Chapter 29
Isaac
I’m in a good mood when my mom calls on Tuesday.
Her name flashes on my phone screen, covering the text Trevor sent with a picture of a bowtie he thought I’d look cute in. I accept the call, voice light. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, hon.”
Her tone has my smile slipping. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Well, mostly. Would you have some time to meet up this week? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
The crash of my pulse through my ears makes it hard to hear my own voice. “You saw your doctor?”
I nearly miss my mom’s sigh. “I’d really like to talk in person, Isaac.”
“I’m coming over.”
“It’s not that urgent—”
“I’m coming over,” I repeat.
She’s quiet for a second. “Please drive safe.”
I give some sort of goodbye before dropping my phone. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck.”
Pulling in a breath, I force myself to move. I push my school supplies off to one corner of my bed, pull on socks, grab my things, and go.
The drive to my mom’s house feels endless. I run worst-case scenarios through my head, no matter how many times I tell myself to stop. By the time I arrive, I’ve readied myself for a blow.
The front door is unlocked. I let myself in and kick off my shoes. “Mom?”
“In here,” she calls.
I follow her voice to the living room. She’s sitting on one of the sofas, what looks like a mug of tea on the table beside her.
“What is it?” I ask, unable to wait.
My mom’s gaze is so somber, my chest squeezes tight. “Sit down, Isaac. Please.”
I curse as my legs carry me toward the sofa. I sit on the cushion beside her, my foot bouncing.
“I’ve been to a few doctors,” she starts, her voice even. “They’ve done some tests. It wasn’t nothing.”
I pull in a shaky breath. “Just tell me, please. Don’t sugarcoat it.”
“I have Non-Hodgkin lymphoma.”
My breath puffs out of me.
“It’s not as bad as you think,” she says immediately.
“It doesn’t sound good,” I manage, the words wobbling.
My mom squeezes my hand atop the sofa cushion. “It’s an extremely slow-spreading form of cancer in my blood. So even if treatments don’t manage it—”
“They have to.”
“Even if they don’t,” she says again, “I’m not going anywhere for a very long time.”
I try to regulate my breathing, but from the worry on my mother’s face, I don’t think I manage it very well. My throat is tight, my chest burning, and no matter how hard I blink, I can’t clear the tears threatening to fall.
My mom doesn’t rush me to say anything. She rubs my hand, her skin warm and her presence calming. When I finally give a nod, she explains in measured detail what the doctors have told her so far.
I lose the battle against my tears before long, despite her assurances the diagnosis isn’t as dire as it could be. It’s still cancer.
It feels like days later when she stops talking, yet I know it likely hasn’t even been an hour.
I clear my throat several times, struggling to speak. “Mom…”
“I know,” she says around a shaky smile. “Life can be a real bitch, huh?”
She doesn’t stop me when I wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back, her palm rubbing up and down my spine, soft words murmured in an attempt to comfort me.
Why did Todd have to be right?
Why?
What if he’d missed it?
“Would you tell me what’s new with you?” my mom asks when we finally pull apart. She brushes an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “I could use some good news if you have any.”
I nod, my voice faint as I update her on Trevor, my friends, school.
I leave out the product launch and Dad’s disapproval at my boyfriend showing up.
It’s not worth mentioning. My mom smiles when I tell her Trevor tricked me into picking up my own birthday cake.
She knows the date is a difficult one for me.
It’s late when my mom gently urges me to return home. I don’t want to leave, afraid if I do that something terrible is going to happen.
“I’ll be fine,” my mom insists.
“If you’re having hard days—”
“Then I’ll tell you,” she fills in.
“I want to help.”
Her response is endlessly patient, her eyes warm as we stand near the door. “I hear you, Isaac. I do. I won’t hide the worst of it from you, all right?”
I jerk my head in a nod.
My mom kisses me on the cheek. “Maybe call Trevor when you get back, hm? You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”
“And what about you?”
Her smile is wry. “You know I’m okay on my own, hon. I quite like it that way. But if it’ll make you feel better, I promise to call a friend if I need it, okay?”
“Okay. Yeah, good. Um…” I puff out a breath. “I love you. So much.”
“Love you, too. Careful on your way home.”
It’s hard to turn for the door, but I manage it at last. There’s not a single detail I remember about the drive home, only that I’m pulling up to the house I share an hour later, my mom’s smile still on my mind.
My feet drag on the way up to my room. I’m pretty sure I pass someone, and when I hear footsteps following me, I figure it must be Todd. He trails me into my bedroom, coming around to the front of me when I stand there in the middle of the room, unmoving.
“Isaac?” His head pops into view, my friend craning his neck to catch my eye. “Hey…you all right?”
Shoes still on my feet, I sit on the edge of my bed and scrub my face. “No.”
The mattress bounces when Todd plunks down next to me. “Don’t tell me it’s Library Guy. I really liked him. What’d he do?”
My laugh is small and aching. “Nothing. He didn’t do anything. It’s not that.”
“Your mom?” Todd asks after a long moment.
I nod, pressing my lips together to stop them from trembling.
“Ah, shit,” Todd mutters, almost too quietly for me to hear. His arm comes around my shoulder as he forcibly tugs me to his side.
I turn my face against his neck, unable to stop the tears that fall.
“Tell me?” he asks, his hand rubbing up and down my arm.
“Lymphoma,” I croak.
I can feel him nod. “Do you know what kind?”
“Um… Non-Hodgkin? She used the term…uh, indolent?”
“That’s good,” Todd says softly, his hand moving to my head, fingers drifting through my hair. “That means it’s not aggressive, Isaac. People can live a very long time with that kind of cancer. And maintain a good quality of life, too.”
I appreciate Todd’s factual reassurances. For some reason, hearing it from him gives me the tiniest sliver of hope. Of course my mom would do her best to downplay the news, but Todd wouldn’t lie to me. Not about this.
“I don’t want to lose her,” I admit.
Todd exhales heavily. “I know, bae. We’re never ready to lose the people we love. Saying goodbye isn’t always within our control, but our choices are. So you just need to keep making the best of the time you’re both given.”
“Goddamn it, Todd. Why do you have to be so smart?”
He pets my hair some more. “Should I rally the troops? We can watch a movie tonight and veg. What do you think?”
I nod against his shoulder. “I need candy.”
“Of course.”
“And popcorn.”
Todd sucks in a breath. “You know the last time I tried to make popcorn, I smoked out the kitchen.”
“Trevor can make the popcorn. You just…maybe stay far away from the microwave, okay? And the stove.”
He nods, pulling his phone out of his pocket. I let my eyes drift shut, knowing he has it in hand.
I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until I wake some time later to fingers drifting slowly over my forehead. A gentle voice follows. One I know well. “Hey.”
I blink open my eyes, focusing on Trevor. He’s sitting beside me on the bed, a soft, if not pained smile on his face. It takes me a second to understand it.
“Todd told you?” I ask, my voice hoarse after the sleep and this fucked-up day.
“He did.”
I nod, swallowing. “Can we not talk about it tonight? I just… I need to not think about it for a little bit.”
“Yeah,” Trevor says softly. “Of course. The movie is ready. Want me to carry you down?”
“I’m guessing since the fire alarm didn’t go off, Todd asked you to make the popcorn?”
Trevor chuckles. “He did. And Lumi bought more candy than we can possibly eat.”
Satisfied as possible, I throw my arms into the air. Trevor’s smile is wide as he grabs hold of me…
And tosses me over his shoulder.
I squawk, batting his back as he stands easily from the bed. “I thought you meant bridal style! Not sack of potatoes.”
Trevor pats my ass as he carries me down the hall, the cheeky fuck.
It feels good to laugh, even if only for a moment.
Trevor tugs me around in front of him before we reach the stairs.
With my legs around his waist and my arms over his massive shoulders, we join the others in the living room.
Todd is sitting cross-legged on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in front of him.
Lumi gives me a sad smile from the chair, an entire bag’s worth of candy spread on the coffee table in front of her.
And on the other couch is Camden and…shit…Bobby? Maybe-Bobby is sitting right on Camden’s lap, Camden’s arm around him in a possessive hold.
So apparently that’s a thing.
Trevor sets me down near the couch. Todd pats the cushion before passing me the remote.
For the next two hours, the lot of us watch a movie. No one brings up the news I learned today. No one asks me if I’m all right, when they know I’m not.
It’s simple and uncomplicated. And merely a distraction, sure.
But it’s exactly what I need.
“You sure you want to do this?”
Trevor shoots me a grin as Hailey, the woman I met last time I was at the tattoo shop, prepares the piercing gun. “I’m sure.”
“It’s just… I was sleep drunk when I suggested this. That Isaac isn’t to be trusted.”
Trevor tugs me close. “I think that Isaac is honest.”
“Filterless,” I supply.
His thumbs rub over my hipbones. “Do you think I’ll look bad wearing jewelry?”
“No,” I say at once. “You’ll look hot. But you don’t have to get your ears pierced for me.”
He hums. “Maybe I like the idea of looking hot for my boyfriend.”
My groan is weak.
Hailey sets the supplies on a table beside Trevor’s chair before snapping gloves onto her hands. “Ready?”
“Ready,” Trevor confirms.
I move out of the way, and Hailey marks Trevor’s ears, taking time to make sure the dots are even before picking up the piercing gun. I wince as it goes off, but Trevor doesn’t even flinch.
I suppose he’s used to much worse pain within the walls of this tattoo shop.
After finishing the second ear, Hailey steps back. “Voila.”
“How’s it look?” Trevor asks me, not even glancing at himself in the mirror.
I swallow roughly. The earrings are by no means fancy, meant to be safely worn in freshly pierced ears, but each has a small clear gem, giving them the appearance of diamonds. They’re so delicate on a man made of muscle and intricately inked skin that I find myself at a loss for words.
Hailey smirks before starting to clean up the piercing supplies.
“Red?” Trevor asks, tugging me back between his legs.
I unglue my tongue from the roof of my mouth. “Nice.”
“Yeah?”
I nod, running my fingers through his hair and then along the shell of his ear. “Art.”
His lips twitch. “You’ve gone monosyllabic on me again.”
I grunt, and Trevor laughs.
“Ooh, I know that look,” one of the younger tattoo artists says, wandering up front with his freshly inked client. I think his name is Ace. “That boy right there is off the market.”
I can feel my cheeks heat, despite not knowing which of us he’s talking about. Maybe both.
“Raf,” Ace calls. “You ready for grandchildren?”
I decide I’d very much like a sinkhole to swallow me up right about now, please and thank you.
Trevor chuckles as Rafael calls back, “Do we needa have the birds and the bees talk again?”
Ace snorts. “Ever heard of adoption? Or fostering? Surrogacy?”
I turn to Trevor with wide eyes.
Luckily, my boyfriend takes pity on me, his voice loud enough to carry. “If you scare him off, you’ll be cooking your own Thanksgiving meal this year.”
The shop goes silent in an instant. I bark a laugh. And then another. Ace grins as I lose the battle against my laughter. Trevor’s eyes are bright as he stands, swiping his apartment keys.
“Shall we?” he asks.
I nod, and we head out of the shop to a chorus of well wishes. It’s warmer today than it’s been all year, the sun shining and only a few clouds in the sky.
“Do you have time to come up?” Trevor asks, stopping near the bottom of the staircase.
I check my phone before nodding a yes. Trevor climbs up the metal stairs ahead of me, opening the door to a quiet home.
“Do they hurt?” I ask, his keys clinking as he hangs them inside the door.
He touches one ear briefly, feeling out the jewelry there. “Not much. Just a dull ache.”
“That’s good. Today is your free afternoon, right? Are you, uh…planning on doing any work?”
Trevor’s lips twitch into a smile. “Are you asking if I have any videos to make?”
“Guess so. Not that you have to while I’m here. But…I wouldn’t be opposed to, uh…”
Warm fingers lift my chin, Trevor’s dark eyes catching mine. “Red. Want to watch me hump a pillow until I come?”
“Fuck yes,” I breathe before my brain rallies. “A pillow? Really?”
“Special request,” Trevor says, letting my chin go. He tugs his shirt off as he heads toward his bedroom. “Coming?”
I’ve never moved so fast in my life.
I do come, shortly after Trevor. And as he serenades me with improvised words far more poetic than any pillow-fucking deserves, I realize I could get used to this.
Laughing this much. Smiling until my cheeks hurt.
Feeling like, maybe, everything could be okay after all.