Chapter 1
Chapter 1
BEAU
T he chaos of the party fades, as the numbness slithers down into my bones. It’s easier when the silence suffocates the distractions, and I can just be another body in the room.
A body with no true emotion.
A body with no fucks to give about what’s going to happen this year… and one that sure as hell doesn’t think about the past.
Taking my place against the wall again, I tip back the glass of whiskey sloshing around in my hand. The fire of the drink no longer burns… but I guess that’s normal for someone who’s no stranger to the party life. I do a quick scan of the room, hoping to see my best friend, King, but have no luck. That’s right… the fucker said he was leaving earlier.
I flick my gaze around again… a little lower this time, hoping for a different type of entertainment. My mind can’t keep up with the speed with which my eyes travel, so my heart doesn’t drop with the first scan. However, it fucking plummets straight into the depths of agony, about half-way across the room the second time.
Jesus. Is that really her? Or am I hallucinating? Am I really staring at the very reason my black heart was ripped to shreds years ago and still remains numb to this very fucking day?
I push off the wall and move through the crowd to get a better look. My focus moves from the line of her jaw to the unknowing smile on her face, then to the length of her lashes, and her fucking memorable lips before I manage to reach her. The lingering vision of all of my nightmares combined, is circling my mind with every determined step I take.
Iris fucking Kensington.
The bane of my fucking existence. It can’t be her. She’s in Paris. Never to be seen by the likings of my kind again. She’s better than I am. So… why the fuck is she here?
If the room wasn’t spinning from the alcohol, I’d already have my hands on her. Thank fuck I’ve managed to come down from the high the line of blow I snorted off some girl’s ass put me in earlier.
She hasn’t looked in my direction yet… but I know it’s her without a single doubt in my mind. Not to mention I’m so fucking drawn to her, that my entire body knows it’s her. She’s like a goddamn magnet pulling me in, even though I’m sure there’s no good that can come from her being here. And no matter how badly this will turn out… I already know I’ll have my hands on her in less than three seconds, exposing my weakness to anyone watching… because that’s what I do.
That’s what she does to me.
She finally looks my way and even though she hasn’t spotted me yet, I could never mistake her eyes. Holy fuck… she’s beautiful.
Three more steps and I surprise her with my hand around her throat and my continued progress forward, backing her against the nearby wall. Her breath hitches as she puts a hand on my chest to brace herself.
I stare into her eyes and go over all of the things I want to say. None of them make it out of my mouth but all of them are felt through my entire being. She’s not happy to see me. If looks could kill … well, I’m well-fucking-aware that looks can torture a person because her glare is pure torment to my barely beating heart. Where the fuck has she been hiding?
I slide my thumb across her jawline, still not releasing my grip on her neck. Fuck… I missed her.
Jesus Christ. I’m conflicted… I don’t know whether to strangle her to death with my bare hands because she left me or fuck her to death because I goddamn missed her everything.
My other hand slides up her arm before moving a strand of blonde hair off of her face. Touching her once again, I’m reminded of how her skin is soft as silk, making me almost forget that I’m mad at her. Almost.
She knows better than to ask questions or play confused with me as I lean in closer. Her eyes tell me she’s unsure of what I’ll do but she’s not about to cower away from whatever that is either. It’s as if she’s recognizing the monster she’s made and is awaiting the repercussions of the past. Little does she know there’s not a chance in hell I could truly hurt her, even though she’s completely ripped me to shreds from the inside out.
“Say something,” she whispers through an exhale, but I only know that because I read her lips. The music in the background easily overpowers her soft voice. I slide the pad of my thumb over her lush lips to stop her from uttering another word. Whatever happens this point forward will be best without talking. Not that I could possibly form the right shit to say to her at the moment. How can I explain this overwhelming urge to both consume her in every way, and at the same time shove her out the door, and straight the fuck back out of my life?
My thumb slips, tugging on her bottom lip, and she uses the opportunity to swipe her tongue over it, sending my impulses into shock. She slides her fingers over my wrist and keeps us both locked in place… while my other hand grips her neck and her eager mouth sucks in my thumb. She works that magic tongue in swirls before she hollows her cheeks and draws me in deeper. It’s when she slides her eyes closed and pushes her body against mine, tilting her head back with a breathy moan, that I lose all logic and reason.
What. In. The. Fuck.
My dick is going to explode and before I can stop myself, I’ve lifted her ass into the palms of my hands, and she’s wrapped her legs around my waist. We’re both tongue deep into the kiss I’ve been trying to recreate for years.
“Take me somewhere,” she demands as I’m already pushing through the bodies in my way before her heated breath kisses my ear and sends a jolt straight to my cock. Fuck yes. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want this.
I’ve missed having Iris in my arms. Fuck if she isn’t about to cripple me into nothing more than a weak motherfucker who can’t get past first base without spilling his inexperience all over his own jeans. She’s good at this. Most likely means she’s been practicing with some fuck-face who doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air she breathes.
I pass the first three doors down the hall and head up the stairs, knowing there’s only one room I’ll be doing this in. My room . There’ll be no interruptions… because I don’t allow anyone to enter my room without permission and I sure as fuck haven’t given that out to anyone but King, and he’s gone.
She’s nibbling and kissing, going between my neck and face while she writhes against my waist, and I can’t seem to make it to my room fast enough. I get us to my door and before I can turn the knob, she bites down on my neck, freezing me mid-step so I can enjoy. Slow and steady, teeth marking my neck, sending a surge of adrenaline through my entire body. Oh fuck. She remembers.
And I fucking remember. I’m gonna spank her little ass for making me miss so much of this with her.
I finally manage to unlock the door, even though she’s doing a damn good job of distracting me. We’re barely into my room when she’s pulling my shirt up my back, scraping her nails over my flesh just hard enough to leave red marks.
And I love it.
I fucking love it.
I love it so damn much I know without a doubt I need to stop everything now. With this kind of progression, I’m spiraling right back into the blistering hell of wanting her so badly I can hardly fucking breathe. I lost her before and almost didn’t survive it. Just the memory alone wields the power to fuck me back into a darkness that I may never come back from.
At this rate, I’m signing my death sentence with each kiss and even though I know everything I’m thinking is true… I can’t stop. I’ve wanted this for years. I’ve dreamt about the first time I’d see her again and fuck if the connection isn’t even hotter than I could’ve possibly hoped for.
She tosses my shirt to the floor and reaches for her own as I pin her body between the wall and my own, the position allowing me to take over. She needs to realize I’m not letting her call the shots like I used to. I’m not allowing her to decide how things will go because she fucking sucks at it.
I take both of her wrists in my hands and pin them against the wall over her head. Her eyes lock with mine while we trade air, our breaths heavy while I’m trying to allow my mind time to catch up with my actions… because I know this is wrong.
Her mischievous grin softens to an innocent smile, telling me a lot has changed with my girl. She fucking knows how to play the game and knows how to work me to get what she wants. I’m not sure I want to give her that power anymore. I’m well aware of what it leads to and at this point in my life, I always guard my heart.
I rest my forehead against hers and contemplate exactly how much restraint I can handle having her back in my arms. She shifts to kiss me and I have to kiss her back. I need to allow myself to feel this… just once . I’m not going to rush it, but I sure as hell plan to take in every intoxicating moment I can steal.
She eagerly matches my passion while we kiss and make out until I can’t possibly take another second of not being inside of her. I need to feel her just like I used to.
“I need to fuck you, baby.” She nods and that’s all it takes for me to let her slide down so she can lose her pants. I pull out my cock and stroke it slowly while I watch her undress. She slows her movements once she notices what I’m doing and before she has a chance to pretend she’s shy, I remind her that I know the real Iris Kensington. “Don’t you fucking dare act bashful in front of me, Kens. I know you.” I slide my hand over her bare ass cheek. “I’ve seen everything.” I squeeze her flesh just before I slide my fingers between her legs. “I’ve felt everything.” She moans and leans into me, her back arching just before the warmth of my body comes in contact with her cool skin.
“I’ve seen you at your worst… and I’ve watched you come undone so hard your fucking eyes roll to the back of your head. You don’t get to pretend around me. Ever.” She turns to face me and places her hands on my chest, pushing me back a few steps until I’m backed against the wall. I watch her as she slowly slides down to her knees, all the while her eyes act as a window to all of her new secrets.
“You’ve got tattoos.” Her left arm is inked all the way down, a complete contradiction to what I know her family would approve of. My Iris has changed.
Her swollen lips wrapped around my cock becomes the newest locked in memory of her just before she sends me into a deep euphoria… straight to a place no drug has ever been able to take me. My head instinctively falls back while my eyes squeeze closed, trying not to nut the first time the tip of my cock touches the back of her throat.
I twist my hand in her hair and pull her back before she sends me sailing. A little form of punishment for myself but I can’t let this go down like this. I want to be deep inside her because I’ll never be able to walk away from her if I don’t. Temptation will either kill me or have me banging on her damn door before the night is over.
She licks her lips while I hold her in place and watch her take a few breaths. Her chest is rising and falling while her nipples bud up with anticipation. There’s an anxious look in her eyes as she gives me this power move. “Touch yourself.” My command surprises her, so I nod to encourage her. My grip on her hair tightens as she dips her hand between her legs and even though she’s still on her knees and I can’t see what she’s doing, this is absolutely the sexiest image I’ve ever seen in my life.
She rotates her hips just slightly and my life flashes in front of my eyes. Seeing all the things I would get to see and do with her… both of us smiling and enjoying life without a care in the world. Neither of our families interfering and ruining our lives just for the sport of it. Hell, even with my cock rock hard and my mind taking in every possible detail, I know nothing will come easy with her back in our lives. But this… this is easy. Always has been for the two of us.
I’ve still got one hand fisted in her hair and the other one around my cock, just waiting for the moment my mind stops with all of the interruptions. “You here to stay?” I ask. She shrugs, her gaze hooded, never pulling away from doing exactly what I ordered her to do.
“You gonna leave without a goodbye again?” She shrugs once more; this time there’s a little rip at my heart and I don’t like it one fucking bit. I grip her harder and ask again. “Kens… you gonna leave without telling me?”
“I can’t make promises, Beau. You already know how my father is.” Yes. Yes, I do… but she also knows how I am. Or maybe she doesn’t, and she needs to be reminded.
“Get the fuck up,” I demand, keeping a tight hold of her hair as she rises to her feet, pinning her to the wall the second she’s up. “Now get out .” My words hit her and the shock in her expression tells me just how deep they cut her.
“No, Beau. I’m not leaving.” Her hands move to my arms as she attempts to steady herself when I toss her hair away as if it burns.
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not. We have unfinished business, Beau.”
“Oh yeah?” She can’t be serious. She can’t think that we’re going to talk about all the shit that’s happened, and it’ll all be good once we’re done. “You hear to fuck or talk?”
“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”
“Turn around and spread your legs.” My tolerance went out the window with her daddy’s girl, fucked-up responses and it’s taking everything in me not to lose my fucking mind knowing she still tolerates her crooked ass father making decisions that could uproot her entire life on a whim.
We don’t line up as closely as we once did, so I have to bend at the knees to slide inside her. I go in fast and deep without any reservations about what she needs or wants. This is now about me and what I need. I need to fuck her out of my head and then send her walking.
I fuck her hard.
I fuck her so deep she moves up the wall with every thrust and even though she gets to the point where she’s screaming through an orgasm before I do… that wasn’t my intention. It’s only five more thrusts and I’m grunting through my release. Once my cock stops pulsing, I pull out and watch most of it splatter on the floor.
It’s her t-shirt that I grab first… so I use it to dry myself off and then toss it at her back. She exhales before she bends to pick it up off the floor.
I open the door, naked as the day I was born and even though she stands there the same, I say what my head is screaming. “Get the fuck out.” She’s shocked again at the sound of my voice, but I don’t give a shit.
“Beau.”
“Don’t. Get your shit and get out.” I stare at the wall because I can’t imagine looking at her. She’s my fucking weakness. I know it. She knows it… and it’s just a matter of time before the Brotherhood sees it.
“What the hell. Just stop. I want to talk to you.”
“There’s nothing more to say.”
“Yes, there is. We have so much to talk about.”
“Kens… I can’t. I need you to leave. Get out before I have you removed by security.”
“You wouldn’t.” She steps into her pants just before she moves in front of me to stare into my eyes.
“Try me.” A few seconds pass with us about an inch from each other. She’s still not wearing her shirt and my dick is bobbing between us as people walk by in the hallway but neither of us waver in our stance.
“You’re a psycho.” She finally puts her cum soaked shirt on and grabs the rest of her things before she stomps out the door. I slam it behind her without a single regret.
“You’re welcome,” I mumble under my breath and hope to fuck no one in the society caught a glimpse of me acting like a fucking weak idiot just now. There’s not a doubt in my mind they’ll use that shit against me during initiation and having her in the mix is the last thing I need.
But if the society did their research, they already know… I’m a fucking addict and she’s my favorite drug.