eighteen
“I would never hurt anyone here, or anyone period.”- Callisto
“Where are we?” I ask, looking around at the street we’re parked on, as I fiddle with my tracking bracelet in nervous anticipation. It’s the afternoon, the sun’s bright in the sky but providing very little warmth.
Leo doesn't answer. He gets out of the car, and I have no choice but to follow suit, my curiosity getting the better of me.
I shiver when my body meets the cold air outside, the wind cutting through me.
It’s one of those days that seems to get colder as the hours pass by.
I hold my borrowed coat tighter around me, hunching over to protect myself from the elements.
I look around while I walk, not recognizing the street we’re on.
It’s definitely a more impoverished part of town; the buildings are run down with improper care.
People are leaning against them, attempting to shield themselves from the cold, their hands dirty and their clothes ragged.
A pang of sympathy shoots through my chest because they must be freezing.
I still don't understand why Leo brought me here and what this has to do with our argument or the man he killed.
I follow Leo inside a large building, the hinges on the door creaking as he forces it open.
The smell hits me first, thick and inescapable.
The only way I can describe it is rotting meat coated with a layer of dust.
I try to not cringe at the aroma, but it’s difficult not to.
I glance at Leo, finding him unfazed as we walk further inside.
We turn a corner, and my eyebrows reach my hairline.
We are in a large room, bunk beds lined up with people lounging about.
I look around, taking in the appearances of the occupants.
They all look young, really young, probably teenagers.
Some may be even younger. I try to keep my eyes trained on the back of Leo's head, but it’s hard to ignore the stench or the startling appearances of some of the young faces surrounding me.
Some have matted hair. Some have open sores on their face and neck.
Some have holes in their clothes or shoes.
Others aren’t even wearing shoes. The chatter immediately quietens as I walk through.
All eyes land on me and embarrassment heats my cheeks.
They aren’t giving Leo the same looks, as if they know him.
“Leo! What are you doing here?” A voice says, catching my attention.
A woman is walking up to Leo, wearing a kind smile.
She has a deep complexion, smooth and flawless with dark hair pulled into a ponytail.
Her voice is deep and soothing. I wonder if she is transitioning or has transitioned.
I don't want to ask though because it would be rude.
She’s older, probably closer to my mom’s age.
A button that says ‘she/her’ is pinned to her shirt that says ‘Homeless Not Hopeless’ and oh.
It’s then that I realize that we’re in a homeless shelter.
It all adds up, and I silently kick myself for not figuring it out sooner.
Why are they acting as if they know Leo, though?
“Oh, you know, the usual,” Leo responds, a large smile lighting up his face. A pang of jealousy stabs my stomach. I don't get to see him smile like that very often, but he easily did it for this woman.
She’s shorter than Leo, so he has to bend down to reach her for a hug, and I can’t help but wonder if he would bend down to hug me.
He’s quite a bit taller than me, after all.
It is then that I decide if I ever hug Leo, I will get on my tiptoes because his back doesn't deserve that kind of punishment.
What am I even thinking? I don’t want to hug Leo.
I am still mad at him. I need to keep my brain in check.
“Oh. The usual, huh? Okay. Well, you know the drill, let's go to my office,” she says, her eyes darting in the direction she came from.
Leo smiles at her, but as soon as her eyes leave his face, he frowns again.
Like he’s giving me glimpses of the haunted man that came home with blood on his hands.
Given the way he is acting with this woman, you would never know the state he was in not that long ago.
I can still see that man between heartbeats, out of the corner of my eye when Leo thinks no one is watching.
“Oh. I also brought a friend. This is Cali. Cali, this is Kiki. Don’t worry, he’s safe and trustworthy. He’s gay as well.”
Leo’s hand gestures towards me, and that’s odd.
Why would he feel the need to point out my sexuality, as if it's an important detail?
I try not to let my heart flutter at Leo saying I’m trustworthy, but it does.
This place obviously holds some importance to him, and I’m finally getting a glimpse into his life, his past.
“Good afternoon, madam. I actually prefer not to label myself, but yes, I promise I’m safe. I would never hurt anyone here, or anyone period,” I assure, offering my hand.
She looks me over not once, but twice, and I barely resist the urge to squirm.
For some reason, it feels as though I am meeting Leo's parents.
I almost withdraw my hand in embarrassment before hers is in mine, shaking it firmly.
“Well Cali, I haven’t seen you here before, so I’m assuming you’re not homeless, and you look a little too old to be in the ‘youth’ category. What are your pronouns?”
She smiles, and I instantly relax. A homeless shelter for gay youth.
That explains how young some of these occupants look, but that doesn’t keep me from being shocked by the situation.
“He and him are fine,” I answer quickly as we turn to follow her. I can’t stop my curious eyes from looking around the room again, armed with new knowledge about the establishment. I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to be homeless, but adding gay into the mixture sounds terrifying.
I, myself, haven't always felt safe with my sexuality, and I have never been in an even remotely sketchy situation until recently.
They must feel so alone in the world, cast out with no one to care about them.
Not to mention being afraid every single day of being taken advantage of because of their sexuality or worse, killed.
I blink a few times, attempting to hold back tears.
“Sorry, I mislabeled you,” Leo whispers, breaking through my subconscious as we walk behind Kiki. I am confused for a split second before I remember.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t trying to be rude or anything. I know most people don’t really recognize people who don’t label themselves, but yeah. I just never really found one that fits,” I reply, my voice also low.
It was very sweet of Leo to apologize, though.
Most people don’t. Back when I had friends, they would purposefully call me gay even though I had told them all a dozen times I don’t like labels.
“That makes complete sense. You are valid regardless of what anyone says. I really am sorry for assuming, and I promise it won't happen again. I identify as gay, by the way.” Leo touches his own chest, a blush creeping up his cheeks.
I smile at him, and Leo returns it with one of his own. The most genuine smile Leo has ever given me when he wasn’t laughing at something I had said. This smile feels like it’s just for me, and I wish I could put it in my pocket and keep it forever. It warms me down to my bones.
“Have a seat boys.” Kiki ushers us into a very small office. The desk is overflowing with papers, the wall covered with pictures of teenagers that have come and gone.
I inspect a few of them, wondering where they are now.
Do they have homes? Are they in another shelter?
Are they even alive? I find one that has two very familiar faces: Leo and Daron.
Leo has his arm slung around Daron’s shoulders, smiling up at the camera.
Daron has bright blond hair, dark roots showing.
I want to get closer, but I can’t without seeming like I am being nosy since it is behind the desk.
“I’m here to make a donation.” Leo smiles, handing the backpack over to Kiki across the desk.
“There should be around 75Gs give or take. I would have come sooner, but I’ve been busy with other things.”
Leo glances over at me for a split second before he smiles again at Kiki.
I try not to react to the amount of money Leo had in that bag.
Kiki doesn’t look surprised at all, takes the backpack and places it somewhere behind her desk.
“I’m so glad you came. We were starting to run low on funds. Some of our grants have ended, and we weren’t able to get them renewed.” She smiles tightly, as if wanting to pretend everything is okay.
“Yeah…the government doesn't always care if homeless programs don’t get funded.”
Leo shakes his head sadly. Anger rushes through my system.
What the heck? I had no idea that it was an issue.
I don't follow politics, but I want to. I want to vote for people that care.
That will make a difference. Put money where it needs to go.
“I don’t know what I would do without your constant donations. This place probably would have shut down by now if it wasn’t for you.” Kiki snaps me out of my internal rant.
“You’d figure out a way. You always did.” Leo smiles at her, eyes crinkling in the corner.
“It’s not easy. There’s always a chance. I’d hate to see where that would leave these kids. They aren’t safe on the streets, especially with this weather.”
“I remember all too well.” Leo chuckles as if it’s funny that he almost froze to death as a teenager living on the streets.
“Thank you so much, Leo. I wish there was a way I could repay you,” she says, her dark brown eyes beginning to water with emotion.
“Kiks, you know that you don’t have to thank me. This is my way of repaying you for everything you’ve done for me over the years. It’s the least I can do. You know I’d do anything to help you keep a roof over these kids’ heads and keep them fed,” Leo responds, his head bowing as his cheeks flush.
He very clearly doesn’t like praise. It seems to make him uncomfortable.
He looks human in this moment, smiling and blushing like a young boy whose mother complimented him.
He looks young again, and it hurts my chest. I’m so confused by Leo.
I get lost in my thoughts as Kiki and Leo talk for a few more minutes, discussing the shelter and finances. Leo seems to have a bigger role than I had initially thought, but that still doesn’t explain everything to me.
How did Leo get involved? Why does he treat Kiki like a mom instead of a business partner?