8. Ryan
By Monday morning, I have developed a new appreciation for the phrase sleep is for the weak. Mostly because I’m weak as fuck.
Three hours. Maybe. Ally climbed back through her bedroom window sometime after two, flashed her light twice so I knew she was inside, and then I spent the rest of the night staring at my ceiling while my brain thoughtfully replayed every detail she’d given me about yesterday.
Victor’s hand on her knee. Victor kissing her.
Victor discussing the children she would give him while my child was already inside her.
Roman dragging her into a coat closet. The fingerprints around her arm.
I told him it hurt. He said he knew.
There are some sentences a person should never hear about the woman he loves. That one is going to live in my head forever.
So by seven thirty, I’ve showered, run until my lungs hurt, and arrived at Edgewood with enough caffeine in my bloodstream to make my heart an unreliable narrator.
X is already here, because Xander considers anything after sunrise sleeping in. He falls into step beside me outside the senior hall. “You look like shit.”
“Good morning to you too.”
“I’ve been awake since four thirty and somehow you look more tired than I do.”
“Congratulations.”
Across the hall, Kaiden is standing at Cat’s locker while she rearranges books in her bag.
Or, more accurately, Cat rearranges books while Kaid leans against the locker beside hers and watches her like he’s forgotten Edgewood contains other people.
Danny appears from the stairwell a second later. Becca is with him. They’re arguing.
I know because Becca’s hands are moving. “That is not what I said.”
“That’s exactly what you said.”
“I said you’re being dramatic.”
“You said I’m a dramatic bitch.”
“You are.”
Danny considers that. “Fair.”
Becca spots me. “Morning, sunshine.” I give her the finger. “There he is.”
“Why are you yelling before eight?”
“I wasn’t yelling.”
Danny looks at me. “She was yelling.”
“Traitor,” Becca says.
“You love me.”
“Unfortunately.”
Penny joins them from the other end of the hall, and for a second it’s just — normal. The closest thing Edgewood has to it anymore.
Then Ally turns the corner. My entire body recognizes her before my brain does.
It always fucking does. She’s wearing a green Edgewood sweater over her uniform today.
Long sleeves. My eyes go directly to the arm Roman bruised yesterday.
Covered. Of course. Her hair is down, her bag hanging from one shoulder while she walks beside two girls from yearbook.
She sees me. I see the exact second it happens.
Her eyes soften. Mine don’t. They can’t.
I turn back to X. “Coach still making us run the new set this afternoon?”
X doesn’t miss a beat. “Probably.”
“Fucking stupid.”
Ally passes behind me. I don’t turn around. I don’t say good morning. Don’t smile. Don’t acknowledge that less than six hours ago she was curled against my chest wearing my shirt while I promised her things I could actually promise and refused to lie about the things I couldn’t.
Nobody watching us would know she’s carrying my baby. Nobody would know I know what shampoo she used this morning because she left the bottle in my shower. Nobody would know I watched her cross the yard barefoot at two in the fucking morning.
I’m sitting at the end of our usual lunch table with X and Danny when Penny walks into the cafeteria.
Alone. I notice because she normally comes in with Ally.
Penny doesn’t look at me. She walks straight toward the girls’ table.
Also normal. She drops her bag beside Becca.
Normal. Leans down. Normal. Says something quietly.
Becca’s head starts to turn toward me. Penny catches her chin. Stops her. Not normal.
My phone vibrates. I don’t move immediately. Neither does X. He saw it too. I wait another few seconds before reaching into my pocket.
Penny: Don’t react.
Great fucking opening.
what…
Her answer takes longer than I like.
Penny: Roman is here.
Everything inside me goes cold. I keep my face exactly the same. Danny is talking to Kaiden across the table about something. Iz is stealing fries from X’s tray. The cafeteria is loud enough to hide a murder. Nobody else has noticed. Good.
where
Penny: front office
ally?
Penny: with me five minutes ago. I told her.
why is he here
Penny: don’t know. I went to guidance about my schedule. Saw him through the office doors.
Penny: He’s signing something.
Fuck. I finally look up. Penny is sitting beside Becca now. She doesn’t look at me. Good girl.
Across the table, X says, “You gonna eat those?” His eyes flick toward my phone for less than a second.
“No.”
He steals my fries. “Thanks.”
“Roman’s here,” I say without moving my mouth much.
X keeps chewing. “Where?”
“Office.”
Danny hears him. So does Kaid. Nobody reacts.
Iz reaches across the table and steals one of my chicken tenders. “Why?”
“Don’t know.”
“Ally?”
“Knows.”
That’s the one that changes Iz. Not visibly. But I’ve known him too long. His shoulders settle. Ready.
My phone vibrates again. This time it’s Ally.
Ally: music room
I stand. Danny looks up. “Where are you going?”
“Apparently the cafeteria’s food has finally won.”
“RIP.”
“Tell my story.”
“Absolutely not.”
I leave without looking toward Penny. Without looking toward the front office. And definitely without looking for Roman. If he’s here unexpectedly after everything that happened yesterday, the last thing I need is Roman O’Toole seeing me suddenly become interested in his location.
I take the back stairs. Third floor. Music wing. The door is unlocked. I open it. Ally is standing beside the piano. Not sitting. Not pacing. Just standing there with both hands wrapped around the strap of her bag. I close the door. Lock it.
“What’s wrong?”
“My dad’s here.” Ally looks toward the door. “He isn’t supposed to be here. He told Mom he’d be in Boston most of today.”
“Did he see you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay. Did you see anything?”
She takes a breath. “Paperwork.”
My attention sharpens “What kind?”
“Transfer request.”
Everything stops. “What?”
“That’s what was written across the top of the page he was signing.” Her eyes meet mine. “He’s pulling me out of Edgewood.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No. We suspect it.”
“Ryan.”
“I need facts.”
“Fine. Fact. My father lied to my mother about where he’d be today.
Fact. He showed up at my school without telling me.
Fact. He’s in the front office signing a transfer request less than twenty-four hours after telling me my friends are inappropriate and Victor gave me a wedding date.
” Her voice catches on the last few words.
I cross the room. “Hey.”
“I think they’re moving it up.”
“The wedding?”
She nods. “I think yesterday changed something. Victor liked me.” The bitterness in her voice makes my chest tighten. “Maybe that was the point of lunch. Maybe he wanted to see if he was ready. Maybe Dad wanted him to decide.”
“We don’t know that.”
“He waited five years, Ryan. And now suddenly I’m getting transferred?” Her hand moves to her stomach. “I don’t like this.”
Neither do I. But this is the moment where one of us gets to panic. It can’t be me. So I don’t. Something in my head clicks over. Cold. Clean. Problem. Solve it. “Okay. We need to know what he signed.”
“How?”
“I need the paperwork.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “No.”
“I’m not stealing it.”
“That sentence does not make me feel better.”
“I’m going to photograph it.”
“Also illegal.”
I pull out my phone. “I need ten minutes.”
“In the front office?”
“Preferably eleven.”
I open the group chat.
roman is in administration. ally saw him signing a transfer request.
The responses start almost instantly.
Becca: EXCUSE ME
Danny: for ally?
don’t know yet.
Kaid: What do you need?
There he is. No twenty questions. Just tell me the job.
paperwork.
Iz: say less
you specifically need to say more because that sounded criminal even to me
Iz: hypocrite
X: Roman still there?
Penny? status
Her response comes thirty seconds later.
Penny: still inside. meeting with headmaster now. door closed.
Danny: so how do we get paperwork
once he leaves, I need the front office occupied everywhere except the counter he was using.
Cat: I can take Halverson.
Kaid: With what?
Cat: My transcript.
Danny: absolutely fucking not
Becca: HAHAHAHAHA
Iz: RIP halvy
Cat: There is an error in the weighting of one of my courses.
Kaid: No there isn’t.
Cat: There will be.
Ally makes a strangled sound beside me. “She’s terrifying.”
“That’s why Kaid likes her.”
Kaid: I can literally see your transcript from here. There is no error.
Cat: Then stop looking at it.
Kaid: Cat.
Cat: Kaiden.
Danny: marital bliss
Kaid: we’re not married
Iz: yet
children. focus.
Cat: I can keep Halverson occupied for ten minutes.
need eleven.
There’s a pause.
Cat: I can give you twelve.
Beautiful.
penny stays on roman. tell me when he leaves campus.
Penny: Already doing it.
do not follow him.
Penny: I know.
do not stare at him.
Penny: Ryan.
just checking.
Penny: I survived Xander. I can covertly observe one middle-aged man.
I glance at X’s name.
X: fuck you penelope
Penny: love you too ??
Even Ally smiles at that one. Good.
danny. back admin hall. anybody heads toward records, become a problem.
Danny: finally something I’m qualified for.
Becca: he’s been training his whole life
iz. front hall.
Iz: why
be distracting.
Iz: I’m offended by how easy you think that is for me.
X: nobody else is
x, cafeteria.
X: fuck that
roman knows your face.
X: roman knows all our faces.
yes but you getting up two minutes after me looks like we’re moving. sit your ass down and watch the main hall.
Kaid: Me?
I think about it. Kaid is probably the only person besides me who can make this entire circus stop moving with one word if something goes wrong.
float. if anything changes, kill it.
Kaid: Got it.
Becca: And me?
I look at Ally. She doesn’t even hesitate. “Here.”
music room.
Becca: already walking.