Chapter 9 - Elias #2
“I’m aware of that,” she said. “But you and I aren’t a couple in any way, shape, or form. We might be mates, but that’s it, and that’s entirely different.”
Something about the words stung, and it took a moment for me to process them. As much as I wanted to deny it, as much as the mating bond rebelled against what she was saying, I recognized the truth in her words.
“All right,” I said, leaning forward and propping my elbows on the table. “Let’s hear your thoughts.”
“First of all, yes, I’m aware we have to live in the same house,” she said. “That doesn’t mean I am going to suddenly take on the role of housekeeper. We are not a couple. I’m happy to make enough food for dinner, since I’m already cooking for two.”
“So, are we just supposed to be like roommates?” I asked.
She shrugged, something like discomfort on her face, but it was there only for a moment. “Right now, we aren’t much more than that. We barely know one another.”
I laced my fingers. “Okay, but I think it would be better if we at least make an effort to get to know one another better now that we’re older. I think we should at least spend some time together on our own.”
Her lips pursed, but she gave a short nod. “We can do that. Anything else?”
“We need to at last pretend to care about one another, to like each other,” I said.
“The pack is going to expect it. You said you’re worried about how the pack will see you.
If they think we aren’t a combined pair, they’re never going to accept you.
And that’s nothing to say about pack morale.
Right now, we need to show a united front.
There’s enough fear because of this sand wraith that I wouldn’t be surprised if they saw the two of us not being together as some sort of portent. It will only exacerbate things.”
She nodded, her jaw tight. “I heard about the sand wraith,” she said. She hesitated. “I also heard that some kids are shifting early. That’s not…” She swallowed, glancing outside, as if she could see her daughter on the bus right then.
“It’s true,” I said. I wasn’t going to lie or sugarcoat it, not this. Emma deserved to know. “I don’t know if it will happen to Grace since she’s only just arrived, but there’s a chance. And these early shifts are only making the pack panic more.”
“And we don’t want to cause even more disruption,” Emma muttered.
I wondered if she noticed that she had used “we,” but I didn’t mention it as she drummed her fingers on the table speculatively.
Her hazel eyes met mine. “I also think it would be best for Grace. She’s at that impressionable age where she isn’t going to understand the complexities of mates compared to actually liking someone, and I don’t want her to have to deal with that reality just yet.
And then there’s the chance that it might get more complicated for her at school if word does get out. ”
“So, in public, we are considered a united front and will behave the way fated mates should behave,” I said. “What about in private?”
“I’m not sleeping with you,” she said. “In any sense of the word.”
This time, I couldn’t hold back the irritated snarl. How the hell did I explain to her that since the mating bond, all I wanted was to take her up to the bedroom and fuck her senseless? To claim her in every sense of the word? To see her moan and writhe beneath me?
“You do know that’s going to put a strain on the bond,” I said, trying to keep my tone even.
“I know,” she said. “But I need my boundaries. Neither of us is here because we wanted to be together. We were forced into the bond.”
She had a point there. That didn’t mean my wolf was happy about it. And neither was I. Just being this close to her without touching her felt unbearable. I couldn’t understand why she was so reticent to at least try to be a couple.
I drummed my fingers as I considered her. “I can understand all of this, but I do have a legitimate question that I have to ask you.”
She didn’t stiffen, but she did give me an almost uneasy look. “Which is…?” she prompted.
“Does this have to do with Grace’s father? Is that why you don’t want to complete the bond?”
It had been bothering me since I had first found out about Grace, but I hadn’t had the chance to bring it up yet. I knew nothing about him, and the last thing I wanted was for him to come and stir up trouble. And if Grace and he were still involved…
My wolf bristled at the thought, and I tried to keep his reaction off my face. The mere thought of someone else touching Emma set my teeth on edge.
On top of that, now that the thought of Grace’s birthday had crept into my mind, I couldn’t get it out.
If Grace really was my daughter, then this would be the perfect time for her to tell me.
And, to my surprise, part of me hoped that was the case.
Grace seemed like a good kid. I could see myself growing to like her.
She stared for a long moment, her full lips parted. I waited, surprised when I noticed my heart starting to pound. Then she gave a small laugh as she shook her head.
“No,” she said, amused as if at a private joke. “No, you don’t need to worry about him.”
I tried to shake that small crystal of disappointment. “He isn’t going to come to visit Grace? Or you?”
She shook her head. “No. He won’t. He’s been out of the picture for years.”
The words put my wolf at ease, and I gave a nod, trying to keep the relief off my face. “So what exactly is it?” I asked. “I just want to understand.”
She sighed. “I don’t want to complete the bond because I always wanted my mating to feel real.
I didn’t want it forced on me.” She raised her hand before I could speak.
“I know. That’s not how it works. There are plenty of fated mates who can’t stand one another.
But I’m not going to accept it just because that’s what I’m supposed to do.
” She took a deep breath before she added, “If I accept the bond, I want it to be because I decide, not because it has to happen.”
I didn’t respond right away, though the words took me by surprise. It was a far more nuanced take than I had expected. There were a lot of things about Emma that took me by surprise, it seemed.
“One more question,” I said. “You say all of this is because we aren’t together.
We’re mated, but not together, and I get the feeling that if I had treated you differently that night, this might not be an issue at all.
I was a kid, and an idiot.” I raised an eyebrow.
“So what if I told you I’ve changed since I was a kid, and I wanted to actually be with you? ”
She sucked in a breath, biting her lip before glancing away. I watched as her jaw tightened even as a faint pink traced up her cheeks.
“I would say that I don’t deal in theoretical. We have a long journey ahead of us before that ever happens,” she murmured.
I should have realized it days ago. I should have realized it that morning in my bedroom, just how much rejecting her then had shaped her and her feelings for me.
And the more time I spent with Emma, the more I realized how horribly I had mangled that situation.
Even if I hadn’t thought that us being together was a good idea, I could have let her down more gently. I could have treated her kinder.
I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
My chair squeaked as I pushed away from the table. Emma watched as I came to stand in front of her. I crouched until we were at eye level.
“I know this hasn’t been easy. I know I haven’t helped on that front. I promise I’m going to make your and Grace’s transition into the pack as smooth as possible. I want you to be happy here, to feel welcome.”
“Not everyone here feels that way,” she pointed out.
“If someone mistreats you, I want you to tell me,” I growled. “You’re their luna, my mate. They’re going to have to get used to you and respect you.”
She shook her head, surprising me. At least until I saw the steely look in her eyes, the look that somehow made me want her even more. I didn’t know if this woman knew what an incredible backbone she had.
“I want to earn their respect. I don’t want you to force it on them,” she said.
A grin flickered across my face as a flash of admiration ran through me. “I can respect that,” I said. “And I can respect the rest of your requests.”
I reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear. Her scent, which seemed to draw me in more and more with every waking moment, wrapped around me, and it was all I could do not to kiss her, to claim her. But if she didn’t want it, then I would work for it.
“I hope that, one day soon, these agreements won’t be necessary,” I said. “I want to prove myself to you, Emma. I’m going to be the mate that you want and deserve. I promise.”
She met my gaze, her expression unreadable.
“I’ll hold you to it,” she finally said.