Chapter 29
NOAH
Icouldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe! I was inhaling, but no air seemed to be getting into my lungs as my chest tightened more and more with every step I took away from Xavier and that video on his TV.
Me. Me on his TV, with Rich’s goddamn blindfold over my eyes. Me sucking my sleazy ex--boyfriend’s dick with no idea he had been filming the whole time. Every time.
I was so stupid for believing his claims that it was “just a kink” and doing everything he asked. Stupid, naive, pathetic, slutty, desperate…
I can’t breathe!
My vision spotted black and my stomach churned as I staggered to my new bedroom, seeking solitude to cry and scream and regret so many stupid choices. Rich had been my first crush; I’d fucking idolized him for as long as I could remember, and I trusted him with my whole heart.
His betrayal was the kind of damage I’d carry for a very long time, but I genuinely thought I’d put the pain of it all firmly in my past. I’d slapped him with the full force of a legal cease--and--desist order and tied his hands in an iron--clad NDA.
How and why… It wasn’t old downloaded content, either, because the top of the screen had very clearly stated “Video content sent by four minutes ago.”
After all the research I’d needed to do in getting the profile deleted, I was familiar enough with the timestamp format. That wasn’t a video that Xavier had saved, which meant Rich had reactivated the account.
I was going to pass out.
Pushing open the bedroom door, I tumbled to the floor and slammed it shut behind me to hide from everyone else in the house. I didn’t want or need their sympathy, but I had officially reached breaking point.
I wanted to run away from it all.
“Eight?” A groggy voice cut through my gasping breath, and I dimly realized that I wasn’t alone after all.
Too late now. I was curled up in a ball in front of the door, and my body was no longer obeying my brain—-not that my brain was even remotely rational itself.
“Whoa, hey, what’s happened?” Ace practically fell out of his bed and scrambled across the carpet to me, his hands gentle as he brushed my tangled hair back from my face.
“You need to breathe properly, Eight, or you’re going to pass out.
Lie down here, babe. You’re probably lightheaded right now.
” He put pressure on the back of my skull with his strong fingers, guiding me the rest of the way horizontal, placing my cheek against his thigh as he leaned on the door.
“Okay, good, just lie there a moment, Eight. Try to take some deeper breaths for me, all right? Count each inhale for three seconds before you exhale.”
I tried to shake my head, tried to tell him I couldn’t, but the words wouldn’t come out. My lungs were too tight and my head too fuzzy and—-
“You can, Eight. You can do this. Trust me, okay? I’ll count.
One, two, three… Now exhale.” He stroked my hair as he spoke, his voice low and calm as he guided me to breathe deeper.
At first I simply couldn’t do it, but then his calm energy started to penetrate the panic and my breathing began to slow.
Tears blurred my vision, even as my chest started to relax its death grip on my lungs, and I squeezed my eyes shut tight to block out the world.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I wanted to run away and start a new life and never be faced with the consequences of my past foolishness ever again.
“That’s it, you’re doing so good. Keep breathing for me, babe. Stay with me.” Ace’s voice was the only thing tethering to me reality, and I loved it as much as I hated it. “So much better, nice and slow. Good girl, Eight. Keep counting each breath for me.”
He’d pulled my hair tie out and was finger combing my hair in the way Minho often did, soothing me despite how awful I felt. I’d been crying so much his thigh was wet beneath my face, but I was too far lost in my own head to move away.
Eventually, I calmed down enough that I could recognize how awkward this must be for him, and I pushed myself up with shaking arms to sit beside him. I swiped my face with the sleeve of Minho’s sweatshirt and frowned when I saw Ace was wearing just boxers and nothing else.
“Were you asleep?” I asked through the thickness of my panic--tightened throat. My voice was husky and rough, making me think I’d been crying harder than I’d fully appreciated.
Ace nodded, swiping a hand through his messy hair. “Yeah.”
“Sorry,” I whispered, dropping my gaze back to the carpet before he could see the tears welling up again. I hated that he’d seen me fall apart.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, surprising me. Then again, our recent issues aside, Ace was a good team leader. He was caring and supportive and dependable. He was a decent human at his core, and that was why I had liked him so much.
That in itself made his recent actions toward me so confusing and upsetting because it was so conflicting with the Ace Hart I thought I knew.
“I need Skye,” I admitted in a small voice, even though I knew he’d left for the airport over an hour ago.
Ace hummed thoughtfully, then got up to grab his phone off the bedside table.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he came back to the same spot on the carpet beside me.
“Calling Skye,” he said in a matter--of--fact voice. “His flight hasn’t left yet. He could be back here in a matter of—-”
“What?” I exclaimed, grabbing his phone out of his hand and tossing it away. “No. I’m not making him miss his flight. This is—-this is my problem, and I can deal with it myself, just like I did last time.”
It was crazy tempting to just call my best friend and tell him about the Peaches reactivation, but he would never go through with his trip if he knew what a mess I was right now. Skye was just that kind of guy.
“Deal with what, Eight?” Ace asked softly, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear in a startlingly intimate gesture. I sucked a breath at his touch, keeping my eyes downcast for fear of losing control of my emotions again.
This was fucked.
“It doesn’t matter,” I murmured. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ll just—-” I started to get up but he grabbed my wrist, jerking me back to the floor and halfway into his lap.
“It does matter,” he practically growled at me, shaking me to my core. “I know I fucked up a lot when it comes to your secrets, Noah, but you can trust me. Please trust me. Whatever it is that has you this upset, I can help.”
I wanted so badly to believe him. Ace could fix anything, couldn’t he?
“You can’t help me with this problem, Ace.
I just need to call Jared and Kelly and…
maybe the police. I don’t know. Jared will know what to do.
” I was rambling now, looking everywhere but at his face because my leg was hooked over his bare thigh, and I was suddenly so painfully aware how little clothing he wore.
My words alarmed him, though, and his grip on my wrist tightened. “The police? Eight, I’m going to have to put my foot down and ask what the hell just happened. Please tell me.” His tone was firmer, and I wriggled out of his hold, unable to tolerate the skin contact any longer.
“It’s nothing to do with you, Ace. I’m sorry you had to see this.” And I really meant that. It’d never occurred to me he might be sleeping at this time of day or I’d have gone elsewhere.
He gave a frustrated sound, scrubbing his hand through his hair. “It concerns my team, so it has everything to do with me, Eight. I need to know so I can prevent this happening again. Please help me to keep my team safe, Noah. Please let me protect you.”
I swallowed hard, words failing me as the despair welled up in my chest once more. He was being too fucking nice. I needed dickhead Ace back. I needed to redirect my sorrow into anger and channel my emotions into a verbal sparring match, but right now he was making that fucking impossible.
“Fine, if you won’t talk to me, then I’ll go get Tor and Minho, but whatever this is, I’m not leaving you to deal with it alone.” He started to get up and I panicked, grabbing his hand to stop him.
“No!” I exclaimed, my eyes wide as I looked up at him. “No, they don’t—-” I broke off, choking up on the words. “They don’t know about—-” Again, the words wouldn’t come out. The shame was too deep.
Ace sank back to the floor, turning his hand over to hold mine properly. “They don’t know about what, babe? You can tell me anything. No more secrets, remember?”
Fuck, he had a good point. Technically I’d already told him the truth about Peaches, even if it was said in the height of anger. So this wasn’t new information for him.
I swallowed hard, knowing full damn well I wasn’t walking away from a panic attack like that with zero explanation. And Ace was too damn perceptive to swallow any sort of bullshit lie I tried to conjure up right now, so what was the use in trying?
“Peaches,” I said in a tiny voice. “They don’t know about Peaches. And I would like it to stay that way.”
Ace didn’t respond immediately, but his fingers tightened around mine ever so slightly, indicating that he’d heard me.
“What happened, Eight?” he finally asked with a gentleness that nearly set me off crying again. “Today, I mean. What happened to cause you such intense distress within your own home? Was it…” He trailed off with a frustrated groan. “It was Xavier, wasn’t it?”
I gave a short laugh, despite the gravity of the situation. “Yes,” I admitted, “but not what you might think. I left my hairbrush in my—-his—-bathroom and went to grab it, but he was… Fuck, Ace, this is humiliating.”
He said nothing. Just held my hand and waited patiently while I stared at the way my fingernails indented the back of his hand and tried to find the courage to say it all out loud. Tragically, he wasn’t a mind reader, so I actually needed to verbalize my issue.
“He was jerking off while watching a Peaches porn clip,” I forced myself to say with gritted teeth, my face hot with embarrassment.
Ace inhaled sharply. “I see.” He sounded cold. Angry.
I wet my lips, shaking my head. “You don’t get it. The clip was new. Sent four minutes ago, according to the timestamp.”
Ace shifted, sitting up straighter with alarm. “What?”
I nodded. “Apparently my piece of shit ex has ignored the court orders and reactivated the account.”
If I thought his voice was cold and angry before, it had nothing on the way he delivered his next words. “What’s his name? I’ll fucking kill him.”