Chapter 10
CJ
It’s been a week since that tense moment in the kitchen between myself and Emmy and every day since I’ve wanted to throw her up against the nearest wall and just give in and fuck her senseless. Something has changed between us and although I want to give in, I also want to do it right. As far as Count Dickless is concerned she’s taken but I want to make that a reality and I don’t want her to think that I just want her because it’s convenient. I want her to feel like she’s the only one in my world and she knows 110% that I want all of her for real. It’s Friday and I’m just finishing up at the site when I get a message from Vik.
Vik
Hey man. Sorry to ask but can you work tonight? Simon dropped out so we need someone to fill in.
I’ve been spending my nights with Emmy seeing as I’ve not had to work away yet and I’ve not danced at the club since the night I danced for her, but it might be good to get a break tonight and let loose some of this pent up energy.
Me
Yeah sure. What time?
Vik
Sweet! Will need you for about 8pm see you later! Maybe we can grab a beer after
I put my phone away, packed up and headed home. Emmy is sat at the kitchen island when I walk in, and it’s littered with boxes and in each box, she’s putting in some girly looking shit and I can definitely see a lot of dick shaped items.
“What in the world is going on here? I think you have a problem,”
Emmy jumps at the sound of my voice, but she turns around laughing.
“Shit Cas!”
then she turns and sweeps her arm out “You’re looking at my hen station. They’re the boxes for everyone attending tomorrow night. I’m trying to get them all finished off but it’s taking me forever. I promise I don’t have a dick fetish”
she blushes at that. It makes me smile that I make her so nervous.
“Well I have to head to the club tonight but I’ve got a few hours so tell me what I’m supposed to be doing and I’ll help”
I sit down next to her and she looks at me like I’ve got three heads but then she starts to give me a run down and before we know it we’re like a well-oiled machine.
We’re filling each box with an assortment of items from a dick shaped pen to a hangover kit to a personalised keyring.
I look at her, “Did you do all of this?”
She nods and smiles sheepishly.
“Yep! I love giving gifts to people and making them smile. I know that probably seems a bit childish,”
she shrugs one of her shoulders and laughs at herself.
“No, actually it doesn’t. It does, however, make you an extremely good friend and caring person”
We get into a good groove and before I know it, it’s time for me to head to the club. I help pack the boxes up for Emmy and head upstairs to shower quickly.
Once I’m ready, I pop my head into the living room before I head on out “So I’m heading out now…to the club.”
Emmy turns and smiles at me, nodding, “Yeah, sure, no worries. Erm, I suppose have a good time? Is that even what I say, or should I say break a leg if it’s a performance?”
I laugh at her ramblings “It’s fine. I’ll be back late so don’t wait up…I mean, not that you would wait up, but just on the off chance you maybe thought about waiting up…because I might not have my keys or something, then don’t worry…because I do have my keys,”
Emmy just looks at me like she’s trying not to laugh, and I could kick myself for being such an idiot. So instead of rambling even more, I shot her a two-finger salute. Yeah, like that wasn’t idiotic, and I headed out.
I pull up to the club and don’t feel the same excitement as I used to. My mind drifts back to Emmy and her at home on her own, even though I know we aren’t together and I’m just a friend to her, I can’t help but think that I wanted her to show some emotion for me going to the club tonight. What am I saying? That’s just stupid, she has no reason to care. I leave my car and throw my duffle bag over my shoulder.
Leroy’s on the door tonight, he fist bumps me as I walk in “Boss-man”
he nods his head in acknowledgment “Not seen you in here in a while, everything ok?”
I smile at him, “Everything’s great, Leroy, I’ve just been keeping you busy”
I hear him chuckling behind me and could have sworn he said something along the lines of someone keeping me busy, more like. I find Vik at the bar talking to Birdie, our bartender. She’s glaring at Vik like she wants to rip him a new one, when they see me coming, they shut up immediately and he walks towards me.
“Hey man, what’s up with Birdie? She looked ready to tear you a new one”
Vik looks at me and shakes his head, “Nothing, man, don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s get you ready for your act”, he clears his throat and looks uncomfortable. We walk to the backroom where I dump my things to get ready.
“Listen I’m not going to tell you what to do”
he gives me a look that tells me not to bother saying what I want to say next “but, having said that, I do feel the need to say that shitting where you eat was never a good thing”
Vik shakes his head looking defeated.
“Yeah, don’t I know it. I’ve got a handle on it. Now enough about me, I need to know what piece you’re doing tonight, will it be your usual?”
I remember the last time I performed, the first time I met Emmy and danced for her—no way in hell I would ever do that piece with someone else. I had a practice piece that I had been working on way back when I went to an old Def Leppard song, “No, not my usual. I’ll use that Def Leppard song, Pour Some Sugar on Me, and make it work. Who do I have, is it just the one dance?”
Vik nods “Yeah it’s some girls birthday and there’s a big party of them or something, so it’s just the birthday girl”
Vik seems like he wants to say something and I look at him rolling my hand for him to spit out what he wants to say, he gets the hint and asks me “So, you fallen in love yet or what? You know, so I know if I need to find a new wingman?”
I shake my head and laugh, “I’ve told you Emmy is just a roommate. That’s all. Nothing more. I don’t do falling in love, remember? It’s just convenience at the moment, she helps me out and I help her out with a roof over her head, a simple transaction that’s all”
even as the words come out of my mouth they taste sour and wrong. I want nothing more than to scream from the rooftops that I could see myself with this girl, but I don’t think Emmy wants her business blasted about and I’m not quite ready to make that move yet.
Vik looks at me like I’m full of shit “Come on CJ, this is me you’re talking to”
I should have known he would see right through me “Ok. Yeah fine. I could see myself really falling for her, but Vik, she isn’t ready yet and I’m not going to force her hand, so for now I’ll stay being her friend and we can see how it goes from there, but yeah, I do care about her already. A lot”
he’s smiling from ear to ear like a giddy school girl “Right now piss off so I can get ready”
“I’m happy for you CJ. Especially how things went down with Stephanie. I’m proud of you brother”
He opens the door, and I hear him shouting something at someone about them not being allowed back in the corridor to the changing rooms and a girlish voice laughing that she didn’t know where to go for the toilets. As the door swings shut, I sound them out and start to get ready. I’ve got a bit of time before I even have to go on stage, so when I’m finished dressing, I sit down on the couch and wait. I take out my phone and check to see if I have any messages, but to my disappointment I don’t. Instead, I do something I know I shouldn’t be doing and I text Emmy.
Me
Just finished getting ready. I’ll be out on stage in a bit. How’s Scruff?
I know it’s a copout asking about the dog because it isn’t something I usually do, and I laugh at how ridiculous I am being. I wait, and not long after I see it’s been read, the three dots start moving.
Emmy
Hey you! Yeah, he’s fine. He’s my date for the night LOL! (smiley face emoji) hope you have a good night
Me
Good stuff
The little dots don’t appear, and I could kick myself with that really pathetic response. Good stuff? Who the hell says that? Me, that’s who! Captain of Idiotville, population numero uno!
Me
So, would be nice if you were here… Nope that’s lame! Delete.
Me
Why don’t you come down? Wanna see me dance? Jesus Christ that’s even worse! Delete.
Fuck it!
Me
Wish you were here (wink face emoji)
I hit send and wait holding my breath like some prepubescent teenager waiting to hear his fate after asking out a girl! I see the three dots start to appear again, then they fade and start up again. By the fifth time this happens, I’m almost pulling my hair out and regretting being too forward until her reply comes in.
Emmy
So do I Cas (wink face emoji)
Holy shit my heart is beating ten to the dozen. Before I lose my nerve, I type another message and hit send.
Me
Prove it (devil face emoji)
Just then the door bangs open on the wall and the group that has just performed all walk in, sweaty from their routine. I’ve got another half hour before I’m due on stage, so I put my phone away and focus on catching up with some of the guys.
I haven’t checked my phone since I put it away earlier, but I’m just about to head out to stage when Birdie comes backstage with Vik. They’re both bickering like kids as they try squeezing through the door. I stand there with my arms folded just as I hear Vik say, “I told you I would tell him!”
Birdie fires back with, “Yeah, and I told you I’d tell him!”
“Guys!”
they both look towards me, and I raise a brow “Tell me what?”
Vik grins at me, “Looks like you have some beautiful, curvy creature waiting for you at the bar”, he winks at me, and I’m trying to wrap my head around who it could be before Birdie rolls her eyes.
“For crying out loud, Vik, could you be any more cryptic?”
She turns to me. “She’s called Emmy. She said she’s a friend of yours.”
I stare at them for all of two seconds before I run out of the room and peek my head through the backstage door, and sure enough, sat perched on a stool at the bar looking like a wet dream is my Emmy. Dressed in a black wrap dress that hugs her curves, she looks around, unsure of herself, chewing her bottom lip nervously.
I spin around and say to Birdie, “You make sure her drinks are free all night”
She nods, smiling at me “Oh, and make sure no one goes near her”
Vik makes a caveman comment behind me, but I ignore him and turn around. Now more than ever am I nervous about performing. What will she think of me when she sees I’m giving another woman a dance? Oh, shit this is a bad idea, maybe she just thought I’d be dancing.
Birdie hurries off, and I watch her go behind the bar and talk to Emmy. Emmy’s shoulders relax and a warm smile plays on her lips. What the hell is Birdie saying to her?
Vik comes up behind me “So, nothing’s going on with you two huh?”
I give him the side eye, silently telling him to shut the hell up. I’m full of nervous energy, part of me wants to blow the dance off and drag Emmy out of here, but the other part wants her to watch me dance and perform. I hope it doesn’t scare her off.
I can feel the music thumping around the club, and that’s my cue for getting out there, but my feet are rooted in the spot. Vik nudges my back “Go on CJ you’re up. Remember you own half of this club so if you don’t do this, you’re only hurting our rep”
he gives me a knowing look and I get it, I really do and so with that I pull myself together and head for the stage.
As I walk out on stage, the club lights are dimmed so no one can see me as I get into position, the only light is a soft red glow coming from the bar's backdrop, and it only illuminates those sitting at the bar and Birdie behind it. My eyes laser lock onto Emmy and I watch her squirm in her seat. It sends a shiver through me at the thought that her seeing me up here is causing her to do that.
The lights come on just as the guitar kicks in on the song I’m using tonight. There’s a gasp from the crowd when they see me. I wear my signature skull mask and a full suit for tonight’s performance. I start to circle my hips and clap along to the beat in time with the drums. When the band starts singing, I begin to remove my jacket, and the crowd roars out, I fling my jacket to the back of the stage and turn around and give my backside a cheeky wiggle at the girls in the front row, all while undoing my tie. Turning back to face the crowd, I chuck my tie to them and rip off my shirt. The noise is near deafening! I chance a look at Emmy and see she’s watching with rapt attention.
I move myself fluidly across the stage till I reach the baby oil that was left there for me earlier on and just as the chorus kicks in about pouring sugar I open the cap of the oil and drip it all down my chest. With the bottle still in my hand, I jump off stage and head towards the birthday party tonight.
I find the birthday girl sitting in the middle of her friends with a coy smile playing on her face. At this point, there is no way I am risking another glance at Emmy, there is no way I want another raging boner when I am trying to give another woman a dance. I straddle the birthday girl's lap and roll my hips over her, and she shrieks and laughs, her friends egging her on. I grab her hand, put it over the oil bottle, and encourage her to squirt some more onto me, once she does, I chuck the bottle towards the stage and grab both of her hands, moving them over my chest to rub in the oil. I am sitting as far back as I can while holding onto the chair as her hands roam over my body. I used to love this part of my job, but now it makes my skin crawl, and her touch feels wrong somehow.
She dips her hands lower and moves to the waistband of my pants and I have to quickly straighten up and grab her arm, shaking my head no at her so she gets the message. I stand up and pick her up and she wraps her legs around me as I move my hips, she starts grinding against me and so I jostle her so she loosens her legs and slowly slides down my body. When her feet touch the ground, I spin her around, bend her over the chair, and dance behind her. Chancing a look over to the bar, Emmy is nowhere to be seen. Panic clutches at my chest. Fuck! I hope I haven’t fucked it up. I knew I shouldn’t have danced because now she’s been put off me. I finish the dance in a rush and head toward the backstage.
I don’t see Emmy at the bar as I pass or down the hallway to the changing rooms. I bang open the door fucking pissed with myself and hear a scared squeak. I look up to find Emmy alone, wringing her hands nervously and chewing her bottom lip. I’m breathing heavy and for a minute I don’t say anything, I’m just rooted to the spot in shock that she didn’t dart off back home or that she isn’t here flinging shit at me telling my how much of an inconsiderate prick I am. I’m just about to say something when Emmy speaks first.
“I’m sorry for coming Cas. I didn’t mean to come uninvited; it’s just that I thought you wanted me to be here, but then you kept looking over at me, and I couldn’t tell if you were annoyed or upset. I mean we’re roommates, aren’t we? So, I probably shouldn’t have just come here. Anyway, I’ll leave you to…whatever it is you do with the women after you dance,”
her shoulders slump and she walks past me, but there is no way I am letting her leave after that.
I shoot my arm out and grab hold of her waist, spinning her round to face me “No Emmy. I want you”
I hear her breath hitch.
“I don’t know what that means.”
I think she does know what that means, but she needs the reassurance of me actually saying it. So, I try again.
“It means Emmy, that I want you”
I wrap my hand around the back of her head and tunnel my fingers into her hair, giving them a gentle squeeze. I still hold her waist and look into her eyes, down to her lips and back up to her eyes, silently giving her time to tell me no. When she doesn’t, I crash my lips to hers and claim them in a blinding hot blaze. For a minute I worry she’s finally going to push me away when her hands fly up to my chest but instead, she strokes them up and around my neck pulling me in closer. I growl and she moans in response. I deepen our kiss, my tongue darts out, she opens up for me, letting me twirl my tongue around hers. The kiss feels like it catches fire, and I lift her, her legs wrapping around me, and unlike before, this feels right, like it’s supposed to happen. I spin her around and push her back up against the door, never breaking the kiss. I rock into her, knowing she can feel how hard I am, and she moans, fuck, that sound coming out of her mouth is a sound I could listen to forever.
The door behind Emmy opens slightly and I hear Vik’s muffled “what the fuck”
coming from the other side. We break apart and rest there for a second, Emmy starts giggling. I rest my head on her heaving chest and shout to Vik “Just give us a minute will you!?”
he laughs in response, and I would love nothing more than to kill the cockblocker!
“Sorry guys but the act on stage is almost over and I didn’t think you would appreciate being caught with your junk out CJ!”
Vik’s muffled shouts sound through the door, and I hear him walk away. The spell seems broken as Emmy shifts and wiggles herself free and down. Her cheeks are blazing, and I hate it because she doesn’t meet my eyes.
I put my finger under her chin and lift her face towards me, I wait till her eyes meet mine “I don’t regret Emmy”
I lower my lips to hers and give her a quick kiss because I can tell her mind is working overtime and I want to quiet those thoughts in her head. I twist my fingers into hers, grab my bag, and we head out.
The drive home seems quicker than usual, and I feel Emmy retreating into herself. She’s quiet, and I half wonder if she regretted it earlier. I park up, and we get out of my truck. I notice a piece of paper sticking out of the letterbox. I grab it, open it, and read the note.
‘I know your dirty little secret Casper Peterson’
Emmy must notice my face because she leans round to check if everything’s ok. I don’t know who sent this note and I haven’t a clue what it’s about, but I still get that spike of anxiety and so rather than let her know what it says I scrunch it up and chuck it in my bag.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and fake a smile, “Just a bit of junk mail that’s all”, she seems to be searching my face to see if I am telling the truth, and finally, she shrugs and walks on into the house.
I want nothing more than to pick up from earlier on, but the note has soured my mood, before I can even say anything Emmy turns around and fakes the biggest yawn known to man and stretches “Jeez I’m tired. Guess I should head on up to bed, that ok? Yeah? Great! Night Cas!”
and with that she’s taking off up the stairs, I chuckle and shake my head. I’ll let her have her space now, but if one thing has cemented something in my mind, I 100% for real want Emmy all to myself for as long as she will have me.
********************
After my shower, my mind is still wired, so I pick up the phone and call Vik, he answers on the third ring.
“I wasn’t expecting a call from you tonight, don’t tell me you’ve fucked up already”
Vik’s hearty laugh travels down the phone.
I shake my head, “No…at least I don’t think so”
I sigh “I don’t know Vik. I like Emmy, but I don’t want to push her too much. I promised her no ties for her living here, and just friends, and the fact she already works for my brother, and then tonight I just lost it. I don’t want her to think I want her out of convenience and nothing else.”
I walk to the fridge, grab a beer and crack it open.
He laughs again “So tell her that then CJ. You know if you open your mouth and think then you can make words come out”
he’s pissing himself laughing.
“Yes very funny you dick! It’s not as easy as that, words aren’t going to cut it. She’s not long since come out of a relationship herself and from what I’ve seen and heard the guy was a narcissistic, cheating, bullying, prick. I mean his names fucking Chad for crying out loud”
“Well CJ all I can ask is, do you think she’s worth it?”
I nod my head even though he can’t see me “Abso-fucking-lutely she is worth it Vik”
we’re quiet for a minute when I remember the note “When we got home tonight there was a handwritten note sticking out of my door saying they know my dirty secret. I didn’t mention it to Emmy; I just said it was junk mail in case it was from Steph. You know, speak of the devil, and she shall appear. I don’t know. What if Steph was talking about my dancing? If that gets out, the damage it could do to my family’s business would be bad. We would be a laughing stock and no one would want to hire us.”
Vik snorted “Yeah apart from horny housewives”
he spends the next 30 or so seconds laughing at his joke before he calms down “I don’t think it’s Steph, sounds like it could be this Chad. Especially if he’s the jealous type. Just be careful and watch your back; I’m always here for you. Just say the word and I’ll have him checked out.”
I hear Birdie in the background, and Vik stutters his goodbyes and hangs up. Hmm, I will have to chat with him about that one.
Entry #36
She fucking went!!!!
I didn’t think she would go back but she did.
She sat there like all the rest of the filthy whores, drooling over him.
Oh but we got what we wanted. My little sad and pathetic helper saw to that.
A few words of encouragement to a damaged soul can work wonders.
They idolise you and you can bend and twist their will however you like.
I’ve never played these games before…but I do like to play with his mind.
She’ll be mine before long.