Chapter Twelve
Mrs. Wagoner’s Tea House
Mayfair, London
Hannah watched raindrops race each other down the window glass with a frown. It was yet another gloomy day, but that was fine with her; the weather matched her mood. The rain had stopped, but the droplets continued on the glass. Fat, gray clouds promised further precipitation.
Last night, Evan didn’t join her for coupling or further conversation.
In fact, when she retired, her maid had told her that Captain Buckthorne had eaten his dinner then had quietly let himself out of the house.
She’d suspected as much, for Cleo had wandered the corridors loudly meowing as she searched for him.
Why hadn’t he told her goodbye? Fear stirred deep in her soul, for it felt all too familiar and much like the day he’d left London, and she’d not seen him again.
Which was how she’d found herself at the tea house sitting across the small round table from Lady Catherine, who’d she met on the street while coming out of a shop.
As far as she knew, Evan had his own schedule to keep.
He’d mentioned earlier last evening that he needed to visit a shirtmaker, a hosier, and a glover.
Also, he had a new pair of boots to retrieve, and since he wasn’t yet a duke, and he didn’t apparently give a hang about showing himself as a gentleman, he intended to do it himself.
Well, she didn’t want to stay at home by herself and pine for him, so she’d kept herself busy by visiting a friend, popping into one of her charities, and then took herself off for a new pair of hair combs, where she bumped into Lady Catherine.
“Hannah?”
When her foot was nudged beneath the table by her friend’s, she came out of her thoughts to focus on Catherine’s face. “Yes?”
“Are you well?”
“Of course. Just distracted.” Realizing she still held her teacup halfway to her mouth, she quickly completed the task and took a large sip of the nearly tepid liquid. “How are the children?”
“The same as they were the last time we spoke.” Lady Catherine’s lips formed a moue of displeasure. “Why are you distracted? Has something happened with one of the…” She lowered her voice to a barely there whisper. “… one of the men you service?”
Oh, dear heavens. This conversation will prove excruciating.
“I’ll have you know that I’ve stopped that.
I am no longer a courtesan.” As she spoke, she kept her teacup in front of her mouth so no one could read her lips.
The longer she held her friend’s gaze, the more absurd she felt.
Finally, she replaced the cup into its saucer. “Circumstances have changed for me.”
Lady Catherine’s eyes rounded with interest. “How so?”
How much should she tell her friend? “It is due to Captain Buckthorne’s return to London.”
A pretty frown turned down her friend’s lips. “Meaning what?”
“Well, ten years ago, I was his mistress.”
The other woman sucked in a breath. “What?” Then she darted her gaze about, but her exclamation didn’t attract curious glances. “You never told me.”
“I didn’t want to at the time. It was new and exciting and quite scandalous, for I was young and annoyed that my Seasons hadn’t taken.
” After a pause to think over her words, Hannah continued.
“In any event, when he asked—demanded—that I be that again to him, with the caveat I cease being a courtesan, I agreed.”
Shock reflected on Lady Catherine’s face. “Why?”
Why was this so difficult? Hannah blew out a breath. She poked at one of the pastries on her plate. “To start, he’s a gorgeous man.”
“I’ll not argue with you on that count.”
“Also, he assured me that once under his protection, he would fund my lifestyle and anything I need, so the loss of income shouldn’t prove problematic.”
“I suppose that’s fair. Many men do the same for their mistresses.”
Slowly, Hannah nodded. “And lastly, I enjoy being in his company. Though he is quite intense, he is also quite satisfying in all physical ways. Beyond that, he almost makes me feel that I’m worth something in the eyes of society, that I have a purpose beyond pleasuring men.
” The admission and the weight on her chest took her by surprise.
How long had she worried about that before this moment? “He talks to me as if I matter.”
“Of course you matter, yet he is using you, Hannah,” Lady Catherine was quick to remind her. “He treats you little better than your previous clients.”
“No.” She shook her head. “It is different. Laughably different, in fact, but it’s difficult to explain.” Even to herself. When in Evan’s company, she didn’t feel so hopeless, but since she was hiding vital things from him, that was erased from anxiety.
“But you are still only his mistress. There is nothing else for you.”
“I know.” Hannah nodded and then lowered her voice. “Did you know he’s the true heir to the Duke of Bettington?”
“What gammon is this?” The shock in Lady Catherine’s face prompted a grin on her own. “Is that true?”
“Yes. He admitted it to me a few days ago, and now he’s fighting his half-brother to gain the title back.
” Should she have disclosed that? Evan hadn’t told her it was privileged information.
“It’s one of the things that preys on my mind, but if I can assist him in that goal, in achieving his birthright, then I will.
It matters not that my future won’t align with his. ”
Good heavens, Hannah, you are such a liar.
“That is much to think about.” Lady Catherine quietly ate a small seed cake then finished her tea. “I have one question.”
“Of course.” Hannah nodded.
“Why are you allowing any of it? It will only end in a dismal mess for you.”
You have no idea.
“Truthfully? In this moment, I need him.” No one else was close enough to have the truth, but having Evan underfoot allowed her to remember her lost daughter and perhaps gave her back the ability to dream, and that made grief not so heavy. And with him, she wasn’t alone.
Lady Catherine frowned. Pity flashed in her eyes, which sent hot annoyance into Hannah’s chest. “What will you do when he tires of you? It’s what men do.”
“I don’t know.” It wasn’t, perhaps, a matter of him tiring of her more than him being forced to move on from her when he made a brilliant match in society. Tears prickled the backs of her eyelids, so she blinked to keep them at bay.
“Well, I hope you are making this decision for the right reasons. I worry about you.” When her friend rose to her feet, Hannah did the same. “I shall call on you in a couple of days for an update or to lend a caring shoulder if you should need to break.”
“Thank you.” Truly, she was fortunate to have a friend like Cate. “Right now, I’m off to Hyde Park to take in the relatively clean air and to walk a bit before the rain returns.”
“Please take care, Hannah. I don’t like what is happening to you.”
Neither do I, as a matter of fact. But she nodded. “I will.”
Hyde Park
Half an hour later, Hannah sat on a wrought iron bench near the shallower end of the Serpentine with her pelisse fully buttoned and the breeze flirting with the ribbons of her bonnet beneath her chin.
There was a decided autumnal chill in the air, and ordinarily she adored this time of the year, but with such wretched weather during the whole year, she would much rather have a string of dry days where the sun peeked out instead.
When a handful of geese paddled toward her location and a couple of ducks on the banks took exception to the intrusion, a cacophony of honks and quacks interrupted the quiet.
She smiled at the antics of the waterfowl while her mind escaped into daydreams. What would it feel like to travel the world, to see places that she had only read about?
There were no answers, but perhaps she could persuade Evan to tell her stories from his travels.
“Ah, Lady Mirabelle, what a surprise to see you here.”
She jerked at the sound of the man’s voice.
When he came around the bench, she frowned.
“Mr. Littleton. What are you doing at Hyde Park?” Knots of worry formed in her belly.
Had he tracked her movements, followed her here?
Why couldn’t he understand that they were nothing to each other, and that they only had a business arrangement before?
“Oh, just out for a ride.” When he gestured toward a horse that rested not far away, she flicked her gaze in that direction. “The weather isn’t encouraging, but a man—and his horse—need exercise regardless.”
“Ah.” Though she felt sorry for him because he was alone, she was also concerned for her own safety. “Well, don’t let me keep you from finishing your ride, Mr. Littleton.”
Of course the man didn’t take the hint. “Do you know when I can come back and get on your schedule?”
“I’m sorry, but I am not in that line of work any longer. You must accept this.” She clasped her hands together to quell their shaking.
“I cannot, though.” He took a few steps toward the bench where she sat. “Don’t you believe we have a connection?”
Not in the least. To her, he’d been a means to an end. It sounded cold and clinical, but it was a position in society that someone had to fill. “You will find the same with someone else. If you should need a referral, I’d be glad to give you the name of someone I know.”
And God help her.
His eyes narrowed and a frown took possession of his thin lips. “Then it’s true that you are Captain Buckthorne’s mistress? Is that why you are refusing to see the rest of us?”
“That is none of your concern, Mr. Littleton.” A sharpness had entered her tone that she couldn’t help. Where Evan was concerned, nothing was simple or easy. “Now, if you don’t mind, please leave me alone.”
Something passed through his expression that sent chills wrapping down her spine. “I hope the captain pays well if he is obstructing your profession and ordering your life.”
“As I said, that is none of your concern.” With her muscles tense and her mind screaming at her to run away, Hannah slowly rose to her feet. She kept the bench between them. “Please go. I am no longer comfortable.”