Chapter 21
Cas
I leave Emmy getting ready upstairs, chuckling at the panic on her face when she realised, she didn’t have long to get ready. I leash up Scruff and we head out on a quick walk, but I stop dead when I realise who’s standing in my driveway waiting for me. My heart thunders, not a nice thunder the way it does when I see Emmy, no, this thunder is more like dread. Dread because this isn’t someone I ever wanted back in my life.
“Hello CJ”
her voice is still girlish sounding…high pitched and just like nails on a chalkboard. I remember thinking she used to sound cute and now…nothing.
I stand there staring at her, waiting for her to say what she has to say. It seems to work, she picks at the arm of her shirt, a nervous tell of hers before she takes a step forward…I take a step backwards, gently pulling Scruff with me, “What are you doing here, Stephanie?”
it comes out much harsher than intended.
Confusion lines her face as she says, “I thought you wanted to talk?”
Now it’s my turn to look confused as she pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says how much I miss her and asks if she can meet me. It has my address and today’s date and time. I crumple up the paper and hand it back to her before I say “I don’t know what to tell you or what new game you’re playing…”
she goes to interrupt me, I hold my hand up stopping her “…but I am not interested in any of it. I’ve moved on, Stephanie, just like you did.”
Her throat bobs and her eyes well but I don’t let myself feel guilty not after I felt like my whole world ended that day. I keep staring at her till she nods as if understanding that whatever this is, it isn’t happening, then she wipes her eyes and turns to get back in her car. I release a breath of relief only when she drives away before Scruff starts hopping about, and we head off on our walk.
We get to the field near our house, and after checking that the coast is clear, I let Scruff off his lead so he can explore. Pulling my phone out, I opened the group chat with my brothers.
Me
Guys something really fucking weird just happened and I need some advice
Nate
Is your pee burning?
Rafe
(rolling eyes emoji) Nate do you ever not say anything weird? What happened CJ?
Arch
We talking weird like freaky get down with it weird or weird as in wow that’s fucking weird and unexpected?
Me
I have no idea why you two are the way you are (face palm emoji) and no I had a visitor today and you’re never going to guess who it was…
Arch
King Charles
Nate
Count Dickless
Rafe
King Kong
Cole
Can I be removed from this chat?
Arch
I mean you can try but we’ll just spam adding you back…so (shrugging emoji)
I take a deep breath before I type out my next message.
Me
Stephanie…it was Stephanie. She said she was there because I asked her and gave me a piece of paper that was posted through her letter box. Someone had written on it that I missed her and I wanted to talk, it had my address on it and todays date and time…I just…seeing her it was just fucking weird
Arch
Fuck…
Nate
Why the fuck did she come in the first place…I thought she had a family? That’s fucked!
Rafe
For once I agree with Nate that’s wrong that she came when she thought you wanted to speak to her…did she say anything else? Did Emmy see her?
Cole
Something doesn’t add up here, why after all this time would she come round and who the hell posted that note?
Me
I don’t know but part of me doesn’t even want to find out. She looked almost hopeful when she saw me…oh fuck I didn’t even think to check if Emmy saw her, I was just so fucking messed up I came straight on the walk with Scruff!
Arch
You know brother for someone so smart you’re really thick…now she’s probably going to think you’re getting back together and we’ll lose our sister in law before she becomes our sister in law and I won’t get to buy a new hat for the wedding (crying face emoji)
Ethan
Arch FFS stop being so melodramatic…CJ you need to go speak to Emmy now. The last thing you want is for her to think there’s even a chance of you two getting back together…not after everything she’s been through lately
I close the chat and dial Emmy’s number, but it just goes to voicemail, I whistle for Scruff, and we head back. My heart pounding every step.
I arrive at the house to find Emmy just finishing up getting ready. She looks breathtaking in a floor length shimmering green summer dress, her beautiful auburn hair bundled up on the top of her head with a few tendrils hanging down. I reach for her and kiss her deeply, trying to convey everything in that one kiss, as I pull back, I search her eyes for anything that might be wrong.
She smiles at me and asks, “Everything ok?”
I nod my head, but something shutters behind her eyes, the smile she pastes on her face doesn’t quite reach them “Great”, she squeaks out, a bit more chirpy than usual. I freeze not knowing what to do or say…I know I should say something to her but I panic and before my brain cells work again, she’s gone so instead I focus on getting ready.
Emmy has already loaded Scruff into the truck and is sitting in the front, playing on her phone. I stand there for a few minutes just taking her in, she must feel my gaze on her because her head snaps up and our eyes meet, she gives me a tight smile and goes back to her phone and it’s only then I realise how much I’ve fucked this up. I should have just spoken to her straight away, kissed away all those fears that were no doubt swirling around her beautiful head.
I climb into the truck and before I start it up, I turn towards her, “Emmy”, she chews her lip, which is her tell for when she’s nervous “, hmm”, is her only response, she doesn’t even look up at me. I steel myself “I’m a first class idiot. What I should have done earlier was come straight back in the house as soon as she left and explained I…”
She turns to me and puts her hand over my mouth to stop me from talking. She says, “I wasn’t upset that you were talking to your ex, or for the fact that you walked off after it. I get that it must have brought some feelings up and you needed to walk that off and sort through it. I don’t understand why, when I asked you if everything was okay, you just nodded. I can’t be in another relationship with secrets; I want it all, Cas, even when it’s difficult and stressful. We’re supposed to be there for each other, it shouldn’t just be one sided”
I kiss her softly because I have no other words, not ones that I can say right now not right after seeing Stephanie today, not when Emmy could hear them and think I was just saying it to keep her sweet. No, I would tell her when the timing was right but for now, I would put my heart and soul into that kiss and show her how I feel about her.
**********
We arrived at my parents’ house and had to park on the road a little further up the street because of all the cars that had packed in. Emmy climbs out and lets Scruff out, who goes bounding right through the garden and through his doggy door at the side of the house. Emmy fusses with her dress and I can tell she’s overthinking her outfit, I walk behind her and wrap my arms around her while kissing her softly on her neck.
She sighs as I say “you look beautiful”
just then Lacey’s head pops out the door as she shouts “Emmy!! Come save me from these animals none of them are interested in the new book I’m reading!”
at that moment Arch pops his head out too, comically over the top of Lacey’s and shouts as loud as he possibly can “It’s fairy porn!!!”
Lacey goes bright red, turns and hits him square in the stomach while he doubles over crying and laughing at the same time.
I spin Emmy around “you ready?”
She nods, then shakes her head, “What if the rest of your family doesn’t like me? You said your gran is super critical of people who aren’t in the family…what if she thinks I’m no good?”
she worries her lip.
Rubbing her arms up and down to soothe her, I say “trust me, she’s going to love you as…as a gran would”
her eyes shine ever so slightly. I can feel my cheeks heat, and we both know exactly what I was about to say, but neither of us addresses it; we are too cowardly to say anything. We both gather our things and head on into the chaos.
**********
It's been 4 hours since we arrived and I’ve not seen more than a few minutes of Emmy. My gran has been monopolising all of her time and Lacey’s, much to the disappointment of Cole who keeps stealing glances at her when he thinks none of us are looking. I feel a pang of sympathy for him at the look of loss and sadness in his eyes as he watches her, just content with being the friend and nothing more. I hear my gran’s cackle, and when I look over, I see her talking animatedly to Emmy and Lacey. My family is crowded around them, and I look at Emmy. I look at the amusement shining in her eyes as she listens to my gran.
“When we first met, ah, I thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen”
my gran closes her eyes and smiles as she relives that moment “he had the most beautiful eyes of blue. They were like a clear blue ocean”
she turns to me, a twinkle in her eye as she says “just like your eyes CJ. He may have been beautiful but I couldn’t stand him when we first met”
she cackles again as both Emmy and Lacey gasp “oh don’t look so shocked. He had the looks for sure but he was an insufferable arse! He would preen about the place like he was the king d… well you get the point. Anyway, one particular day, it must have been the twentieth time he asked, he came up to me at the bakery where I worked and put a single sunflower on the counter. Then he said he would be waiting by the fountain in the park and would like to take a walk with me.”
I smile at the story I’ve heard so many times and watch as Emmy and Lacey swoon, she continues smiling, “so I told my boss I was leaving work early and I made my way to that park.”
She gets a dreamy look in her eyes.
Emmy asks my gran “what made you finally change your mind?”
Gran chuckled as she said, “Oh, with each time he asked, it definitely wore me down a tad, but it was the look in his eyes as he asked me. It was like he finally understood that all I ever wanted from him was his time. Not all the fancy presents he tried to give me, or how much money he had, no it was only ever him that I wanted and right up to the day he died, even now, he’s my everything”
Emmy and Lacey both wipe at their eyes and even I can feel my own eyes sting. Arch is full on bawling and the rest of my brothers clear their throats to hide their own emotion.
I gestured to Emmy to come with me, and we left my family to sit and talk amongst themselves. She follows me to my parents' sprawling back garden, and we walk down to the little pond at the bottom. We sit at the little bench and Emmy puts her head on my shoulder.
We sit like this for a bit before she says “I always wanted a big family”
I don’t dare speak, just wanting to hear her talk “my parents never wanted to be parents, so when I was old enough to manage things by myself they dropped me off with my grandparents one day and just…never came back. I still speak to them, but they’re more just acquaintances than anything, but I always dreamed of big family parties and holidays,”
she snuggles in closer to me, and I want to tell her all the things that I want. That same big family with her, the holidays and parties and for her to be welcomed officially into my family and for us to make a family of our own, but I don’t say any of that yet.
Instead, I sit her up, lift her chin with my finger, and kiss her lips softly. She sighs and opens up to me as I kiss her deeper, before we can go any further, we hear Arch laugh “you two should get a room you know…oh by the way trifle is ready!”
Before I know it, Emmy has pushed off me and is up and running with Archie towards the house, she throws over her shoulder, “come on slow poke or no trifle for you”, her laugh trailing behind her. I sit for a minute just absorbing it, and I find myself smiling at how she fits with everyone and everything.
I stand up as my phone rings. I see it’s Vik, and I swipe up. “Vik, you’re missing out on the last BBQ of the summer. Where are you?”
I hear him huff a laugh “Be nice if I had the time but I’ve been busy recently, which you would know if you ever come to see me”
he sounds like he’s pouting, I know he’s just joking, Vik is the kind of friend that is always there if I need him. Still, he isn’t one for always having to be there with each other doing something, before I can say anything to answer him, he carries on business as usual, “I heard back from my contact. He’s trawled through all of Count Dickless’ records and he’s found absolutely nothing. It isn’t him.”
I sigh disappointed and he carries on, “What I can tell you is the numbers that keep contacting Emmy, those are just regular burner numbers, those free sim cards you get at the supermarket and they aren’t paying for the phone credit with a card either, so whoever it is, they know how to cover themselves…”
he pauses as if he wants to say something else but doesn’t at the same time.
“Vik, what do you want to say?”
I grit out.
“You do know it’s most likely someone she knows…someone who can get close enough to know her every move”
I sigh and shake my head because my brothers and I had come to the exact same conclusion.
“Yeah…that’s the same thing we thought…I had a visit this morning from…Stephanie.”
Vik swore down the phone, if there was anyone else outside of my family who hated her, then it was Vik, he was there to see my spectacular breakdown.
“What the hell did that psycho bitch want?”
I chuckle at his bluntness.
“Oh nothing much. She said she received a note through her door that asked her to meet me and had my address on it!”
My tone was sarcastic.
“Well I’m no fucking detective CJ but that sounds to me like whoever is sniffing around is trying their hardest to think of things to break you and Emmy up, drive a wedge between you two. Just make sure you stay safe, ok, and don’t take any chances with this, I think you need to be going to the police and lodging a report…just in case.”
Knowing he’s right, I say “I will. We’ll go on our way home from the BBQ…are you coming or do you have things to do?”
knowing full well he won’t be coming this time, I ask him anyway, but he politely declines and when he clicks off I look up to find all 5 of my brothers stood watching me intently.
“We figured something was wrong when you didn’t come in for trifle”, Rafe said.
Ethan elbows him in the ribs, earning him a dirty look from his twin, as he says, “We were meant to ask if everything was ok?”
I look at the sky and shake my head, “I don’t even know what to do. Vik said he fully checked into Chad and it isn’t him…but it’s someone close to her, so it has to be him, there is no way he’s innocent in all of this”
I swipe my hand down my face in frustration.
“CJ, you need to get to the station and report everything that’s happened.”
Cole’s face was graver than usual, so I nodded in response.
“Part of me just wants to shoulder this and not have Emmy deal with any of it…but I know I can’t just take all of this away.”
I get up, and everything feels just that bit heavier.
Arch brightens the day with a childish “I’ll race you to the house for the last bit of trifle”
and with that he peels off, laughing as he goes.
**********
I watch as Emmy goes round giving hugs to every single one of my family members, and everyone hugs her back, even my grumpy, old Great-Uncle Bert who doesn’t like anyone and there he is smiling at her like she’s the best thing in the world. Cole gave me a pointed look, and I understood what that meant: get to the police station and lodge our report. We walk hand in hand to my truck and all the while Emmy’s face is a picture of happiness…and here I am just about to ruin the best day she’s had in a long time.
We get in the truck and I’m just about to ask Emmy about the police station when she beats me to it by saying “I overheard Archie and Nate talking earlier on…I know they’re right but…there’s something niggling at me… it’s like I know who’s doing it but my brain doesn’t want to connect the dots. Does that even make sense?”
I nod yes at her because it’s the same feeling I had, it’s like we can feel who it is but we can’t see who it is, she puts her hand on my face “let’s get going”.
**********
Four hours later, we’re finally back home. Emmy headed upstairs to ring Hayleigh and update her. I sit on the couch and fish for my phone in my pocket, opening it up, I dial Cole’s number, not wanting the whole drama if I text my other brothers in the group chat.
He answers on the third ring, “Did you do it?”
No hello, just straight to the point.
“Yeah, we did it. We’ve only just got home. Emmy’s upstairs updating Hayleigh. It seemed pretty pointless though Cole, they said because we didn’t know who it was and because we didn’t have evidence of anything physically happening they couldn’t do much but keep it on file”
I shake my head because although I know we don’t know who it is, it’s still scary for Emmy, I sigh down the phone as I say “I just hope we don’t have to wait till something actually does happen.”
Cole grunts in agreement before saying, “Will you both be on site tomorrow? I have some paperwork that needs filing, but if Emmy isn’t up to it, we can leave it for another week.”
I smile through the phone as I say “Cole, I think if I tried telling Emmy to stay home she would have my balls on a platter. I think she’s getting bored and wants to get stuck into something so don’t worry we’ll be there”
he grunts again and clicks off after saying goodnight.
Locking downstairs, I go to get Scruff and remember we left him for a sleepover with his grand-pawrents, so instead, I finish what I’m doing before I go on up to get ready for bed. I walk into our bedroom just as Emmy finishes on the phone, half listening. I start my routine for bed, and by the time I’m done, she is lying down just watching me. She looks upset, like the weight of everything that has happened has come crashing down to meet her.
“Cole said he has a million and one things to file…”
her eyes light up and before I can say another word she blurts out “oh thank God! I was getting so bored”
I chuckle at how excited she is at the prospect of work and dive into bed, tickling her and blowing raspberries on her stomach till she’s shrieking with laughter, deciding it’s probably my most favourite sound in the world right now.
Entry #70
It was so easy.
I told my little helper I had convinced him to talk to her. Even gave her a note from him.
Oh how I would have loved to see her face.
Stupid bitch.
Of course I had to play my part carefully. I had to console her afterwards and swear that I had no idea what he was playing at, but if she helped me then I could make sure to take Emily away and he would be left for her to swoop in.
Then I fucked her to within an inch of her life to keep her quiet and happy.
She was so easy. So willing.