fifteen
“I’ll never let you get hurt like this again.”- Leo
“Please get off me! I don’t want this. Please,” she wails. De Luca is pinned over her, tearing off what’s left of her clothes with a meaty hand while she struggles against his weight. My world narrows to a blur of blond hair and the piercing echo of her cries.
“Quit pretending you don’t want it, baby.” De Luca leans down to kiss the maid. Coffee curdles in my stomach, locking my muscles rigid. She flails, her head accidentally catching him right on the nose.
“You fucking bitch,” De Luca spits, and before I can react, he back hands her. She cries out in pain.
“Get the fuck off her,” I growl, grabbing De Luca by the shoulder and pulling him from the helpless girl.
He lets out a noise of surprise. I draw my gun, holding it up and De Luca freezes.
I glance over at the girl, getting ready to ask if she’s okay.
My words die on my lips. Her eyes. I know her eyes. They’re the same as mine.
“Violet?” I ask, more bile rising in my throat as my eyes roam over the bruised and beaten body of the girl I barely recognize.
She’s crying, her left eye and lip already starting to swell.
She also has red marks on her arms and legs where De Luca put his grubby hands on her.
Everything goes red. I lunge for De Luca, but Daron grabs me.
“Let me fucking kill him. That’s Violet. He was trying to rape my sister!” I yell, lunging again at De Luca who smiles sickeningly sweet, his dick still out as he holds his arms in the air. Fletcher has his gun out now, the barrel trained on De Luca.
“You can’t. We need him, Sully.” Daron holds me back firmly, but I don't hear him.
All the blood in my body rushes to my ears, leaving nothing but the violent, deafening thump of my own heart.
Violet’s cries make their way through, but they seem further away than they were before.
I rip my eyes away from De Luca to see her retreating form as she runs out the door.
I’m torn. Torn between draining every drop of De Luca’s blood through his exposed dick and going after my sister to make sure she’s okay. My eyes dart between De Luca and the open door Violet disappeared through. My rage lessons, clarity coming back into focus.
“Fuck. I’ll go after her. Tie this bastard up,” I say to Daron and Fletcher, concern for my sister calming my rage. I run after her, catching up quickly. I grab her arm, pulling her so she’s facing me.
“Leo? Is that you? Oh my God. Leo.” Her eyes widen in realization, voice breaking with emotion.
The next thing I know, my sister is in my arms, squeezing me so tightly the air is pushed from my lungs completely.
It’s surreal. I never thought I would see her again outside of the scattered newspaper clippings I kept in a book hidden away in my room.
I never thought I would see anyone in my family again after everything that happened, but she’s real.
“What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice in my ear as she continues to squeeze me.
“That’s… um… that’s complicated. How badly did he hurt you?” I ask, pushing her back so I can look at her.
She is so different from what I remember. She has grown up so much, and I missed every single step of it. Who was her first boyfriend? Did he break her heart? When did she start dying her hair? Wearing makeup? What does she like to do? I know none of this. I missed it.
I can remember everything that ten year old Violet did. She loved braiding hair and My Little Pony. She had a crush on the neighbor but was too shy to speak a word to him. This Violet… She’s a stranger with the same face as a memory.
“I think I’m okay. You came before he could really hurt me. He–he told me if I didn’t stop screaming, he was gonna gag me with his prick. I was so scared, Lele.”
A single tear rolls down her beautiful face.
My heart breaks at the familiar nickname coming from a stranger’s lips.
Her voice isn’t even the same. It’s no longer high-pitched, on the verge of whiny.
It’s mature, much like the features of her face.
I blink, shaking my head a few times, trying to get the image of my 10-year-old sister out of my mind to focus on the 24-year-old sister in front of me.
“I know, honey Vee. It’s okay.” It’s a lie because everything is not okay.
Not okay at all. “I’ll never let you get hurt like this again.”
I wipe her face with my thumb then pat her hair.
I’m out of practice with comforting people.
When 10-year-old Violet would scrape her knee, I knew exactly what to do.
I would get her favorite pony bandage and carefully doctor it up.
I would kiss the bandage once finished, wipe her tears, then do something to distract her.
I know none of that would work now. I don't know what comforts her.
“Is she okay?” Daron's voice comes from behind us.
I turn to see him looking between us hesitantly.
Daron knows how much my past haunts me, and the concern is written all over his face.
“Drummer Boy is watching De Luca. He’s tied up. Gatekeeper’s watching the cams. All the guards are either dead or tied up, but if one of them gets loose, he’ll let us know.”
Daron uses our code names to communicate.
It’s smart. Violet doesn’t need to know our real names.
“Mostly. Watch her. I need to call Uncle P. He’ll know what to do.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket. I trust Daron with Violet, but I still keep them in the corner of my eye as I speed dial Peadar, walking down the hallway and out of hearing range.
I pull out my earpiece, turning it off as I hold the phone up to my ear. Peadar picks up after three rings.
“What went wrong?” he asks by way of greeting, his voice slow and measured. I swallow, nervous. I have no idea how to handle this situation. It’s unprecedented.
Daron drapes his jacket over her trembling shoulder.
Fuck. I should have thought about that. I’m her big brother.
I’m supposed to protect her. What kind of brother lets her stand, shaking with torn clothes?
I already failed at protecting her from De Luca, and now I’m failing her once again.
Cursing myself, I duck into the stairway so I’m out of sight.
“My sister’s here,” I say, pulling my necklace from under my shirt. I listen to the zipping sound it makes as I slide the pendant back and forth on the chain. The feel of the lion’s head is comforting, almost grounding.
When Peadar stays silent on the other line, I continue, "De Luca was trying to rape her when we went into his room.
Guess she was working as a maid for him.
She recognized me.” I whisper the last part in hopes that Peadar didn’t hear the confession.
I know he heard, though. I can tell by the silence on the other end of the line.
“Well, you know what to do, Leo. We don’t leave civilian witnesses,” Peadar says after a few moments, and my heart drops. My gut churns at Peadar’s words. Fuck. I may throw up. All I have in my system is coffee. I need a cigarette, or I’m going to lose it.
“What? No. I can’t. She’s my little sister. I haven’t seen her in almost 15 years. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
My voice breaks. Tears prickle my eyes, as I try to speak through the lump that has formed in my throat.
Peadar cannot expect me to do this. He knows what happened between me and my family.
Violet is innocent— just a little girl. I just met her again. I can’t.
“Leo, she stopped being your family over a decade ago. They abandoned you, but we took you in. We took care of you. We take care of each other. We’re your family now. You want to keep your family safe, don’t you? It has to be done. She is a liability now.
She must be removed in order to keep us safe. I’m trusting you to make the right decision, Leo. Can you do that?”
Peadar asks, his calm voice a direct contrast to the stairway that is currently spinning in front of my vision. I can’t breathe.
“Please don’t make me. There has to be another way. She can hide– another country or another city. She won’t say a word. I will personally ensure it. She’s so young. She’s innocent in this. A bystander who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She has so much more to live for.
She doesn't deserve to die, especially at the hands of her brother. Please. Don’t force my hand on this.”
I shake my head, blinking back tears. I do not cry. I will not cry.
“She’s a stranger to you, Leo. Blood doesn't make a family—loyalty does. You know what happens to bystanders,” Peadar says, tone unwavering, leaving no room for negotiation.
“I can’t, Peadar. I just can’t. I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you, but I can’t. I know you all need me to keep you safe. I know that. I swear. You all are my family, but I can’t kill her.”
My legs go weak, forcing me to sit down on the stairs.
I need to find a way out of this. Peadar’s right, though.
I don't know Violet any more than I know Callisto, and I would’ve killed Callisto had Peadar asked me to.
Fuck. Maybe I am as evil as Callisto believes.
Maybe Peadar is, too. How could he expect me to do this? How? Bile rises in my throat.
“I see. Well, have Daron or Fletcher do it.” Those words hit me like a punch.
“They…” I start, but Peadar cuts me off.
“You don’t have to be the one to do it. Just see that it’s done.” There’s finality in Peadar’s tone. He’s not going to change his mind no matter how much I beg. Does he even care about me at all?
“Yes, sir,” I respond after a few moments, taking a deep breath. I want to pretend this never happened. Continue to believe that Peadar cares for me and justify his actions against innocent people.
“That’s my boy. Now get to work. I expect a report on my desk about your findings tomorrow.”
The words leave Peadar’s mouth wrapped in a smug, unmistakable smile.
My stomach churns, the coffee threatening to reenter the world once more.
It’s not enough. I am still in so much pain my body is slowly breaking from the pressure.
Something's got to give, and it may be my sanity.
“Okay, sir,” I manage to get out before I disconnect the call.
All I can picture are Violet's features, the ones I became reacquainted with after so long.
Her face morphs into that of the little girl from my memories, but her eyes, the same ones she has now, are dead.
They used to sparkle with light as I tickled her until she was gasping for air.
The light in her eyes and the breath in her lungs will be gone soon because of me.
I told her that I would never let her get hurt like that again.
I’m a liar. A pathetic liar. She’s going to get hurt.
All because of me. I can’t protect her. I can’t save her.
I can’t do anything. I’m useless. The same as De Luca.
Maybe the only difference between us is that I lie to myself about what I am.
A monster. Just like De Luca. Just like Altieri.