4. Ryan #3
My jaw locks. “And?”
“I laughed.”
That surprises me. “You laughed?”
“I told him I’d rather spend an afternoon getting a root canal.”
Despite everything, I almost smile. “Mean.”
“I was convincing.”
“Apparently.”
“He asked about our lake houses.”
That kills the smile. “What about them?”
“Whether we saw each other last summer. I told him that Tobias annoyed you into helping with the frogs a few times.” Smart. True enough to survive scrutiny. “And that you mostly ignored me.”
I close my eyes. “Of course.”
“What?”
“Apparently that’s our fucking brand now.” She gives me a tiny smile. I take it. Anything. “Did he believe you?”
“I think so. But Ryan... He was asking because of the others. He wasn’t asking like Dad asking who I talked to at school.”
“He was investigating.”
“Yeah.”
I lean back against the seat. Roman sees the pattern. Pennington. Lucian. Hartley. Fiona. Every time one of Edgewood’s monsters falls, the same five boys are standing somewhere nearby. And now Arthur needs more evidence against Roman.
Perfect. Fucking perfect.
“We have to be more careful. No music room unless it’s an emergency. No coming up to me at school.” Her face falls slightly. I hate myself all over again.
I stop. She’s emotional. She’s hurt. And I’m sitting here turning it into a fucking briefing because that’s what I do when I’m scared. I reach for her hand instead. “I’m sorry.”
She laces her fingers through mine. “I know.” This time I let her say it.
For a while, we sit there. The docks are empty. Gray water moves beyond the windshield. My thumb passes over her knuckles.
“I hated you today,” she says eventually. I look at her. Her mouth twitches. “Like, a little.”
“Fair.”
“I wanted to kick you in the dick.”
“Also fair.”
“And Kaiden.”
“I’ll hold him down.”
That gets a laugh. Small. But real. “Xander too.”
“Absolutely.”
“Danny.”
“Getting ambitious.”
“Iz laughed.”
“Iz laughs when people threaten him with weapons. That’s not personal.”
She smiles. Then it fades. “I don’t want to do this for months.”
“We won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
I look at our hands. “No. I don’t.”
She shifts closer. “I’m scared.”
I pull her against me — not across the console this time, just close enough that her head rests against my shoulder. “I know.”
“What if we don’t find enough?”
“We will.”
“What if we don’t?”
I want to give her the easy answer. The Ryan answer. Then I’ll burn the world down. But Tobias is six. Arthur can’t take I’ll burn the world down into family court. So I tell her the truth. “Then we keep looking.”
She closes her eyes. “And if Dad figures it out first?”
My arm tightens around her. “He won’t.”
“Ryan.”
“I don’t know.” There. I fucking hate saying it.
But I’m done promising her deadlines I can’t control.
“I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know how long Arthur needs.
I don’t know what Roman knows.” I turn my face into her hair.
“But I know we’re not leaving Tobias behind.
I know I’m not letting Tremblay have you.
And I know you’re not doing any of this alone. ”
Her fingers curl into my shirt. “I wish we could go back to the lake.”
The words hit me somewhere deep. Last summer. Tobias and his frogs. Ally in that black-and-white gingham bikini. Before I knew how ugly everything behind her front door really was. Before she was pregnant. Before we had to pretend.
“We will.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.” She tilts her face toward mine. I brush a strand of hair away from her cheek. “But we’ll go.”
“With Tobias?”
“Obviously.”
“Your parents?”
“My dad apparently needs to finish his leprechaun engineering degree.”
That gets another laugh. “He’s so cute with Tobias.”
“Don’t ever tell Walter Harrington you called him cute.”
“I absolutely will.”
“He’ll have you killed.”
“No, he won’t. He likes me more than you.”
“Everybody likes you more than me.”
I smile. There she is. Not fixed — I’m not stupid enough to think twenty minutes in a parked car fixes what happened this morning. But she’s here. She’s against me. Her hand is still curled into my shirt.
I touch my forehead to hers. “Can I kiss you?”
Her expression softens. “Yeah.”
So I do. Not desperate. Not to shut her up. Not because I need to turn this into something else. Just one slow kiss. Then another. Her hand moves into my hair, and mine settles against her cheek. When we separate, she stays close.
“I love you,” I murmur.
“I know.”
I pull back. Her mouth twitches. “Excuse me?”
She laughs. Then she kisses me before I can complain. “I love you too.”
“Better.”
“Bossy.”
“Yeah.”
“Asshole.”
“Also yeah.”
“Publicly humiliating dickhead.”
I wince. “Deserved.”
She kisses my cheek. “Very.”
We sit there a little longer. Eventually, I have to take her back to Becca. Then Becca takes her home. Then tomorrow morning, we’ll walk into Edgewood separately. I’ll see her. She’ll see me. And maybe I’ll have to look straight through her again.
But not here. Not right now. Right now, her hand is in mine.
And Roman doesn’t get this part of us. He never fucking will.