Chapter 13
A n honorable Captain's funeral is almost like a ritual. We lay the captain on a kayak dressed in his best clothing and wrapped in his nicest fabrics. There’s music, spoken words, and then we send him off by fire. The closest person to the dead leads the torch that catches the kayak on fire and then we push him into the ocean in hopes he finds peace. It brings a feeling of ease versus just dumping the body into the ocean to sink and deteriorate.
I’ve been sitting in my room staring at the wall just trying to make sense of everything I learned and trying to think of the right thing to say at the funeral but I can't get the green eyes from the man in the alley, out of my head. His eyes have carved a forever spot in my mind with my father’s death. I have a gut twisting feeling I will see them in person again. A shiver runs down my spine, goosebumps hoarding on top of my arms in this acknowledgment.
Suddenly my mind bounces to the moment Ace and I almost kissed. Was it out of pity for the death of my father? I’m so confused and my emotions are everywhere, but I can’t think about this now. No, now it is for my father. For Charles.
I grab the black cloak sitting inside my drawer and wrap it around my shoulders. I don’t wear dresses as they are impractical when your life is on a ship but I did throw on my favorite tunic. Charles bought it for me for times I’m supposed to look nicer and more presentable. I think It’s only fitting that I wear it now in respect for him. I finish tying the strings on the cloak and pull the hood up so it covers my face. I look over at the sword sitting on my bed. My fathers sword. Its long sharp edges lead to the beautifully crafted handle. I’ve decided this belongs with him even in death.
Knock knock.
I jump up, even though I’m not ready to say goodbye, the time to prepare has gone. I grab the sword, tracing the fabric wrapped around the hilt with my fingers for a moment and then I carry it to the door. I open the door to Ace leaning up against the wall waiting on me. He’s dressed in his white button up but the top with three buttons left unlatched, a dark taupe vest over top, and he too is wearing a black cape with his hood on. The hoods go over our eyes just on top of the nose if we wear it fully. These capes give us a way to hide ourselves, our emotions to make us look strong even when we are just as broken, and on a ship full of mostly men, weakness even when in obvious situations is never something you want to show. You never truly know who is watching. ??
“I figured you needed a moment more to prepare for your goodbye.” He says in a soft tone, almost a whisper. ??
“I did, thank you.” I respond. Still looking down at the sword. I can’t look at him right now. Things are just too complicated and looking at him, I just can’t lose myself. I have to stay strong for my father and for myself. He can surely tell I’m avoiding his eye contact, he just stands there watching me. I lift my head enough to see him twiddling his thumbs.
He wants to talk, he does this when he's hiding something from me. He always had a tell, I loved that about him. He’s a horrible liar but even worse at keeping secrets. Though I guess he's better than I thought being he kept this massive detail all to himself and my father.
“I’m ready.” I promulgate. I do want to talk with him about everything, but not right now. Right now I want to say goodbye to my father.
Ace immediately turns around and walks toward the stairs leading up onto the main deck. I follow behind him holding on to every bit of my father that I have left. We pace up the stairs and on the edge of the deck as soon as you walk up is the kayak with my father lying peacefully. The sun is setting behind him, the colors blending and bouncing off of the ocean. The ocean is calm, ready to take in its newest spirit.
This is exactly how he would have wanted it to look like for his funeral. I walk over to the kayak, not looking at any of the other people standing around it and wait for Ace to start. He walks over to my father and places his hand over my father’s and whispers some words that only the subtle breeze will hear. I almost wish I knew what it was that he was saying as a drop drips from his eyes down to the hand he is holding. Whatever he is saying, I hope it heals Ace and helps him in his grieving. He was his father too, in the exact same way he was mine.
I grip the sword with both hands. My left grips the hilt, my right grips the blade. It cuts into my hand leaving a trail of blood flowing through my palm, down my arm and onto the flooring. I let go slowly but can feel my sorrow turning into a rage as red as the skies setting sun on the horizon. I’m angry that this happened. Violently angry.
Ace stands up and walks over to me.
“Abs! Your hand.” He gestures, concern written all over his body, on his face. He goes to call for something to wrap it up but I just smile.
“I’m fine, Ace. Really.. It's okay.” I say in my best reassuring tone. I want to see it.
I press forward and head up to the kayak and see my father’s cold corpse laying there. My heart is aching.
“You deserved so much more, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you the way you protected me.” I whisper. I place the sword on top of his body and move his hands to hold it. My eyes force out the tears I was holding back.
“I promise you, I will avenge you. Your death will not be for nothing. It can't be for nothing. You were too good of a soul.” My breathing gets harder as my lip quivers with every word. “I love you.” I end my words there. lay my bloody hand on top of his, solidifying the promise I made. A blood promise that I will not break.
I step away, wiping my tears off my face with my arm and turn around and head towards the torch that’s waiting for my lead. The other crew members start to fill the kayak with straw and prepare to let the kayak down into the water on the giant chains that hold it in place.
Once the last bit of straw is placed, everyone starts to hum “the sound of goodbye.” This rhythm became our farewell anthem. I start to hum along as I lead the torch to the kayak. I pause for just a moment.
“Goodbye, Charles.” I speak out just loud enough for the closest people around me to hear. I place the flame from the torch onto the dry straw and watch as it quickly catches fire.