Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
They drove all afternoon, hitting rest stops and byways where average citizens of the Brightlands eyed the odd group of shifters, fairies, and humans.
Godrik and Naida walked into the market behind them. The wolf was hovering over the small fae woman, glaring at anyone who looked at them sideways.
Carys spoke to Cadell in her mind. Do you think he realizes most of the people are staring at him and not her?
“Unlikely.” He answered aloud, his voice low and sleepy. “Godrik is not particularly sizable for an Eskari wolf.”
Her eyes went wide, and she turned to look at him. “Seriously?”
Cadell nodded.
“I’m afraid to think what the big ones look like in human form.”
“Many wolves rarely take human form.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Not unlike dragons.”
She leaned back on his shoulder and took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
“For what, Nêrys?”
“For being here and spending so much time in the Brightlands.” She shifted her head against his shoulder. “When we get to Scotland and get through the gates, you’ll be able to shift again.”
“I go wherever you go,” he said. “There is no need to thank me for that.”
She watched as two men on the other side of the fuel island began to shout at each other. The volume increased until Carys could hear them through the excellent soundproofing in the van.
Duncan walked over, his hands in his pockets, and Carys watched as he quickly defused the situation.
“Weird,” she murmured. “I kind of think of road rage being an American thing.”
“It is not, but that was likely because of the Morrígan.”
“What?” She kept her eyes on the two retreating men. “Why do you say that?”
“Can you not feel it?”
She shook her head.
“She excels in fomenting discord,” the dragon said. “I suspect human law enforcement will see a steady increase in violence until we find a way to rid her from the Brightlands.”
Carys kept her eyes on Duncan, who was also watching the two angry men.
Tall, steady Duncan. As massive and immovable as a rock.
“There was a moment between you and Lachlan yesterday,” Cadell said. “When Duncan was gone. You felt… unsettled.”
She turned her face into his arm, dragging her eyes away from the blacksmith. You know those moments when you have a memory of another time, and it somehow feels more real than the moment you’re in?
He responded to her inner voice. You were remembering how you loved him.
Yes.
That does not mean you love Duncan any less.
You can’t love two people at once.
What a ridiculous thing to say. Cadell’s inner voice was as cutting as his audible one. Of course you can. Do you think either Lachlan or I stopped loving Seren after she died? We both still love her; we simply love you too.
It was such an odd connection to realize that the three most important men in her life were all grieving her Shadowkin, a woman who looked exactly like her. A woman Carys had never known.
“I feel like a very poor replacement for Seren most of the time.” She whispered the admission, almost hoping Cadell hadn’t heard.
“That’s as ridiculous as saying that you cannot love two people at the same time.” Cadell stretched out his legs and crossed them at the ankles. “If anything, she was a shadow of you.”
“I know that is technically true, but it feels like she was more alive than me somehow. She was a warrior, a princess, a—”
“She was exactly who she was raised to be,” Cadell said. “And yes, she was all those things, but she also…”
“What?”
I don’t want to be disloyal, Nêrys.
You could never.
She was sad. She was deeply lonely, and she never wanted anyone to know it.
Carys looked over her shoulder again, continuing the conversation in her mind. Why do you say that?
She knew that by marrying her, Lachlan was giving up the crown of Scotland, and she felt like he was sacrificing too much.
She was angry that she didn’t like Eamer more.
She never had a mother. She wanted to like her father’s wife, but she didn’t.
She didn’t know how to relate to her. She had no true friends.
She had you.
Cadell nodded slowly. “Who is your best friend?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it.
“It is not me.” He smiled gently. “It should not be me. Our bond is far deeper than friendship and far more complex. Your best friends are Laura and Kiersten. And Seren had no one like that in her life.”
“She was a princess in a tower,” Carys whispered.
“No, she was a woman and a leader,” Cadell said. “And that can be very lonely in either world.”
Carys thought about her uncle, who would probably make her heir to the throne of Cymru if she showed even the slightest inclination for it.
“I never want to be a queen.”
“I know you do not.” Cadell lifted a massive hand and patted the top of Carys’s head. “Therefore, it is good that you love the blacksmith more than the prince.”
“I do.” She might have felt a sad kind of yearning for the simplicity of her love for Lachlan, when she was a teacher and he was a wandering musician in a small town by the sea. But Carys barely recognized that woman anymore. Her life was full of magic she had once only read about in books.
Godrik yanked open the door to the van, nearly shoving it off its hinges in his inadvertent enthusiasm. He held up a blue cup with a cartoon dog on it. “It is both frozen and bubbly. A wizard must have created this.”
Carys squinted. “Is that a slushy?”
Godrik waited for Naida to climb into the van, holding the door for her.
The fae’s eyes were round and bright; she was holding her own blue cup. “I have never seen a blue raspberry before, but they must be the sweetest berry in the Brightlands to be flavored in this way.”
It took over five hours to drive from York to Scone, but Carys was hit with the most curious sense of homecoming when she saw the bright green roof of the Murrayshall Garden Center. She glanced to her right to see Duncan nearly grinning.
“Excited to be home?”
“Yes, it feels like it’s been a year since I’ve been back, not two months.” He reached over and took her hand. “Mary’ll be excited to see you. Andrew too. They’ve been itching for you to visit again since you left last year.”
“Really?”
Mary and Andrew were Duncan’s friends and the couple who managed Murrayshall House for him when he was away. Carys had only met them as Lachlan’s ex-girlfriend, so returning to Duncan’s home as his girlfriend was going to feel completely different than her first visit.
“Are you kidding?” Duncan glanced at the rearview mirror, and Carys wondered whether Lachlan was looking at his Brightkin. “You’ve had a fan in Mary since the first day you met. Nothing makes her happier than someone putting me in my place.”
Carys turned to look at Laura, who was sitting next to Cadell in the first row. Lachlan and Godrik were behind them, with Naida curled into the far back. “Mary is Duncan’s housekeeper.”
“House manager,” Duncan said. “Honestly, the hall is more her house than mine. And her husband Andrew manages the grounds. They live on the property, so there’s always someone there.”
“Do they know about…” Laura looked around the van. “All this?”
“Oh yes.” Duncan chuckled. “Mary, Lachlan, and I all played together as children. She knows all about the Shadowlands, though she’s never been on the other side.”
“One could say,” Godrik said, “that though your friend has never been to the Shadowlands, we are bringing the Shadowlands to her.”
Laura looked out the window at the green hedgerows that lined the road. “A wolf, a fae, and a dragon walked into the Brightlands.”
“Don’t forget the shaman,” Cadell said quietly.
Laura looked at him, and the corner of Cadell’s mouth turned up.
Carys couldn’t help but notice that behind Laura and Cadell, Lachlan was staring out the window, his eyes fixed on the landscape, his lips pressed shut in a firm line.
She felt a tug of something in her chest.
Lachlan was home but not home. Carys wanted him to be happy, and she knew it wasn’t her responsibility. She knew that, but she still felt the urge to comfort him.
Do you think either Lachlan or I stopped loving Seren after she died?
A part of her still loved Lachlan. She had to admit that to herself even if that made things with Duncan more complicated. You didn’t just stop loving someone who had turned your life around the way Lachlan had with her.
She’d been drowning in depression when she met him. In many ways, Lachlan had saved her life. He’d forced her to think about the future again. He’d made her laugh and made her believe things could get better on days when the darkness wanted to swallow her.
Meeting Lachlan had made Carys believe in hope.
She turned and forced her eyes back to the winding road. She caught Duncan looking at her and knew he’d spotted her watching his twin.
She reached across the van and took his hand in her own.
She loved Duncan. He was the fire, the spark, the man who held her heart.
But that didn’t mean she didn’t remember what it felt like to love Lachlan too, and she only hoped that Duncan was able to understand.
“Look at you!” Mary enveloped her in a massive hug. “Oh, look at him too.” She reached up and tugged on Duncan’s ear. “You two look so happy. I knew it was meant to be.”
“Mary,” Duncan growled. “We have guests.”
“Oh aye, my laird.” Mary, dressed in a blue work shirt and worn green trousers, pretended to curtsy. “I shall see to your guests right away, my laird.”
“Och, haud yer wheesht, woman.” Duncan rolled his eyes.
Laura nodded. “Yeah, I like her.”
“I like you too.” Mary grinned. “I can tell already. This one’ll take the piss out of a dragon, won’t she?”
“I’m really not sure what that means, but context leads me to believe it’s a compliment,” Laura said. “So thank you.”
Mary clapped her hands and walked over to Lachlan. “Here’s the golden boy.” She pinched his cheek and drew him into a hug. “It’s been too long, Lachlan.” She kissed his cheek. “Why have you been a stranger? Andrew’s had three seasons of hunting without your company.”