Chapter 41 #2
Pavel, my future husband, is bent over the armrest of an old, worn leather chair. His bodyguard, who I’ve seen by his side numerous times, is slowly sliding his cock in and out of Pavel’s ass.
At first, I’m alarmed, wondering if this is consensual. But the look on Pavel’s face, the pure and undiluted ecstasy, as he lets out another moan, tells me everything I need to know.
My breathing ceases altogether as tears gather in my eyes, blurring the couple in front of me.
As quietly as I can, I quickly take a few steps back.
And then I’m running. I keep running until my legs grow tired, and I’m somewhere near the other side of the property, the cool night air biting at my skin.
I stop running, grasping onto a tree to try to keep my balance as tears streak down my cheeks. I suck air into my lungs before gasping and coughing. It takes everything in me not to scream or panic in this moment.
Pavel is gay.
It all makes sense now. Why he’s never affectionate.
Why he looks at me with what can only be described as disinterest. He’s not mean or a bully like his older brother.
No, he’s just not attracted to me. He never will be.
And clearly being forced into this marriage is just as painful for him as it is for me.
“Savina?” a deep voice calls from behind me.
My spine stiffens as I hear his footfalls approaching quickly. I desperately try to calm myself down and wipe away the evidence of my tears, but it’s too late. Dimitri is grabbing me, spinning me around and grasping my chin to raise my gaze to his.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I just…I saw…”
“What did you see?” he demands.
“Pavel and his bodyguard were having sex in one of the guard shacks,” I blurt out, my voice just above a whisper.
I expect Dimitri to be just as surprised as I am, but instead, he’s calm. His expression doesn’t change at all, which makes me think that…he knows.
“You knew,” I accuse him.
A frown mars his face, but he refuses to answer me.
“You knew. You’ve known this whole time!” I cry, my voice rising to a fever pitch.
Anger sweeps over Dimitri’s handsome features, and he roughly grabs my arm, pulling me deeper into a wooded area.
Once we’re far enough in the woods so that no one can overhear our conversation, Dimitri relinquishes his bruising grip and takes a step back, swiping a hand over his face.
“Damn it, Pavel,” he says out loud with a frustrated groan.
“I can’t believe you knew and didn’t say anything,” I whisper despondently.
I’m in disbelief that Dimitri allowed all of this to happen; that he allowed the contract to be amended when he knew his brother and I would both be miserable.
Is this what he wanted all along? For us to never be together, but to be able to have his cake and eat it too? “I have to tell someone,” I start.
Dimitri’s blue eyes crash into mine. Blue on green. A myriad of emotions flash over his face, but I can see the dominant one is anger. “You will not speak a word of this to anyone, Savina. Do you understand?” he asks heatedly.
“But I have to tell my father,” I plead.
Before I can even blink, Dimitri’s hand is wrapped around my throat. He forces me backwards, pinning me to a tree, the bark digging painfully into my skin. “You won’t tell him or anyone, Savina,” he demands.
Fresh tears form in my eyes. “So, you’re back to bullying me now, is that it?” I snap.
“I will do anything to keep my brother safe. Do you understand me? Even if I have to hurt you in the process.” Growling, he releases me and takes a few steps backwards.
His hand rakes through his thick, dark hair.
And then he turns to me, his eyes piercing mine.
“Do you know what my father would do if he found out his son is gay? The same son who is set to marry his boss’s daughter? ”
His questions catch me off-guard. I hadn’t even thought about the consequences for Pavel. I hadn’t thought much past the fact that my fiancé is gay and that our marriage will be a total sham. Slowly, I shake my head.
“My father would kill him. And that would be the most merciful punishment he could give him.” He stares off into the distance.
“We were told from an early age what our roles would be in the family. One of us was to continue the business after my father is gone. And the other was to be married off to better the family and sire lots of heirs to keep the family name going for generations to come.” He shakes his head in disgust. “This marriage contract between you and Pavel is extremely important to my father. It guarantees our place in this world. If he found out anything detrimental to it, I can’t even imagine what kind of reaction he would have. ”
A violent tremor runs through me, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the chill in the air or because of what Dimitri just shared.
I’ve grown to like Pavel as a person. He has a very gentle, caring soul.
I can tell that just from our conversations.
And the fact that he’s been going through the motions just like I have been tells me that we’re both trapped in this contract together.
Neither of us want this, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
I’m destined to have a loveless marriage with a man who will never even find me attractive. A man who will never truly love me.
“I won’t say anything,” I whisper into the dark.
Dimitri’s fingertips grasp my chin, and he tips my face up until my eyes meet his. “Promise me, Savina,” he begs. I can hear the desperation in his voice and see the vulnerability in his icy blue eyes. He loves his brother very much. That is abundantly clear.
“I promise,” I finally tell him.
He releases me then and slowly walks away, leaving me in the cold darkness by myself.
I stay there for a long time, wallowing in self-pity and regret.
And then, I force myself to leave. I find my driver and tell him I’m ready to go.
I text my father on the way home to let him know that I had to leave early because of an illness.
I’m sure they will be upset that I skipped out early on my own birthday party, but there’s no way I could have gone back in there and pretended like everything was okay when my entire world is falling apart all around me.
By the time I’m back at my apartment, I feel numb and overwhelmed.
Darby is lounging in the living room in black and pink satin pajamas, eating popcorn and watching a horror movie.
I know she’s seen it a gazillion times and knows exactly what’s going to happen and can probably recite each and every line, but it’s one of her comfort movies, so I cut her some slack.
“How was your visit with your dad?” she questions before pausing the movie and leaning over the back of the couch to look at me.
“Uh, it turned into a surprise birthday party for me actually,” I tell her dryly.
“Really?” she squeaks out, jumping up. “Why the hell wasn’t I invited?”
“Cosette planned it,” I answer.
“Of course she did,” she groans with a dramatic eye roll. “She’s such a bitch,” she mutters with a shake of her head. “Oh, by the way, a delivery came for you a few minutes ago.”
That’s when I spot the white box with a pink bow on top sitting on the kitchen counter.
I step forward, carefully open it and gasp in surprise at what’s inside.
It’s a small black forest cake, my favorite.
There is a little topper that reads Happy Birthday next to a single pink candle.
There’s no note as to who it’s from, but I know exactly who gave me this.
“He remembered,” I murmur with fresh tears in my eyes.
“Who’s that from?” Darby asks as she enters the room.
I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes and turn to her. “Dimitri.”
“You’re crying over cake. You get some shitty gifts at your surprise party?”
“No, it’s not that.” Dimitri has my emotions on total overdrive.
He acts like he hates me one minute, and then the next he does something like this.
I don’t even know which way is up with him anymore.
I have to wonder if he didn’t order the cake before we had our argument where he pinned me to a tree and then threatened me.
She peeks into the box. “Oh, wow, it’s your favorite.”
“Yeah,” I say with a sigh.
“And you said Dimitri did this?” she questions, her voice raising to a higher pitch in disbelief.
“He’s like a damn sour patch kid,” I say miserably. When Darby raises a brow at me, I tell her, “He can be so sweet and kind one minute, but then difficult and sour the next.”
“Oh yeah, perfect analogy for him. I would have just called him an asshole who sometimes does nice things.”
I can’t help but laugh. “That might be a better description,” I agree.
“So, you guys are getting along now?” she inquires.
I open my mouth, ready to spill the beans to my best friend; but for some reason, I want to keep our secret just a little bit longer. So, I choose the coward’s way out and simply say, “Sometimes.”
She cocks a brow at me. I think deep down Darby knows I’m holding back information from her; but we both have a tendency to not push each other until the other one is ready. And I am so thankful for that in this moment, because I’m just not ready.
Darby pulls a lighter out of her pocket and lights the candle. “Well, go ahead and make a wish, birthday girl.”
“It’s not until another week.”
“I know that. You know that. But fuck it, let’s eat this delicious cake that your enemy picked out and had delivered.” Then she stops and her eyes widen. “You don’t think he poisoned it, do you?”
I laugh at that. “No, I don’t think he would do that.” And then I add, “Well, not anymore.” Because maybe at one point, I would have second-guessed anything Dimitri would have sent to my door. But now I feel like I know him. I know he wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.
After I blow out my candle and make yet another wish for things to be different, Darby and I dig into the cake. I don’t know what bakery Dimitri ordered it from, but it’s phenomenal. The best black forest cake I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Later, when I’m alone in my room that night, I text Dimitri.
Me: Thank you for the cake.
The response is almost immediate, as if he were waiting for me to text him.
Dimitri: You’re welcome.
I set my phone down, not wanting the temptation to keep the conversation going.
After what happened earlier, my mind and my heart are torn.
I don’t want Pavel to get in trouble for his indiscretions and his secret, just like I don’t want to get into trouble for mine.
But the thought of marrying someone who could never love me back is gut-wrenching, to say the least. I always thought there would be a chance between Pavel and me; that we could maybe someday grow to love each other if this is the way things had to be.
But now it seems like the only thing I have to look forward to is a long, loveless marriage that will no doubt be full of deceit and infidelity.
And I know I can’t keep things going with Dimitri after the wedding, even though I will still want to.
I can’t expect him to throw his life away, always being in second place and sneaking around with a married woman.
I want him to be happy. I want him to find someone, even if it feels like I’m dying inside when I think of him with another girl.
Like Irina. The tall, pretty blonde that was at the party with supermodelesque features who can speak his language and could probably give him beautiful babies and the kind of life he deserves.
Turning, I scream into my pillow, and wow, it feels good to release some of that pent-up tension.
“Life is so unfair,” I mutter as I toss and turn in bed.
I doubt if I’ll get any sleep tonight. My mind is literally on overdrive.
Even though I’ve fallen hard for Dimitri, I know what I need to do now.
I need to lock that shit down and keep it to myself.
I need to bury my feelings deep inside of me so that no one ever knows, especially not Dimitri.
It’s the only way to keep both of our hearts from completely breaking.