Chapter Twenty Three
Its been a week since we told McKenna about West and everything seems to be going swimmingly. Hes looking for a job and watching McKenna while I work and Baileys with her mom.
Right now, I have the tattoo gun buzzing in my hand as I shade the rose tattoo on the underside of a womans breasts. She opted for a vine with roses in an upside down V shape. Im doing the finishing touches when the bell over the door signals someones walked in.
“Ill be with you in a moment.” I shout, using the paper towel to wipe away the access ink. “All done girlie.” I say turning to get the cleaning supplies. I use the towel and some water to clean her up. “Hop up and take a look in the mirror while I go see whos out there. Then Ill wrap it and youll be good to go.”
She jumps off the table and heads to the mirror while I strip my gloves off and head up to the front. We have the tattoo areas behind curtains off the main floor.
Im greeted with West, who shouldnt be here. “Wheres McKenna?” My heart drops from not seeing her with him.
“Bailey came back and wanted to take her to the park, figured you wouldnt mind.” He says, looking more worried than I felt a few seconds ago.
“Oh, yeah, thats fine. I didnt realize she was coming back today.” My heart settles as I close the gap and throw my arms around his neck. “Im sorry Im keeping you at an arms length still.” I say. I know its killing him not knowing my answer to what this is. But Im still not sure if this is whats right.
Hes so good with McKenna, so patient with me, and Im just pulling him along while I sort my head out.
“I get it, you want to talk to your therapist first. Which youll do tomorrow. Right?” He asks, lifting a brow at me with a half smile.
“Yes. I have an appointment with her before work tomorrow.”
“Then for today, how about we do a tattoo?”
I lean back and look at him curiously. “I just finished one.” I say, lightening the mood a bit, even though I dont think thats what he meant.
“I mean, why dont you tattoo me.” He says very seriously.
“You want a tattoo?” The disbelief is real, when I went and got the roses on my wrist when we were in Vegas, he had absolutely no interest in ever getting one before.
“Yes maam.” He says handing me a folded piece of paper that looks like its seen better days. I flip it over and carefully unfold it to see something I havent seen in years. My fingers trace the lines as I feel the sting of tears swelling in my eyes. The ripped edge tells me where he got it. But, how did he get it?
“Whered you find this?” I ask, looking from the paper to him.
“In a notebook, under a mattress, in a girls pink room.” The smile on his face tells me what he did. Cheeky bastard.
“You broke into my room and stole a drawing?” I ask, looking back down at the damn thing. Its a cat silhouette, where the tail hangs down as if its sitting on a ledge. Only this cat is half fur and half skeleton. The black cat who lost half itself.
“Not gonna lie, I broke into your room several times. Thumbing through your drawings, this one was my favorite. I knew something happened to you and this drawing reminded me that you had been through something traumatic.”
“I was so lost then, confused about what was real.” My fingers trace the lines of the skeleton of the cat, remembering how alone I felt when I drew this. “You left the flower on my bed.” I say, remembering a pink flower magically appearing one time.
“Yes. Now, Kitty. Will you tattoo that for me?” He asks, putting his hand over mine.
“Where?”
“The only place you belong.” I look up at him as it puts his other hand over his heart.
“Of course.”
We lay in bed together, my head on his chest as my fingers trace his new tattoo. Of course theres a second skin covering it, but still I want to feel it.
“I promise Kitty.”
“You promise what?” I say, lifting my head to rest my chin on him.
“To never leave,” he kisses the top of my head, “but you have therapy this morning, and no offense babe, but you need a shower.”
I smack at his chest playfully, “Its your fault, I was too damn tired last time to get up and shower.”
“Sure, use my mind blowing sex skills for your lack of hygiene.” He tickles me and I laugh, truly laugh. “Go take a shower, Ill get breakfast rolling.” He pushes me off him as he slides out of bed, steps into a pair of sweats, and disappears through the hallway.
I sigh, face planting the pillow feeling like, for once my life might be perfect now and I could let him in. I fling the blanket off and pad my way to the bathroom, blissfully unaware of anything else.
The warm water feels amazing on my sore muscles as I wash my hair, only theres a sound down the hall that takes me out of my little shower vacation. The bathroom door flies open and West is standing in my bathroom, completely dressed. “What are you doing?” I ask, watching him breathing heavily after flicking the curtain open. My curiosity is piqued to say the least as my head hangs out of the shower like a buffoon.
“Uh. Well, you have a visitor. One that requires fully dressed adults.” He says with wide eyes. He turns to look in the mirror, fixing his wild hair.
“Okay. Im not finished yet.”
“You should probably hurry.” He nods and leaves me standing in the shower completely baffled.
After finishing my once relaxing shower, I dry off and get dressed quickly. Considering I have no idea whos out there, I throw on a pair of black jeans with shredded holes and fringe everywhere and my oversized Blink-182 shirt. Throwing my hair up in the towel I step into my black studded Crocs and make my way out to greet whoever decided to grace us before nine am on a Tuesday morning.
I stop dead in my tracks when I see a familiar face, not one thats been living here either. “Dad?” The word comes out as a squeak, feeling a lump in my throat, the. Panic as I frantically look for Mom.
“Shes not here, baby girl. Just me and a weeks worth of clothes. Sorry.” He looks more tired than he did before. His eyes scream for relief.
“No offense, Dad, but why are you here?”
“You slipped me your address for a reason.”
“I hoped you and Mom would come to your senses about me and my daughter.”
“You mean his and your daughter.” Dad says point to West.
“I made George tell me everything. Threatened to take his Law School tuition away.”
I laugh, “That worked?”
“Yes, poor kid has no other goals in life other than to be a lawyer. Thats partially my fault I suppose.”
“Momma, Daddy?” McKenna comes walking out of her room in her two piece pink and black skull pajamas.
“Good morning, Sweet Pea.” I say, lifting her up.
“Whos this?” She asks, rubbing her eye as she yawns.
“This is your grandpa.” I say, walking her to greet him.
“Hello McKenna.” My dad says. “Its nice to finally meet you.”
McKenna cracks the biggest smile. “I get a daddy and a grandpa?”
“Yes.” I reply as we all laugh together. “West, can you take her to brush her teeth please. Id like to-” I nod to my dad who just stands there in awe.
West just nods, taking McKenna from me. Once theyre out of sight, I turn to look at the man who was my whole world until the night I was arrested.
“I cant believe youve been out here, making this life all on your own. Im so sorry it took me so long to realize how amazing you are.” My father says, with tears in his eyes. The big bad city lawyer, crying in my living room.
“Daddy.” A sob escapes me as I wrap my arms around him for the first time in what feels like forever.
He hushes me as we just stand there. “Im sorry George hid your pregnancy and who the babys father was. I have half a mind to cancel his tuition anyway.”
“Dont, karmas a bitch Daddy, and its best served cold.” I just keep my head against his chest listening to the soft patter of his heart. My Daddy is back and my heart feels almost whole again.
After a few minutes I release him and we sit on the couch, talking for what seems like an eternity, but only a few minutes have come by. “Kitty, Im sorry to interrupt your reunion, but you have an appointment in twenty minutes.
I jump from my seat, my towel falling to the floor. “Shit. Sorry Daddy, stay with West and McKenna, Ill be back soon.”
“Appointment for what?” He asks, picking the towel up off the floor.
“Therapy.” I groan, not wanting to admit that to him, but he needs to understand the rush Im in.
“Okay Katherine, we have all the time in the world. Ill be here when you get back.” He places a quick kiss on my cheek.
I rush through the house getting ready, not bothering to change my clothes, but I definitely change my shoes. Those Crocs are for the house, not out there.
When I arrive, I have two minutes left as I check in. “Shell be right with you hon.” Sasha the receptionist says.
“Thanks.” I start pacing as I wait.
“Katherine, come on back.” Dr. Clemmons says, holding her door open.
I walk in, nervous as all get out and I dont think I could even sit on the couch this time. Shes gotten used to my quirks, overstimulated Katherine needs to pace.
“Whats new Katherine?” my therapist asks as I pace from one side of the room to the other, pause in the middle and back again.
“I-” shaking my head as I pace some more, bringing my thumb up to my teeth, chewing on the rough edges that Ive already picked apart.
When I get to the couch, I sit, look at her, and then pop back up and pace again.
My dads back. West is back. McKenna knows she has a dad and a grandpa now. Is she going to ask about her grandma? Or what about the surprise talk my brother gave us at the diner, outing himself as her uncle.
Am I causing damage to my daughter by keeping these people away? Will it be more beneficial for her to know them and make her own judgment calls as she grows and gets to know them?
I cant handle my mother treating my daughter the way she treated me. I was like a Barbie accessory to my mother. Oh god, am I doing that to McKenna?
“Katherine. Youre beginning to worry me. Please sit down. Ill ask questions to help sort your thoughts.” I nod aggressively and take a seat.
Whats she gonna ask first? Shoot, where will this conversation go?
“How was the reunion?” Shit, fuck.
“A homecoming like no other.” I reply, nervously bouncing my leg. “I mean, it was okay, I took Bailey and McKenna with me. They mostly stayed at the hotel. I took McKenna to my favorite diner.”
“How was that?” She asks with a calming voice, pulling the anxiety in me.
“It was okay, until my brother and a blonde were sitting there. Then my ex boyfriend showed up. Turns out the blonde was the exs new fiancee. Oh, then George had the audacity to approach me and tell my daughter that he was her uncle.” The entire story flows from me like the water behind a dam that just broke.
I tell her everything that has happened since our last meeting three months ago. I go on an as needed basis, and mandatory quarterly visits.
About West and him coming here, us showing him what Moses Lake has to offer. How my life is so vastly different than his. About how Im feeling, the marriage, telling McKenna.
Then I switch to my father showing up and she holds a hand out to stop me. “Lets break there. Digest what youve told me. You kind of just skimmed the feelings part with West.”
“Im just catching you up.” I shrug, leaning back against the couch. I dont really want to talk about these feelings, even though I know I should. Im a hot mess express, and this woman is the only way off the tracks.
“I understand that, and well come back to your father. But first, how do you feel about West just showing up?”
“I was shocked. I figured he just said those things to me to have some fun before getting married, then he showed up at my house.” I drop my hands to my thighs, making a soft clap sound. “Then he stayed, not pushing to tell McKenna that hes her father, not pushing me to have feelings. Hes just here, to learn and understand us.”
“No, to get to know you, hes missed four years of his own daughters life. Have you considered how it would feel to find out one day that youve had a kid for four years and you never knew she existed, your best friend never telling you. The betrayal and heartbreak he could have felt?”
“Are you my therapist or his?” I ask lifting a brow.
“You pay me. But you pay me to help you, and you need to see things from all angles to understand them. This is his angle.” She makes a point. The who/what/when/where/why of it. Especially after coming to terms with the instabilities I have.
I think about it a moment and realize shes got a damn point. Damn shes good. He spent four years living his life never knowing she existed, and then to have his world crash around him with a few harsh words from my dickhead brother. I swear, Ill punch George in the face for this. I thought George told him and that he just didnt care.
“You told me that you thought he knew, and then you took it back. You never knew if he knew. And the fact that he didnt broke you a little. I bet youve asked yourself, ‘what if I tried harder?’”
“Yes, several times over the years.” I nod.
“And?”
“And nothing, it didnt happen. Facts are real.”
“So are feelings, Katherine, the ones youve felt, lived, and breathed.”
“But what if I dont know what Im feeling?” I say, grabbing my chest, “What if its wrong and he leaves again?”
“The heart wants what the heart wants. Its why youve never had a serious boyfriend in the three years Ive known you. It belongs to someone already.”
Damn her.
I pop up off the couch, “The rest will have to wait. I have somewhere I need to be.”
“You better hurry along then dear.” I leave before she finishes the full session, as I can’t stick around here asking her how I feel or what to feel when I know. I’ve always known.