mine in the rearview. “You’ve been looking pale, Row.”
“I know.” I exhale slowly. “I’m exhausted. Burned out. I need this weekend like… oxygen.”
“Then let’s fuel up,” Gina says brightly. “Food, then sexy new suits.”
“Maybe shopping first,” I joke weakly. “So we’re not bloated from lunch.” My pants have been tighter lately—probably because Jaxon’s an annoyingly good cook, and I’ve been stress-eating comfort food. With the playoffs over, his guard’s dropped a little and I think mine has too.
“You make a good point,” Josie grumbles. “But I need food before I start fainting in a changing room.”
“Fair,” I say. I don’t actually plan to buy anything new unless something insists on being taken home.
“There’s a cute café downtown near the shops,” Gina suggests. “Want to try it?”
“Sure,” Josie and I say together. A short while later, Gina finds a parking spot and we head into the café. The moment the door opens and the smells hit—garlic, onion, something buttery—my stomach tilts hard. That’s what I get for running on caffeine this morning.
I swallow down the sudden burn at the back of my throat as the hostess leads us to a table. “Can I get a water, please?” My voice comes out thin.
“Of course.” She hands over menus. “Your server will be right with you.”
I look up and catch Gina watching me too closely. “I’m starting to worry you’re actually sick, Row. You’re not just pale anymore, you’re green.”
I touch my face. I do feel warm. Too warm. “I’m a little… nauseous,” I admit, breathing carefully.
“Maybe you really are pregnant,” Josie teases—lightly—until she looks at me properly. Her expression shifts. “Row…”
“I can’t be.” I stare down at the table. “I’ve been using protection. IUD…” My words drop off when the server returns with the water, and I drink it like I haven't tasted water in days.
When I lower the glass, Josie reaches across and rests her hand on my arm. “When was your last period?”
I stare at the menu as my mind scrambles, working to understand what she’s asking me. I use an IUD. I can’t be pregnant. Right.
Or maybe…wrong.
“Oh God,” I whisper, my stomach twisting harder.
“Row,” Gina says softly, setting her menu down. “Do you want to go get a test?”
“I… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.” Panic rises. “I'm not pregnant. I use an IUD. That would be…impossible.”
“They’re not one hundred effective,” Gina reminds me.
My throat tightens, my thoughts on Jaxon.
What would he think?
Except I don’t need to ask that question. I know the answer, and maybe that’s why I’m not just nauseous, I’m terrified.
I shove back my chair and hurry to the bathroom. I barely make it before everything comes up. I’m bent over the sink, trembling, when gentle hands gather my hair away from my face. Gina. Josie.
When it’s over, Gina wets a paper towel and presses it into my hand. “Here.”
“Thank you,” I rasp. They don’t speak. They just…stay. They let me gather myself, let me breathe. And when I finally do, I nod. “I think I need to go to a drug store.”
Gina responds with a firm nod. “Then let’s go.”
“No.” I straighten, instinctively stepping back. “You two stay. Have lunch. Shop. I don’t want to drag you into this.”
Gina loops her arm through mine. “Girlfriend. We’re not leaving you.”
Something inside me breaks open. Their support holds me up. It also terrifies me.
Because what if they think I did this deliberately? To trap him?
Oh God.
I can’t be pregnant. I can’t. Because if I am…I could lose everything. Him. Us. Whatever fragile thing we’ve just started to build.
I follow them out on autopilot, the gray clouds rolling in overhead. Fitting, really. There’s a storm coming. Outside—and inside.
Gina leads the way to the nearest pharmacy. I don’t even register entering. She buys the test for me. The next thing I know, I’m in the passenger seat of her SUV, seatbelt buckled, hands shaking. Josie sits quietly in the back, her palm warm on my shoulder.
And we drive home in silence.
She pulls into my driveway and unbuckles. “Do you want to do this alone, or do you want us to come in?”
It takes me only a second to realize I want them here. “Do you mind?” I ask.
“Of course not.”
“I don’t really think I’m pregnant.” I laugh, but it sounds nervous. “I’m sure this is all for nothing.” I try to convince myself, but it’s hard when I watch Gina and Josie exchange that knowing look. Gina has two kids, Josie’s pregnant, it’s obvious they’ve been through this, seen it all.
I move in slow motion, fishing the key from my pocket. Gina takes it from me and opens the door. She guides me down the hall and into the bathroom. After a quick glance at the box, she opens it, gives me instructions, and steps into the hall with Josie.
“Well, we’ll wait in the living room,” she says.
I nod, tug my jeans down, and follow the instructions. Moments later, I redress, wash my hands, and sit quietly, my eyes fixed on the clock on my phone. When the waiting ends, I take the biggest breath of my life and glance at the stick.
Two pink lines.
I blink, trying to convince myself that means nothing. But deep down, I know.
I’m pregnant.
With Jaxon’s child.
Oh my God. I’m pregnant with Jaxon’s child.
“Row,” Gina’s voice is soft, just a knock on the door, and it jolts me into motion. I toss everything into the garbage and open the door. She takes one look and instantly knows. She throws her arms around me. “We’re here for you.”
“Thanks,” I manage, my voice barely above a whisper. She leads me to the living room, and I drop onto the sofa, silent again as they watch me with quiet concern.
“Are you happy?” Josie finally asks.
“You told me not long ago, you wanted a family,” Gina reminds me.
A tiny wave of joy hits me. I touch my stomach. “I…I do want a family,” I say, my voice catching, a moan catching in my throat. “It’s…Jaxon.”
Gina drops to her knees in front of me, taking my hand. “I think he’s going to be happy too.”
I nod, willing myself to believe her. But they don’t know him like I do. They don’t know his history, his fears.
“You can tell him. In Vegas,” Josie says gently. “I bet he’s going to be thrilled.”
Vegas.
God. I’m going to Vegas in a few hours. I can’t face him now, not until I sort through…what exactly am I supposed to sort through again?
Right. Whether Jaxon will be happy, or think I’ve tricked him into a future he might not want. A future I desperately want. And I’m sure everyone else knows it. That does not sound good.
“I think I need to be alone,” I admit.
Gina nods, standing. “I’ll pick you up in a couple hours for our flight.”
“Okay.”
The truth is, I have to go to Vegas. I need to talk to Jaxon.
The thought makes my anxiety spike, but also sharpens something else, determination.
I push to my feet, knowing it’s long past time we talk, but I’d never thought our conversation would start out with me being pregnant. “I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
After I see them out, I wander around Jaxon’s house, my brain finally quieting enough to start forming a plan.
I’ll talk to him, explain it was a mistake.
He’s always trusted me, maybe he won’t think I’m trying to trap or trick him.
Betrayal would destroy him. But after everything we’ve been through, after every tender touch and loving kiss, he has to believe I’d never betray him.
I hold onto that thought as I finish packing and wait for Gina. She smiles when she sees me, relieved I’m not quite the hot mess I was earlier. Sliding into the passenger seat, I let her hand find mine.
“It’s going to be good, Row. I just know it.”
I nod, trying to believe her. Trying to believe it for both of us.
I smile, thinking about the life growing inside me, and little bubbles of happiness rise and burst in my chest. I’ve always wanted this. I can’t deny it. I just hope it’s everything Jaxon wants too.
My anxiety to see him makes time stretch, each minute crawling. Finally, we make it to the airport, board the plane, and while the other women read or try to sleep, I stare out the window, imagining a future with him—a family, laughter, tiny hands and tiny feet, all wrapped up in the man I love.
It’s everything my mother never wanted for me, but I can’t live the life she would have chosen.
I have to go for what I want, lay it all on the line, and pray that Jaxon wants this too.
A half-laugh bubbles up in my throat. If he doesn’t, it would mean my mother was right all along. But I don’t think she is.
By the time we reach our hotel, it’s three a.m. I want to talk to Jaxon so badly, but I know he’s asleep.
I need sleep too. I want to be wide awake, steady, ready for whatever conversation is coming.
I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep, my body and mind so completely drained that when I wake, the pounding knock at my door makes me jump, my heart leaping, hoping—praying—it’s Jaxon.
I swing the door open.
It’s Gina. Concern shadows every line of her face.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, my stomach twisting.
“Can I come in?”
I step back, unease coiling in my chest, and it’s not just morning sickness. Something’s wrong. I can feel it in my bones.
“Rowyn… I’m not sure how to tell you this…”
“Tell me what?” My voice shakes.
She swallows, hands me her phone. “What is it?”
And then I see it. An article. Jaxon’s name in bold letters, the picture of his specialty-made ornaments…and a pregnancy stick with two pink lines. My stomach drops, my legs give out, and the room spins around me, because I know exactly what this is.
Betrayal.
Everything I imagined—all my hope, all my dreams—comes crashing down in an instant.