thirteen #2
“Callisto, that's when a victim falls in love with their captor.” The words come out carefully as if Nico is trying to get me to understand. I nod, swallowing my food. “So, are you saying you’re in love with Leo?”
“What? No. I don’t love him, but like…” I trail off, trying to think of the right words to say. “I guess I just kind of understand him more? I don’t know. I don’t hate him anymore, even though I should. He kidnapped us, but it’s hard for me to hate him, and I don’t know why.”
“Oh. I’m not seeing how this correlates with him letting you out. This actually sounds like the direct opposite. It usually takes years for victims to develop Stockholm Syndrome. You’ve only been around him a couple of days…” Nico’s sentence trails off, as if he doesn't know what else to say.
“Ci siamo baciati.” Saying it in Italian makes me feel better.
“Boss…” Nico’s words have a threatening edge that I haven’t heard from him before.
“We kissed,” my translation is quiet. I glance over at Nico, who looks shocked again.
I uncomfortably fidget in my seat. I have never talked to anyone about my love life or lack thereof.
I wasn’t the type to kiss and tell. To do so is in bad taste, but I need to talk to someone about it.
I’m going crazy trying to keep it all inside.
“You what?” Nico’s voice is high and slightly hysterical.
“That’s what led to him letting me leave the house. We were in a huge argument, screaming at each other, which I know doesn’t sound like me at all.”
“It doesn’t.”
“I swear I don’t know what got into me. I just wasn’t acting like myself. Anyway, we were in a huge argument, and I don’t know how it happened, but we kissed. We kissed then he stormed off, leaving me alone for a few hours. When he came back,
he acted like nothing ever happened and told me we were going on a field trip.”
The recollection of events comes out of my mouth rapidly, like projectile vomiting.
As if my body is purging the poison I have ingested from the situation.
“Holy shit, Callisto. I mean crap. Sir. I’m sorry, sir. I know you don’t like it when I curse.” Nico’s cheeks redden.
“Va bene.” I wave away the apology, but a few days ago, it wouldn’t have been fine.
I would have reprimanded Nico for it, but things changed.
That’s what’s making me so uneasy. I’m a stranger to myself now.
I moved the wrong way, and the filter I was seeing the world through snapped off.
I can’t figure out how to put it back on.
I’m not even sure I want to. “But there’s more.”
“What?” Nico asks, food seemingly forgotten. He’s looking at me as if he has never seen me before, a stranger in front of him.
I take a deep breath, unsure if I can actually say it out loud.
Telling Nico about our kiss was difficult enough.
I need to though because it’s eating me alive.
“We kind of… umm… dry humped?” It came out like a question, but it is definitely a fact.
I remember it very well, and my cock remembers it too since it’s reacting in my borrowed sweatpants.
Stupid cock. Now you decide to be interested in a guy when he’s a criminal.
“How do you kind of dry hump? How did that even happen?” Nico’s expression is one of total shock. I wince at the questions because it was the very same ones, I was asking myself last night then this morning.
“We came back from our day out, and he got us some ice cream out of the freezer. We sat on the couch eating it and watching some TV show…” My recounting is cut off by Nico.
“You ate ice cream and watched TV. You’re really scaring me.” Nico’s eyes are wide. To anyone else it may have sounded like a joke, but I know it’s not that at all. Shock and concern bleed heavily through Nico’s voice.
“I know. That’s what I’m saying, Nic,” I respond, voice distraught, on the verge of a whine. I rub my neck, hoping Leo didn't leave a mark there last night. I'm not ready to unpack how much pleasure that gave me, and I'm especially not ready to talk to Nico about it.
“Please continue.”
“Okay. Well, we must have fallen asleep at some point. I really don’t remember. I remember being tired and resting my head on his shoulder when he was telling me about how he met Daron. Then I woke up to Leo grinding on me. It felt so good. And I was half asleep. I’m sure he was too,
and suddenly we’re humping on the couch.”
I remember every detail of the night before.
I was groggy. It shouldn’t be seared into my brain, but here I am, getting hard from the images playing in my head. How hot Leo's mouth felt on my throat.
“Holy shit.” Nico’s mouth hangs open.
“We didn’t kiss again. We just grinded against each other. He was talking so dirty, and I was so into it which is strange considering I’m usually not. Then again, I’m not usually into criminals, but here we are,” I continue, feeling like I can’t stop.
“Then what happened?” The question is hesitant; Nico doesn’t want to know, yet a strange investment pulls him in. I’m trapped in that same orbit, only it's my life, and I don’t get the luxury of choosing to look the other way.
“Well then we um... we…” I pause, my cheeks heating in embarrassment.
I bite my lip, trying again, “We… umm… orgasmed. Like… together. Orgasmed together.”
I choke on the word, stuttering it out amongst more rambling.
I could not think of a proper way to say it, so I went with the technical term.
I can’t say that I have never had good sex, but it was usually pretty vanilla.
Only having tried a few positions and never making anything close to a dirty comment.
This was different, and it wasn’t even sex.
“You guys came in your pants?” Nico’s voice is entirely hysterical.
I nod, my face burning so hot, I’m certain it is on fire. I want to sink through the kitchen tile, but instead I avert my eyes to the very floorboards I want to disappear into.
“I mean… I- Fuck. Shit. Didn’t mean to say that. I- I’m sorry. Callisto. I mean Sir. I mean… I-”
I look up to find Nico completely stuck on the words, his jaw practically hitting the counter.
His expression is thoroughly unhinged, and something inside me snaps.
I burst out laughing. The whole situation is absurd, and that fact makes me laugh harder.
Nico looks at me as if I have grown a second head, then he cracks a smile, eventually leading to laughter of his own.
“I’m sorry. You should just see the look on your face,” I manage to get out, wiping my eyes and attempting to breathe.
“I’m just so shocked.” The words come out with Nico’s laughter.
I don't even know what we are laughing at anymore, but it feels good.
It feels like I haven't ever laughed like this, without a purpose.
Laughing just to laugh. I have always felt like I had to play the part of a sophisticated person, and I have played that role for so long, I somehow became it.
It took over my entire being, and I forgot who I was before.
Maybe instead of changing, I am rediscovering who I am or who I should have been.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” My expression falls. My gut still aches with the remainder of the happiness I had found for a fleeting few moments. I wipe my eyes again, focusing on Nico’s face. His smile has faded, replaced by something contemplative.
“Do you feel like he has manipulated you in any way?” Nico returns my question with one of his own.
“No,” I sigh because lying to Nico would accomplish absolutely nothing.
“Nothing he’s done has felt manipulative. He hasn’t been overly nice or mean then nice. We got into that argument, but I don’t think he let me out of the house as a way to get me to forgive him or to manipulate me into liking him. I think he wants me gone as much as I want to be gone.
I want my life to go back to normal, but I can’t lie to you. Nothing he’s done has felt manipulative. He seems… not so bad.”
“Then you have your answer.”
I glare at him. “That’s not an answer.”
“Fine. Then here’s an answer. You can like someone and still remember they kidnapped you.”
“Can you?” I ask.
Nico shrugs, and I drop my face into my hands.