Chapter 18
The Next Day
I’m trying to remember the last time that I’ve smiled this much. Every single part of my body hurts, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t even begin to describe how happy Alek made me last night. My orgasm made me see stars. Better than anything else, the only hands that I can feel on me are his, his calloused grip, his possessive touch. If Helena does manage to get me the pregnancy test, I think it’s all going to be okay because I can tell myself that it’s Alek’s and nobody else’s. He’s replaced all those memories, only he remains.
He made love to me in the shower this morning. Softly kissing each and every mark and bruise that he left on my skin. I tried telling him that it didn’t hurt, but I don’t know if he believed me or not. I asked for every bit that I was given and there is a sense of normalcy around it. It was a craving that needed satisfying and he did that abundantly.
Sooner or later, we’re going to have to talk about Nikolai… but not today.
The clothes provided for us today are very similar to the uniform of yesterday. Same sweats and black shirt, but I’m thankful for it. There can only be so many days left before he and Daniel are called off and we need all of them. Not just to learn more about one another, but also so Alek has time to heal.
Already the color is coming back to his face.
One day of eating good solid food seems to have made a world of difference to his body. He’s already looking less gaunt somehow. I can’t wait to see what he looks like all filled out and healthy again. Hell, to see him move freely without having to worry about torn stitches or any other internal injuries will be a miracle.
It’s only been a few days, but the memories of what Nikolai did to us already feel further away.
Helena stops us on the way down to breakfast. She links her arm into mine like we’ve been the very best of friends for our whole lives. Alek raises a brow in silent question, but she merely answers, “girl time!”
“Two days and you’re thick as thieves?” Alek says playfully.
Strange how quickly these bonds have formed. So intensely. Faster than anything other in my life.
“That’s right.” Helena says to her brother and sticks her tongue out at him. “So go on to breakfast and let us be.”
Even at the command, the supposedly terrifying murderer turns to me for permission to go. He checks with me to make sure that I’m all right before going. It shouldn’t turn me on as much as it does. I nod nonetheless. Though it’s sorely tempting to see what he might do if I’m the one giving orders for a change.
Helena waits until Alek is down the stairs before turning to me and pulling a bundle out of her sleeve. “I got what you asked for.”
Her grin hardly fits on her face, it’s so big. She reels us both toward the bedroom that I just left, my heart thundering in my chest. The tests. The moment that I take them it all becomes real. I can pretend that it doesn’t matter either way, or that it won’t change anything no matter what the result is. It very well could. Has Alek known me long enough to step in for another man’s child? Most wouldn’t do that, no matter how long that they’ve known one another.
If I’m pregnant, will my new friends turn on me? Nikolai’s child could be a very powerful weapon in their hands. Enough that it could turn the tide of this whole war. I don’t want to think that any of them would be capable of such a thing, but I’ve been wrong about people before. Clearly.
“Now, I’ve gotten you quite a few different kinds.” Helena whispers as she leads me into the bathroom. “Just in case it makes a difference somehow or just gives you peace of mind, I guess.”
Helena lingers in the doorway as I awkwardly turn the package of pregnancy tests over in my hands.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Helena offers.
I debate the options for a moment. Having somebody here would be nice, but no matter what the results say, it’s a choice that I’m going to have to make for myself. I have to do this alone. I smile politely, nerves fluttering in my gut. “No, but thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll be downstairs if you need me – keeping the boys nice and far away,” Helena laughs.
She hugs me before she leaves. It’s strange. She means it, I can feel it. The last time that I had female friends of any kind was in college. Even then, it was the shallow sort., we could go clubbing together, but nothing deeper. I wouldn’t have asked any of them to get me a pregnancy test. The whole campus would have found immediately. I have never allowed myself to have such casual trust in another person.
Or rather, I had with Nikolai, and look how that turned out.
I take a deep breath and start to tear open packages before I can think better of it. I dump the only cup in the bathroom free of the decorative objects in it and head to pee. It’s only a moment before I have all seven of the pregnancy tests dunked in it, feeling a little grossed out but still so anxious that my stomach is in knots.
The time ticks by slowly.
If I’m pregnant, it’s Nikolai’s. There’s no other option. Alek came too late. Everything with him came too late. He will take the news any way that he chooses.
If I’m not, then there’s nothing to worry about. No harm, no foul. Right?
What am I going to do with a baby?
Visions of Alek with a small child in his arms swim to the forefront of my mind and I give myself the rest of the minutes to consider it. Pushing the child on the swing, rocking it to sleep, kissing its forehead. Is he truly this kind and gentle towards everybody but his targets? I couldn’t have picked a better partner… unless he doesn’t want another man’s child.
It’s hard to see him like that.
Time’s up.
One by one I turn them over on the counter, the same answer across the board. I look at the little windows as a ball of nerves builds in my stomach as I press my hands to my lower stomach.
Positive. All of them.