twenty-six #2
Daron nods along to Callisto’s question, probably getting ready to ask the very same thing.
I shake my head in response, though, because they aren’t going to like the answer.
I already knew Daron would need some persuasion, but I wasn’t expecting Callisto to care about what happens to me.
“Me? I can’t go with you. Peadar doesn’t trust me. He will probably have eyes on me tonight and tomorrow. I’ll distract them while you all sneak out. Peadar’s not suspicious of you, D. You can get them out and keep them safe,” I explain, my eyes pleading.
I need to express to Daron how important this is.
This is the only thing that I’m asking, to keep Callisto and Nico safe from all of this.
Daron can do that. I know it. He’s the only person in the world I would trust with such an important task.
“No. He will kill you!” Callisto exclaims, shaking his head again, this time not as fast. It’s a subtle shake, meant only for me. His eyes are pleading, the phrase coming out just on the side of begging.
My heart breaks a tiny bit because it seems as though Callisto does care.
He gives a damn whether I live or die, and I’m not sure what to do with that information.
It both warms my heart and scares the fuck out of me.
Callisto hasn’t known me that long, even started off the week hating me.
Something shifted, and I felt it, too. That’s why we are having this conversation.
I give a fuck whether Callisto lives or dies.
“Yes, he will. It’s fine. It’s more important that you make it out safely, Callisto. I don’t care if he kills me. You all don’t deserve it.”
My voice is strong and unwavering because I mean every single word.
I don’t give a fuck if Peadar kills me. I have lived a horrible fucking life, and I have done atrocious things.
I am no better than the people I kill, so I may as well die a man instead of a monster.
This is the only way I could ever redeem myself. It needs to be done.
“You don’t either,” Callisto insists, his voice unwavering as well, the very tone putting a period at the end of his sentence.
I am getting irritated. What does Callisto not understand?
This is the only possible way for him to survive.
It’s the only way out of the situation. The situation that I put him in.
What isn’t clicking for him? Why is he being so fucking stubborn?
I expected this from Daron, was even ready to argue with my best friend, but not from Callisto.
Daron hardly ever questions me, but he’s nodding his head so aggressively, I’m afraid it might fall off.
“Yes, I do. I deserve it more than you all. Please, go,” I beg, the last word barely above a whisper. I try to convey with my eyes how dangerous this is. How they need to follow my orders, but Callisto is still shaking his head.
I continue, trying to persuade him, “I’ll have someone buy you some fancy clothes, Callisto, so you don’t have to wear any more of mine. You will feel more like yourself in them, even though you will be changing identities.”
“No. Leo. I’m not doing this. Daron can take Nico to the safe house. I’m not leaving you to die. No.” Callisto's posture is stiff, unmoving, much like his stance in our conversation. His arms are crossed in front of the expanse of his chest. It’s hot but now is not the time to get turned on.
I will never feel him again. I tell myself that the possibility of never kissing Callisto again doesn’t bother me.
I tell myself that I don’t deserve to kiss someone as innocent as Callisto to begin with.
It’s like blood tainting snow, and that I won’t miss it once I’m dead.
It doesn’t work. A stabbing sensation shoots through my chest at the very thought, blood pulsing onto the snowy landscape.
“We don’t have any other choice! He will kill you all. It’s only a matter of time. I feel like there is more to his plan for tomorrow, like there’s something he’s not telling me. I have a bad feeling, and you all need to get the fuck out of here,” I say,
finally voicing the fear that has been swimming through my veins.
“What about you? We can’t just leave you, Leo. He will kill you!” Callisto exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air as if I don't know that. It’s already been established that I will die, and Callisto is beginning to sound like a broken record.
I take a deep breath, trying not to get frustrated.
I reach for my pendant, rubbing it slowly as I take a deep breath to steady my racing heart and mind.
I know that Callisto doesn’t have a lot of experience with death.
Until recently, he probably never had to come to terms with the fact that he will die someday.
I came to terms with that when I was 14 and starving on the streets.
Death is imminent. This is the only way, and I must make Callisto understand that.
“I told you that doesn’t fucking matter. I’m not worried about myself. I’m worried about you all. I’m so fucking sorry I got you into this. Both of you. You didn’t deserve this shit, and it’s all my fault. I’m sorry you have to change your entire lives. I know you have good ones,
but there is no other choice.”
I punctuate each word of the last sentence with a harsh vowel to drive home my point.
Callisto flinches. Good. I need to make him understand.
We have no other options. The faster Callisto comes to realize this, the quicker Daron can get him to safety.
“No. Leo, I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you to die. There has to be another way.”
Callisto bites his lip, his eyes watering as if he is on the verge of tears.
I clench my hands into fists to stop myself from hugging Callisto, to comfort him in any way that I can.
I have to start pulling away now because there is no way, in any scenario, that we will be together.
It’s better for Callisto if I don't get any more attached.
I already know I will die, though, so I have nothing to lose. I’m torn.
“There isn’t. I’m open to suggestions, but there is no other way. If all four of us leave, we will be followed. I’ve been thinking about this since I left that meeting. None of us know shit about bombs, so we can’t do anything when they put the bomb vest on you.”
If there was any other way, I would have thought of it by now.
“I’m pretty sure we’ll get followed if I leave, too,” Callisto points out, his voice holding none of the usual excitement it does when he responds to me with an excellent point. His tone is serious, his brows knitted together as if he is racking his brain for another solution.
I have tried to tell him that there is none, but maybe Callisto needs to come to that conclusion on his own.
Surely his will to live will override his desire to try to save me.
Callisto has said it before, I am nothing more than a criminal.
If one of us has to die, it should be me.
I have done enough heinous acts in my life to deserve it, so I’m not sure why Callisto is so hellbent on saving my life.
“That’s why I’ll distract them,” I respond, trying hard not to roll my eyes. We are having the same damn conversation over and over again. I’m growing tired of it, but I know that I had an hour to get used to this solution; Callisto and the other two have only had a few minutes.
“No. I’m not letting you do this. You may have taken choices away from us, but this one is mine.”
Callisto crosses his arms over his chest again.
I look to Daron and Nico to back me up, but they keep their mouths closed, their gazes traveling from me to Callisto as if we’re in a tennis match; they want to find out who wins. This match is life or death, though.
“What are the other options? There are none, Callisto. This is the only way!”
My voice rises, on the verge of yelling at him.
Callisto doesn't flinch this time, though, and his eyes tell me that we are going to continue to have this argument.
I want to scream and shake him. We are losing fucking time.
Callisto has always stood firm, stubbornly stuck to his own notions. I wish he would have left last night like I told him to. It would have been so much simpler, but then I would never have gotten to know Callisto like I did. I am selfish because I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Daron gets Nico out, now. When they leave, Daron can have a gun trained to Nico’s head to make it look like it’s real. They can go to the safe house or whatever, and you guys can tell Peadar that he killed him. You take me to Peadar tomorrow. I’ll get strapped with the vest,
and we’ll go to my parents’ house,” Callisto plans, and I am already shaking my head.