36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
I spent the entire day lost in thought. To say I wasn’t good company would be an understatement. It doesn’t help that Hannah hasn’t been herself all day. It has me even more worried and on edge than I was when she changed the conversation I was trying to have with her this morning when she just got out of bed. She never gets out of bed that fast. She prefers to spend every moment, up until she’s borderline late in bed. She’s an early riser, but enjoys staying in the morning. I often end up bringing her her first coffee of the morning in bed. This morning though was completely different, she couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I didn’t like it one bit. I was hoping she would say something as the day progressed but she kept quiet on the topic I tried bringing up this morning, which just made my mood sink even more. Then, when Beth called and said she couldn’t pick up Daisy today, I expected tears or some kind of emotion out of her, but nothing. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was relieved, happy even, that Beth called her. I don’t know what’s going on with her today but it has me on edge. It doesn’t help that I asked Sadie if she wanted to come with us today; school starts soon and I haven’t spent as much time as I wanted with her this summer, but she didn’t answer my call and sent me a quick text saying that she was busy.
I even tried to apologize to Hannah for being somewhat of an ass all day and she barely acknowledged my apology and just tried to placate me. Usually, she’ll question me or show me something, but not this time, and it’s not helping my sprawling mind. I’m honestly starting to question whether or not she’s in this like I am.
At least the ride went by fast, being lost in thought as I was. I’m confused though, when I get off the Stella and notice the blanket, picnic basket, bottle of wine, candles, and pillows nicely placed by the creek bed. Shit, Dad probably had something planned for Mom, he’s always doing something cute and romantic for her. I should have checked in with them before bringing Hannah here.
“Looks like we weren’t the only ones who wanted to use this spot tonight,” I say, not turning towards Hannah. “How about we just turn this back around and I drop you off at Levi’s so you can get started on getting ready for Daisy’s arrival.” I don’t even take the time to respond, as I start nudging Stella to turn around.
“Wait,” I hear Hannah say. Why would she want to stay? Clearly we’re interrupting something that isn’t meant for us. “We should stay.”
Finally turning to glance at her, I see that she’s gotten off Lily. She’s standing at the edge of the blanket looking nervous as hell. I’ve never seen her look this nervous. She’s wringing her hands in front of her, digging her toes in the ground and won’t look at me. What’s going on?
A little annoyed, I jump off Stella with a huff and make my way towards her. That’s when I notice her cheeks are also red. She waits until I’m standing right in front of her before taking a deep breath and saying, “This is for you.”
“For me?” I ask, scrunching my brows. “What do you mean this is for me?”
“This is for you. This is my grand gesture to you.” Grand gesture? What is she talking about? “Well, part of it anyways, you’re going to have to sit for the rest of it.” Now I’m interested, and her being nervous makes sense. “You’ve been so patient with me this entire summer. You’ve encouraged me and helped me accomplish things I never thought I would accomplish. And I’m not just talking about my Bucket List. I’m talking about things I thought were no longer in the cards for me. Things I had stopped believing in. Including myself.” She takes a break to finally meet my gaze. “You’ve been incredible to me since the moment I met you, but I haven’t been fair to you,” she continues, reaching for my hand, and making my heart stop. This can’t be going where I think it’s going. This can’t be happening to me twice. I was so sure this time.
“Hannah,” I start, gripping her hand tighter.
“No, let me finish.” She cuts me off, making my throat close up. “I haven’t been fair to you or to myself really. I let this fear that Lucas created in me dictate my actions—dictate my relationship with you. I’ve let my past relationship dictate how I see any future relationship, more importantly how I handle my relationship with you. You’ve been hurt too, in the same way I have, yet you don’t hold that against me like I’ve been holding it against you. I was so blinded by the thought of being hurt again that I didn’t take the time to see how you treat me, how you care for me, how you go out of your way for me, how you make me laugh, feel comfortable, or how you always have my favorite coffee and flowers waiting for me around every corner. I guess what I’m trying to say is . . .”
Unable to let her finish this speech that she’s clearly thought out, I roughly grab her by the back of the neck, bringing her lips to meet mine in a searing kiss. This woman. I can’t believe I ever doubted her. I can’t believe she went out of her way to plan this for me.
“Hannah, Hannah, Hannah . . . you did not have to do all this for me,” I say, pulling back resting my forehead against hers.
“Yes, I did. I want you, need you to know, to feel how much I feel for you.” Leaning up, she kisses me again, but pulls back before it can get heated. “I have something else for you!”
With a big smile on her face she pulls be towards the blanket, wanting me down to sit with her. “I got you something. Open it,” she says, handing me a dark brown leather bound journal, her cheeks darkening again. I take the journal from her hands, and she immediately starts wringing them again.
Before opening the journal, I need to make sure she’s on the same page as me. As much as I can see that she cares for me, I need to make sure that she knows how I feel about her. I need her to know where I see this going. I need her to know that she’s my end game. “Before I open this and read whatever you wrote in here, I need you to know that I don’t want this to end between us. I was trying to get to that this morning but you jumped out of bed before I could say anything. And what I really want to say is that I lo—”
Just as I’m about to get those three words out, her hand slaps against my mouth and she says, “Open the journal, Ian.”
She doesn’t give me the time to open the journal, she takes it out of my hand and opens it up to the first page and hands it back to me. Looking down I can’t say I’m surprised that I see a List. What I am surprised to see is the title of the list : H + I’s Bucket List.
Looking up from the journal, Hannah is intently looking at me urging me to read what’s on the list:
H – Apologize to Ian for holding back on him.
H – Tell Ian I love him.
Move in with Ian
Wear jersey # 21 at every home game
Stargaze at our spot by the creek
Take Sadie on the best New Zealand Trip EVER
“You made us a Bucket List?” I ask, not forgetting that she loves me.
Nodding her head, she says, “I figured we could keep an ongoing Bucket List of things we want to do together.” She waits for me to say something else.
She made us a Bucket List. From her speech when we first got off the horses, I knew that she wanted a real relationship with me, but this List means that, like me, she’s in it for the long haul.
I can’t believe I was questioning her this morning. “But this morning . . .”
“I know,” she says, cutting me off again. “I know, you tried to have this conversation with me this morning, but I wanted to do this for you,” she says waving her hand around. “I needed to do this for you. I wanted you to know that you are worth all the effort. I knew that if we got into the conversation this morning that I would end up telling you that I loved you right then and there but I couldn’t. Sadie had the journal and I just . . .”
“Wait, Sadie was in on this?”
“Yeah.” She giggles. “Who do you think brought all this stuff over? I even called Beth and had her call me at three and say that we couldn’t go pick up Daisy today.”
“You got Beth in on this too?” No shit, she didn’t want to ruin this this morning. She put so much effort into this. I don’t think anyone has ever put so much effort into doing something for me.
“Yeah. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. You’re always showing me how much I mean to you so I thought I should return the favor. I’m sorry if I hurt or worried you this morning,” she softly says.
“It’s all forgotten. I don’t think anyone has ever put this much effort into me,” I tell her truthfully. “Now, can I add a few things to this list?” I ask, looking back at the journal she gave me.
“Of course. That’s why I got a journal. I figured it would be easier to keep track of things, and we won’t run out of space over the years,” she admits with a blush gracing her cheeks once again.
“Years, you say?” I ask her teasingly, making her blush deepen and travel towards her breast. Deep down I could jump for joy at the fact that she’s right there with me, picturing a future together. “What if I told you that I had already started a list for us?” That gets her attention. Grabbing my phone, I open my notes app and hand her my phone.
When she first told me about her list and the items on them, I had started a note on my phone to keep track of what she wanted to cross off and to see what I could help her with.
“It started off as a note to keep track of what your list was, and what I could help you with. But over time I started adding things in there that I wanted to do with you.”
“Ian . . .” she starts as I see tears in her eyes. “This is just . . . I can’t believe you’ve been doing this all summer.”
“I told you, Pretty Girl, I knew you were the one from the moment I saw you at the bar. Your Bucket List was the best thing ever. It was the perfect way to get to know you, to get you to trust me.”
“I can’t believe we had the same idea!” she says, handing me back my phone, the journal, and a pen. “You need to add these to our List.”
Without hesitation I take the pen and write down:
Take Hannah to Paris
Make Hannah move in with me
Sleep under the stars
Go sky diving
Take a cooking class
Tell Hannah I love her
With that, I cross out number one and twelve, earning me a kiss from Hannah. And not one to let an opportunity go to waste, pen still in hand, I ask her, “Are you finally going to tell me what you added to the List with Lacey and Ellie? I have a feeling that I’m gonna want to see those R-rated items as soon as possible.”
The End