Chapter 17
Emmy
I replayed in my mind dancing in Cas’s arms; he felt so warm, and his arms were tight around me. I remember my throat closing up and feeling like there was a balloon filling up inside of my chest. Tears stung my eyes, and I never wanted to stop dancing with him. As we sit in the car driving to a little cabin in the countryside, I feel that again. It’s as if my heart is complete, yet also full of fear. I’m not scared of whatever is going on right now; I’m afraid because now I have something to lose.
We arrived at our home for the next few days. I climb out of the truck and look at the most stunning one-story cabin I have ever seen. There’s an open porch lined with flower boxes all the way around. Two rocking chairs sit side by side with a small coffee table in between of them. I could easily see myself sitting here as a little old lady with grandchildren running about the place, and Cas sat beside me.
He walks over to stand beside me, smiles at the cabin, and says, “My dad built this place for my mum for their first wedding anniversary. He bought the land from a friend’s dad for a steal. This big development company wanted to turn this place into one of those hideaway resorts, but the owner didn’t want to, so he sold it to my dad. They didn’t have the time or the money to go on a honeymoon, my dad was starting with his construction business and he’d sunk all his savings into this land, so he decided to make them their very own home from home”
he heads off towards the cabin before turning back to me “come on, I’ll show you around.”
The cabin is cosy on the inside with a rustic feel to it. When you walk in the front door, you’re immediately in the living room, it’s open plan and off to the left is the kitchen and dining area. There is a door at the other end of the room, I cross to it to inspect what lies behind. I find a hallway with two doors opposite each other and another at the end. The door on the left is a small bathroom with a toilet, to the right is a more oversized bathroom with a standing shower and a clawfoot bathtub.
I walk to the door at the end of the hallway and find a beautiful circular bedroom. It has a four poster bed and a huge skylight window in the ceiling above it. I drop my bag on the bed and lie down, feeling how soft and comfy it is. I start to star fish and hear Cas laughing from the door way, I sit up so fast, embarrassed at being caught that I mis-judge where I am and instead of sitting up on the bed, I must have been closer to the edge than I thought because next thing I know I’ve landed on my backside on the floor. My cheeks burn with embarrassment, but then Cas is there helping me and trying not to laugh at me. It breaks the tension, and before we know it, we laugh like idiots.
After our laughter subsides, I look to Cas, he nods towards the bed, “There’s only one room, Emmy. I don’t want to assume anything, so unless you tell me otherwise, I’ll take the couch later on.”
I swallow, unsure of what to say, so I just nod.
I brace myself for the rebuttal or the cruel words that I’d come to expect with Chad, but of course, Cas isn’t like him, so he nods back and tells me he’s going to go and sort something for our dinner and start a fire. I stare at the back of him as he walks away and finally shuts the door, the silence is deafening.
When I can move again, I walk over to the mirror on the wall and look long and hard at myself. Despite the stress of what happened the other day, I look…happy. I look brighter and more like myself than I have felt in a long time, and part of that is because I feel like I have grown back into my skin, but also, if I’m honest, a big part of that is Cas.
I go and fish my phone out of my bag. I’d already given Hayleigh the lowdown of everything that had happened. I dial her number, and she picks it up straight away.
“Well thank the fucks you decided to call me. I’ve been going out of my mind with worry. How are you? Where are you? Have you had hot monkey stress sex yet?”
I burst out laughing at her rapid fire questions.
“Hayleigh! No, I haven’t had…”
I whisper “hot monkey stress sex!”
she cackles down the phone at me as I say “I don’t even want to know what that is or what you get up to of a night! I just needed to talk through things with my best friend, is all”
“Aww Em’s, I miss you too. So, shoot, tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours,”
I run through where we are and the events since our date and end with Cas walking out of the bedroom earlier and me turning into a mute and all of my self-doubts.
“Emmy, I love you but sometimes you can seriously be dense! Cas wants you and he wants to take things further with you. If anything, that man has shown you what it’s like to be loved these past couple of months. That’s the reason you’re so scared, it’s because deep down you’ve fallen for him and you’re worried that you’re going to get hurt again, but take it from me Emmy, he isn’t Count Dickless”
I sigh and nod “I know you’re right, but what if we take this next step and it all falls apart?”
“What’s the fun in wondering what if? Take the leap, Em, and make sure you do one thing for me, ok?”
she sounds serious.
“Of course, what is it?” I speak.
She puts on her most serious voice and says to me “I need all the details when you finally have that hot, sweaty, monkey sex”
she laughs her head off as we say goodbye and I hang up.
I nodded to myself in the mirror. I was going to do this. I was going to have hot, sweaty, stress monkey sex with Cas. I needed to build my confidence with a pep talk, shower, and shave everything I had to be as smooth and sleek as possible.
Grabbing my washbag, I head to the bathroom and make sure to knock before I go in, opening the door, I lock it behind me, there is no way I want Cas to see me in all my soaped up glory, hunched over and shaving everything I have.
I step into the shower, and the warm spray hits my face. The water runs down me, making my muscles relax. I scrub and exfoliate my body, wash and condition my hair, apply shaving cream all over my body and shave myself within an inch of my life. My hands and feet are wrinkled when I’ve finished, but at least I’m smooth and smell as fresh as a daisy.
I clean the bathroom behind me and go to the bedroom to prepare. I lay my clothes out, just a comfy green lounge suit that clings to my skin when I wear it. I’m debating whether or not I need underwear underneath when I hear Cas knock on the door. In panic, I shove the loungewear on and run my fingers through my damp hair. I washed all of my makeup off so I’m bare faced, but when I open the door any doubts I had of not looking good enough were squashed when I see the look in Cas’s eyes as he takes me in, he swallows as he says “Dinner is ready”
then he holds out his hand for me, I take it and follow him.
He takes me to the dining area and pulls out a chair for me to sit in. I look at what he’s made and my mouth waters. He’s cooked us chunky garlic steak pieces with homemade chips and roasted veggies. Two glasses of wine sit on the table. Cas sits down and looks at me vulnerably and says “I hope this is ok, I wasn’t sure what you wanted to eat and steak seemed like a safe bet so I thought this could be our second date?”
he smiles at me as he says it and I find myself smiling back and nodding.
By the time we finish our meal, night is rolling in, the wine has warmed my skin, but I still don’t say no to Cas building up the fire. He’s created a makeshift seating area on the floor, filled with cushions and throws. He sits down first and holds his hands out for me. I take them, and he gently pulls me down to sit between his legs, my back to his chest. his arms wrap around me, and we sit like this, staring into the fire, for what seems like hours. Soft music plays in the background, a lovely acoustic version of Drops of Jupiter.
Cas breaks our silence “What did you want to be when you were little?”
I smile at the thought. “Growing up?”
he nods. “I always wanted to be a veterinarian. I was adamant about it, so much so they used to call me Dr. Dolittle, like the film. But then I grew up and realised that to do that, I’d also have to put animals to sleep, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What about you?”
He laughs softly “I think you would have made a great vet, it’s never too late to pursue something you love. For me, I always wanted to dance. I would be a dancer no matter what, but then life got in the way. I decided to get a trade so I’d always be able to get a job and do the dancing on the side…”
he trails off and I nudge him “hey where did you go?”
he shakes his head and says “I haven’t danced in a while but it hasn’t bothered me. I used to live for it but now, well now it doesn’t hold the same appeal to me as it did when I was younger, and anyway I already told Vik I won’t be doing it anymore so…”
I sit up and turn around to face him. Confused, I ask, “Why would you do that? I thought you loved dancing?”
He brings his hand up to my face and cups my cheek.
He looks me right in the eyes when he asks me, “Emmy, don’t you know? That’s not my love or my passion anymore.”
Then his lips are on mine, and just like the time after he danced his last dance, his lips are soft but commanding.
He runs his tongue along the seam of my lips and I open fully for him. His hand on my face then wraps around the back of my neck, while his other hand grabs my waist and pulls me to him. I straddle his lap as he breaks the kiss, at first, I think I’ve done something wrong but then he gently kisses me on the lips, the corner of my mouth, my cheek and then he travels down to my neck. His kisses trailing a scorching path down to where my neck meets my shoulder, he bites down and kisses away the sting sending a shockwave to my core. I can’t help but rock on his lap as I feel him growing harder beneath me, he brings his hand behind me and urges me on faster.
“Cas”
I moan his name as he switches sides, kissing a trail across my collarbone to the other side of my neck. I feel free, more than I have ever before. I had no idea that love could feel like this, because that is precisely what I am feeling right now coursing through me. Before Cas I would never have initiated anything sexual through fear of being rejected, but now I want to try, I want to make Cas feel as good as he’s making me feel. I can sense him holding back for me, ever the gentleman.
I reach down and grab the bottom of my vest top. Before I can think anymore into it, I bring it over my head and suddenly I want to high five myself for not wearing anything underneath, because the look in his eyes is hungry as he zeros in on my now exposed breasts. My nipples harden underneath his stare, then he’s looking right into my eyes as he murmurs “you’re beautiful”
before he takes my nipple into his mouth. He twirls his tongue around the tightened bud before bringing it between his teeth to gently graze it. The sensation ripples through me and I hold him closer as he guides my hips to move faster. I can feel the pleasure building inside of me as Cas switches his attention to my other nipple, my hips continue to move as he brings his other hand away from guiding me and instead, he rolls the bud between his fingers. The building pleasure inside of me intensifies as he urges me on faster, I feel it swell as my hips writhe and then I’m falling as my orgasm breaks and I eventually shudder to a stop.
We’re both breathing heavily, but before I have time to overthink or feel embarrassed, Cas is there again giving me a searing kiss. He pushes me back gently and lays me down on the floor before covering my body with his.
He rests his hand on the waistband of my pants as he asks, “Is it ok if I take these off?”
I nod yes and watch as he sits up and grabs my pants on either side of my hips and slowly pulls them down my legs. I lay there, utterly bare to him, and he sits there looking at me, his eyes full of desire.
I jerk my chin up and say, “Your turn, Cas”
he slowly pulls his t-shirt over his head and drops it beside us. He stands up and unclips his belt with one hand while his other arm crosses over, and in one swift movement, his belt is gone, and he’s pushing his pants and boxers down his legs before stepping out of them and kicking them out of the way. My eyes devour his body as he stands over me, I watch as he takes his cock in his hand and pumps himself slowly whilst his eyes roam over my naked body. He bites his lip “Touch yourself, Emmy.”
I move my hand down my stomach and instantly cringe at the feel of it, my mind wanders and I imagine what I look like to him, do I look fat? Can he see my stretch marks? Did I shave enough? Before I can think anymore, Cas stops what he’s doing and drops to the floor, he covers my body with his again and leans one arm next to my head while the other strokes my cheek.
“I could see you hesitate, your mind went somewhere else. What’s wrong? Did I push you too far?”
Cas’s words are almost a whisper. I feel stupid for being like this, for not being some sex goddess that can go with the flow and not here we are in what is supposed to be a very sexy moment not being very sexy at all because of my stupid brain!
“Words Emmy, how are we ever going to be able to fix anything without communicating?”
he’s right, I know he is.
That’s why I take a deep breath and say “I felt my stomach and then all I could think about was how I looked and if you could see my imperfections”
He chuckles quietly and kisses me and I suddenly forget how I look or how my stomach feels, all I feel is him.
He breaks the kiss, moves to my neck, bringing my hands, and places them around him. My hands roam his back as he carries on kissing my body, moving down to worship my breasts again. My hands get braver, and I thread my fingers through his hair and squeeze at the roots, which makes him groan. His kisses move down to my stomach, and I briefly hesitate what I’m doing, but Cas groans again. The sound shoots to my core, and I squeeze my hand.
My brain misfires as I feel his hot breath between my legs “Emmy, close your eyes”
I do as I’m told as I feel him kiss the inside of my leg down from my knee to where my thigh meets my core, I squirm in place desperately wanting him to go further but I sigh in disappointment when he switches legs and repeats the kisses.
I hear him chuckle as he says, “Patience, Emmy. Don’t worry; I plan on devouring you like you deserve”
My breath hitches, and my eyes roll to the back of my head when I feel the first swipe of his tongue on my core and his following groan. My hands tighten on his hair as switches from flattening his tongue to swirling around my clit. The pressure builds inside of me as Cas lifts underneath me, his hands on either side of my hips as he feasts. I’d be embarrassed by the sounds we’re making, his groans and my moans, but I’m so turned on I don’t care.
One hand leaves his hair, and I take my nipple between my fingers and squeeze; the feeling is overwhelming. I feel like my insides are tightening up “Oh…my…g-god…Cas”
The pressure rises, and my hips start to move in sync with his tongue. he pushes a finger inside, and the pleasure notches up, and I cry out.
“Fuck Emmy, that’s it baby make as much noise as you want. You’re so fucking beautiful like this”
I cry out again as he pushes in another finger and scissors them inside of me while his tongue goes back to swirling around me. My back arches as the feeling rises, and then just like before, I’m falling, and my legs are trying to close, but Cas opens them and twirls his tongue lazily around me until my orgasm fades.
My arms drop down on either side of me. I’m breathless and speechless, and my ears are ringing. A slow smile spreads across my face. “Cas?”
he moves up between my legs.
He settles there, his arms on either side of my head, smiling from ear to ear. He says, “Yes, Emmy?”
and places small kisses all around my mouth and neck.
“I want you, Cas”, I whisper as I bring my arms around him and hold him to me. he brings his hand between my legs and my already sensitive core; he slides two fingers inside of me and slowly pumps them in and out.
“I didn’t bring any condoms with me, I’m clean, and you can trust me, but we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”, he whispers.
I smile at him and kiss him gently as I say, “You’ve given me more than enough reasons to trust you, Cas. I’m clean too, and I’m on the pill. If you trust me, I want there to be nothing between us. I want to feel all of you Cas, I’ve never done it without a condom before.”
he groans again before capturing my lips in a passionate kiss, I open my legs wider and I feel him notch at my entrance, he breaks our kiss to look in my eyes and then slowly he pushes in. My breath catches at how full I feel. He gives me a minute to adjust and then my hips start to swirl, edging him on to move. He slowly pumps into me while his lips meet mine, it feels sweet and beautiful but I can tell he’s holding back.
“Cas don’t hold back. I want you harder and faster, please take me.”
What little restraint he had breaks, he lifts one of my legs over his shoulder while his other hand grips my hip, he increases his speed, and with each time he pushes into me, he hits me deep inside, making me moan. I can feel the pressure start to rise again as he says “fuck Emmy. You’re…so…tight…I don’t think I’m…going…to…last”
I reach down between my legs and circle my swollen bud, his eyes narrow in on my fingers and he groans. I look at him and moan out “Cas…don’t stop, come with me”
he moves his hands either side of my face, one hand sliding behind my head “Emmy, don’t stop playing. I’m close”
he takes my breath away with a kiss and then I’m crying out as my orgasm rips through me and Cas follows me as his orgasm takes over and he spills inside of me.
He rolls off me and my stomach plummets as I brace myself for the rejection or him making excuses to leave, but instead of that he rolls on his side, reaches over me and scoots me back so he’s spooning me. He covers us with a blanket and places soft kisses on my shoulder. “Goodnight, beautiful.”
Then, his breathing evens out within minutes, and he falls asleep.
For me, though, my stupid brain doesn’t shut off, and I spend what feels like hours over analysing everything. Was it really good for him? He didn’t say it was good, he just said goodnight, then again, what would he say? Thanks for having me? I cringe at the thought and laughter bubbles up out of me. Cas stirs behind me as he moves onto his back. I dare a peek around and see he’s still asleep, so I take the opportunity to get up and go to the bathroom.
Once I cleaned up and got dressed again, I quickly checked my phone and found that Hayleigh was the only person who texted me, a gif of a dancing monkey flashed across the screen. Smiling I shake my head and shut the phone off. When I return to the living room, I see the fire has died down to embers and Cas is still passed out on the floor. I crawl back beneath the sheet and lay my head on his chest, and his arm wraps around me as he rests his hand on my side. He shifts on his side so we’re face to face and opens his eyes.
He lifted the blanket to look underneath. Before looking back at me, he said, “Why do you have clothes on?”
I laugh at his distraught face.
I kiss him and snuggle into him, “Because if there is a zombie apocalypse in the middle of the night, I don’t want to get caught naked and vulnerable”
With that, he barks out a laugh and hugs me closer.
“Wow, I’d love to see inside that brain of yours, get some sleep, but I’m staying naked, so if zombies attack us, then you’re going to have to save me”
he kisses the top of my head. He doesn’t realise that he’s already saved me and my heart. I have to hope and trust that he doesn’t break us.