Chapter 1
CRYSTAL
Age Sixteen
I wake up, expecting the humiliation to be gone, but it’s not. It’s worse than ever.
How am I ever going to face Ryder again? More to the point, I’ve ruined everything between us.
He can say what he likes, but he did flirt with me, on more than one occasion.
He’s always been sweet, more so as we got older and not only that, Ryder turned from a boy to a man almost overnight. His muscular body, his bright green eyes — too pretty for a boy, as well as those long lashes I’d die for — then there’s his laugh. His smile. The way he looks out for me, for all of us. Somehow, for years on end, Ryder took on the role of protector, and I can’t say that I mind it.
This however? This is humiliation at its finest.
Rejection.
His words stung, especially the ones about me being a brat. I never asked to have parents with money. I don’t think I act like I’m spoiled, but I guess he must really think that. And that does nothing for my temper. Mom says it’s my Irish blood that gets me fired up, and she might be right, but whatever happens now, I can never face Ryder again.
“Hey.”
I sit up with a start, my heart pounding as I hear Ryder’s voice from the doorway.
He came to me?
I clear my throat. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry, Crys. You know I didn’t mean to push you away.”
Oh, no. He’s only going to make it worse, and now I’m going to cry in front of him.
“Go away.”
“Not until you say we’re cool.”
“Why does it matter?” My anger is masking my humiliation, but I plow on. “It isn’t like you care.”
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
He ignores me, coming into my room and now I’ll have the memory of him like this. Shirtless, in his boxer shorts, a contrite look on his face.
“I never meant to hurt you. You’re mad now, but in a few year’s time, you’ll see that I’m not all that bad.”
“I never said you were bad.”
He drops his head, then sits on the end of my bed. I always imagined him in my room, but never like this. In my fantasies, he was doing a whole lot more than sitting.
“But I am bad, Crys. And I’m not just sayin’ this to get you to feel sorry for me, but we’re different you and I. I’m a loser who’ll probably amount to nothin’, you have the whole world at your feet and every opportunity in the world.”
I sit up, my brow furrows in confusion. “So do you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to college, Sugar.”
“But you said?—”
“I know what I said, but kids like me don’t get to do that when you don’t have money.”
“But there are other options, community college, night classes—” I panic at the idea that he’ll be leaving, even though I know it’s inevitable college or not.
“You had to have known that.” His eyes are so pretty in the morning light. They sparkle like pretty diamonds, but they also look sad.
“I… I honestly didn’t think about it.”
“I’m gonna go get a job, an apprenticeship probably. I don’t know yet, but I do know that I’ve nothing left in Greenlark.”
“Well, that’s great you have plans.” I beam. “I mean, you’ve always loved fixing things, and there’s nothing wrong with not going to college.” Of course, I’ve had it beaten into me that college is the only way. My parents wouldn’t just disown me if I decided not to go, they’d probably cut me off, too.
He swipes a hand through his hair. “Yeah.” Somehow his answer isn’t quite what I expected. He seems… sad about it. His shoulders sag, his whole demeanor is off, and my gut wrenches.
“Ryder?”
He looks up.
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know what I want.”
“No, that isn’t true, in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve always been sure of everything.”
“Maybe I’m not sure about this,” he says. “Maybe I really don’t know where the road is gonna take me.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
His lips curl up. “Everything changes, Sugar, otherwise we’d never learn anything or go anywhere.”
“You have opportunities too.” I feel I need to reiterate that. Just because he’s poor doesn’t mean that he can’t have a good education, right? “I mean, scholarships?—”
“Wayne broke my pitching arm and ruined any chances I had of baseball as a career.” He looks away, and I could cry. I could really cry my eyes out. I forgot all about that. Ryder was the star pitcher, and everyone knew he was destined for great things. Nobody knew what really happened, but I knew. I always knew when he’d been hurt. He’d be real quiet. Shy away from talking, and even ignore me. And I’d see the bruises.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, Ryd.” I move to my knees, leaning over to squeeze his hand. “I didn't mean to bring that up.”
He shakes his head, bringing his eyes back to mine. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. It wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t destined for an easy life. I’ve come to terms with it.”
A tear leaks from my eye and he reaches toward my cheek, catching it on his thumb. I want to tell him that I love everything about him. That he’s beyond perfect and he won’t have to worry. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, despite his horrible parents.
“I want to make it better,” I whisper.
“That ain’t your job.” He brings the pad of his thumb to lips, and licks the moisture from the tip. “Your job is to make something of yourself. Be a good girl. Stay in school, but do one thing for me?”
I’d die for him, if that’s what it took. “Anything.”
He nips my chin. “Don’t go throwing your virginity at just anyone, you got me? Don’t let a precious gift go to the wrong guy, because guys are gonna try, Sugar, and they won’t care once it’s gone, they’ll move on to the next available girl.”
Oh, God. I want it to be him. I want it to be him so much.
“But I want you.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not destined for a small town life. It won’t be enough for you.”
“Then I won’t stay.”
“Of course you won’t, but with me, that’s all you’ll have.”
“No.”
He goes to stand.
“Please don’t go,” I whisper, clinging to him.
He bends, and I almost think he’s going to kiss me. His head dips, and then he plants his lips on my forehead. “Take care of yourself.”
“No! Please Ryder, don’t go!”
“What the hell is going on here?” My dad’s voice booms from the door.
I look over and my eyes go wide. “Dad?”……………