13- Landon “Breaker” Mercer
The moment I heard his voice, I froze. At first, I thought I was tweaking.
There was no way this nigga was standing there outside the gym.
It was so many things my mind was telling me to do, but nothing happened.
I couldn’t move or speak. My ass couldn’t do shit but stand there listening to him talk.
It’s like I was having an out of body experience.
I hadn’t seen or heard from him since I was a shorty, but that shit was embedded in my head.
I should have known it wasn’t a damn thing this jit could do with me, but for some reason, it didn’t feel like that on today.
I was grown as fuck, standing six feet three inches, and trained to beat niggas heads in for a living.
Even though he looked as if life had already tagged his ass for me, I was still shook without knowing why.
I was so out of it, I have no idea how I even got inside the gym.
I couldn’t feel my legs work, but somehow, Titan got me inside.
The only thing my mind could process was that I needed to get somewhere he couldn’t see me.
Looking around, I tried to find somewhere I could hide.
My chest was killing me and every breath I tried to take felt as if it stopped halfway.
Sliding down the wall, I pulled my knees up to my chest trying my best to make myself smaller.
That’s how I knew I was fucked up. I hadn’t done this since I was a kid, but here I was right back to that moment.
I closed my eyes, but that shit only made it worse.
GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!
My eyes popped open as I frantically looked around the room.
I knew he wasn’t here, but I could hear him as if he was.
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking, so I balled them into fists.
That shit didn’t help, so I tucked them under my knees.
Fuck! I hate that this nigga could still do this to me.
After all these years, and all the shit I accomplished.
The fights, belts, praises, and achievements.
All the people that looked up to Breaker, and felt like that nigga was indestructible.
None of that mattered in this moment because all that nigga had to do was show up and call my name. That mufucka unraveled me in seconds.
“Landon. Who was that?” I jumped until I realized it was Ariyah.
I heard her, but I couldn’t answer. I tried, but my mouth refused to release his name.
I wanted to tell her I was good, but I wasn’t.
A nigga was fucked up and all I could do was shake, and cry.
That’s what was pissing me off the most. I hadn’t cried like this in years.
Probably because I made sure I would never feel like this again.
That was the reason I built Breaker. He was my armor against anyone and everything.
Breaker didn’t cry. He got mad, hit hard, and broke shit. Landon, that nigga was-… Fuckkk!!!
I closed my eyes again. This time, I squeezed so hard, them mufuckas damn near felt stuck.
I didn’t want to be him. I worked too hard, so that I wouldn’t.
The lil ass apartment from the projects came into view.
My body shook as I heard the screams, shit hitting walls, and my mama screaming.
My breathing slowed as I tried not to make a sound.
I know I have to be quiet, so he couldn’t find me.
My breathing got worse, so I forced myself to open my eyes.
I was at the gym, yet I still couldn’t bring myself to exhale.
I looked down at my body, and I could clearly see I wasn’t that lil boy trapped in a closet.
Nor did I have bruise covered arms, and legs.
He couldn’t hurt me anymore, yet I was still shaking and crying.
Ariyah was squeezing the shit out of me, and that told me she was scared.
Knowing that fucked me up, and that made me want to try harder to pull myself together.
However, the harder I tried, the worse it got.
“Landon, please. Tell me what I can do to help you.” Shit, I didn’t know.
How the fuck was I supposed to answer something like that?
I wanted to be strong enough to face him.
Hell, I wanted to know how he found me, and why the fuck he was here.
What I wanted most was to go back about twenty minutes and never have gotten out the damn car. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted…
“Get Devin.” I could feel her reach in my pocket and grab my phone.
I had no idea how long she was gone because time seemed to be nonexistent right now.
I continued to rock on the floor trying to steady my breathing.
I heard the door open and close. Footsteps.
I knew he was here without having to look up.
I felt Ariyah’s arms go back around me, so I knew she had sat down again.
“Son, I’m here.” He didn’t need to announce it because my breathing slowly began to calm.
“What brought this on?” In the beginning years, I had plenty of episodes.
Pops always brought me out of them, so this wasn’t new to him.
However, it’s been years, so I could understand his question, I just couldn’t bring myself to answer him.
“It was a man outside waiting for him,” Ariyah responded once she saw that I wasn’t.
“He’s here?” Finally, I looked up. The look on pop’s face told me he knew the answer.
“Who?” Ariyah was confused.
“Where the fuck is he? I’ll kill that nigga.” The anger in his face was so evident, Ariyah jumped up when he turned to leave.
“Pops. Don’t.” It was the first words I’ve been able to speak since I heard his voice. His jawline tightened, so I tried to plead with my eyes.
“You trying to protect that nigga? I’m telling you now, I’m about to fuck him up.” He turned to leave again causing me to panic.
“Devin!” This time when he turned, you could see the confusion and maybe a little hurt showing on his face.
I hadn’t called him that since he adopted me.
“Please, don’t leave me.” The room went silent, and then his face softened.
Fuck! Dropping my eyes, I cursed myself for sounding like a lil bitch.
Like the fourteen year old kid that was scared of his own shadow.
“Aight.” He sat down next to me on the floor without saying anything for a while.
I’m guessing he was trying to figure out what to say.
“You know he can’t hurt you, right?” I nodded while looking down at my hands.
“I’m not asking you if you know Breaker can beat his ass.
We all know the answer to that. I’m saying, do you understand he can no longer hurt you?
” Pops looked over at Ariyah as if he wasn’t comfortable having this conversation in front of her.
I know I didn’t want her ass here. I hated her seeing me like this.
She probably thinking this nigga a hypocrite. Hell, I was.
“He’s your father?” I guess she finally put the pieces together.
“That nigga ain’t shit to me,” I managed to grit out.
“If he wasn’t, this wouldn’t be fucking you up.” My head snapped towards pops and I looked at him like he lost his mind.
“You know I don’t give a fuck.”
“If you didn’t, this shit wouldn’t be affecting you like this. It doesn’t mean you love him. What it means is he did some shit to you that you never dealt with.”
“I dealt with it,” I said tightening my jaw. This mufucka was acting like he was on that nigga’s side.
“Did you?” I didn’t answer because we both knew the words out of my mouth would be a lie. We all sat there in silence for a while, when I finally looked over at pops. He was staring at me causing me to finally speak.
“What? Why you looking at me like that creep ass jit?”
“You hungry?” My mouth opened and a laugh slipped out before I could stop the shit.
“No, nigga. The fuck!” Pops shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing.
“I was just asking.” I looked over at Ariyah and she was staring at pops in disbelief before a smirk crossed her face.
“Yup, he damn sure do. I just knew you was lying,” she said in disbelief.
“Told yo ass.” Pops looked at both of us confused.
“What the fuck yall talking about?”
“Nothing!” Both of us responded at the same time. Just like that, I felt normal again. Not better, but normal.
“You ready to get up out of here? You got me sitting on this dirty ass floor. Ain’t no telling what kind of ball sweat done dripped on this shit.” Shaking my head, I laughed in disbelief.
“Mannnn, you do the fucking most. Yeah, I’m ready.” He stood, so I did the same. My legs still felt a little weak, but I was able to pull myself up as well. We walked out the locker room and Titan was staring at me with concern in his eyes. “I’m good.”
“I didn’t say shit,” Titan attempted to brush me off.
“Yeah, but you was thinking it.”
“Nigga, how am I gone control what you think I’m thinking?” Titan made everybody laugh with that one. He was funny, but I was funnier.
“Because you’re on my payroll. That mind belongs to me.”
“I can always quit.”
“Naw, I’m good.” Everyone laughed again as we headed towards the front.
I nodded at Titan giving him a silent thank you.
The gym was cleared out, so I knew he did it.
Someone was always here. I didn’t want anyone to see me at my lowest, so I appreciated him more than he could ever know.
Everything was good and I was feeling like myself until we walked outside.
The way the hairs stood up on my arms, I knew he was here.
My eyes scanned the parking lot, and there he was.
Raymond. Still standing there waiting for me.
I stopped walking just like last time, but for different reasons.
My body hadn’t shut down; I just didn’t want to have a conversation.
The fact that he was still here and the look on his face told me he was going to approach me again.
All I wanted to do was lay down and forget this day ever happened.
At first, they continued to talk, but pops turned around and noticed I wasn’t moving.
He looked around until his eyes landed on Raymond and began walking that way.
“Pops, let’s just go.” Of course, he ignored me and continued.
“You done hiding now? I just want to talk,” Raymond stared at me causing me to drop my head.
“Address me.” Those two words from pops made something in me settle. I didn’t have to talk, face my past, or do anything. He had me, and he wanted me to know that. It’s the safety net he’s always been. Exactly what I needed in this moment.
“I don’t have to say shit to you. Who the fuck you supposed to be?” Raymond was pissed, but nobody out here gave a fuck about his feelings.
“You know exactly who I am.” Pops was refusing to back down.
“Landon. Are you gone keep letting everyone speak for you, or are you going to come have a conversation?” I didn’t respond. Not only didn’t I want to, but I didn’t have to.
“I said address me.”
“You think because you have money you can tell me what to do? You’re not shit to me, and you’re not shit to him.”
“What I am in this moment is his voice, and he doesn’t want to talk to you. So, go climb back in whatever hole your goofy ass climbed out of before shit get ugly.” You could hear the Chicago coming out, so I know pops is pissed.
“What you gone do to me?”
“You heard what the fuck I said. I’m not doing all this back and forth.” Pops turned to leave.
“Yeah, gone and walk away.” Pops kept walking.
“Yeah, that’s what the fuck I thought.” He still wasn’t taking the bait, and I was glad.
I just wanted to get the fuck out of here.
“Keep on playing daddy. Give him your name, it still don’t change shit.
” Pops slowed down, and you could tell that struck a nerve. I noticed it, and Raymond did too.
“Pops, let’s go.” I tried to intervene.
“A piece of paper doesn’t change his bloodline.
” Pops stopped walking and you could see a look of hurt on his face.
Raymond had gotten to him. He smiled before sending the kill shot.
"He is my son.” A look went across pop’s face that told me he was no longer there.
He turned and stalked over to Raymond. I motioned for Titan to stop him, but it was too late.
Pops hit his ass so hard you could hear something crack.
Raymond’s body shook and then dropped to the ground.
“That is my son. You’re not shit to him,” pops yelled at his lifeless body. Everyone stood there in silence until I heard a whistle. I turned and saw Ariyah with a look of amazement on her face.
“Gahhhhhhh damn.” I shook my head at her but she shrugged.
“What? I’m just saying yo daddy got a mean right hook.
” We all walked over to Raymond’s body and just looked.
All my life that nigga been a giant in my head.
Even when I’m Breaker. In the ring knocking niggas out.
Somewhere inside of me Raymond stayed huge, and I stayed small, but not now.
He didn’t look big, or powerful. Just looked like a nigga that pops knocked the fuck out.
Finally looking up at pops, I felt at ease.
“You good?” He continued to look at Raymond.
“Is he dead?”
“The nigga snoring, so I’m guessing not,” I said looking back at his body.
“Then I’m good.”
“Sounds like a solid medical assessment to me. Now, let’s get the fuck out of here before somebody come lock yall asses up, and this jit fire me for real for not doing my job.” We all laughed and began walking away.
“So, where are we eating?” Pops looked at me like I was crazy.
“I thought you said you wasn’t hungry.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Well, I am now and you buying.”
“Of course. Your rich ass never seems to have any money when I’m around.” I shrugged again.
“Hey, you my pops. That’s what you supposed to do.” He looked at me and smiled. He appreciated what I was doing. We got to the cars and he stopped walking.
“You know, I think I’m feeling like Checkers tonight.” A smile crept up my face. Checkers. He didn’t have to say it because I knew exactly why he wanted to go there.
“I definitely could go for Checkers.”