10. Ryan
Apparently, sixty-two degrees in March is all it takes for the entire population of Edgewood Prep to lose its fucking mind.
Last week there was still snow piled against the stone wall behind the athletic building.
Today the sun is out, the sky is painfully blue, and every table outside the dining hall is full because New England teenagers have collectively decided we’re experiencing summer.
Half the guys have their sleeves shoved up.
Girls have abandoned coats on the backs of chairs.
Some idiot is lying shirtless on the grass like sixty-two degrees isn’t still sixty-two fucking degrees.
I’m not complaining. After months of gray skies and the sun disappearing before practice even ends, it feels good. Even better because our table is far enough from everyone else that we can talk without somebody immediately hearing us. Within reason.
Cat is sitting sideways across Kaiden’s lap despite the empty chair directly beside him. Penny is tucked against Xander’s side, his arm hooked around her shoulders while she eats fries off his plate. Becca and Danny are across from them, holding hands beneath the edge of the table.
Then there’s me and Iz.
Iz looks around. “Pathetic.”
Cat glances at him. “What’s pathetic?”
“This.” He gestures at the couples.
Penny doesn’t even look up. “Nobody loves you. We know.”
“I am loved by many.”
Xander snorts. “Your mother doesn’t count.”
“My mother counts.”
“She legally has to.”
Iz flips him off.
Kaiden looks at me. “At least Ryan has an excuse.”
“Fuck you.”
Cat twists enough to look across the courtyard.
I don’t follow her gaze. Don’t need to. I know where Ally is.
I’ve known since she walked outside. She’s sitting with girls from her English class on the other side of the courtyard.
Far away from me. Exactly where she’s supposed to be. Exactly where I fucking hate her being.
Cat looks back at me. “How pissed is she?”
I stab a fry into ketchup. “At the moment? Moderately.”
Iz snorts. “Meaning?”
“She isn’t actively planning my murder anymore.”
“Progress,” Penny says.
Cat studies me. “Did you actually talk?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
I glance around us. Nobody close enough. Still, I lower my voice. “She told me I was an asshole.”
Kaiden nods. “Accurate.”
“She told me I was controlling.”
Xander nods. “Also accurate.”
“She told me I don’t listen.”
Penny points a fry at me. “Extremely accurate.”
“Whose fucking side are you people on?”
“Ally’s,” Cat says immediately.
Becca smiles. “Definitely Ally’s.”
Danny looks at me. “Sorry, man.”
“You’re not.”
“Not even a little.” The humor fades a little. I look across the courtyard without moving my head enough to make it obvious. “She said I don’t get to love her so hard that I become another man making decisions for her.”
Nobody laughs at that. Kaiden’s hand stills on Cat’s thigh. Xander looks down at Penny. Danny’s thumb moves over Becca’s knuckles. Because every guy sitting here understands exactly what she meant.
“She said everybody’s controlling something right now. Roman decides where she goes. Victor decides what she’s supposed to become. Her teachers are watching her. Daniel watches her. And then I decide what she can handle because I’m scared.”
Cat’s expression softens. “That probably hurt.””
Penny nods slowly. “What did you say?”
“That I’m fucking terrified.”
Iz’s eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa.”
“Don’t.”
“No, I’m enjoying this.”
“I’ll throw you over the wall.”
He holds up his hands. “Continue your emotional development.”
I flip him off. I look down at the table. “I told her I’m trying to control too many variables because I can’t control the one thing that actually matters.”
“Her,” Cat says.
“Yeah. And the baby. And Tobias. All of it. I can find people. Track shit. Build timelines. Arthur can file things. Walter can call people. We can plan twenty different exits. None of it changes the fact that Roman could decide tomorrow he’s done waiting.”
Kaiden nods. “And Ally can’t control that either.”
“Exactly.”
“So you yelled at each other?” Danny asks.
I laugh once. “Oh, we fucking yelled.”
“How bad?” Xander asks.
“She shoved me.”
Cat’s eyes light up. “Good.”
“Twice.”
“Better.” She catches my look. “Because yesterday you threw her notebook on the floor.”
“I remember what I did.”
Penny points at Cat. “I would’ve gone for the balls.”
“See?” Cat says. “Ally showed restraint.”
Becca laughs. “She really is growing.”
I shake my head. “Anyway, eventually we stopped yelling.”
There’s a beat. Kaiden looks at me. Xander looks at me. Danny looks at me.
Then Iz looks at all four of us. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
I take a drink. “What?”
Kaiden’s already grinning. “You didn’t.”
I shrug.
Cat looks delighted. “During the fight?”
“I am not discussing my sex life with you.”
“That means yes,” Penny says.
Becca starts laughing. “It absolutely means yes.”
“Fuck all of you.”
Cat points at me. “You had angry sex in the middle of the argument.”
“No details.”
“I didn’t ask for details.”
“You were about to.”
“I was absolutely about to.”
Kaiden squeezes her hip. “Don’t.”
She looks at him. “Excuse me?”
“You know exactly what that leads to.”
Her smile turns wicked. “So do you.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Iz mutters.
Xander leans back. “Honestly, I’m not judging him.”
Penny turns her head. “You don’t have room to judge anybody. You were fucking unbearable.”
“And?”
“And nothing.” Xander’s mouth twitches.
Penny narrows her eyes. Then mutters, “It was effective.”
Iz looks at Danny. “Please tell me you’re normal.”
Danny thinks about it. “No.”
Becca immediately says, “Absolutely fucking not.”
Danny grins. “You threw a lamp once.”
“I missed you.”
“You weren’t trying to miss me.”
“I changed my mind halfway through.” Danny kisses her temple.
Iz stares around the table. “So every single one of you solves interpersonal conflict with violence and orgasms.”
Cat points at him. “Not solves.”
“Sometimes you’re still mad afterward,” Becca says.
“Exactly,” Cat says. “You’re just less homicidal.”
I point at them. “Thank you. That’s exactly what happened.”
Kaiden looks at me. “You’re still in trouble?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good.” Cat smiles. “But better?”
I think about Ally sitting on the edge of the guest house bed afterward. Still mad. Still calling me out. Still holding my hand.
“Yeah.” My eyes drift across the courtyard. Just once. She’s laughing at something. I look away before anybody else can catch me doing it. “Better.”
Penny smiles. “So how was the appointment?”
Everything inside me shifts. Just like that. The fight. Roman. Switzerland. All of it gets shoved aside by one memory. Fast. Rhythmic. Filling the entire room. I can’t stop the smile.
Cat sees it. “Oh my God. Look at your fucking face.”
Kaiden looks at me and laughs. “You’re fucked.”
“Did you see the baby?” Penny asks.
“Yeah.” I reach for my wallet.
Iz immediately groans. “Oh, no. You carry it around?”
I pull out the ultrasound picture. “And?”
“And nothing. That’s just fucking adorable.”
“Call me adorable again and I’ll break your nose.”
“Daddy Harrington’s getting emotional.”
Cat is already reaching across the table. “Give me the baby.”
“That’s a weird fucking sentence.”
I hand her the picture. Her face changes instantly. “Oh my God, Ry.”
Penny practically crawls over Xander. “Let me see.”
Cat keeps it away. Xander catches Penny around the waist before she can actually climb over the table. “Behave.”
“Tell her to give it to me.”
“Give it to her.”
Cat sighs dramatically and hands it over. Penny takes it like it’s made of glass. “Holy shit.”
Iz leans over. “That’s a giant fucking head.”
I glare at him. “Tobias said the same thing.”
Cat laughs. “He did not.”
“He absolutely did. Thought Darla had personally invented pregnancy for his entertainment.”
Penny smiles at the picture. “He must’ve had a million questions.”
“A million and fucking twelve. He asked if he squished the baby when he hugged Ally.” Cat’s face crumples. “Then whether it could taste pizza. Why the gel was sticky. Whether boys can have babies.”
Kaiden laughs. “And Darla?”
“Thriving.” Penny hands the picture carefully to Becca and Becca smiles.
A real smile. Not forced. Not sad. “Oh, Ryan.” She studies it. Danny leans closer, his chin nearly touching her shoulder. Becca traces the white border with her thumb. Not the image. Just the edge. “Everything looked good?”
“Darla said everything she saw was exactly where she wanted it.”
Danny nods. “Good.”
Becca looks at me. “Ally okay?”
“Yeah. Scared as shit beforehand, but yeah. Tobias got his own picture.”
Her smile gets bigger. “He did?”
“He asked for one because apparently it’s his baby too.”
Becca closes her eyes for a second. “Fuck.”
Danny’s hand slides from hers to her thigh.
I probably should stop there. But I’m still thinking about yesterday. About the moment everything else in the room disappeared. “Tobias asked if we could hear it.”
Becca’s eyes lift. Danny goes very still. And I realize it. A second too late. Cat realizes too. So does Penny.
Becca looks at me. “You heard the heartbeat?”
I nod slowly. “Yeah.”
Her lips part. For a second she doesn’t say anything. Then she smiles. And fuck. There’s so much in it. Happiness. Pain. Something old and raw that she doesn’t try to hide from us anymore. “What was it like?”
“Bec—“
“No.” She shakes her head. “Tell me.” Danny looks at her. She reaches for his hand again. He gives it immediately.
I swallow. “It was fast. Really fucking fast. Darla turned the sound on and…” I shake my head. “I don’t know. It filled the whole room.”
Becca’s eyes shine. Danny looks down, his jaw tight. Then her smile trembles. Just once. A single tear slips out before she can stop it. Danny catches it with his thumb. Immediately. Becca looks at him. Then at the wetness on his thumb. Her expression turns offended.
“Nope.”
“Bec.”
“No. Absolutely fucking not.” She points at all of us. “I do not cry in public.”
Cat says gently, “Nobody said you did.”
“That was eye sweat.”
Iz nods solemnly. “Very sunny.”