Chapter 21 #3
“North told my entire family that you’d been spotted in Florida, working in a record shop, without any markings or ties to the Resistance. He made it clear that all signs pointed to you just running away. How exactly am I supposed to just look past that?”
Her eyes harden as she shrugs. “How would you take it if your whole family died in a single accident? If they were ripped away like that?”
She doesn’t know a thing about me, but her assumptions obviously paint a pathetic picture…
Can I really blame her for that? In the few short weeks we’ve known each other, she’s already seen all of the worst parts of me, all of the most shameful and childish responses I hoped my Bond would never witness, but this feels different.
Like I’ve finally accepted that this Bond of mine doesn’t deserve to see the pain I’m feeling now about losing more of my family, a reminder of the hole in my chest still gaping there after my dad’s death had destroyed me.
After a long moment of staring her down, I finally shove my plate away because there’s no chance I can eat anything else now.
“I don’t have to imagine it. My dad was taken two years ago, and we found his mutilated body a week later.
My mom stepped down from the council the next day, but she’s still never really come home.
If you’re asking me to look past my story, then maybe you should look past yours as well. ”
She doesn’t like that.
She stands and slings her bag over her shoulder, stomping off without checking that I’m following.
Obviously I am, like a fucking lost puppy, and I have to remind myself of the danger we’re all in to stop myself from just staring at the toes of my sneakers in a sulk.
It only takes me a minute to slide the mask back over my features, the easy smile as I acknowledge the looks of sympathy from my football teammates as we pass them.
They, at least, are genuine and keep their distance with little more than a careful look at my Bond charging through the hallway.
Sage is already waiting at our Econ class, her eyes flicking between us like she’s trying to figure out what’s going on, and it only gets worse when I take the seat next to my Bond instead of leaving a distance like I usually do.
I could lie and say it’s solely for Oli’s protection but, truthfully, despite everything, I just want to be near her.
Sage is good about it.
I feel like an asshole all over again for being so jealous of their friendship, but I can’t help it, especially when my Bond smiles warmly back at her.
The affection they have for each other is the most effective weapon because it’s not forced or on display, just genuine and warm.
I’d do just about anything to have my Bond look at me like that, anything.
Though she has no idea I’m slowly losing my mind, or maybe she does and is trying to stop any repercussions, but when the professor starts her lecture, my Bond leans into me suddenly.
I instantly stop breathing, my heart thumping violently in my chest, and I have to focus on not freezing and looking like an idiot in front of her.
It’s almost impossible though, because she practically climbs into my lap to whisper to me, her breath dancing down my throat.
“I don’t want to Bond, but I’ll stop going for your throat if you do the same.”
As she leans back, all of the air in my lungs rushes out at once, but thankfully I don’t shame myself by begging her to come back. Fuck, I think I just want a hug from her.
A white flag.
It’s a tiny offering, nothing in the scheme of what I want to have with her, but it’s also more than any of her other Bonds have managed to establish, and I can’t let it slip through my fingers.
If I can prove myself to her now, maybe we can get along.
Maybe I can convince her that I’ve never wanted something from her that she didn’t also wholeheartedly want, that Bonding would be an aberration to me if she was being coerced or forced into it, and that she was the one who broke us, not me.
Not the other Bonds. She did when she left us all behind because she judged us based on…
god, I don’t even know where she’s gotten these ideas she throws at us.
My stomach roils with anxiety all over again.
It takes me until the class is over to answer her, forcing bravado into my voice. “That’s called being friends, Oli, and I’ll give it a shot if you will too. We can figure out the Bond shit later.”
Scoffing, she avoids my gaze as she slings her bag over her shoulder. “If this is some ‘nice guy’ ploy, pretending to be my friend just to fuck me and get your Bond, then I’ll dick punch you right now and walk away without another thought.”
Sage bursts out laughing, slapping a hand over her mouth, and I’m reminded again of the fact that I’ve grown up with the Bensons.
She’s absolutely stunned at the way Oli is speaking to me, to her Bond, and I think it’s giving her something to think about with her own utterly fucked Bond Group.
I’m not exactly happy about being an example, but if it gives her the courage to tell Riley and Giovanna to kick rocks, then at least there’s a silver lining for someone here.
It also doesn’t mean I’m going to just take that shit either.
With an eye roll, I shoot my Bond an exasperated look. “At this point, Fallows, you’d have to beg me to fuck you. Friends with zero benefits, except that I’ll be watching your every move and you’ll be looking for a chance to run away from us all.”