Chapter 21 - Arianna
Folding my arm across my face, I cough into the crook of my elbow, struggling to breathe from all the dust that's entered my lungs. Delilah rushes over with a bottle of water, encouraging me to follow her outside.
“Don't drink it,” she says as we step out into the back yard. “Slosh it around and spit it out; you need to get rid of all the dust.”
Choking, I nod fervently as I open the bottle and take a generous sip. I do as Delilah advised, sloshing around the water and clearing my mouth of all the dust we've been cleaning from the old cottage.
When I spit out into the garden, I notice the wilting flowers growing under the kitchen window and make a mental note to replant new flowers to refresh the place.
The wooden logs also needed a fresh coat of varnish on the outside, but the most important thing was taking care of the inside so Noah and I could live here.
“Better?” Delilah asks, rubbing my back gently.
“Yeah…thanks, Delilah,” I sigh, straightening up and dusting the apron I took from the pack center.
Brynta has been kind enough to send over fresh linens and promised that my job in the kitchen would still be there when I was ready to start. She can sense that I've been going through a lot, but she's not the friend I can talk to.
Somehow, Delilah has become that friend, since she's the only other person aware of my witch abilities, and about Noah being Tyler's son.
“Don't mention it, Arianna. You are a sister, and we're always there for our sisters,” she winks.
“What about…” I gulp, unwilling to say his name after last night. His reaction to learning the truth frightened me, and I've been wallowing in regret ever since.
Regret for not coming out and telling him Noah was his son the moment I returned.
Regret for deciding to tell him at all, if it would only lead to more rejection.
It's just overall regret, and it's not like he's made any effort that proves he wants to be a father. Since we left his house last night, he hasn't come looking for us.
“Tyler?” Delilah finishes for me with a thoughtful nod. “He'll be fine. Dom and Nick are coming over today, and they'll be able to drill some sense into him.”
I scoff at that. “Sense? I think he made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to see my face, let alone be a father to my—our son. I did the right thing by leaving his house. There's no going back.”
Delilah steadily turns to me, her eyes narrowing. “Do you really feel like you did the right thing by leaving in the first place, all those years ago? And don't lie to me,” she warns with a pointed finger. “I already know the answer.”
“So why do you want me to say it out loud?”
Delilah shrugs. “Maybe it'll knock some sense into you if you hear yourself say it.”
I cross my arms and glare at her. “You know…I really hate that you were in my head. I can't keep any secrets from you, can I?”
“No,” Delilah chuckles as she casually flicks her hair over her shoulder.
“We're sisters now, and sisters don't keep secrets from each other.
It's the first rule of practicing witchcraft.
We believe in community. And I absolutely hate to see you torturing yourself when we both know you shouldn't be hanging onto the past.”
I sigh heavily, shaking my head. “You don't know what it was like when he rejected me. It's not a normal amount of heartbreak. My wolf was broken; it felt like he snipped my spirit into shreds. The worst part…he was so cold about it, like he didn't have a heart and felt nothing for me.”
Delilah purses her lips as she reads the sadness in my eyes.
“Well, I can tell you that Tyler isn't the same guy he was when he first joined black ops. None of us is the same since we returned. Black ops changes you…” Delilah laments, appearing spooked by her own comment and shivering.
“Whatever reason he had for rejecting you, it must have been valid. Give him another chance.”
“I tried,” I scoff dryly, thinking about our passionate night in the woods and how Tyler treated me after. “No matter what, I'll never be what Tyler wants or needs, and I'm not gonna tear myself up about it.”
Gulping hard, I try to appear strong while it tears me up inside, and Delilah seems to notice, her eyes softening as she reaches for my hand. The warm, familiar touch of her fingers is welcome, but not the tears that well in my eyes.
“Oh, Arianna…I get it, I really do. But what if Tyler changed? What if he comes ar—”
“No,” I say firmly, cutting her off and sniffling back the tears. “He made his decision years ago, and he's never apologized for what happened back then. I'm not apologizing for lying to him, either. I did what I had to do.”
I snort and tilt my chin with defiance, wearing the mask of indifference that I've been using to keep my heart protected all along. I should have never dropped it, and that's one of my regrets now.
Tyler doesn't want me. He's never wanted me. And it's something I must make peace with.
Our inner wolves might be bound by the threads of the true mate bond, but it can be snipped like it was in the past when Tyler rejected me.
“Okay…” Delilah nods gently as she picks up a bucket and mop from the side of the cottage. “Let's finish cleaning this place, and we'll have some time to practice your visions before Noah gets back.”
I sigh as I nod, not feeling remotely comfortable in the old cottage when we’re on the edge of town, closer to danger, but I had to be out of Tyler’s house. At least Delilah is here.
***
“Practicing” my visions meant closing my eyes and focusing on one thought until my imagination conjured up an image clear enough to be mistaken for reality.
Delilah says it's my spirit walking the astral plane, tethered only to a thin, imaginary cord that will pull me back into my body the moment I open my eyes.
The ability to astral travel allows me to visit other places, leaving my body in one place. The exercise is fun, but it will also train my energy field and mind to sync up in time to have visions that will warn of danger before it comes.
It will take some time and practice, but I feel my aura and vibration strengthening after only a few days of knowing that I'm part witch.
“You tell your mama to bring you to visit Scarborough, okay?” Delilah tells Noah as she holds him tightly and carries him into the kitchen. Now that the place is clean and livable again, I prepare dinner at the counter.
“Are you sure you won't stay for dinner?” I ask Delilah as she props Noah onto his chair and gives his hair a messy fluff.
“My father's asking for me back in Scarborough, or I'd have stayed the weekend,” she pouts disappointedly. “Plus, the guys are here, and I'd like to ruffle their feathers a bit before I leave.”
“It's still hard to imagine how you managed out there in black ops,” I click my tongue.
“Oh, I might be all soft now because I'm with you, but I'm really a tough cookie out there. Besides, I needed to be away from Scarborough for a while. It did me some good. There's so much pressure…” she shivers. “Well, enough of the dark and gloomy,” she grins. “I'm gonna be off.”
I nod as I step around the counter and wrap my arms around Delilah. When we slide back, we're holding hands, and I stare into her warm eyes.
“Thank you for everything, D. I mean it.”
“I know you do,” she smiles back warmly. “Now, you take care of yourself, and our little Noah-kins, okay?”
I nod as I see Delilah out, sighing as I watch her stroll toward the opposite side of town where Tyler lives. I return to the kitchen to finish dinner preparations, and Noah remains quiet.
“What's wrong, bubba?” I ask with a frown. “Was school not good today?”
He shakes his head slowly, staring at a crack in the wooden table. “Not school.” He lifts his head and meets my eyes with sadness lurking in his, and he pouts. “Why we leave Tyler house?”
“Oh, Noah-kins…” I sigh as I set down the knife. “It was time to leave. We couldn't stay there forever. We have a home of our own.”
Noah nods slowly, but his eyes remain on me when he says, “But Tyler, my daddy, ain't he?”
My jaw drops, and my heart sinks as I widen my eyes at my son. “Wh—what did you say, bubba?”
Noah shrugs and lowers his head with a heavy sigh. “Tyler, my daddy,” he repeats, and I instantly rush to his side, crouching to look up into his eyes.
“H—how do you know that, Noah? Did someone say something?” I ask, wondering if the secret got out and the pack has heard that their alpha is already a father with an almost-four-year-old. But Noah shakes his head, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout as he points to his chest.
“I know, Mama. I feel here he my daddy.” Noah lifts pleading eyes at me. “I right?”
I nod slowly, realizing it must be Noah's inner wolf that is stirring at this ripe age, and he must have sensed the paternal link with Tyler. Of course, he would. He's so sensitive, and yet, so strong for his age.
He's my special boy, and my heart aches as I pull him into my arms, my chest tightening as I hold him close.
“Oh, honey…he is your father…you would know, because you're just like me…you're just like us…a werewolf,” I sigh.
“I gonna get big, hm?” Noah perks up, and I giggle nervously.
“Yes…one day, you'll get to do what you saw Mama do before we got here. But you have to promise not to tell anyone about Tyler. Can you do that for me? Can you keep it a secret?”
Noah nods fervently and draws back so I can see his grin.
“Yes, Mama! I know from day one, but I say nothing,” he giggles nervously, and I stare fondly at my little pup, who doesn't stop surprising me, even if I'm faced with a new dilemma.
How am I going to explain to him that his father probably doesn't want to be a dad? Dumping the news on Tyler the other night seemed to have scared him off, and we haven't seen him since.
He's hasn’t shown any interest in Noah being his son, and now his son knows.
It almost feels like just like he'd rejected me, he'd reject his son.
My heart breaks for my child as I soothe his little body, wondering how he's going to grow up knowing his father is the alpha of this pack and won't acknowledge him.
When Noah seems to change the subject by asking what's for dinner, I go back to the stove, continuing to prepare our meal while my mind races.
It's not how I expected things to go, but truthfully, I had no idea how they would once Tyler found out about Noah. There's a part of me that longs for his acceptance and his understanding that I did what I thought was right, but it's probably asking for too much.
Noah and I have dinner while he tells me about his day, his speech improving drastically since he joined the local nursery school. In the end, coming back to Portland wasn't so bad, after all.
Apart from the looming threat of the mutated rogue wolf who's after Noah, things aren't so bad, after all.
My reason for coming back to Portland might have been to keep us safe, but Noah is adapting well, proving that the environment is good for him.
It's a bonus, since we’ll always be protected here instead of out there, like in Salem.
Moonshine won't allow harm to come to any of their wolves, and we're safer here than anywhere else.
Especially now that I know why the rogue wants Noah.
After putting Noah to bed, I'm about to settle into my bed for the night, when I have the sudden thought to astral travel and see where Tyler is.
It's not impossible, but it's probably immoral, intruding on his privacy just to quench my curiosity.
No.
It doesn't matter what he's doing. He doesn't care about us, and that should be enough reason to keep me from spying on him.
Shaking off my silly idea with a nervous chuckle, I climb into bed, about to throw my head on the pillow, when I'm gripped by a vision.
That vision again.
The same vision I had before, but this time, it's clearer, with James's motives instilling fear in my chest.
Only this time, I'm not the one running, but the one chasing through the woods, in search of my son.
James already has him. My heart feels like it's going to explode in my chest with how fast it beats, as panic blurs my eyesight.
“No!” The vision cuts off when I gasp and cry out, terrified by what I'd felt in the vision. The sheer panic was too real to be contained to just the vision, and spurs me off the bed, onto my feet, to check up on Noah.
My heart is about to burst when I find his bed empty, the curtains billowing inside from the open window.
“Noah!” I cry out in urgency, my whole world destroyed in that moment.
The vision didn't come in time.
The rogue already has my son.
I have to get him back. But I have to get help. I'm dead if I go after the rogue myself.