Chapter 14
Abattering on the door saw Donal reluctantly leave Maureen’s trembling side and rush from the kitchen to fling it open.
Terence and Amanda, their neighbours, were standing there snarling fiercely.
Terence was grasping a hurling stick as though he was about to knock a home run with a baseball bat, while Amanda was dancing about on her toes trapped somewhere between being a ballet dancer and a prize fighter. She was wielding a badminton racquet.
‘Keep your hands where I can see them, boyo, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll step out of the house right now,’ Terence growled. ‘Don’t even think about running because you won’t get far. There’s only one way down this mountain and the Gardaí are already on their way.’
‘Jaysus, tell me you haven’t called them?’ Donal put his hands up but stayed right where he was in the doorway, not quite believing what was unfolding. And mountain? What mountain? They lived on a gently sloping hill.
‘It’s alright, Maureen. We’ve caught him,’ Amanda shouted, still bouncing about with a wild gleam in her eyes.
Terence began waving his stick menacingly. ‘I said outside. Now.’
‘For goodness' sake, put the stick down, Terence. It’s me, Donal, your neighbour. I live here, remember?’
‘Donal?’ Terence appeared flummoxed, lowering his stick and beginning to pat about in his pocket for his glasses while Amanda took a step closer and peered at him in the deepening twilight.
‘I think it is him all right, Terence, but something’s off. I can’t put my finger on it. What have you done, Donal?’
‘It’s his beard. He’s gone and shaved it off.’ Maureen bobbed up behind Donal.
‘So it is.’ Amanda licked her lips slowly and simpered. ‘Being barefaced suits you, Donal.’
‘He didn’t give me any warning he was going to do it and I got a terrible fright when he appeared in the kitchen just now.
I thought we were being robbed, which is why I screamed like so.
I’m sorry for your troubles and dragging you away from Countdown.
’ Maureen placed a hand on her chest. ‘But you want to feel my heart. It’s still banging with the shock of it. ’
Terence reached out to place a hand on Maureen’s heaving chest, eager to cop a feel for himself, but the look he received from Donal saw him drop his hand and take a backward step.
‘It’s a comfort to know we’ve neighbours like yourselves prepared to come to our rescue,’ Maureen continued. ‘And I want you to know we’d do the same for you.’
Donal wasn’t nearly as impressed by the vigilantes next door. ‘Next time you think we’re being robbed, it might pay not to knock and wait for the burglar to open the door,’ he grumbled. Then, hearing a wailing siren, he shook his head. ‘Ah no. You did, didn’t you?’
The next thing they knew, a vehicle with a flashing blue light on its roof screeched to a halt in front of the mews houses, sending up a spray of gravel.
No one moved. They all stared as a Garda officer clambered out.
His face was illuminated blue and then plunged back into shadow as he boomed, ‘Sir, drop the weapon.’
‘Who’s he talking to? What weapon?’ Terence asked, waving the hurling stick about as he looked from Maureen to Donal and finally Amanda.
‘The hurling stick, Terence,’ Donal told him through gritted teeth. ‘Put it down before you get yourself into serious bother.’
‘I forgot I was holding this.’ Terence stared at the stick as though wondering what it was doing in his hand and then let it clatter to the ground.
Maureen took charge, elbowing her way to the front of the huddle on her doorstep.
‘There’s been a misunderstanding, I’m afraid, Officer.
My live-in man friend here, Donal, is after shaving his beard off without telling me and giving me a fright.
I screamed blue murder and our neighbours, Terence and Amanda, rang the Gardaí before coming to my rescue. ’
‘Terence? Amanda?’
‘Is that you, Reggie?’ Amanda asked as she and Terence took a step closer.
‘It is indeed.’ The officer switched off the flashing light and engine, twirling his key ring on his finger as he sauntered across the gravel towards them.
The moment he stepped beneath the sensor light, Maureen’s eyes became orbs and she grabbed hold of Donal. ‘Well, if there’s nothing more you need from us, Officer, we’ll leave you to it,’ Maureen muttered.
But the threesome on her doorstep were too busy chortling away like long-lost friends to pay her any attention.
She didn’t muck about. Dragging Donal inside the house, she locked the door behind them.
A beardless, bewildered Donal stared at her. ‘What’s with the rush, Mo?’
‘Your Garda man out there belongs to Terence and Amanda’s special club,’ Maureen hissed.
‘You don’t mean—’
‘I do. He’s a swinger. I saw the pink flamingo dangling off his key ring just now and sure listen to them out there sharing great craic.’
They both cocked their heads towards the door.
Another round of laughter sounded.
Donal shook his head. ‘And him a man of the law. I suppose it takes all sorts.’
‘That it does, Donal, and I think you’ve some explaining to do.’ Maureen tapped her chin. ‘Don’t you?’