Chapter 21
“On your knees.”
The authority in his voice makes it impossible for me to ignore the command. Not that I would want to. I want this, I want him. Maybe that is part of the whole problem, I started to allow myself to think about a future with him. Possibilities. Maybe it was too early to consider any of this a family but it would be working toward that…the four of us and Henry? It could work. We could heal together. I’ve never had a family that was that close, or friends for that matter. I don’t want to let them go. But I can’t hurt them just because I want to be selfish either.
The carpet is a pleasant cushion under my knees as I slide forward, off the bed, and center my weight. It’s a position that I’ve been in many times. Though, almost never by choice, now that I think about it. It’s wrong to compare the two men in my life… but I can’t help myself.
Images of Nikolai’s hand in my hair while he forced me to my knees and placed himself in my mouth flash through my mind. I like rough sex. I always got off on the way that Nikolai liked to pick me up and manhandle me. But maybe that was just because I didn’t know any better… didn’t know that there was another way. I thought there was soft and vanilla like most of my sexual encounters, and then there was the thrill of what Nikolai did to me. I didn’t know I could have a true choice. Not like this. Submitting because I want to? I want to touch him, but this is still good.
“Hands behind your back, princess.”
Something warm and pretty in my chest blossoms every time that he calls me princess.
My spine straightens as I twist my arms up behind my back, the soft pull of those makeshift ropes to secure my hands in place is the least that I can do to make him comfortable. Someday I’m going to work up the courage to ask him what his tattoos mean, where he got the many scars that litter his body and how many of them came from my husband, my estranged husband. A chain that I shall never free myself from.
I close my eyes, shutting out the thoughts.
“If you say stop, we stop princess. Nod that you understand me.”
I do so readily. I can’t imagine that Alek would ask me to do something that I’m not comfortable with… but having the option is nice as well.
“Pain or pleasure?” Alek asks me. Just like last time, pain is the only thing that I know shuts out the static roaring inside of my head. I need the voices to stop, the constant worry. I need him to help me clear my head so that I can get over the leg numbing fear that’s threatening to consume me whole. Then I will be able to slip into the bravery that I’m not sure I even possess. I must be able to do what I need to do tomorrow.
A sharp pinch at my peaked nipple bites through the fabric of my shirt and I hiss an intake of breath. My eyes snap upward to the serious expression on Alek’s face. Desire pools in my core, heat flushing between my legs.
“I asked you a question, princess.” His tone is pure authority and control over himself.
This could be our last time together. We’ve only just now begun and it’s over already.
Once I walk back into Nikolai’s home… I might not ever walk out again. We both know it.
“…pleasure.” I whisper, not breaking eye contact with him. Besides, I have another obstacle to consider now. One that I certainly can’t tell them about. If Alek knew that I was pregnant… he would never let me go. I know that in my bones.
Nikolai won’t hurt me while I’m pregnant. I’m his wife. As far as he knows, I’ve been kidnapped. I can use that to my advantage. I’m not going to have a choice if I’m going to survive this with the child in my womb. I have to be a dutiful wife. I can do this.
But tonight? Tonight is about this. About what I want, for however long I have it.
“Good girl, princess,” Alek hums softly and I watch with hunger as he pulls his shirt over his head slowly. I drink in the sight of each and every muscle on his body as his skin stretches. Every bruise and cut that’s still healing on his body is another reason for me to go back, to end this. If I can just talk him down, convince him that this is all pointless. If that doesn’t work, then maybe when he’s sleeping…
I shut those thoughts down too.
Alek slides his pants down, proud and at attention before me and damn if my mouth doesn’t water at the length of him. He cups the back of my head softly, smoothing down my hair as my gaze flicks back up to him.
“Earn your pleasure, princess.” He commands softly.
Happily. My eyes stay on him as I lean forward, only to find that the restraints on my arms are tethered to the footboard of the bed. I have to strain to reach far enough to taste him. My tongue flicks over the tip, a soft mewl of frustration leaves me as he smirks confidently.
“You can do better than that. Don’t you want your reward, princess?” he goads me. I can hear the hint of teasing laughter behind his words and push harder until I can take the tip into my mouth. It is only when his head tips back, a low moan of pleasure fills the space between us that I realize he is allowing me to touch him. That this is something that he is giving me. Baby steps toward the promise of something bigger perhaps. More than just my body being manipulated by him. This is for me. I can feel it.
It only makes me want to work harder.
There is a burn in my shoulders as I strain against the holds, working to take more of him into my mouth. Every sound that I earn from his lips only turns me on more. I can feel the dampness between my legs growing as quickly as the need for friction between them.
“Deeper,” Alek growls, his voice husky with need as he struggles to keep his hands off me. If I weren’t otherwise occupied, I would have insisted on his hands in my hair. I swirl my tongue around him, savoring the taste and feel of him. I just want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. Inch by inch I take him until I gag.
The sound seems to unleash something within him. Something darkens in his gaze as he reaches down to cup my chin, his fingers curling possessively over the bone and urging me forward again. He watches with rapt attention as every bit of him that can fit disappears between my lips. I gag again, the burn of it registering in a frustrating way. I want more. I want all of him. Saliva strings out in ropes as he eases himself from my lips. He bends at the waist and kisses me, wiping away the spit as he removes his hand from my chin.
He looks at me with such pride, such praise before dipping his chin. “Good job, princess.”
I can’t stop the smile that splits from ear to ear. Bittersweet but bright as emotions threaten to overwhelm me totally.
Alek bends, scooping me up by the elbows and bending me over the footboard. He slides my shorts down my leg, kissing the curve of my hip, the back of my thigh and calf before bending one leg at the knee to hook over the end of the bed. I teeter for a moment, then catch my balance. I can’t see him, even if I try to turn to look at what he’s about to do. Alek seems to sink to a knee behind me and then I feel his tongue returning the favor.
Bliss steals my vision. I go warm and boneless all at the same time before sinking further into the bedding. My moans of pleasure are swallowed by the soft surface as I buck and writhe against his face. It’s like he can read what my body wants before I even have a chance to think it. His tongue delves inside of me, curling to a place that makes me see stars before moving back to the sensitive bundle of nerves and lavishing his attention there.
It’s not enough. I don’t think it’s ever going to be enough. Not from him.
Desire curls and twists my insides as my pleasure rackets higher and higher. Close, so close. My eyes shut in surrender to the sensations roaring through me. Just a little bit more…
Then it’s gone. Just like that. Alek pulls his talented tongue away from the apex of my thighs. I feel the loss of him keenly and I make a noise to express it but Alek’s hands find my hips a moment later. I barely have time to breathe in properly before he lines himself up with me, pushing inside of me with one quick thrust. I try to push back into him, my hips finding a rhythm with his but each time that my climax comes closer he changes pace.
It doesn’t take long for me to realize that he’s doing this on purpose.
Each time I reach the peak, it feels higher. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s starting to hurt. Every brush of fabric or fingers against my clit its exquisite agony of a whole new level. He fucks me through each and every one until I forget my own damned name, the need for release is so strong. I think I might be screaming. I can’t even tell. I could be begging, offering him all sorts of obscene things and I can’t seem to stop. I need to cum more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.
Alek slides from me and I might cry. He picks me up and flips me onto the bed, climbing up after me. I’m helpless to move, helpless to reach down between my legs and give relief to my aching, throbbing clit.
When he enters me again, I know I scream out in pleasure and I can’t stop. Only then does he give me mercy. When I’m practically sobbing for release and I can’t think of anything but him and the pleasure that he’s bringing to my body. Only then does he allow me to finally cum.
I cease to exist. Every muscle in my body seems to shudder as the force of my orgasm silences me. I can’t even remember to breathe as I feel him bellow and I silently scream my pleasure, clamping tightly around him. The feeling of him filling me only takes me higher and higher. Nothing else exists in the world but the pair of us, and this moment.
I think I pass out for a moment. Wholly and utterly overwhelmed because one moment Alek is inside me, the next he’s lying beside me and kissing the top of my shoulder. He wraps a sheet around me to keep my trembling frame warm and he pulls me back into his chest and drapes a heavy arm over me.
I couldn’t have asked for a better last time.
I awake some hours later. The sky is still black with cloud coverage so thick that I can’t see the moon or stars through the open curtains.
Alek’s steady breathing is a constant gust of warm air against my neck.
Try as I might, I can’t get back to sleep.
I lie there, memorizing the feel of him beside me for what feels like hours, days even. I stare at his face. The bruising there is faded to mostly nothing in the dim lighting. The lines of stress that normally linger on his handsome features are absent. He almost looks unbothered by the world. As unbothered as somebody in his line of work will ever be able to be, anyway.
I know what I have to do.
It’s better this way.
I have to leave now, before they can do anything to stop it or do something foolish like try to find a loophole to work around Nikolai’s very explicit orders.
I rise from bed silently and get dressed in another one of the black t-shirts and sweatpants that have been left in the room for me. My body still aches from my time with Alek. I hope it lasts. I want to keep the lingering soreness of being with him for as long as I possibly can. It might be all that remains of the… whatever this was between us… for some time to come.
I linger in the doorway for a long moment, my heart heavy in my chest as I blow a kiss into the room where Alek slumbers and then I’m off. I can’t waste any more time. I have to go. My bravery isn’t going to last me nearly as long as I want it to. I can already tell.
I steal the first pair of keys that I find from the peg board in the garage and locate the car that’s going to take me back to Nikolai. I can’t even say that I’m going home. That cold mansion that he claimed to have bought for me will never be home. I know that. Even Daniel’s house feels more comfortable than that tomb.
I turn the car on and move slowly through Daniel’s complex. I don’t even dare to turn on the headlights of the car until I’m on the open road back to Houston. The highway out here feels like a desolate ghost, a bad omen. My mind gutters and I white knuckle my grip on the steering wheel. What if he puts me back in that basement? What if he locks me up again and I don’t have a way out? Is he going to beat me again? Can he smell Alek on me? The brute of a man is practically a bloodhound.
Two hours into the drive I can’t do it anymore. I have no choice but to stop at the first seedy little motel that I come across. My limbs are heavy and the panic is overwhelming. I have to pull myself together.
“This is for Henry, you’re doing this for Henry,” I remind myself, giving myself the courage that I desperately need. “You can do this.”
I reach for the phone and dial Nikolai’s number.
He answers on the first ring.
“Da?”
“Nikolai?”
The shake in my voice is real. Not from fear of my alleged captors, but of him.
“Anya?!” Nikolai’s voice breaks. “Where are you? Are you hurt? What happened? Tell me.”
I swallow against thick emotion. “I’m… I don’t know where I am… they are going to make the trade.”
“Where are you? I will find you.”
“But the drop point…” I argue.
“No, fuck that. We aren’t going to play into their hands for any longer baby. It’s you and me, remember?”
“But… but Henry…” I insist. If he changes up the rules now, I’m going to be in even deeper over my head than I originally anticipated.
“Such a soft touch.” Nikolai chuckles. “Don’t worry about the kid, Anya, you can keep him if you want, but first I need you to do something for me.”
My heart soars, it means that Henry is okay. He has to be.
“Do not get back in that car with them. No matter what, you have to fight them with everything in your cute little body, okay?” Nikolai’s tone shifts into something dark and serious.
“...what?” I stammer.
“You can do this. You need to stay put. Do not get back into that car with them, baby. Just remember… everything that I do is because I love you.”
Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.
The line goes dead.