Chapter 4
Maureen was thoroughly irritated as she left the cobbler’s shop and barrelled into the yoga studio. Pooh’s happy yipping at being reunited with Rosemary was still echoing in her ears, and she was in desperate need of some pranayama breathing. That would calm her vexed nervous system.
Her mood wasn’t helped by seeing Roisin in earnest conversation with a silly woman called Bee, who always commandeered her attention before class either.
Bee was an attention seeker if ever there was one.
She asked for so many alternative stretches in case she exacerbated her foot, ankle, calf, knee, hip, or neck pain that, in Maureen’s opinion, she might as well go home and go back to bed.
She was not in a charitable mood.
At least her favourite spot was still available and, sidestepping those already lying prone on their mats, she deposited the contents of her pockets—mobile phone, keys and purse—and sank down onto the blue one.
She would zone out and think zen thoughts like the man whom she’d not seen before beside her seemed to be doing.
Her smart marketing about Howth was paying off, she thought smugly, lying down and closing her eyes. Word was spreading.
Visualise an empty beach with the water shushing in and out, in and out.
PARP!
The intrusive sound of breaking wind saw her eyes fly open. Bold Brenda was after plonking herself down in front of her.
She should have known. Brenda had a terrible habit of releasing wind whenever she sat down. Maureen sat upright and saw another new face looking their way. She mouthed, ‘It wasn’t me,’ dipping her head towards Brenda.
‘How’s things, Maureen?’ Brenda swivelled around on her mat to face her.
‘Grand, Brenda,’ Maureen fibbed. Brenda was resplendent in leopard-print leggings today. ‘How’re you?’
‘Grand, although my sister, you remember Geraldine? She came on one of our rambles.’
‘I do indeed.’ How could she forget? Geraldine was a divorcee and put Brenda to shame when it came to making eyes at the menfolk.
She’d cast her eyes towards Cathal the last time they’d ventured out into the Howth countryside, and Maureen had half expected Rosemary to challenge the woman to a duel at dawn with their hiking poles.
‘Well, Geraldine’s daughter, Catriona, is a bit too fond of the opposite sex, if you catch my drift.’
It ran in the family then, Maureen thought, but remained silent.
‘And she’s only gone and got herself in the family way with a useless eejit who sits on his arse playing video games all day. His nickname’s Fast Fingers Finbar and we’re all lighting candles in the hope the poor babby won’t get his beady eyes, bent nose, and bad skin.’
Maureen sent up a thank you that He’d seen fit to send Shay Roisin’s way. He was a fine-looking lad with a good job who loved the bones of Rosi and Noah. Brenda had inadvertently taken her mind off Rosemary and Pooh, reminding her to count her blessings, and for that she was grateful.
‘I’ll light a candle myself for you, shall I?’
‘I’d appreciate that, Maureen.’
A few more familiar faces filed in and Bee was finally sent to her mat. The chit-chat died away as Roisin greeted them all and thanked them for coming.
‘We’ll begin by lying on our mats with our eyes closed, hands resting by our sides with palms facing up, to centre ourselves.’
Roisin began using the quiet, monotone yoga voice Moira said was fingernails down a blackboard to her. She called it Rosi’s ‘I’m dealing with a roomful of eejits’ voice.
Maureen liked it. She found it very soothing and, relaxing her toes, ankles, and then shins as per Rosi’s instructions, readied herself to stretch her leg out and tap Brenda on the head with her toes because any minute now she’d start snoring.
The yoga was soon working its magic and Maureen wasn’t the least bit aggravated when, instead of doing the Cat-Cow movement like the rest of them, Bee sat on her mat rotating her shoulders back and forth.
They moved into a sun salutation flow, which she was thoroughly enjoying for the simple fact that the sun had deigned to make an appearance that day.
It never felt quite the same when it was piddling down outside.
‘Transitioning into Downward-Facing Dog,’ Roisin said in the voice.
Maureen transitioned, and various clicks and creaks could be heard around the room. She raised her head as she pushed her hips back to see what Roisin had in store for them next, only to find Brenda, hands on the floor, arse in the air, head hanging down, behaving strangely.
Sweet and merciful Jesus, what was wrong with her face?
She looked like a bulldog with a spasm in its right eye.
Or was she winking? And ah no! Maureen realised she was after waggling her eyebrows and puckering up at the new fella on the mat beside her.
She wished she could do the whistling and clicking Rosemary had used on Pooh to get her to settle down.
The woman had no shame and was bad for business.
It was a relief when Roisin, oblivious to Brenda’s harassment of her new student, moved them into the next position.
All too soon it was time for Shavasana, Maureen’s favourite part of the class.
Much like at the beginning, all she had to do was lie there and think zen thoughts.
Undoubtedly, her thoughts would insist on asking what she’d like for lunch after class, the way they always did the moment the soft, floaty music began to play.
True to form, she was soon debating a cake with cream bursting out the sides at the pirate café down the road or going home to low-fat cottage cheese on crackers when movement intruded on her zen-ness.
Maureen cracked open an eye, hastily shutting it again as a pair of tracksuit-clad legs stepped over her.
It was the new fella from the neighbouring mat, and he was in a terrible hurry to leave.
It was just as well he was wearing tracksuit bottoms and not shorts, she mused.
She couldn’t blame him for wanting to make a quick getaway after Brenda’s behaviour.
By the time Roisin closed the class with a ‘namaste’, Maureen was zen again and, after the episodes with Rosemary and Bold Brenda, had decided she deserved a cream cake.
Donal would be none the wiser.