Chapter 27
Isaac
After checking to make sure Rafael didn’t return home while we were busy, Trevor drags me across the hall to the bathroom. It takes a minute for the water to heat, but he keeps me warm while we wait, dutifully tending to me after fucking me so thoroughly into his mattress.
I don’t mind the extra attention one bit.
We don’t linger in the shower, staying only long enough to clean up and then heading back to Trevor’s room. I dry my hair with a towel while he changes the sheets on his bed and stows his camera equipment.
“When will you post it?” I ask.
“Tonight or tomorrow. Everything is ready to go.”
I nod, anxious and excited for him all at once. He already has two subscribers on his site. As promised, he let me be the first. Lumi was the second.
“Can we talk about something?” Trevor asks, smoothing his bedding down before inviting me to join him.
I have a feeling I know what this is about.
Nerves roll in my stomach as I sit beside him, setting the towel on my leg.
They’re not bad nerves, because I know Trevor doesn’t judge my particular…
kinks, just as I don’t judge his brand of horny.
But there’s no denying our relationship isn’t exactly conventional, and it likely never will be.
“Go ahead,” I tell him, letting loose a small breath.
Dark eyes hold mine, gentle and kind. “Do you want me to have sex with other people?”
My breath whooshes out. “Not pulling any punches, are we?”
Trevor’s smile is small, his hand warm as he clasps my neck. “We’ve talked about it as a theoretical, nothing more. I’d like to know where you stand, Isaac. I assumed, when I set out to start this business, I’d be participating in partner work. I don’t have to. Plans can change. But…”
“But what if I want you to?” I fill in for him.
He nods, leaning close to feather a kiss across my cheek. It’s so simple and tender, Trevor doing his best to make sure I know he supports me any which way.
My voice is hoarse with emotion I’m scared to name. “Do you remember what I asked of you on our first date? At the sandwich shop?”
“You said you didn’t want me to date other people.”
“That’s right,” I tell him, lifting his face so I can see his eyes. “It’s not physical monogamy I need, Trevor. All I want is to be the one your heart belongs to. When the camera turns off and you curl up to sleep? I’m the one in your bed. No one else.”
He exhales softly, eyes closing for a minute. “And you’ll watch any time you want to.”
“Yes,” I agree, pulse skipping.
Trevor turns his head to kiss my palm. “Red… Have you considered what you enjoy most isn’t simply voyeurism…but being a cuckold?”
I still, my mouth moving uselessly for a moment.
Trevor waits patiently, bringing our hands down between us and squeezing mine tight.
“Holy shit,” I finally manage.
“You enjoy the idea of watching me have sex with others,” he says calmly, factually. “You like them touching me, wanting me. But you maintain control through the boundaries we’ve set. Cuckolding as a kink involves deriving pleasure through consensual non-monogamy.”
I nod weakly. “Yeah, I just… I’ve literally never thought of that before. Fuck. That’s… I mean, that’s exactly it, isn’t it?”
Trevor gives my hand another squeeze. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I say again, huffing a tiny laugh. “I never had a name for it, you know? Because I don’t want other people touching me.”
He nods.
“But the thought of watching them with you?” I shake my head a little. “When did you figure that out? The night we went clubbing?”
Trevor’s fingers play with mine, an almost sheepish smile on his face. “Before then. That time you came to the bar while I was working.”
“Our third date?” I ask in shock. “How?”
“You said… ‘No one touches you without my permission.’” His lips twist, as if he’s remembering the moment. “You didn’t say no one was allowed to touch me. You said specifically without your permission. You wanted to be a part of it, Isaac.”
“Well fuck.”
Trevor chuckles softly. “So I wondered.”
“It’s a little scary how observant you are, you know that? At least you’ll only ever use your powers for good.”
“Promise,” he says, lying back on his newly made bed.
I join him, my head at the crook of his shoulder, my fingers tracing over the designs inked onto his skin. A decorative owl, what looks like angel wings near his neck, the tiger on his bicep. “Trevor?”
He hums, eyes catching mine.
“We’ll have to be more careful if you’re doing partner work, won’t we?”
He nods, his head resting on his arm. “Are you okay with always using protection?”
“Yeah,” I say, knowing it’s the truth. “The first time… I want to be there.”
Trevor leans down to kiss the top of my head. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
My nicest suit is a dark, emerald green. It was my tiny act of rebellion when my dad started dragging me to business dinners and other events I didn’t want to go to.
In a sea of navy and black, at least I can be different.
I check my reflection in the mirror, smoothing my jacket down and fidgeting with my tie. Finally, I have to force myself to admit I’m ready and turn for the door.
I decide to order a cab, figuring it’ll make my eventual escape easier if I’m not waiting around for a valet to bring my car to me. There will be plenty of taxis at the hotel I can grab on my way out.
When I’m dropped off, I have a moment of panic, feeling like I forgot something pivotal.
Trevor.
I nearly laugh at the realization. Fuck, I miss him.
If he were here, his hands would be on my shoulders, big and broad and warm.
He’d tell me there’s nothing I can’t do.
That I’m fearless and fierce, and he admires my tenacious nature.
The mental image is so strong, I can practically see his reflection with me in the windows at the front of the hotel.
It’s enough to bolster me. I stand a little taller, repeating words Trevor gave me long ago. Whitman’s words.
I exist as I am, that is enough.
I find signs in the lobby directing me toward the correct event, other people inside the hotel likely here for the same reason, as fancy as they’re dressed.
The room is set up like a banquet hall, round tables and chairs in front of the stage at one end.
People are already mingling, some seated and sipping drinks or eating dainty hors d’oeuvres delivered by the staff walking the room with trays.
Everything is impeccable. The chandeliers. The decor. The people.
I hate it. I don’t want to be here.
My dad catches my eye from across the room, inclining his head before saying something to the person he’s talking to. I resign myself to meeting him halfway instead of bolting, tempting as the urge is. I’m coming to a stop in front of him far too soon.
“Isaac,” he says, squeezing my shoulder before giving me one of those manly, back-slapping hugs. “Glad to see you made it this time.”
“Told you I would,” I reply, unable to stop the iciness from seeping into my tone.
He gives me a reproachful look, and I can practically hear his thoughts. Not here. “Let me introduce you to a few people. Come.”
I follow my dad through the crowd, grabbing a glass of what might be champagne from a passing staff member. The bubbles burn my nose as I take a quick sip. I’ve just managed to clear my expression when we come to a standstill in front of a small, impeccably dressed group.
“Isaac,” my dad says, squeezing my shoulder again. “These are the Howards. Reuben and Selena have been partners of ours for many years.” Meaning they throw money at my dad’s company. He turns me subtly toward the third person. “And this is their daughter Angela.”
Oh no.
“My son Isaac,” my dad finishes.
“How nice to meet you,” Selena says, her smile kind. “You must be thrilled to be following in such big shoes.”
My brain blips, but my dad answers smoothly. “Isaac is still at university, determined to get his PhD. But I hope to see him walking our halls in the near future.”
Um…no? Hell no.
My dad’s subtle squeeze on my shoulder tells me I better not contradict him in front of his investors. I give a wan smile.
“A PhD,” Reuben says, intrigued. “In what subject?”
“English,” I answer before my dad can insert another lie.
Reuben blinks, like he’s not quite sure what to do with that information. “Oh.”
“He’s very passionate about the humanities,” my dad says, spinning my degree to best suit him. “Isaac, Angela is a dance teacher at a private school nearby.”
The pause that follows my dad’s words makes it clear I’m supposed to respond to that. “That’s nice,” I manage. “You teach kids?”
“I do,” Angela says, her nose wrinkling in a wry manner. She drops her voice to sound conspiratorial. “It’s challenging, but don’t tell them I said that.”
“Promise I won’t,” I say around a small laugh.
My dad beams. “I have a few things to oversee before we begin, but have a seat if you’d like. The smoked salmon canapés are divine.”
With that, my dad leaves me with the Howard family, the lot of them blinking at me pleasantly. Selena waves toward a nearby table. “Shall we sit?”
Not having a better idea, I follow them over to the table, Angela leaving a seat between her and her parents I’m more than certain is meant for me. Feeling horribly uncomfortable and more than positive this is meant as a setup, I plunk my ass in the seat.
My fingers itch to grab my phone and text Trevor, but I stave off the impulse, instead occupying myself with another sip of my champagne. The bubbles make me cough, and Angela offers me an understanding smile.
“Hate this stuff,” she says, her own champagne glass mostly full. “I wish they served beer at these things.”
That has a laugh tumbling from me. “I can’t stand beer either,” I admit.
“No? What’s your drink of choice?”
A hazelnut latte? “Um… I like cranberry as a mixer, I suppose.”
She nods. “That would certainly be better than this. Oh, I think that’s the salmon canapé your dad mentioned.”
Angela waves down the server, who brings a tray over for us to choose from. With small plates of food in front of us to pick at, Selena turns her regard my way.
“So, Isaac, do you have much free time as a student? Angela is participating in a showcase downtown the weekend after next. Perhaps you could attend her performance?”
Angela shoots me an apologetic smile.
I’m gearing up to politely decline what is very obviously an attempt put in motion by my father to match his gay son with a respectable, well-off woman his age when my mother’s voice rings softly in my head.
Show up as the Isaac you are. Not the one he expects you to be.
My father refuses to see me. Maybe it’s time I change that.
My palms feel sweaty as I give Selena a smile I hope comes off as genuine. “That sounds really lovely, but I’d have to check with my boyfriend first to see if he’s available.”
Selena’s mouth pops into a small O. Reuben clears his throat, determinedly preoccupied with the canapé in his mouth. I don’t look back to see Angela’s reaction.
Selena recovers with an affability much too forced. “Your father didn’t mention you were seeing someone.”
“It’s new,” I offer, not for my dad’s benefit but for the Howards’.
Angela touches my arm lightly, no hint of disappointment on her face. “Is he here tonight?”
“Um, no,” I say, chuckling despite myself. If only.
“That’s too bad,” she says with a frown. “He had another engagement?”
For a second, I flounder. The truth is Trevor wouldn’t be welcome here.
But I’m not about to disparage my father’s image in front of these people, no matter how much he’s hurt me with his casual dismissals and downright refusal to accept me as I am.
My sexuality, my career choice, my lack of interest in the legacy he wishes to lay at my feet… He can’t accept any of it.
He won’t accept that I’m not the son he wants me to be.
And…fuck. I think I’m done accepting that treatment.
“He’s running late,” I find myself telling the Howards. “Excuse me. I should check on him.”
Angela gives my wrist a quick squeeze. “If you happen to come across a bar elsewhere in the hotel that serves beer, let me know?”
I let out a laugh. “Sure thing.”
My pulse is racing as I exit the room and take a turn at random down a hall. I turn another corner and then another until I’m standing in front of what looks like a custodial closet, no one else in sight.
Calling Trevor is the easy part. What I’m going to ask of him is much harder.
“Isaac?” he says in greeting, his voice deep and warm and so achingly perfect I sag with it. “Everything all right?”
“No,” I admit. “I’m, uh…at this big product launch for my dad’s company. And, uh…”
“What is it?” he asks, sounding as if he’s picking up a set of keys.
With a start, I pull my phone away to look at the time. “Oh, shit,” I mutter, bringing the device back to my ear. “You have work tonight, don’t you? Never mind. It’s nothing.”
“Red,” Trevor says calmly. “What’s going on?”
I groan, shutting my eyes tight so I can imagine him here with me. “My dad… He’s homophobic. He’s not outwardly mean about it. He doesn’t call me names or anything like that. But he doesn’t want a gay son. He’s made that perfectly clear. And I guess…”
“You guess what?” Trevor prompts, the soothing tone of his voice causing my eyes to prickle.
“I guess I’m done hiding just to preserve the peace. I want him to see me, Trevor. I want…” With an exhale, I go on. “You. I want you here. But I know that’s not possible. It’s okay. I promise.”
“Red. Where are you at?”
My laugh sounds more like a sob. “You’re not coming.”
“I am. One of the bartenders can cover the front door for me tonight. Where are you?”
“God, Trevor. It can’t be that simple.”
He’s quiet for only a beat. “Some decisions are that simple, Isaac. You make it simple.”
Fuck.
How do you respond to someone telling you you’re worth it?
I blow out a quiet breath. “Make sure it’s okay with your boss first. Don’t lose your job over me.”
Trevor simply hums. “Tell me where you’re at. What do I need to know?”
Opening my eyes, I let myself feel hope for the first time since donning my emerald green penguin suit. “Do you happen to own anything black-tie?”